^^^**.i&  ^^^^^^^^ 


t^C^^    >^^^£^,^^^^ 


A 


.A^O^ 


LIBRARY 

OF  THE 

Theological   Seminary, 

PRINCETON,  N.J. 

e«s6   BV  4591  .M28  1841 

Marks,  Richard,  17797-1840 
i^heif,  The  retrospect;  or.  Review 
^  ,    of  providential  mercies 

Jiooh^_ 


THE 


RETROSPECT; 


REVIEW  OF  PROVIDENTIAL   MERCIES 


WITH  ANECDOTES  OF  YAEIOUS  CHAKACTERS. 


BY  ALIQUIS,    r  ^ 


lORMKRLY    A  LIECTENANT    IN   THE    ROYAL    NAVY,    AND    NOW  A  MINISTER 
IN   THE  ESTABLISHED   CHURCH. 


i\v_. 


y!  ■../>'-. 


Here  much  I  ruminate,  as  much  I  may. 

With  other  views  of  men  and  manners  now 

Than  once,  and  others  of  a  life  to  come. Cowper. 


FROM  THE  SEVENTEENTH  LONDON  EDITION. 


NEW  YORK: 
ROBERT    CARTER, 

58  CANAL  STREET. 


1841. 


PREFACE 

TO 

THE   FIFTEENTH    EDITION. 


Since  the  first  edition  of  this  little  work,  the 
writer  has  often  been  rebuked  for  not  extending 
his  narratives  of  others,  and  has  as  often  been 
requested  to  communicate  more  circumstances 
connected  with  himself.  To  these  rebukes  and 
solicitations  he  continued  to  turn  a  deaf  ear, 
from  what  he  now  believes  to  be  mistaken  mo- 
tives. While  lately  doubting  these  motives,  he 
cast  his  eyes  on  the  title  page,  and  read,  "  The  Re" 
trospect ;  or,  Review  of  Providential  Mercies,  t^cJ* 
and  his  mind  was  considerably  affected.  Yes, 
he  said,  these  pages  are  a  retrospective  glance  at 
a  few  events  which  marked  a  limited  portion  of 
my  days.  With  gratitude  and  surprise  I  per- 
ceive that  fourteen  editions  of  these  humble  tales 


IV  PREFACE. 

have  gone  into  the  world,  and  with  sorrow  and 
confusion  I  have  to  confess,  that  nothing  has 
been  added  to  the  original  matter.  His  consci- 
ence smote  him ;  a  voice  seemed  to  ask,  "  Have 
you,  during  all  this  period,  recollected  nothing 
more  of  the  Lord's  goodness  and  mercy,  either 
before  you  embarked  on  the  sea,  or  while  you 
were  there  ?  And  has  nothing  transpired  during 
all  the  years  that  have  fled  since  you  wound  up 
your  Retrospect,  worthy  of  being  recorded  to 
the  praise  of  the  riches  of  divine  grace  ?"  He 
paused,  reflected,  and  felt  himself  condemned 
in  that  he  had  not  made  known  some  more  cir- 
cumstances connected  with  himself  and  with 
others,  as  well  before  he  embarked,  and  while 
he  was  afloat,  as  since  he  had  quitted  a  maritime 
life.  Under  these  impressions  he  resumed  his 
pen,  and  not  only  added  various  paragraphs  to 
several  of  the  original  tales,  but  also  drew  up 
the  nine  additional  Chapters,  which  in  this  edition 
are  numbered  as  I,  XH,  XIV,  XV,  XVI,  XVIII, 
XIX,  XX,  and  XXI. 

To  such  readers  as  were  interested  with  the 
work  in  its  former  size  and  limited  range,  it  is 
hoped  and  believed  that  this  enlarged  edition  will 


PREFACE.  V 

prove  acceptable.  If,  in  these  additional  chap- 
ters, the  writer  has  detailed  many  little  things 
concerning  himself,  it  has  been,  he  can  most 
solemnly  declare,  with  the  view  of  glorifying 
God,  and  of  encouraging  his  readers  to  attempt 
Buch-like  duties  whenever  Providence  may  throw 
them  within  their  reach.  That  such  may  be  the 
result,  he  most  sincerely  prays ;  while  at  the 
same  time  he  would  praise  and  adore  that  con- 
descending grace  which  has  gone  with  the  former 
editions  so  greatly  beyond  all  his  hopes  and  ex- 
pectations. 

What  was  stated  in  the  former  preface  may 
here  be  repeated,  namely,  that  the  reader  must 
not  look  for  a  regular  and  unbroken  history, 
either  of  the  state  of  the  writer's  mind,  or  of 
all  the  events  which  made  up  the  years  under 
review.  For  even  in  this  enlarged  edition  the 
chapters  convey  but  a  partial,  and  often  an  un- 
connected account  of  both  ;  and  these,  not  unfre- 
quently  interspersed  with  other  matters.  System 
has  never,  in  this  work,  been  any  part  of  his 
plan,  and  must  not  be  looked  for  by  the  reader. 
His  aim  and  desire  have  rather  been  so  to  con- 
sti'uct  each  chapter,  that  of  itself  it  might  pro- 
1* 


VI  PREFACE. 

duce  some  facts  and  reflections,  which,  by  the 
blessing  of  God,  would  exhibit  proofs  of  the 
mercy  and  kind  providences  of  heaven  as  con- 
tinually attending  on,  and  over-ruling  the  events 
of  human  Hfe,  and  all  the  affairs  of  men ;  that 
so  in  this,  as  in  all  things,  God  might  be  glorified 
through  Jesus  Christ  our  Lord,  to  whom  be 
praise  and  dominion  for  ever  and  ever.     Amen. 

R.  M. 


THE 


RETROSPECT 


CHAPTER  I. 

"foolishness  19  BOUND  IN  THE  HEART  OF  A  CHILD." 
Prov.  xxii.  15. 

Yes,  and  such  ^^ foolishness^^  as  constitutes  sin;  for,  be 
it  remembered,  that  the  terms  ^'-  fooV  and  ^^  foolishness^ 
are  employed  in  holy  writ  to  convey  a  meaning  far 
more  solemn  and  emphatic  than  is  now  generally  at- 
tached to  them.  The  "/ooZ"  is,  in  fact,  one  who  wilfully 
disobeys  or  denies  the  authority  of  God ;  and  ^^  foolish- 
ness"  means  that  innate  self-will,  and  propensity  to,  and 
delight  in  disobedience  to  the  divine  commands,  which 
we  find  in  the  heart  of  every  unrenewed  child  of  Adam. 
Hence,  it  is  one  of  the  great  and  gracious  works  of  the 
Holy  Spirit,  in  regenerating  mankind,  to  supplant  this 
"foolishness,"  and  to  make  them  wise  unto  salvation, 
by  a  heart-purifying  faith  in  Jesus  Christ,  a  faith  which 
works  by  love,  and  constrains  to  a  willing  and  unre- 
served obedience.  Thus  does  the  rod  of  divine  correc- 
tion and  mercy  drive  it  out ;  and  no  sooner  is  this  work 
accomplished,  than  the  subject  of  so  necessary  and  mo- 


8  THE    RETROSPECT. 

mentous  a  transformation,  stands  forth  a  wonder  unto 
many,  and  still  more,  a  wonder  unto  himself!  From 
an  elevation  in  mental  and  spiritual  attainments,  he  now 
looks  back  on  all  the  way  the  Lord  hath  led  him,  and 
sees  how,  through  all  the  days  of  his  childhood  and 
youth,  of  his  manhood  and  old  age,  this  "  folly"  main- 
tained its  hold  on  his  heart ;  and  now  he  feels,  beyond 
the  power  of  words  to  express,  that  nothing  short  of  in- 
finite mercy  and  goodness  preserved  him  from  a  thou- 
sand destructions  of  body  and  of  soul,  into  which  "  this 
foolishness"  was  continually  hurrying  him.  Through 
all,  which  recollection  can  now  bring  forward  of  his 
own  conduct,  he  sees  cause  for  humiliation  and  confession 
of  sin ;  through  all  his  review  of  the  Divine  proceed- 
ings towards  him  in  past  times,  he  can  discover  nothing 
but  unmerited  compassion,  and  unbounded  goodness  and 
mercy.  If  ever  one  poor  soul  needed  and  received  the 
kind  offices  of  those  angels  who  are  the  Lord's  minis-* 
tering  servants  unto  the  heirs  of  salvation,  he  feels  as- 
sured that  he  himself  has  been  that  individual,  and  still 
continues  to  be  so.  There  are,  however,  some  events  to 
which  his  recollections  will  turn  with  more  than  ordi- 
nary feeling  of  interest ;  because,  in  them  the  superin- 
tending providence  of  God  will  be  more  distinctly  seen 
than  in  others.  Such  were  two  that  occurred  before  I 
embarked  on  the  rude  and  dangerous  ocean  ;  the  first  to 
which  I  shall  allude  took  place  when  I  was  quite  a  lad. 
From  my  earliest  days  I  had  felt  a  strong  partiality 
for  the  water,  for  boisterous  sports,  and  exploits  with 
gunpowder,  and,  in  short,  for  deeds  of  thoughtless  mis- 
chief and  dangerous   enterprize.      In  these  things   I 


THE    RETROSPECT.  9 

reaped  my  harvest  of  what  headstrong  boys  term  happi- 
ness ;  and  in  these  pursuits  my  life  was  so  frequently 
brought  to  the  very  edge  of  destruction,  that,  in  the 
retrospect,  I  am  truly  astonished  at  the  unwearied  and 
ever  watchful  care  of  that  God  whose  hand  I  then  saw 
not,  and  whose  goodness  and  mercy  were  alike  unfelt 
and  unknown.  It  was  in  the  evening  of  a  fine  summer 
day,  when  an  elderly  matron  aunt,  who  at  that  time  was 
superintending  the  affairs  of  our  family  in  the  absence 
of  that  kind  and  beloved  mother  whom  we  had  lately 
followed  to  the  grave,  invited  myself  and  a  younger  bro- 
ther to  walk  out  for  the  enjoyment  of  the  air.  As  we 
had  no  rivers  in  our  part  of  the  country,  our  only 
bathing  places  were  two  large  sheets  of  water,  or  ponds, 
in  the  fields.  Our  excursion  that  evening  led  into  an 
inclosure,  whose  distant  extremity  bordered  on  the  lar- 
gest of  these  two  favourite  places  ;  the  temptation  was  a 
powerful  one,  and  my  heart  yielded  so  readily,  that  in 
defiance  of  threats  and  invitations,  I  ran  off,  and,  al- 
though none  of  my  companions  or  any  individual  were 
there,  I  stript  and  entered  the  water.  I  could  not 
swim;  but  I  seldom  had  visited  these  places  of 
amusement  without  going  chin-deep  into  them,  a  thing  I 
had  often  done  in  this  very  water,  but  then  it  had  always 
been  on  the  opposite  side.  My  thoughtlessness  and 
blindness  to  danger  took  for  granted,  that  as  I  hitherto 
had  received  no  harm,  I  should  encounter  none  for  the 
time  to  come.  And  of  one  serious  fact  I  was  then  en- 
tirely ignorant,  and  there  was  none  present  to  inform 
me,  namely,  that  a  few  years  ago  the  pond  had  been 
laid  dry,  and  a  great  deepening  made  on  this  side  by 


10  THE    RETROSPECT. 

digging"  gravel.  As  majr  aunt  and  brother  had  been 
unable  to  retain  me  with  them,  they  proceeded  to  walk 
across  the  field,  and  arrived  at  the  margin  of  the  water 
just  in  time  to  hear  me  cry  out  for  help,  and  to  see  me 
go  down.  The  truth  is,  I  had  but  for  a  short  time  en- 
joyed the  fruits  of  my  ^'- foolishness,^^  before  I  stumbled 
into  the  deep  gravel  pits,  and  was  quickly  out  of  sight. 
What  the  feelings  of  the  standers  by  were  I  cannot 
realize ;  but  I  have,  at  this  hour,  a  tolerable  recollection 
of  my  own  convulsive  struggles,  of  the  state  of  suffoca- 
tion I  endured,  of  the  general  confusion,  as  well  as  of 
the  few  distinct  thoughts  which  preyed  on  the  mind, 
though  I  cannot  convey  the  import  of  these  recollections 
to  another  person ;  nor  need  any  one  regret  his  inability 
to  realize  them.  I  can  only  say,  that  what  I  then  felt 
and  feared,  have,  on  many  subsequent  occasions,  much 
increased  the  agonies  of  my  mind  while  commiserating 
others  whom  I  have  seen  struggling,  sinking,  and  dying 
in  the  briny  deep,  without  being  able  to  afford  them  any 
assistance. 

As  far  as  my  observations  have  gone,  it  seems,  that 
persons  in  deep  water,  under  circumstances  any  way 
similar  to  mine,  do  generally,  in  the  convulsive  strug- 
gles of  suffocation,  come  to  the  surface  two  or  three 
times,  never  oftener,  and  frequently  not  so  often.  In 
my  struggling,  after  first  going  down,  I  rose  for  a  few 
seconds,  and  then  sunk,  and  rose  again ;  and  again  I 
went  down,  and  once  more  I  appeared  at  the  surface  ! 
During  this  short  and  awful  period,  my  brother,  who 
was  naturally  timid  and  irresolute,  seemed  to  be  inspired 
with  a  new  nature  and  wisdom  beyond  his  age,  and 


THE    RETROSPECT.  t\ 

former  self;  so  that,  instead  of  being  paralyzed  or  fran- 
tic with  what  quite  overpowered  my  aunt,  he  flew  to 
that  part  of  the  bank  nearest  to  which  I  had  last  ap- 
peared, and  holding  on  with  one  hand  by  some  branches 
of  a  dwarf  tree,  he  threw  his  body,  as  far  as  possible, 
over  the  pond,  if  peradventure  I  might  come  up  again 
within  his  reach.  Scarcely  had  he  thus  taken  his  stand, 
than  I  came,  for  the  third  time,  to  the  surface,  and,  un- 
conscious of  his  situation,  I  threw  my  arm  involunta- 
rily, and  at  full  stretch,  in  a  direct  line  towards  his, 
which  was  already  extended  to  its  full  length ;  by  this 
means  he  was  just  enabled  to  grasp  my  wrist,  to  drag 
my  head  above  water,  and  eventually  to  get  me  on  dry 
ground,  in  a  state  of  as  much  exhaustion  as  was  possi- 
ble to  sustain,  with  the  preservation  of  the  senses  and 
recollection.  Thus  did  a  kind  and  gracious  Providence 
snatch  me  from  a  watery  grave  in  my  very  youth,  and 
make  it  evident  to  every  reflecting  believer  in  holy  writ, 
that  it  loas  His  work.  I  have  never  thought  of  this 
event  for  many  years  past,  without  seeing  the  finger  of 
God  in  all  its  parts.  The  conduct  of  my  brother  on 
this  occasion  was  altogether  above  himself;  and  then, 
had  I  not  come  up  where  I  actually  did,  and  thrown  out 
the  arm  exactly  where  I  involuntarily  extended  it,  I 
must  have  gone  down,  and  in  a  few  seconds  more  have 
rested  my  poor  perishing  frame  on  the  deep  gravel  bot- 
tom, in  all  the  quietude  of  death  ;  while  the  soul,  un- 
taught and  uninterested  in  that  Holy  Name  whereby 
alone  man  can  be  saved,  would  have  returned  unto  God 
who  gave  it,  to  give  an  account  of  all  the  deeds  done  in 
the  body. 


12  THE    RETROSPECT. 

The  second  providential  deliverance  I  shall  now  re- 
fer to,  was  an  hair-breadth  escape  from  being  shot.  This 
occurred  about  two  years  before  I  went  to  sea.  As  guns 
and  gunpowder,  and  every  thing  connected  with  them, 
had,  as  before  observed,  from  my  earliest  days,  been 
ranked  by  me  among  the  most  desirable  acquisitions  on 
earth,  I  could  not  rest  satisfied  until  I  was  possessed  of 
a  fowling-piece,  and  all  the  materials  necessary  to  kill 
whatever  I  considered  lawful  to  destroy,  as  often  as  such 
should  come  in  my  way.  All  this  I  was,  however, 
obh'ged  to  keep  secret  from  those  who  held  authority 
and  controul  over  me,  because  none  of  them  would  con- 
sent to  my  using,  much  less  possessing  a  gun.  I  knew 
their  feelings  too  well  on  this  subject  to  make  the  re- 
quest, and  I  disregarded  them  sufficiently  to  set  every 
wish  and  command  at  defiance,  provided  I  could  but 
disobey  with  impunity.  Hence,  when  I  could  make 
the  purchase  without  detection,  I  did  so,  and  proceeded 
in  the  clandestine  use  of  it.  Perhaps,  at  that  time,  there 
were  few  creatures  more  reckless  of  danger,  or  more 
thoughtless  of  the  consequences  of  actions,  than  myself 
As  one  proof,  I  almost  always  kept  my  gun  loaded  with 
a  frightful  overcharge,  and  hid  away  in  the  spare  stall 
in  the  stable  among  the  dry  straw,  from  whence  I  re- 
moved it  by  stealth,  as  often  as  the  temptation  to  fire, 
and  some  game  came  in  my  way.  On  one  of  these 
occasions,  I  had  sharply  pecked  the  flint,  reprimed  the 
piece,  and  was  hastening  out  to  delight  my  ^^  foolish 
heart^^  at  the  expense  of  the  sufferings  and  death  of 
some  poor  little  innocent  birds  in  the  adjoining  meadow, 
when  my  gun  went  off  of  itself     By  way  of  getting 


THE    RETROSPECT.  13 

out  of  the  stable  without  the  piece  being  observed,  I  had 
placed  it  under  my  coat,  and  strange  to  say,  with  the 
butt  end  downwards,  and  the  muzzle  a  little  above  the 
grasp  of  the  shoulder  joint  of  the  left  arm  ;  in  this  way 
I  had  nearly  got  out,  when  the  discharge  took  place. 
Whether  I  had  left  the  piece  cocked,  or  whether  I 
struck  the  lock  against  the  door  or  door-post,  I  know 
not ;  but  one  thing  I  did  then  know,  and  do  now  most 
distinctly  remember,  that  the  violence  of  the  explosion, 
and  the  nearness  of  it  to  my  head,  both  stunned  and 
greatly  alarmed  me ;  while  it  inflicted  an  injury  on  the 
organs  of  the  left  ear,  from  which  they  have  never 
wholly  recovered.  I  had  no  hat  on  at  that  time,  or  a 
portion  of  it  must  have  been  shot  away ;  as  it  was,  the 
contents  of  the  piece  cut  a  four  inch  square  rafter  nearly 
in  two  directly  over  my  head,  while  these  missiles  of 
death  were  in  mercy  carried  a  very,  very  little  way 
from  the  side  of  the  head  itself  This  event  had  the 
momentary  effect  of  inducing  me  to  sell  my  gun,  and  to 
make  a  resolution  to  have  no  more  to  do  with  fire-arms. 
And  so  had  my  narrow  escape  from  being  drowned 
produced,  at  that  time,  a  like  momentary  resolution  to 
avoid  the  water  in  future ;  but  so  far  from  my  ^^  foolish 
heart^  being  bound  and  stayed  to  these  purposes  by  such 
self-formed  determinations,  I  broke  through  them  all  as 
far  as  possible  ;  and  soon  after  this  last  providential  es- 
cape, I  began  to  take  greater  delight  than  ever  in  hear- 
ing and  reading  of  storms,  of  shipwrecks,  and  battles ; 
and  the  more  I  heard  and  read  of  these  things,  the  more 
I  longed  to  become  experimentally  acquainted  with 
them.  Added  to  this,  the  same  foolish  heart  had  formed 
2 


14  THE    RETROSPECT. 

and  fondly  cherished  the  wildest  ideas  of  happiness  at 
sea  !  Many  were  the  ruffs,  and  buffs,  and  corrections, 
which  my  wayward  conduct  procured  me;  and  under 
the  smart  of  these  I  generally  consoled  myself  with  the 
thought,  that  if  I  should  not  find  myself,  by  and  by,  as 
happy  as  heart  could  wish  on  the  land,  I  had  nothing 
to  do  but  to  embark  on  the  wide  ocean,  and  there,  as  a 
matter  of  course,  I  should  find  all  that  I  longed  for,  but 
had  not  found  on  shore !  With  such  visionary  expec- 
tations my  deceived  heart  turned  me  aside  from  the  com- 
forts and  quietude  of  home,  to  embark  in  the  navy, 
where  I  traversed  that  ocean  of  supposed  enjoyment  far 
and  wide,  but  not  far  enough  to  find  the  happiness  I 
once  dreamt  of  as  being  its  every  day's  production,  at 
all  seasons,  and  in  all  portions  of  the  globe. 


CHAPTER  II. 

"bless  the  lord,  o  my  souLjANd  forget  not  all 
HIS  benefits." — Psalm  ciii.  2. 

There  are  few,  perhaps  none,  of  the  followers  of 
Christ,  who  may  not  find  numerous  occasions  of  lifting 
up  their  eyes  and  hearts  to  heaven,  and  saying,  from 
time  to  time,  "  Hitherto  the  Lord  hath  helped."  In- 
deed we  may  confidently  ask.  Who  is  there  among  the 
sons  and  daughters  of  Adam,  that  hath  travelled  the 
journey  of  life  for  twenty  or  thirty  years,  but  may  look 
back  and  remember  numerous  instances  of  divine  good- 
ness, manifesting  itself  in  a  way  of  providence  and 
grace?  And  are  "our  days,  as  it  were,  but  a  span 
long  ?"  Surely,  then,  it  is  our  duty  and  privilege  to  im- 
prove them,  and  call  in  every  auxiliary  circumstance  to 
help  us  to  apply  them  to  spiritual  wisdom.  To  this  end 
I  would  recommend  my  fellow  Christians  to  make  a 
point  of  recording  in  their  minds  such  principal  events 
as  have  marked,  and  still  may  mark,  their  course,  while 
travellers  and  sojourners  on  earth  ;  that  so  they  may  be 
able  to  say,  it  was  on  this  day  the  Lord  delivered  me 
from  such  a  danger,  from  such  a  snare,  from  such  a 
threatening  storm — this  was  the  day  when  the  Almighty 
proved  better  to  me  than  all  my  fears — that  was  the  day 


16  THE    RETROSPECT. 

whereon  he  stretched  forth  his  hand  and  saved  me,  and 
set  my  feet  upon  a  rock,  and  ordered  my  goings,  and 
put  a  new  song  in  my  mouth.  Thus  every  month  may 
be  registered,  and  a  sort  of  calendar  made  out,  to  which 
the  soul  may  occasionally  refer,  and  find  sweet  matter 
of  thanksgiving  and  praise.  Some  men's  lives,  it  is 
true,  are  chequered  with  more  extraordinary  events  and 
changes  than  those  of  others;  yet  the  most  tranquil 
course  of  the  most  retired  Christian  will  not  be  without 
its  interesting  events  and  its  memorable  days  ;  interest- 
ing and  memorable  at  least  to  themselves,  although  the 
circumstances  which  made  them  so  may  not  furnish 
any  new  or  striking  matter  for  the  consideration  of 
others.  But  when  the  reverse  has  been  the  case ;  when 
the  Almighty  has  appeared  for  us  in  any  peculiar  way 
of  providence  or  grace,  then  it  becomes  a  positive  duty 
not  only  to  record  his  dealings  on  the  tablet  of  our 
memory,  and  be  thankful,  but  on  all  proper  occasions  to 
imitate  the  pious  king  of  Israel,  who  exclaimed,  "  Come 
hither,  all  ye  that  fear  the  Lord,  and  I  will  tell  you 
what  he  hath  done  for  my  soul."  This  I  think  may 
often  be  done  in  our  own  families,  and  among  our  more 
intimate  christian  friends,  to  the  edification  of  all 
present. 

The  return  of  the  second  of  February  has  led  me  to 
these  observations,  because  it  was  on  this  day  the  tender 
mercies  of  God  were  greatly  extended  towards  me.  It 
is  now  sixteen  years  past,  when  posting  down  the  broad 
road  of  destruction,  loud  in  blasphemy,  and  ever  ready 
to  burlesque  and  condemn  the  Holy  Scriptures,  that  my 
life  was  spared,  while  several  of  my  companions  in  sin 


THE    RETROSPECT.  17 

perished!*  Ignorant  of  the  world,  and  impatient  of 
controul,  I  had  previously  broken  away  from  the  con- 
straint of  social  authority,  and  embarked  on  the  great 
deep,  in  pursuit  of  honours  and  fancied  happiness, 
which,  as  hinted  in  the  foregoing  chapter,  I  imagined 
were  the  every  day  scenes  of  a  naval  life ;  there,  like 
others,  I  had  to  contend  with  the  storms  and  dangers  of 
an  element,  emblematical  of  the  sinner's  mind,  never  at 
rest,  and  to  learn  at  an  early  period  of  my  adventures, 
that  in  not  a  few  things, 

"  The  very  wish  is  in  possession  lost." 

How  great  the  contrast  between  this  and  the  day  allu- 
ded to  !  Few  seasons  ever  witnessed  a  more  serene  and 
delightful  day  than  this  has  been ;  few  ever  beheld  one 
more  tempestuous  and  severe  than  that  in  which  our 
ship  was  stranded  amidst  shoals  of  ice  on  a  foreign 
coast. 

Methinks  I  now  see  the  wreck  lying  on  its  side,  and 
hear  the  howling  northern  blast  roar  through  the  con- 
fused and  mangled  tackling;  methinks  I  now  see  the 
crew  leaving  this  untenable  abode,  and  betaking  them- 
selves to  the  rugged  field  of  ice  and  snow  with  which 
we  were  surrounded !  Memory  again  presents  in  full 
view  all  the  dismal  severities  of  that  afternoon,  when 
fifteen  of  my  companions  perished  from  the  effects  of 
cold  in  the  space  of  three  hours.     It  brings  before  me 

*  This  date  refers  to  the  time  when  this  paper  was  first  written, 
and  made  its  appearance  in  The  Christian  Guardian,  or  Church 
of  England  Magazine. 

2* 


18  THE    RETROSPECT. 

the  gracious  and  visible  interposition  of  Providence  m 
preserving  not  only  myself,  but  all  the  first  party  who 
quitted  the  wreck,  from  what  would  otherwise  have 
been  inevitable  destruction.*  As  it  was,  I  seem  again 
to  look  over  the  dreary  waste,  and  behold  the  scattered 
travellers,  some  in  little  groups,  others  alone;  some 
growing  faint,  others  stumbling  and  falling  on  their 
slippery  and  deceitful  road;  some  benumbed  and  ex- 

*  I  shall  observe,  by  way  of  note,  that  from  the  wreck  we  had  a 
view  of  a  building,  at  a  considerable  distance  on  the  shore,  and  for 
this  object  we  directed  our  course  when  we  quitted  the  vessel. 
But  we  had  not  gone  far,  ere  a  snow  storm  came  on,  and  obscured 
our  view ;  and  as  the  wind  and  drift  came  from  the  very  point  on 
which  we  had  to  proceed,  its  severity  was  felt  to  the  utmost,  and 
caused  us  imperceptibly  to  edge  ofl'  to  the  right  hand,  and  travel 
in  a  direction  which,  if  continued,  would  have  carried  us  off  the 
shoal  and  field  of  ice  into  the  sea  ;  or,  at  best,  by  the  time  we  had 
discovered  our  situation,  it  would  have  taken  us  so  far  from  any 
place  of  shelter,  as  to  have  left  us  to  perish  on  the  ice  and  snow 
during  the  night.  This  dreadful  calamity  was,  however,  pre- 
vented by  one  of  our  party  having  a  pocket  compass  about  him. 
He  had  taken  the  bearings  of  the  above-mentioned  object  previous 
to  leaving  the  wreck,  and  after  some  travelhng,  was  induced  to 
examine  the  course  we  were  actually  pursuing.  To  our  surprise, 
it  was  discovered  how  widely  we  were,  and  had  been  deviating 
from  the  right  line.  This,  however,  enabled  all  but  one  of  the 
party  to  correct  their  march,  though  at  the  expense  of  many  addi- 
tional and  laborious  steps.  The  one  who  formed  an  exception 
was  an  exceedingly  strong  man,  who  had  outstripped  us  all,  and 
was  too  far  in  advance  to  notice  our  signals  of  recal,  when  we 
altered  our  course ;  and  as  the  snow  soon  hid  him  from  our  view 
altogether,  we  had  no  doubt  but  he  travelled  on  until  he  either 
fell  into  the  sea,  or  found  himself  totally  bewildered  and  out  of 
all  reach  of  shelter,  and  perished  on  the  ice  long  before  the  light 
of  another  day. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  19 

pressing  their  misery  ;  others  endeavouring  to  cheer  up 
their  spirits ;  some  taking  their  seats  on  massy  pieces 
of  ice,  and  others  in  vain  endeavouring  to  urge  them  on 
in  the  prosecution  of  their  journey.  Methinks  I  now 
see  the  gloom  of  that  evening,  and  the  departure  of  its 
early  twilight,  which  just  lighted  my  weary  feet  to  the 
secure  and  friendly  habitations  of  man ;  and  I  seem 
again  to  feel  the  toil  and  labour  with  which  I  mounted 
the  sea-guard  bank  that  had  been  thrown  up  around  the 
walls  and  little  domain  of  this  timely  and  merciful 
refuge.  Nor  is  this  all  which  the  same  record  brings 
before  me ;  it  calls  on  me  to  blush  with  shame  and  con- 
fusion of  face  at  the  recollection  of  my  then  worse  than 
brutal  insensibility  and  hardness  of  heart.  For  I  know 
that  not  only  then,  but  long  afterwards,  I  lived  as  with- 
out God  in  the  world,  having  no  saving  scriptural 
knowledge,  no  gospel  hope.  I  w^as  truly  an  alien  from 
the  commonwealth  of  Israel,  and  a  stranger  to  the  cov- 
enant of  promise.  O  Lordi  what  shall  I  render  unto 
thee  for  thy  unnumbered  mercies  ?  How  shall  I,  how 
can  I,  sufficiently  adore  that  forbearance  and  tender 
compassion  which  spared  and  supported  me  through  all 
the  struggles  and  dangers  connected  with  this  my  first 
shipwreck?  Had  I  this  day  sixteen  years  ago  been 
numbered  among  those  who  fell,  O  where,  where 
would  my  immortal  soul  have  now  been?  Where, 
but  in  hell !  suffering  the  righteous  judgments  of  abused 
mercy  and  insulted  majesty  ! — beholding  the  felicity  of 
the  redeemed  and  the  glory  of  the  Redeemer;  but  my- 
self afar  off!  May  I  never  allow  the  return  of  this 
season  to  pass  by  without  gratefully  acknowledging  thy 


20  THE    RETROSPECT. 

goodness,  and  endeavouring  to  raise  my  mind  to  high 
and  holy  contemplations  on  Thee,  thou  Triune  Jeho- 
vah, as  the  author  of  all  mercies,  and  giver  of  every 
good  and  perfect  gift !  Should  to-morrow's  sun  rise 
amidst  clouds  and  storms,  and  drifting  hail  and  snow, 
let  it  give  me  a  realizing  sense  of  the  dangers  I  have 
passed,  and  while  I  am  experiencing  the  comforts  of  a 
house,  a  home,  and  a  fire-side,  may  I  not  forget  the  suf- 
ferings, the  agonizing  pains  of  those  who,  at  this  sea- 
son, fell  to  rise  no  more.*  But  especially  when  yonder 
leaflless  trees,  groaning  beneath  the  winter's  blast,  send 
forth  the  hollow  roar,  and  mimic  the  voice  of  storms  at 
sea — when  the  frame  of  my  cottage  trembles  under  the 
pressure  of  sudden  squalls  and  gusts  of  wind, 

"  When  winter  comes  !  when  polar  spirits  sweep 
The  darkening  world,  and  tempest-troubled  deep ! 
When  boundless  snows  the  wither'd  heath  deform, 
And  the  dim  sun  scarce  wanders  through  the  storm :" 

O  then  may  I  in  a  more  especial  manner  bear  in  my 
mind,  in  my  heart,  and  in  my  prayers,  those  multitudes 

*  With  respect  to  those  who  fall  victims  to  the  severity  of  cold, 
there  can  be  no  doubt  but  many  of  them  go  off  without  experien- 
cing any  other  sensible  pain  or  inconvenience  than  that  of  great 
fatigue  and  an  unconquerable  drowsiness,  which  latter  seems  ra- 
ther to  relieve  them  from  their  perceptions  of  cold  than  otherwise, 
and  to  dismiss  the  spirit  apparently  without  a  struggle.  But  in 
others  it  is  far  different,  as  appeared  in  the  case  of  more  than  one 
of  my  departed  fellow-travellers,  whose  drowsy  fit  or  first  sleep 
was  followed  by  strong  and  agonizing  convulsions,  in  which 
they  beat  themselves  against  the  ice,  so  as  greatly  to  disfigure  their 
persons.  One  poor  man  absolutely  severed  the  strong  bone  of  his 
thumb  in  two  between  his  own  teeth. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  2V 

who  are  still  traversing  these  waters,  encountering  all 
the  severity  of  such  seasons,  and  all  the  perils  of  the 
deep.  And  O !  most  gracious  God !  may  all  thy  chil- 
dren, under  all  the  variety  of  circumstances  and  situa- 
tions in  which  they  are  placed,  call  to  mind  thy  former 
mercies,  and  laud  and  magnify  thy  holy  name,  until  re- 
moved from  this  lower,  this  troubled  and  sinful  world, 
they  unite  with  that  innumerable  host  around  thy  throne, 
in  ascribing  "blessing,  and  glory,  and  wisdom,  and 
thanksgiving,  and  honour  and  power,  and  might,  unto 
God  and  the  Lamb  for  ever  and  ever." 


CHAPTER  III. 


Matt.  xxiv.  40,  41. 


In  the  course  of  my  earthly  pilgrimage  I  have  wit- 
nessed many  a  literal  fulfilment  of  the  above  prediction, 
both  by  sea  and  land.  But  there  was  one  in  particular, 
which  took  place  on  the  memorable  second  of  Februa- 
ry, an  account  of  which  may  not  be  unacceptable  to 
the  reader. — We  had  two  females  on  board  our  frigate. 
The  one  was  a  robust,  musculine  woman,  who  had 
been  at  sea  with  her  husband  for  more  than  two  years, 
and  consequently  was  inured  to  all  the  privations  and 
hardships  of  a  maritime  life :  the  other  was  an  entire 
stranger  to  such  a  mode  of  existence.  She  had  never 
been  twelve  hours  on  ship-board  until  the  evening  she 
came  off  to  see  her  husband,  whom  we  had  impressed 
the  last  time  we  anchored  in  their  road-stead. — Scarcely 
had  this  woman,  timid  and  full  of  alarm,  got  on  our 
decks,  ere  the  weather  became  stormy,  and  the  night  set 
in.  There  was  now  no  alternative,  but  patiently  waiting 
for  the  return  of  day,  or  fairer  weather.  But  that  very 
night,  our  destination  to  port,  where  we  expected  to 
refit  and  recruit  after  a  dismal  cruise  off  the  coast  of 
Norway,  was  countermanded.     Some  men  of  consid- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  23 

erable  political  importance  came  on  board,  and  we  were 
ordered  to  sea  at  an  hour's  notice,  and  our  visitor  was 
thus  unavoidably  carried  from  her  home  and  friends. 
She  was  indeed  with  her  husband  (a  consolation  not 
small  to  an  affectionate  wife ;)  but  then  she  was  not  only 
an  entire  stranger  to  the  scenes  and  inconveniences  of 
a  ship  at  sea,  but  was  in  herself  a  very  tender  and  deli- 
cate woman,  and,  moreover,  near  the  time  of  her  con- 
finement. As  the  weather  continued  rough,  seasick- 
ness,  and  a  thousand  fears,  seized  on  her,  and  in  the 
course  of  the  day  she  was  delivered  of  a  dead  child. 

Eighteen  hours  after  this  event,  our  ship  struck  the 
ground,  and  was  stranded,  notwithstanding  all  the  efforts 
used  to  save  her.  Thirty  hours  more  had  barely  elapsed, 
when  our  poor  companion  was  called  on  to  travel,  or 
rather  to  stumble,  through  ice  and  snow ;  to  set  her  face 
against  the  severity  of  such  a  storm  of  wind,  and  hail, 
and  sleet,  as  overcame  some  of  the  apparently  strongest 
of  the  crew.  In  short,  she  had  to  travel  that  journey, 
and  to  endure  that  weather,  under  which  fifteen  perished. 

Now,  my  reader,  figure  to  yourself  these  two  females 
quitting  the  wreck ;  and  in  one  behold  every  thing  of 
hardihood,  in  the  other  every  thing  the  reverse.  What 
would  your  expectations  have  been  ?  Doubtless,  that 
the  former  bid  fair  to  sustain,  if  not  to  surmount,  all  ex- 
isting difficulties ;  that  the  latter  must  inevitably  and 
speedily  sink  under  them.  Yet  the  contrary  happened. 
The  hale  maritime  character  perished  by  the  way)  hav- 
ing first  had  her  child,  a  fine  boy  of  nine  months  old, 
frozen  to  death  in  her  arms,)  the  delicate  invalid  endured 
all  the  severities  of  that  afternoon,  held  on  through  the 


24  THE    RETROSPECT. 

journey,  arrived  safe  and  uninjured  at  a  friendly  cot- 
tage, and  for  aught  I  know  to  the  contrary,  is  still  living ! 
Should  any  one  ask  how  this  could  be,  or  should  he 
inquire  what  assistance  was  rendered  these  females,  I 
shall  briefly  observe,  it  is  not  the  character  of  British 
seamen  to  shrink  from  danger,  or  pass  by  a  friend  in 
distress.  Many  of  the  crew,  indeed,  were  too  much 
benumbed  and  exhausted  to  afford  relief  to  others ;  yet 
there  w^re  some  who,  feeling  less  oppressed  in  them- 
selves, could  and  did  stretch  forth  a  helping  hand  to 
their  weaker  comrades. — The  two  women  in  question 
received  much  of  this  attention  from  officers  and  men. 
But,  alas !  the  storm  blew  with  all  the  severity  of  a 
Siberian  winter's  blast,  and  none  could  shelter  another 
from  its  fury — it  seemed  to  pierce  the  very  bones  and 
the  marrow ;  and  animal  heat  was  almost  extinguished ; 
the  blood  could  but  slowly  circulate,  even  in  the 
strongest ;  an  unconquerable  degree  of  lassitude  and 
drowsiness  seized  on  our  unfortunate  female  traveller, 
in  common  wdth  the  others  who  fell ;  she  halted,  she 
sat  down,  she  closed  her  eyes,  convulsions  seized  her, 
and  she  died.  If,  then,  we  would  ascertain  how  the 
other  was  enabled  to  survive  the  hardships  with  which 
she  was  surrounded,  we  must  look  beyond  natural 
causes  and  effects,  even  unto  the  will  of  Him  whose 
ever-watchful  and  over-ruling  Providence  numbers  the 
hairs  on  our  heads,  and  suffers  not  a  sparrow  to  fall  to 
the  ground  without  his  permission.  We  must  look  unto 
Him  "  who  ordereth  all  things  after  the  counsel  of  his 
own  will ;"  to  Him  whom  storms  and  waves  obey ;  who 
can  deprive  the  intensely  heated  furnace  of  all  its  pow- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  25 

ers  to  burn,  and  the  northern  frost  and  hail  of  all  their 
powers  to  chill  and  extinguish  life  ;  to  Him  who,  in  the 
dispensations  of  his  providence,  hath  told  us,  that,  on 
many  occasions,  "  One  shall  be  taken,  and  the  other 
left."  In  so  doing,  we  shall  oft-times  be  compelled  to 
acknowledge  the  short-sightedness  of  man — the  folly  of 
all  human  sagacity — the  emptiness  of  all  calculations. 
These  things  may  indeed  perplex,  and  at  times  almost 
confound  us,  especially  if  we  suffer  the  mind  to  indulge 
in  putting  the  question,  "  Why  are  they  so  ?"  But 
wherefore  should  we  indulge  in  any  such  idle  and  pre- 
sumptuous inquiries  ?  Is  not  the  Eternal  Jehovah  om- 
nipotent, omniscient,  and  omnipresent?  Can  He  be 
ignorant  of  any  passing  event  ?  Can  He  lack  power 
to  perform  his  will,  or  can  that  will  be  other  than 
supremely  good,  and  just,  and  holy?  Impossible. — 
Then  let  us  learn  to  rest  all  secret,  deep,  and  undiscov- 
ered things  with  Him  to  whom  they  belong,  and  study 
those  which  are  revealed.  Thus  shall  we  know  all 
necessary  and  essential  truths,  and  these  truths  will  set 
us  free  from  all  that  perplexity  of  error,  that  chaos  of 
manifold  evil  and  confusion  into  which  a  proud  un- 
humbled  speculative  mind  has  led  thousands,  who,  like 
♦heir  rebellious  prototypes,  as  described  by  Milton, 

"  Have  found  no  end,  in  wand'ring  mazes  lost — 
Vain  wisdom  all,  and  false  philosophy  !" 

This  life  is  at  best  a  compound  of  many  bitters,  with  a 

few  sweets — our  cup  contains  a  mingled  potion,  capabh 

of  beisg  rendered  more  or  less  unpleasant  as  we  learn 

3 


26  THE    RETROSPECT. 

to  acquiesce  in  all  the  divine  will  concerning  us.  As 
then  we  would  hope  for,  as  we  would  desire  to  enjoy- 
something  like  happiness  on  this  side  of  heaven,  let  us 
learn  not  to  cavil  at  the  dispensations  of  Him,  who,  be- 
ing the  judge  of  all  the  earth,  and  the  disposer  of  all 
events,  must  do  right.  If  any  presumptuous  inquirer 
ask  us,  why  ten  talents  are  given  to  one  man,  and  but 
two  to  another ;  or  why  those  who  were  first  in  our 
estimation  become  last ;  and  those  whom  we  once  ex- 
pected to  be  last,  do  evidently  become  first  ?  let  us  "not 
be  careful  to  answer  them  in  these  matters."  Or  if, 
when  the  destroying  angel  goes  forth  in  the  pestilence, 
the  famine,  or  the  sword,  we  are  asked,  why  one  nation 
is  singled  out  in  preference  to  another ;  why  one  indi- 
vidual is  taken  and  another  left  ?  on  all  these  occasions 
let  us  direct  our  eyes  to  heaven,  and  with  the  spirit  of 
a  little  child,  reply  in  the  words  of  our  blessed  Re- 
deemer, "Even  so.  Father,  for  so  it  seemeth  good  in 
thy  sight."  As  to  the  events  more  immediately  under 
our  present  consideration  ;  if  it  pleased  the  divine  Ma- 
jesty, by  almost  a  miracle,  to  save  the  poor  enfeebled 
woman  by  way  of  displaying  his  great  power  and 
goodness — to  take  the  child  in  proof  of  his  love  and 
tender  compassion,  and  to  call  the  strong  woman  in 
token  of  his  righteous  judgments,  who  shall  say  unto 
Him,  What  doest  thou  ? 

Had  the  sick  invalid  perished,  it  would  have  been 
considered  as  a  matter  of  course,  and  God  would  not 
have  received  the  honour  due  unto  his  name  ;  and  had 
the  babe  survived,  the  same  reasoning  might  have  attri- 
buted his  preservation  to  the  flannels  with  which  he 


THE    RETROSPECT.  27 

was  inwrapped,  and  not  to  God,  with  whom  are  the 
issues  of  life  and  death.  What  is  more ;  had  he  sur- 
vived that  day  he  might  have  journeyed  on  through  a 
long  life  of  sin  and  wretchedness,  and  in  the  end  been 
eternally  lost !  But  this  early  summons  was  a  sure  and 
gracious  removal  from  the  evil  to  come.  Henceforth 
that  tongue  will  certainly  be  employed  in  the  alleluias 
of  heaven,  which  otherwise  might  have  been  exercised 
through  eternal  ages  in  these  fruitless  and  self-condem- 
ning words,  "My  harvest  is  past,  my  summer  is  ended, 
and  I  am  not  saved."  We  know  the  same  God  of  pro- 
vidence could  have  thus  dealt  with  the  parent,  ere  she 
knew  the  distinction  between  mother  and  child  ;  but  it 
was  his  good  pleasure  to  act  otherwise,  and  for  more 
than  thirty  years  to  say  unto  her,  Live,  Whether, 
therefore,  she  had  given  these  years  unto  him,  or  to  the 
world  and  the  flesh — whether  she  had  laid  up  a  treas- 
ure in  heaven,  or  was  still  cleaving  to  the  earth ;  he  in 
whose  hands  are  the  spirits  of  all  flesh,  had  an  undoubt- 
ed right  to  call  hers  into  his  presence,  to  give,  as  at  this 
time,  an  account  of  the  things  done  in  the  body. 

Those  happy,  holy,  ethereal  spirits  who  minister  to 
man  on  earth,  did  unquestionably  notice  the  flight  of 
these  two  souls  to  the  tribunal  of  their  Judge.  Bui  whe- 
ther they  saw  them  both  seated  on  high,  or  whether 
they  beheld  them  conducted  to  different  habitations,  we 
are  not  informed.  All  we  know  in  this  particular,  and 
all  that  concerns  us  to  know  is,  that  the  Lord  ever  hath 
judged  righteous  judgment,  and  that  He  ever  will  do 
so ;  although  in  this  instance  it  should  hereafter  appear 
that  " one  was  taken  and  the  other  left" 


CHAPTER  IV. 

"l  WAS  A  STRANGER  AND  THEY  TOOK  ME  IN." 
MATT.  XXV.  35. 

I  PERCEIVE  the  retrospective  view  of  past  days  has 
opened  a  wide  field  of  matter  for  my  mind  to  reflect  on, 
and  for  my  pen  to  describe  ;  "  and  now  I  am  in  a  strait." 
If  I  allow  it  to  proceed,  I  may  possibly  incur  the  charge 
of  egotism  and  vanity ;  if  I  throw  it  by,  I  bury  many 
instances  of  the  Almighty's  goodness  and  mercy  in  eter- 
nal oblivion. — Perhaps  it  is  not  either  prudent  or  safe 
for  men  to  say  much  about  themselves.  At  all  events 
they  should  be  well  satisfied  as  to  their  motives  for  so 
doing;  and  these  motives  undoubtedly  ought  to  be,  the 
glory  of  God  and  the  edification  of  man. — Now,  as,  on 
the  whole,  I  trust  they  are  mine,  I  am  encouraged  to 
proceed.  The  Lord  knows  I  have  nothing  to  be  vaia 
of  I  make  no  pretensions  to  literary  distinction  ;  but 
while  I  cheerfully  honour  those  to  whom  honour  in  this 
respect  is  due,  I  would  endeavour  to  improve  my  own 
smaller  talent,  and,  as  a  plain  man,  attempt  the  edifica- 
tion of  plain  minds.  My  short  papers  are  not  intended 
for,  nor  will  they  be  calculated  to  please  the  light  and 
trifling  reader,  or  to  delight  a  refined  and  critical  taste. 
They  will  be  plain  and  serious  essays,  uniformly  ex- 
hibiting the  boundless  goodness,  and  the  long  forbear- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  29 

ance  of  God  on  the  one  hand,  and  my  own  sad  spiritual 
stupidity  and  rebellion  on  the  other.  A  review  of  the 
former  may,  through  grace,  arouse  the  dormant  feel- 
ings of  my  soul,  ever  prone  to  cleave  unto  the  dust ; 
while  the  latter  may  induce  some  portion  of  real  self- 
abasement. — If  so,  my  little  memorials  will  be  useful  to 
myself,  although  they  should  not  edify  others — my  own 
soul  will  be  profited,  and  God  will  in  the  result  be  glo- 
rified through  Jesus  Christ.  To  this  end  I  must  once 
more  refer  to  the  wreck  noticed  in  the  second  chapter, 
and  call  the  reader's  attention  to  another  series  of  mer- 
cies and  sufferings  connected  with  that  event. 

It  was  on  a  Saturday  we  quitted  the  vessel,  and  fled 
(as  the  only  possible  shelter)  to  the  small  island  of 

,  distant  from  the  shoal  on  which  our  ship  was 

stranded  about  six  miles ;  this  we  were  enabled  to  do 
by  the  ice  forming  a  mass  from  the  wreck  to  the  em- 
bankment of  the  island.  Within  this  bank  five  families 
dwelt,  as  the  sole  inhabitants.  The  island  itself  was 
separated  from  the  main  by  a  shallow  channel,  whose 
depth  in  water,  and  extent  of  breadth,  varied  according 
to  the  time  of  tide  and  the  state  of  the  weather.  Now, 
as  it  frequently  happened,  that,  for  several  weeks  during 
winter,  all  intercourse  between  the  islanders  and  their 
opposite  neighbours  on  the  continent  was  impracticable ; 
the  former  always  laid  in  a  stock  of  provisions  before 
that  season  commenced.  They  had  done  so  this  year, 
and  appeared  amply  supplied  for  themselves  until  the 
severe  weather  should  break  up.  But  as  our  arrival 
had  added  more  than  a  hundred  and  fifty  consumers,  no 
one  will  be  surprised  that  a  serious  alarm  was  felt  as  to 
3* 


30  THE    RETROSPECT. 

the  consequence.  In  short,  it  became  absolutely  neces- 
sary for  all  who  were  capable  of  travelling  to  endeavour, 
by  every  means,  to  gain  the  opposite  shore,  from  whence 

the  large  town  of  C was  not  far  distant. 

On  Sunday  a  company  of  men,  composed  of  the 
islanders  and  our  crew,  were  sent  to  explore  a  passage ; 
these  returned  with  a  very  favourable  report,  assuring 
us  that  we  could  walk  on  the  ice  nearly  the  whole  way, 
and  that  the  part  of  the  channel  which  still  continued 
open  might  be  forded  in  the  shallow  depth  of  two  feet 
water.  Arrangements  were  accordingly  made  to  set 
off  by  moonlight  at  four  o'clock  next  morning;  and  had 
we  not  delayed  two  hours,  I  think  we  should  have  found 
things  as  reported.  But  it  was  six  o'clock  before  we 
began  our  march,  and  by  that  time  the  flood  tide  had 
considerably  set  in,  and  broken  up  much  ice,  which, 
two  hours  ago,  was  solid  and  stationary.  We  of  course 
soon^got  into  the  water,  and  finding  it  about  the  depth 
described  by  our  guides,  thought  ourselves  in  the  mid- 
dle of  the  channel,  and  expected  very  soon  to  tread  the 
firm  soil.  But  a  quarter  of  an  hour's  walking,  or  rather 
fording,  without  being  yet  in  sight  of  the  termination  of 
the  water,  sadly  convinced  us  of  our  mistake,  and  half 
an  hour  saw  us  literally  surrounded  by  the  sea  on  all 
sides,  our  guides  bewildered,  and  the  main  land  undis- 
tinguishable,  from  the  snow  and  ice  which  floated  about 
us. — This  was  a  dreary  morning  indeed  !  The  recol- 
lection of  it,  at  this  distance  of  time,  throws  a  sort  of 
chill  into  my  blood.  Few  people  are  aware  of  the  ex- 
cessive toil  of  walking  for  any  length  of  time  in  water 
which  is  too  deep  to  admit  the  feet  above  its  surface ; 


THE    RETROSPECT.  31 

with  us  it  sometimes  was  not  more  than  up  to  the  knees, 
at  others  nearly  breast  high,  but  in  general  about  two 
feet  deep.  Much  time  had  been  expended  before  we  in 
reality  came  to  the  middle  or  deepest  part  of  the  chan- 
nel ;  here  the  stream  ran  with  great  violence,  and  had  I 
not  been  most  providentially  furnished  with  a  strong 
stick,  I  must  have  been  carried  off  my  feet,  and  rolled 
down  with  the  current.  But  by  setting  my  staff  firmly 
to  the  right,  I  was  enabled  to  resist  the  pressure  of  the 
stream  on  my  left ;  yet  when  I  got  out  of  this  place  into 
shallower  water,  I  found  my  strength  and  spirits  so 
nearly  exhausted,  that  I  began  to  revolve  in  my  mind 
what  must  (as  I  thought)  shortly  follow,  namely,  a 
miserable  death  in  a  foreign  land.  Nor  was  I  the  only 
one  whose  thoughts  foreboded  evil.  Some  would  abso- 
lutely have  given  up  all  further  exertion,  had  it  not  been 
for  the  encouraging  view  we  soon  obtained  of  some  cot- 
tages, peeping  as  it  were  through  the  snow,  at  the  dis- 
tance of  about  a  mile  from  us.  There  was  one  which 
stood  more  detached  than  the  others ;  it  was  nearest 
to  me,  and  thither  I  directed  my  course,  and  in  half 
an  hour's  time  was  once  more  in  safety  beneath  the 
roof  of  a  family  dwelling.  It  consisted  of  two  distinct 
parts ;  the  one  for  the  residence  of  the  household,  the 
other  for  housing  and  threshing  of  grain.  It  was  the 
latter  I  entered,  where  the  owner  was  beating  out  some 
corn.  By  this  time  nature  was  so  far  exhausted,  that  at 
the  instant  in  which  exertion  for  life  ceased  to  be  neces- 
sary, in  that  instant  I  sunk  under  my  fatigue  and  cold, 
and  fell  on  the  straw  the  poor  man  was  threshing.  As- 
tonished as  he  must  have  been  at  the  appearance  of  a 


32  THE    RETROSPECT. 

Stranger,  and  more  so  at  my  conduct,  I  remember  he 
laid  by  his  flail,  and  came  and  viewed  me  for  some 
seconds,  with  evident  pity  and  surprise.  He  spoke,  but 
I  neither  understood  what  he  said,  nor  could  I  make 
him  sensible  of  much  which  I  wished  to  communicate ; 
but  judging  from  my  ice-clad  state,  that  I  must  be  ex- 
tremely cold,  he  made  signs  for  me  to  go  to  a  fire ;  this, 
however,  I  refrained  from  doing  for  the  present,  having 
witnessed  the  fatal  effects  of  such  a  step  in  others. 

Before  I  quitted  the  island,  I  had  tied  a  little  bundle 
(all  my  then  worldly  wealth)  on  my  shoulder,  contain- 
ing a  shirt,  a  pair  of  stockings,  and  a  pair  of  woollen 
trowsers.  This  bundle  I  had  again  and  again  endeav- 
oured to  disengage  myself  of,  while  toiling  in  the 
water,  but  the  cold  had  so  benumbed  my  hands  as  to 
prevent  me  accomplishing  my  desire.  Vexed  as  I  had 
been,  and  angry  at  my  little  load,  I  now  found  it  a 
great  mercy,  that  I  had  not  succeeded  in  throwing  it 
away:  its  contents,  being  still  dry,  proved  an  invaluable 
treasure.  At  length  I  made  the  farmer  sensible  that  I 
wanted  it  untied,  and  my  icy  clothes  stripped  off  These 
kind  offices  he  soon  performed,  and  in  ten  minutes  time, 
partly  from  my  own  bundle,  and  partly  from  the  poor 
farmer's  wardrobe,  I  was  dry  and  warm  clad ;  the  good 
Samaritan  having  previously  ran  in  and  brought  a  glass 
of  gin,  which  I  drank,  and  found  my  strength  and 
spirits  quickly  revived.  By  this  time  the  rest  of  the 
family  were  informed  of  their  visitor,  and  two  elderly 
matrons  came  and  gazed  on  me  for  some  minutes  with- 
out speaking.  Perhaps  they  had  sons  who  had  left 
them,  and,  as  they  seemed  to  think,  might  be  as  forlorn 


THE    RETROSPECT.  33 

in  some  distant  land  as  I  appeared  to  be  in  theirs. 
There  certainly  was  much  parental  kindness,  and  a 
portion  of  grief  in  their  countenances. 

These  kind  women  took  me  from  the  threshing-floor 
into  their  sitting-room,  brought  me  a  little  more  gin,* 
and  then  hastened  to  get  ready  some  dried  beef  and 
coffee,  all  of  which  I  partook  of  with  the  family.  It 
was  nine  o'clock  when  I  arrived  at  this  friendly  asylum, 
so  that  it  appeared  I  had  been  nearly  two  hours  in  the 
water.  Being  the  only  person  who  sought  refuge  here, 
I  partook  of  the  undivided  kindness  and  attention  of  all 
the  household,  with  whom  I  remained  till  three  in  the 


*  The  pernicious  effects  of  ardent  spirits  were  not  at  that  time 
so  well  understood  as  they  are  now,  either  by  myself  or  the  public. 
I  am  now  quite  certain  that  a  cup  of  hot  coffee  would  have  been 
far  more  beneficial  than  this  gin,  even  within  doors,  and  infinitely 
more  so  when  exposed  to  a  storm.  Before  we  quitted  the  wreck, 
a  portion  of  brandy  had  been  served  out  for  the  men  to  drink  on 
their  journey  over  the  ice  and  through  the  snow — the  effects  of 
which  were  most  pernicious.  I  now  speak  from  recollection  and 
experience ;  neither  I  nor  any  other  individual  drank  much  on  the 
occasion,  but  what  I  did  take,  though  it  produced  a  momentary 
glow  on  the  stomach,  and  a  transient  animation  of  spirits,  yet  it 
left  the  whole  frame  so  weakened  and  wasting,  that  from  that  very 
day,  I  made  up  my  mind,  never,  if  exposed  to  such  circumstances 
again,  to  drink  any.  During  this  second  journey,  which  was 
more  trying  than  the  former,  we  had  no  spirituous  liquors  among 
us ;  and  we  bore  up  with  so  much  more  strength  as  not  to  lose 
one  man  by  the  way.  Most  thoroughly  am  I  now  convinced  that 
all  men  at  sea  and  on  shore,  in  all  changes  of  weather  and  cli- 
mate, and  in  all  the  various  labours  and  callings  of  life,  would  do 
well  to  abstain  entirekj  from  the  use  of  distilled  spirits^  except  for 
rnedicinal  purposes, 


34  THE    RETROSPECT. 

afternoon ;  when  finding"  that  the  whole  of  my  compan- 
ions had  proceeded,  either  in  carts  or  on  foot,  to  C 
I  became  anxious  to  follow.  But  my  kind  host  would 
not  abate  his  attention,  until,  having  accompanied  me 
the  whole  of  the  road,  he  saw  me  housed,  and  in  the 
midst  of  my  shipmates.  This  done,  he  journeyed  home- 
ward, through  the  snow  and  storm  of  a  dreary  night, 
apparently  much  delighted  with  having  had  an  oppor- 
tunity of  administering  to  one  in  distress — of  being 
enabled  to  say,  "  He  was  a  stranger,  and  I  took  him  in." 
Peace  be  unto  him,  and  unto  all  his  household !  May 
the  God  and  Father  of  all  mercies  smooth  their  declin- 
ing path  with  many  consolations,  and  in  their  last  and 
closing  trial  may  the  Redeemer's  voice  proclaim, 
"  Come,  ye  blessed  children  of  my  Father,  inherit  the 
kingdom  prepared  for  you  from  the  foundation  of  the 
world."  The  poor  tear  of  gratitude  which  now  falls 
on  my  paper  may  never  be  known  to  you,  but  your  re- 
ward of  grace  shall  not  fail ! 

When  my  kind  benefactor  had  left  me,  I  sat  down  as 
unmindful  of  God  and  his  providences,  as  though  the 
world  existed  independently  of  him.  Nay,  in  no  one 
part  of  that  day  had  he  been  in  any  of  my  thoughts. 
When  a  young  man  has  "  lived  without  God  and  with- 
out Christ"  on  the  shore,  there  is  but  little  probability 
of  a  moral  reformation  at  sea.  In  my  own  case  I  know, 
that  from  the  time  I  first  embarked,  up  to  the  period  of 
which  I  am  now  treating,  I  had  gradually  advanced  in 
contempt  of  the  Almighty,  and  in  the  love  and  practice 
of  sin.  For  a  short  time  I  felt  some  scruples  of  con- 
science at  the  horrid  and  prevalent  vice  of  swearing,  but 


THE    RETROSPECT.  35 

a  few  months  entirely  efTaced  them:  and  I  not  only- 
joined  the  blasphemer  without  compunction,  but  actu- 
ally considered  it  as  the  mark  of  a  high  spirit,  a  sort  of 
necessary  accomplishment.  In  addition  to  all  this,  I 
shortly  became  acquainted  with  some  of  the  most  vile 
and  infamous  writings  that  ever  appeared  in  this  king- 
dom. The  circumstance  of  their  being  prohibited  only 
served  to  enhance  their  value.  I  read  them  again  and 
again,  and  for  hours  together  employed  myself  in 
making  extracts  from  them.  But  I  have  not  the  smallest 
recollection,  while  belonging  to  this  ship,  of  ever  seeing 
a  Bible,  though  I  once  endeavoured  to  call  to  mind  that 
sacred  volume ;  not  with  the  view  of  remembering  and 
applying  any  of  its  sublime  and  awful  contents  to  my 
heart,  but  to  dress  up  a  ludicrous  account  of  some  late 
adventures  among  the  midshipmen  in  its  peculiar  lan- 
guage and  solemn  phraseology !  And  O  how  vain  was 
I  at  the  approbation  which  these  wretched  epistles  met 
with  from  fools  like  myself  who  made  a  mock  at  sin ! 
With  what  delight  did  I  hear  them  say,  that  I  had 
thrown  in  my  verily  verily s,  and  my  lo  and  beholds^  to 
much  advantage !  Nor  did  all  or  any  of  the  events 
connected  with  this  shipwreck,  in  the  smallest  degree 
awaken  my  mind  to  serious  reflection  or  convictions  of 
sin.  Indeed,  it  seemed  to  have  pleased  the  Almighty  to 
give  me  up  for  a  season  to  follow  the  devices  and  desires 
of  my  own  blind  and  rebel  heart,  and  thus  to  allow  Sa- 
tan to  fill  me  with  my  own  ways.  Throughout  all  the 
perils  and  mercies  I  had  passed,  I  had  neither  once  im- 
plored the  divine  assistance,  nor  once  returned  thanks 
for   my  deliverances !     No   sooner   had  I  joined  my 


36  THE    RETROSPECT. 

companions  at  C ,  than  I  lost  sight  of  the  difficulties 

I  had  undergone.  Drunkenness,  oaths,  and  profane 
songs,  were  in  our  assembly ;  but  none  of  us  regarded 
the  works  of  the  Lord,  nor  considered  the  operations  of 
his  hands ;  none  inquired,  Where  is  the  Lord  my  de- 
liverer and  my  redeemer  ? 

The  next  morning  presented  a  melancholy  spectacle, 
similar  to  what  had  appeared  the  day  after  our  first 
journey.  Several,  who  apparently  had  sustained  no 
harm  by  their  exposure  to  the  weather,  were  no  sooner 
housed  beneath  a  warm  cover,  than  dreadful  inflama- 
tion  began  to  seize  their  hands  and  feet,  the  whole  limb 
becoming  one  entire  blister,  attended  for  many  days 
with  all  the  agony  of  a  severe  burn  or  scald.  Several 
had  been  left  in  this  state  at  the  island,  but  a  far  greater 
number  were  added  to  the  list  after  our  second  journey. 
1,  however,  escaped  on  both  occasions  entirely  unhurt, 
and  on  both  occasions  I  continued  entirely  unmindful  of 
the  goodness  of  the  Lord ;  demonstrating,  by  my  con- 
duct, that  "  madness  is  in  the  heart  of  man,"  and  that 
neither  mercies  nor  judgments  are  of  themselves  suffi- 
cient to  humble,  or  even  to  check  him  in  his  sinful 
course. 


CHAPTER  V. 

"in  perils  in  the  sea." — 2 Cor.  xi.  26. 

Those  "who  go  down  to  the  sea  in  ships,  and 
transact  their  business  in  great  waters,"  cannot  pass 
many  days  without  "  seeing  the  works  of  the  Lord  and 
his  wonders  in  the  deep."  Yet  here,  as  on  the  land, 
the  merciful  interpositions  of  his  providence  are  oft- 
times  more  visible  in  the  preservation  of  one  man  than 
of  another,  I  say  more  visible;  for  there  can  be  no 
doubt  that  "  the  Lord  is  good  to  all,  and  his  tender  mer- 
cies are  over  all  his  works ;  there  can  be  no  doubt  but 
infinite  mercy  and  unceasing  goodness  are  ever  in  ope- 
ration "  to  keep  the  harp  of  thousand  strings  in  tune  so 
long:"  whether  it  may  inhabit  a  tranquil  cottage,  or 
stand  exposed  amidst  convulsive  elements  and  conten- 
ding fleets  and  armies.  To  this  day  "  the  sparrow  falls 
not  to  the  ground  without  permission:" — "He  who 
keepeth  Israel  neither  slumbers  nor  sleeps  :" — "All  his 
angels  are  still  ministering  spirits,  sent  forth  to  minister 
to  those  who  shall  be  heirs  of  salvation." 

Cowper's  poor  Lacemaker  was  as  much  an  object  of 

the   Lord   Jehovah's   superintending   providence   as  a 

Nelson  or  a  Wellington :  and  every  single  day  of  her 

life  will  hereafter  appear  to  have  been  a  day  in  which 

4 


38 


THE    RETROSPECT. 


Omnipotence  preserved  her  from  many  perils;  perils 
which  she  was  neither  permitted  to  see  nor  to  feel,  but 
which  were  not  the  smaller  on  that  account. 

If  my  reader  be  one  of  those  whose  days  have  passed 
away  without  furnishing-  any  great  and  conspicuous 
providential  mercies,  let  him  not,  on  that  account,  sup- 
pose that  mercy  and  goodness  have  ceased  to  follow 
him.  If  his  journey  through  the  troubled  ocean  of  life 
has  hitherto  been  unruffled  by  any  great  storms,  let 
him  remember,  that  it  was  only  because  there  was  One 
who  said,  "  Peace,  be  still ;"  and  in  consequence  of  this 
command  it  hath  hitherto  proved  a  calm.  Not  so  the 
life  of  the  writer.  The  same  year  in  which  the  events 
recorded  in  the  former  chapter  took  place,  he  was  call- 
ed on  to  share  in  the  perils  of  another  and  more  dread- 
ful shipwreck.  The  spring  and  summer  had  passed 
away  without  bringing  any  thing  extraordinary  with 
them ;  but  in  October,  when  the  stormy  season  began 
"to  carry  the  mariner  up  to  the  heavens  and  down 
again  to  the  deep,"  the  ship  he  then  served  in  was  or- 
dered to  cruize  off  the  coast  of  Holland,  and  in  a  week 
after  quitting  the  Downs  was  totally  wrecked  on  one  of 
those  numerous  shoals  with  which  that  sea  abounds. 

The  weather  had  generally  been  stormy,  and  accom- 
panied with  thick  fogs,  from  the  time  we  left  port. 
This  not  a  little  confused  our  pilots;  yet,  humanly 
speaking,  a  very  small  share  of  common  prudence 
might  have  guarded  against  all  danger.  But,  alas! 
this  vessel  was  a  den  of  profaneness  and  blasphemy, 
which,  during  the  short  period  she  had  been  in  com- 
mission, exhibited  more  of  the  true  features  of  "  a  hell 


THE    RETROSPECT.  39 

afloat^^^  than  any  I  had  before  seen  or  afterwards  knew. 
The  captain  was  an  outrageous  blasphemer,  tyrant,  and 
drunkard;  and  the  master,  whose  more  especial  busi- 
ness it  was  to  navigate  the  ship,  was  half  an  idiot,  while 
the  two  local  pilots  were  ignorant  of  their  profession ; 
most  of  the  other  officers  were  gentlemanly  characters, 
but  all  of  them  detested  their  ship  equally  with  the  crew 
at  large.  What  this  vessel  might  have  become  had  she 
floated  for  a  few  years  longer,  time  only  could  show ; 
but  God  would  not  permit  the  experiment  to  be  tried, 
he  was  now  about  to  speak  in  an  awful  warning  voice 
to  some,  and  in  solemn  judgment  to  others.  To  this 
end,  all  whose  more  immediate  duty  it  was  to  command 
and  to  navigate  the  ship,  seemed  given  up  to  strange  in- 
fatuations. Their  wisdom  was  turned  into  foolishness, 
and  "  when  they  said,  Peace  and  safety,  sudden  destruc- 
tion came  upon  them."  The  ship  was  lost,  and  more 
than  sixty  souls  perished  !  I  shall  not  enter  into  a 
very  particular  detail.  Let  it  suffice  to  say,  that  with  a 
strong  wind  blowing  right  on  the  land,  and  with  a 
shore  beacon-light  for  a  considerable  time  in  view,  we 
ran  down  stem-on  the  coast,  while  our  master  and  pilots 
knew  not  their  situation,  and  the  captain,  in  a  state  of 
intoxication,  insisted  that  the  light  we  saw  was  that  of 
some  ship  which  he  would  chase.  Thus  we  proceed- 
ed until  just  after  midnight,  and  while  the  wind  blew 
half  a  gale,  when  thick  clouds  began  again  to  darken 
the  sky,  and  the  angry  surge  was  rising  higher  and 
higher,  we  dashed  upon  the  fatal  bank  with  such  vio- 
lence that  those  on  deck  were  thrown  off  their  feet,  and 
those  below  were  instantly  roused  from  their  slumbers, 


40  THE    RETROSPECT. 

to  hear  the  doleful  report,  "  The  ship  is  on  shore  !  the 
ship  is  on  shore!"  All  was  confusion  and  alarm;  the 
crew  were  seen  on  deck,  some  half  dressed,  and  others 
just  as  they  leaped  out  of  bed.  The  long-boat  was 
hoisted  out,  and  instantly  filled,  and  was  dashed  to 
pieces  along-side;  signal-guns  of  distress  were  fired 
every  minute  ;  blue  lights*  were  burnt ;  and  measures 
taken  to  prevent  the  ship  from  falling  over  on  her  side. 
The  chain-pumps  were  set  to  work,  but  our  leaks  defied 
all  such  resistance.  The  ship  bilged,  the  sand  worked 
through  the  bottom,  and  long  before  day-dawn  the  well 
was  choked  up,  and  the  lower  part  of  the  vessel  filled, 
A  raft  was  now  made  with  our  spare  top-masts  and 
other  available  materials,  should  any  means  of  using  it 
be  afforded.  This  done,  nothing  now  remained  for  us 
to  do  but  to  wait  the  return  of  day.  O  how  anxiously 
did  we  look  towards  the  east,  if  peradventure  the  open- 
ing light  might  show  some  token  for  good !  For  as 
yet  we  knew  not  where  we  were,  or  whether  any  or  no 
prospect  of  relief  would  present  itself 

The  anxiety  with  which  we  passed  these  hours  of 
darkness,  and  the  eager  desire  with  which  we  looked 
forward  to  the  day,  have  often  since  reminded  me  of  the 
Psalmist's  earnest  longings  for  the  manifestation  of 
God's  love  to  his  soul.  It  has  been  the  best  criticism 
on  the  force  and  beauty  of  the  royal  mourner's  words, 
when  he  exclaimed,  "my  soul  waiteth  for  the  Lord 
more  than  they  that  wait  for  the  morning :  I  say,  more 
than  they  that  wait  for  the  morning." 

*  Certain  fire-works,  composed  of  sulphur  and  gunpowder, 
which  may  be  seen  several  miles  at  sea. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  41 

At  length  the  sun  arose,  no  doubt  to  gladden  the 
hearts  of  millions,  while  its  beams  led  them  forth  to  the 
various  pursuits  of  the  day ;  but  not  so  to  us,  it  rather 
increased  than  diminished  our  sorrows. — We  indeed 
discovered  our  situation,  but  it  was  a  mouMful  discovery. 
The  land,  at  seven  or  eight  miles  distance,  could  not  be 
approached ;  and  our  fleet  (then  in  possession  of  the 
Texel)  was  at  least  four  miles  farther  off,  and,  under  ex- 
isting circumstances,  utterly  incapable  of  affording  the 
smallest  aid.  The  raft  was  launched  into  the  water, 
but  the  sea  rolled  completely  over  it,  so  that  this  last 
forlorn  hope  was  more  calculated  to  produce  despair 
than  any  thing  else.  Meanwhile  the  captain  remained 
in  his  cabin  in  a  state  of  idiotism  and  intoxication :  and 
the  lieutenants,  under  command  of  their  senior  brother 
lieutenant,  stood  ready  to  act  for  the  best  as  events  might 
enable  them. 

In  this  state  of  things  we  continued  till  noon,  when, 
to  our  inexpressible  joy,  the  weather  in  some  degree 
moderated,  and  a  vessel  was  seen  standing  in  from  sea 
towards  us.  It  proved  to  be  a  King's  brig :  our  signals 
of  distress  had  been  observed :  she  came  and  anchored 
as  near  as  her  own  safety  would  allow.  It  was  now 
extremely  desirable  that  no  time  should  be  lost  in  send- 
ing a  boat  to  concert  the  best  and  most  prompt  measures 
for  our  immediate  relief  A  consultation  was  held  on 
the  subject;  but  from  the  great  surf  which  still  sur- 
rounded the  wreck,  the  commanding  officer  foresaw  the 
very  imminent  danger  which  must  attend  those  who 
made  the  attempt,  and  therefore  very  humanely  forebore 
to  issue  £uiy  orders,  leaving  it  to  such  as  chose  to  volun- 
4* 


42  THE    RETROSPECT. 

teer  their  services.  Seven  seamen  and  three  officers, 
including  the  captain  of  marines,  had  already  taken  their 
seats  in  the  boat,  when  I  learnt  the  circumstance,  and 
instantly  filled  up  the  remaining  vacant  place. 

All  was  now  ready  for  lowering  us  down  into  the 
angry  waves,  when  the  commander  ordered  me  out  of 
the  boat,  and  gave  my  situation  to  a  stronger  person. 
Filled  with  anger  at  being  singled  out,  and  denied  what 
I  considered  as  my  privilege,  I  quitted  that  part  of  the 
deck,  and  descended  below,  without  staying  to  see  how 
the  others  succeeded.  Here  I  had  not  indulged  my 
sullen  resentment  more  than  five  minutes,  before  I 
learnt,  that  the  instant  the  boat  was  launched  into  the 
water,  one  wave  of  the  breaking  surf  dashed  it  against 
the  ship's  side  and  broke  all  the  oars,  and  a  second  com- 
pletely overwhelmed  them  in  the  deep  to  rise  no  more ! 
This  intelligence  stopped  my  murmuring,  but  it  did 
not  extort  one  sentence  of  thanksgiving,  or  lead  me  to 
see  the  hand  of  God  in  it !  I  merely  thought,  that  as 
things  had  turned  out,  I  was  better  where  I  then  found 
myself ! 

By  four  o'clock  the  boats  were  enabled  to  pass  and 
repass ;  and  before  dark  about  two  hundred  of  the  crew 
were  taken  from  the  wTeck. 

It  may  not  be  improper  to  observe,  that,  as  this  ship 
had  been  but  newly  commissioned,  the  officers  and  men 
were  strangers  to  each  other,  and  could  not,  and  did  not 
feel  any  of  that  personal  respect  for,  and  attachment  to- 
wards each  other  which  happily  sometimes  exists  in  our 
vessels  of  war.  Hence  all  this  desirable  influence  was 
lost  to  the  officers,  while  much  insubordination  was  ex- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  43 

hibited  by  the  seamen  generally  during  the  whole  of 
this  melancholy  event,  the  evils  of  which  were  severely 
felt ;  particularly  when  the  boats,  from  time  to  time, 
came  for  more  men ;  numbers  rushing  into  them  not 
only  obstructed  the  commanding  lieutenant  in  executing 
the  regular  duty,  but  even  endangered  their  own  lives, 
and  actually  prevented  many  more  from  getting  away  in 
the  same  time. 

Not  willing  to  add  to  these  scenes  of  confusion  and 
disorder,  I  kept  back  until  night  began  to  set  in,  and  the 
weather  had  much  changed  for  the  worse.  Two  boats 
were  now  coming  alongside,  evidently  for  the  last  time. 
The  remaining  half  of  the  crew,  more  than  ever 
anxious  to  escape  the  dangers  of  another  night  on  board 
the  wreck,  were  hanging  over  the  side,  if  possible,  to 
gain  a  place.  Few  of  them,  indeed,  could  be  received 
into  two  boats,  yet  every  man  hoped  to  be  amongst  those 
few.  When  I  saw  things  in  this  state,  I  not  only  con- 
sidered it  my  duty  to  make  the  attempt,  in  common  with 
others,  but  regretted  I  had  not  done  it  earlier.  That 
God,  however,  whose  blessing  I  did  not  implore,  was 
pleased  to  favour  me ;  for,  while  numbers  failed,  I  suc- 
ceeded in  leaping  from  the  deck  into  one  of  them,  and 
by  that  means  was  saved.  Having  reached  the  brig  and 
put  the  men  on  board,  I  returned  again  in  the  boat  to 
endeavour  to  obtain  another  cargo  of  passengers ;  but  by 
the  time  we  came  thither,  the  night  and  all  the  harbin- 
gers of  a  storm  had  overtaken  us,  and  so  much  increased 
the  anxiety  of  those  on  board  the  wreck  to  obtain  a  place 
in  this  last  boat,  that  we  were  afraid  to  approach  near 
them,  feeling  certain  that  we  should  all  be  swamped  to- 


44  THE    RETROSPECT. 

gether.  Hence  we  obtained  but  five  individuals,  whom 
with  much  difficulty,  we  conveyed  on  board  the  brig, 
where  we  ourselves  also  continued  for  the  present. 

Those  who  remained  on  the  wreck  passed  such  a 
night  as  none  can  form  any  idea  of  but  they  who  have 
experienced  similar  calamities.  The  sea  continued  to 
beat  and  break  over  them  till  nearly  day-light ;  and 
though  they  had  lashed  themselves  to  the  highest  and 
most  sheltered  parts,  yet  many  were  swept  away  into 
the  sea,  and  many  were  drowned  in  the  wreck ;  inclu- 
ding a  party  vi^ho  had  gained  access  to  a  rum  puncheon, 
and  who  sat  and  deliberately  drank  of  its  contents  until 
they  were  drowned  on  the  spot.  But  it  pleased  the  Lord 
to  send  a  fine  morning,  and  in  the  course  of  the  succeed- 
ing day  the  survivors  were  taken  from  their  miserable 
situation,  and  conveyed  on  board  our  fleet  in  the  Texel. 

As  to  the  state  of  my  mind  while  in   the  N ,  it 

was  such  as  I  know  not  how  to  explain.  It  was  a  mix- 
ture of  something  like  occasional  morality,  with  much 
of  the  reprobate  and  blasphemous  description.  Having 
a  little  turn  for  making  verses,  I  might  be  found  one 
hour  writing  in  a  moral  strain,  and  the  next  giving  a 
loose  to  all  manner  of  profaneness.  The  only  part  of 
my  versified  moral  productions  which  I  now  recollect, 
is  what  I  called  "  The  Sailor's  Prayer."  It  consisted 
of  a  few  petitions  to  the  God  of  the  universe,  to  give  me 
wisdom  and  courage  under  all  the  varieties  of  naval 
duty.     It  ran  thus : — 


May  He  who  rules  the  boundless  whole 
Instruct  my  mind,  enlarge  my  soul, 


THE    RETROSPECT.  45 

And  teach  to  shape  the  trackless  course, 
O'er  distant  seas,  through  current's  force. 
In  night's  dark  gloom,  and  tempest's  howl, 
With  steady  courage  arm  my  soul. 
Not  deaf  to  danger,  but  resigned, 
"Whate'er  his  will,  in  hope  to  find 
A  helper  in  that  solemn  hour, 
When  death  o'er  tars  usurps  his  power. 

Should  sudden  squalls  our  bark  assail 
And  spring  a  mast,  or  split  a  sail, 
May  thy  kind  hand  direct  me  still 
To  act  viy  part  and  do  thy  will ! 
If  launch'd  o'erboard  in  stormy  day, 
Thy  goodness  still  to  me  display, 
As  on  the  briny  wave  I  float. 
To  gain  some  friendly  spar  or  boat. 

Should  lab'ring  pumps  employ  our  care, 
Far,  far  from  me,  O  keep  despair ! 
But  should  thy  wisdom  so  decree, 
That  we  our  bark  no  more  should  free, 
As  down  with  her  I  sink  below, 
A  better  world  my  spirit  show ! 

Such  were  the  strains  of  my  rude  muse  at  times 
when  conscience  struggled  with  sensuality.  But  as  I 
had  not  the  smallest  idea  of  Christianity,  all  my  religious 
notions  amounted  to  nothing  more  than  pure  heathen 
morality,  as  distinct  from  the  doctrines  of  the  Gospel  as 
error  is  from  truth.  Little  did  I  expect  the  calamities 
of  a  second  shipwreck  were  so  near  at  hand  when  I 
wrote  the  above  lines. 

Perhaps  on  examining  the  latter  part  of  this  produc- 
tion the  reader  Avill  say,  the  Lord  had  put  a  prayer  into 
my  heart,  and  words  into  my  mouth,  to  be  brought 
forth  in  the  time  of  approaching  trouble.  No,  my  good- 


46  THE    RETROSPECT. 


was  like  the  morning  cloud,  and  all  my  serious 
thoughts  as  the  early  dew,  or  the  writing  on  the  sea 
shore.  The  first  wave  of  temptation  swept  them  all 
away.  I  can  assure  him,  although  not  more  than  three 
months  could  have  elapsed  between  the  writing  the 
above  prayer  and  my  being  actually  called  to  attend  the 
chain-pumps,  until  they  choked  and  the  ship  was  filled, 
yet  I  do  not  remember  that  I  once  thought  of  it,  or 
oflfered  up  a  single  line  of  its  petitions  throughout  that 
sad  catastrophe !  On  the  contrary,  when  daylight  ap- 
peared, and  our  real  situation  was  known,  I  felt  a  state 
of  mind  bordering  on  despair.  The  gloomy  sky  over 
our  heads,  the  trembling  wreck  under  our  feet,  and  the 
roar  of  the  tempestuous  surf  breaking  around  us,  were 
but  faint  emblems  of  the  agitation  of  my  soul  when  I 
thought  on  death. 

In  the  heat  of  battle  it  is  not  only  possible,  but  easy 
to  forget  death,  and  cease  to  shrink ;  but  in  the  cool  and 
protracted  hours  of  a  shipwreck,  where  there  is  often 
nothing  to  engage  the  mind  but  the  recollection  of  tried 
and  unsuccessful  labours,  and  the  sight  of  unavoidable 
and  increasing  harbingers  of  destruction,  it  is  not  so  easy 
to  forget  ourselves  or  a  future  state.  With  all  my  might 
I  strove  to  shake  off  the  terrors  of  a  guilty  conscience, 
but  could  not.  In  my  distress  I  viewed  the  Almighty 
as  a  dreadful  being :  and  could  I  have  sunk  into  a  state 
of  nothingness,  I  should  have  preferred  it  to  living  in 
his  presence.  I  did  not  love  him ;  I  did  not  think  I 
had  any  claim  or  pretensions  to  his  favour  ;  and  I  could 
not  but  wish  to  escape  his  wrath. 

At  length  the  fe^r  of  that  God,  whom  I  could  neither 


THE    RETROSPECT.  47 

forget  nor  escape,  compelled  me  to  open  my  mouth ; 
but  it  was  not  with  those  of  old  to  say,  "  Lord,  be  mer- 
ciful to  me  a  sinner  !"  "  What  shall  I  do  to  be  saved?" 
or  "  Lord  !  what  wilt  thou  have  me  to  do  ?"  No  !  but 
it  was  to  insult  the  Majesty  of  heaven  with  a  string  of 
proposals  and  promises  ;  how,  on  my  part,  I  would  in 
future  live  and  act,  if  He,  on  his  part,  would  save  me 
from  my  present  danger  !  !  Gracious  God !  why  did 
the  waves  spare  me,  thus  to  add  one  sin  and  presump- 
tion to  another  !  When  thy  merciful  ear  heard  me  pro- 
testing against  a  course  of  life,  of  which  I  no  further 
disapproved  than  as  I  feared  it  might  expose  me  to  thy 
just  anger,  why  didst  thou  not  doom  me  to  that  "  hell 
which  is  moved  from  beneath  to  meet  the  sinner  at  his 
coming  ?" 

Precious  and  adorable  Intercessor !  It  was  thy  plea, 
thy  presence  at  the  right  hand  of  Power,  which  pre- 
vailed to  the  averting  of  that  judgment,  which  other- 
wise must  have  been  poured  out  in  full  vials  of  wrath 
on  one  whose  prayers  were  a  very  abomination  in  the 
sight  of  thine  offended  Father  ! — "  The  heart  of  man  is 
deceitful  above  all  things,  and  desperately  wicked!" 
Yes  !  let  pride  and  ignorance  write  or  say  ever  so  much 
to  the  contrary,  I  have  nothing  more  to  do  than  to  ex- 
amine what  my  own  is,  and  what  it  has  been  ;  and  all 
their  vain  janglings  fall  to  the  ground.  What  else 
could  induce  me,  the  instant  I  was  clear  of  the  wreck, 
to  forget  all  my  vows  and  proposals,  and  to  sing,  with 
others, 

"  Where's  the  tempest  nowl  who  feels  iti 
All  our  cares  are  drown'd  in  wine !" 


48  THE    RETROSPECT. 

And  yet  so  far  was  this  my  conduct  from  being  consid- 
ered an  outrage  against  morality  and  good  order  by  my 
superiors,  that  they  absolutely  showed  me  much  marked 
attention,  and  considered  me  "a-  very  worthy  young 
man  /"  I  mention  this,  lest  any  advocate  for  the  purity 
and  dignity  of  human  nature  should  say  that  I  was  so 
notoriously  reprobate  beyond  others,  as  to  be  no  fair 
specimen  of  the  descendants  of  Adam.  On  the  other 
hand,  that  my  goodness  did  not  make  me  "  meet  to  re- 
ceive or  deserve  grace  of  congruity,"*  will  still  appear 
from  the  sequel  of  my  narrative.! 

*  Art.  XIII.  Of  Works  before  Justification. 

t  Should  the  reader's  curiosity  ask  what  became  of  these  officers, 
to  whose  ignorance  and  misconduct  the  loss  of  this  ship  must  ever 
be  attributed  1  I  reply,  the  master  was  reduced  in  the  list  of  the 
navy,  and  the  captain  was  broke,  and  rendered  incapable  of  ever 
serving  again. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

"  THOU    HAST    MADE    ME    TO    SERVE    WITH    THY    SINS, 
THOU  HAST  WEARIED  ME  WITH  THINE  INIQUITIES." 

Isaiah  xliii.  24. 

Yes,  most  gracious  God !  I  plead  guilty  to  this  thy 
charge ;  I  acknowledge  my  rebellion ;  I  know  I  have 
walked  in  a  way  that  was  not  good ;  I  have  walked  after 
my  own  thoughts,  and  provoked  thee  to  anger  continu- 
ally to  thy  face.  O  that  I  may  henceforth  live  under  the 
abiding  and  increasing  sense  of  thy  long  forbearance  and 
tender  compassion,  and  never,  never  grieve  thy  blessed 
Spirit  more !  Surely,  were  I  in  hell  itself,  I  must  pro- 
claim thee  in  thine  own  words ;  and  while  evil  spirits 
vented  their  execrations,  methinks  I  must  often  cease 
from  my  weeping  and  wailing  to  say,  Nay,  for  "  He  is 
Lord,  the  Lord  God,  merciful  and  gracious,  long-suffer- 
ing,  and  abundant  in  goodness  and  truth,  keeping  mercy 
for  thousands,  forgiving  iniquity,  transgression,  and  sin." 
And  now,  such  of  my  readers  as  are  disposed  to  see  this 
character  of  a  covenant  God  further  exemplified  in  the 
life  of  an  unworthy  fellow-sinner,  must  follow  me  from 
the  German  Ocean  to  the  Mediterranean  Sea,  As  yet 
I  had  never  been  afflicted  with  any  dangerous  illness; 
at  least  I  was  too  young  and  thoughtless  to  consider  the 
small-pox,  measles,  and  a  typhus  fever  as  such,  when  I 
5 


50  THE    RETROSPECT. 

passed  through  them.     But  soon  after  the  E ,  my 

next  ship,  arrived  in  those  seas,  the  garrison  of  Genoa, 
then  in  possession  of  the  French  army,  being  starved 
out,  was  obliged  to  capitulate.  This  event  threw  seve- 
ral hundreds  of  the  half-famished  soldiers  into  our  hands, 
when  a  sudden  change  from  starvation  to  good  living 
produced  several  deaths  among  them,  and  introduced  a 
pestilential  fever  among  ourselves.  Our  ship  was,  in 
consequence,  obliged  to  repair  to  Minorca;  the  sick 
were  put  on  shore  for  refreshment,  and  five  of  the  most 
desperate  cases,  including  myself,  were  left  at  the  hos- 
pital. From  the  hour  of  quitting  the  dreary  wreck 
of  the  N ,  to  that  in  which  I  was  left  at  sick  quar- 
ters, and  became  perfectly  delirious,  I  had  never  employ- 
ed my  reason  or  my  thoughts  on  the  subject  of  my  vows 
and  proposals  of  leading  a  better  life.  Three  years  had 
elapsed  since  I  rushed  from  the  means  of  grace  on 
shore ;  and,  up  to  this  period,  I  had  never  read  one  sen- 
tence of  the  word  of  God.  I  had  gone,  like  Pharaoh, 
from  one  degree  of  hardened  rebellion  to  another,  until 
the  presence  of  the  Lord  seemed  to  be  withdrawn,  and 
Satan  permitted  almost  to  reign  the  undisturbed  possessor 
of  my  heart.  No  remorse  of  conscience,  no  desires  to 
do  better,  no  remembrance  of  former  mercies,  had  for 
some  time  past,  found  place  within  me.  Gracious  God ! 
why  was  I  not  hurried  from  the  ravages  of  a  burning 
fever  into  those  of  a  burning  hell !  Only  because  thou 
art  God,  and  not  man ! 

This  foreign  hospital  was  a  place  where,  as  far  as  I 
can  remember,  no  man  seemed  to  care  for  his  own  soul, 
much  less  for  that  of  his  fellow.     Here  were  no  chris- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  51 

tian  visitors  either  to  instruct  the  ignorant  and  dying,  to 
cheer  the  drooping  spirits  of  the  contrite,  (should  such 
be  there,)  or  to  speak  a  word  of  alarm  to  the  hardened 
impenitent.  Had  one  such  entered  my  apartment,  and 
known  but  so  much  of  my  history  as  has  already  been 
brought  forward,  what  must  his  feelings  have  been! 
From  attending  a  little  while  to  my  incoherent  ravings, 
he  would  have  turned  aside  to  weep,  and  to  say,  "  Alas, 
my  brother !"    Perhaps  he  would  have  soliloquized  over 

my  couch,  and  asked,  "  Is  this  indeed ?  he  who  all 

his  life  long  has  received  mercies  only  to  abuse  them? 

O !  where  are  now  thy  profane  jests,  thy  songs, 

thy  oaths  ?  where  thy  friends  and  companions  in  sin  and 
folly,  thy  dreams  of  honour,  thy  desires  of  renown  ? 
Behold  thy  life  is  drawing  to  its  close  :  thy  mind  is  al- 
ready as  good  as  dead ;  one  only  of  thy  companions  in 
sickness  remains,  but  thou  art  unconscious  of  all ! 
Thou  regardest  not  him  who  is  living,  nor  those  who 
are  committed  to  their  graves.  Alas,  my  brother! 
may  that  God  whose  power  is  almighty,  and  whose 
mercy  is  a  great  deep,  be  more  merciful  to  thee  than 
men  dare  aspire  to  hope."  Indeed,  charity  itself, 
which  continually  hopeth  all  possible  things,  and  re- 
joiceth  in  that  hope,  could  hardly  have  expected  that 
I  should  be  spared  to  add  yet  a  numerous  train  of  offen- 
ces to  the  already  dark  catalogue.  But  the  "  Lord's 
ways  are  not  as  our  ways,  neither  are  his  thoughts  as 
our  thoughts." 

At  the  end  of  ten  or  twelve  days,  when  my  reason 
returned,  I  had  then  just  strength  sufficient  to  cast  my 
eyes  round  the  ward,  to  enquire  after  my  companions, 


52  THE    RETROSPECT. 

to  hear  of  their  death,  and  to  view  my  own  poor  ema- 
ciated frame.  All  I  saw  and  heard  only  distressed  me ; 
I  thought  it  impossible  I  could  recover ;  and  again  the 
subjects  of  death  and  judgment  seized  upon  my  mind  in 
a  way  not  to  be  shaken  off  The  still  quiet  of  a  hospi- 
tal was  favourable  to  meditation.  Here  no  turbulent 
sea  scenes  intruded  to  prevent  reflection,  or  to  divert  the 
mind  from  its  object.  My  thoughts  might,  therefore,  be 
considered  as  more  regular  and  settled  than  they  ever 
yet  had  been.  The  reader  may  here  s>^.e  what  were  the 
hopes  and  fears  of  one,  who,  on  a  bed  of  sickness,  and  in 
the  prospect  of  death,  knew  not  the  only  true  God,  nor 
Jesus  Christ  whom  he  hath  sent.  And  O !  that  some 
poor  deluded  mortal  may,  in  the  review  of  my  case,  be 
led  to  see  a  picture  of  his  own,  and  to  fly  to  that  Saviour, 
of  whom  I  knew  nothing  at  the  period  I  now  allude  to  ! 
For  it  is  but  too  true,  that  many  in  every  parish,  in  every 
ship,  and  in  every  grade  and  rank  of  society,  are  in 
much  the  same  condition.  At  least  I  have  been  sur- 
prised and  distressed  at  the  numbers  I  have,  since  that 
period,  become  acquainted  with,  whose  views  and  hopes 
have  been  an  exact  counterpart  of  these  my  own.  Al- 
though I  was  totally  ignorant  of  the  system  or  plan  of 
salvation  by  grace  through  faith  in  a  crucified  Redeemer, 
I  still  remembered  and  believed  certain  doctrines  and 
historical  facts  of  the  Bible:  such  as  that  there  was  a 
heaven  and  a  hell ;  that  after  death  came  the  judgment ; 
and  that  the  dead  would  be  judged  according  to  the 
things  written  in  the  books  concerning  them;  that  God 
created  and  had  once  destroyed  the  world ;  that  .Tesus 
Christ  was  born  of  a  virgin,  and  suffered  death  at  the 


THE    RETROSPECT.  63 

hands  of  the  Jews,  &c.  But  these  doctrines  and  facts 
brought  no  consolation,  I  still  conceived  of  the  Almighty 
as  a  being  unamiable,  austere,  and  full  of  terror.  I  saw 
nothing,  I  knew  nothing  of  him  as  a  God  who  delight- 
eth  in  mercy.  I  felt  no  desire  after  heaven  for  its  own 
sake ;  for  I  knew  nothing  of  its  nature,  as  revealed  in 
Scripture;  nor  had  I  the  smallest  conception  of  that 
meekness  or  preparation  of  soul  which  is  essential  to- 
wards its  enjoyment.  All  I  can  say  is,  that  some  vague 
notions  floated  in  my  mind  of  its  inhabitants  being 
happy.  But  such  were  my  low  ideas  of  their  felicity, 
that  my  desires  to  join  them  were,  not  that  I  should  be 
filled  with  joy  unspeakable  and  full  of  glory  in  their 
company,  but  that  I  should  be  secure  from  the  punish- 
ments of  hell,  if  I  once  obtained  an  entrance  into  heaven. 
The  point  and  centre  of  all  my  anxiety  was  this :  how 
I  might  make  out  a  case  that  would  pass  the  dread  ex- 
amination, and  secure  me  from  the  wrath  to  come. 
Though  my  conscience  was  too  callous  to  charge  me 
with  any  heinous  sins,  yet,  on  the  whole,  I  thought  God 
was  angry  with  me,  and  that  I  had  not  been  good  enough 
to  be  esteemed  one  of  his  favourites ;  for  I  considered 
that  all  who  went  to  heaven  were  admitted  thither  in 
consequence  of  their  having  deserved  it,  and  that  they 
had,  by  their  own  meritorious  deeds,  made  themselves 
favourites  with  the  Lord  Almighty.  I  could  not,  I  say, 
rank  myself  among  these,  yet  I  never  lost  sight  of  what 
I  had  first  conceived  the  necessity  of  doing,  namely, 
that  of  making  out  my  case  as  fair  as  possible.  To 
this  end  I  looked  within  and  without,  to  muster  together 
all  the  good,  or  rather  supposed  good  things  I  could,  if 
5* 


54  THE    RETROSPECT. 

happily  they  might  become  more  than  a  counterpoise  to 
my  bad  deeds.  Little,  indeed,  could  I  find  to  approve 
of,  though  I  strove  hard  in  the  work,  dissembling  and 
cloaking  my  sins  from  myself,  as  though  the  Searcher 
of  hearts  would  overlook  what  I  endeavoured  to  con- 
ceal ;  as  though  the  sentiments  of  my  Judge  must  ne- 
cessarily run  parallel  with  my  own  ;  and  that  if  I  could 
but  bring  myself  in  not  guilty,  he  would  confirm  the 
sentence.  But  this,  of  course,  was  utter  childishness, 
and  ignorance  of  the  Scriptures,  such  as,  thank  God, 
every  boy  and  girl  now  in  my  Sabbath  school  would 
smile  at ;  but  it  was  the  best  I  then  knew  of  those  im- 
portant things  that  are  to  guide  us  to  an  eternal  world  of 
happiness  or  misery.  O,  lamentable  ignorance !  mel- 
ancholy delusion!  fruitless  labour !  From  my  soul  I 
do  now  pity  that  man  and  woman,  who,  in  the  prospect 
of  death,  lies  deep  in  thought,  in  fixed  and  serious 
thoughts  of  another  world,  and  are  thus  vainly  labour- 
ing to  comfort  themselves,  since  nothing  but  present 
wretchedness  and  future  misery  can  be  the  result. 
When  I  had  thus  foolishly  laboured,  as  it  were,  in  the 
fire,  to  compose  my  mind,  and  had  sometimes  almost 
succeeded  in  deceiving  myself,  suddenly  my  fears  would 
rekindle,  and  again  fill  my  soul  with  ail  the  anxiety,  aris- 
ing from  the  suggestion  :  "  What  if  all  your  good  deeds, 
w^hen  weighed  in  the  balance,  should  be  found  wanting !" 
In  a  few  days  I  borrowed  a  Prayer-book,  and  turning 
from  page  to  page,  read  as  for  hire,  and  thought  I  there- 
by made  myself  better.  But  all  was  comfortless  work  ; 
-my  eyes  ached,  my  hands  trembled,  but  my  anxiety  was 
not  relieved.     At  length  I  came  to  the  Visitation  Ser- 


THE    RETROSPECT,  55 

vice  and  Prayers  for  the  Sick  and  Dying :  and  never 
did  poor  superstitious  monk  work  through  his  beads 
with  more  labour  and  ignorance  than  I  did  through 
these  evangelical  prayers.  Yet  not  a  sentence  broke  on 
my  mind  to  give  the  smallest  light  of  the  Gospel  method 
of  salvation.  "  Wash  his  soul,  we  pray  thee,  in  the 
blood  of  that  immaculate  Lamb  that  was  slain  to  take 
away  the  sins  of  the  world,"  &c.,  with  other  petitions 
of  a  similar  nature,  were  read  over  and  over  again  with- 
out my  discovering  the  least  knowledge  of,  or  being  in 
any  way  struck  with  the  important  doctrine  contained 
in  them.  Not  once  did  I  ask,  whether  my  soul  Avere 
washed  in  that  blood ;  not  once  did  I  enquire  why  it 
needed  to  be  washed.  The  fact  is,  I  had  not  the  smallest 
conception  either  of  the  thing  itself,  or  of  the  necessity 
of  a  personal  interest  in  it.  All  my  hopes  rested  on  my 
own  worthiness:  all  my  disquietude  arose  from  the  fear 
of  punishment,  not  from  a  hatred  of  sin,  or  a  sense  of 
the  much  abused  mercy  of  a  good  and  gracious  God. 
And  no  sooner  did  my  strength  begin  to  return,  than 
my  terrors  and  my  readings  were  gradually  lost  sight  of; 
until  at  the  end  of  one  month,  I  rejoined  the  ship  as 
ignorant  of  myself  and  divine  things  as  when  I  left  her, 
though,  perhaps,  with  somewhat  more  of  a  tender  con- 
science and  teachableness  of  mind. 

But  the  time  drew  near  when  a  ray  of  light  was  to 

dawn  on  a  benighted  soul.     My  friend.  Captain  W , 

was  blessed  with  a  pious  daughter,  who,  on  the  father's 
quitting  home  to  command  this  ship,  had  put  up  Bur- 
ders  Village  Sermons  in  his  trunk,  with  the  hope,  and 
no  doubt  with  the  prayer,  that  they  might  not  go  forth 


56  THE    RETROSPECT. 

in  vain.  That  hope,  as  it  respected  the  poor  thought- 
less father,  was  not  realized.  I  knew  him  well :  I  saw 
him  die.  He  quitted  this  world  in  much  the  same  state 
as  many  thousands  of  our  more  decent  characters  de- 
part, ignorant  of  his  own  heart  and  of  the  spirituality 
of  the  divine  law.  There  were  no  bonds,  neither  were 
there  any  hopes  in  his  death.  But,  although  these 
little  volumes  lay  unread  by  him  for  whom  they  were 
principally  intended,  the  good  providence  of  God  direct- 
ed them  to  me,  and  commissioned  them  to  dispel  a  por- 
tion of  mental  darkness,  and  to  show  me  "  that  God  so 
loved  the  world,  that  he  gave  his  only  begotten  Son, 
that  whosoever  believeth  on  him  might  not  perish,  but 
have  everlasting  life!"  The  sermon  on  the  conversion 
of  the  Philippian  Jailor,  Acts  xvi.  30,  31.  "Sirs,  what 
must  I  do  to  be  saved?"  and  they  said,  "Believe  on  the 
Lord  Jesus  Christ,  and  thou  shalt  be  saved,"  was  the 
first  discourse  that  ever  broke  on  my  mind  so  as  to  im- 
part one  distinct  and  scriptural  ray  of  the  plan  of  salva- 
tion. Amazed  and  confounded  at  my  former  ignorance, 
I  felt  some  thankfulness  that  the  Lord  had  not  called  me 
hence  in  my  former  heathen  creed ;  for  I  now  saw  that 
there  must  be  a  peace-maker  to  stand  between  offending 
man  and  an  offended  God.  Yet  there  was  a  strange 
veil  still  over  my  eyes.  For,  notwithstanding  I  read 
the  two  volumes  attentively,  and  also  turned  often  to  the 
Bible,  I  continued  ignorant  of  many  essential  truths. 
The  natural  and  universal  depravity  of  the  human 
heart,  the  necessity  of  regeneration,  and  the  insufficien- 
cy of  man  to  will  or  perform  any  thing  truly  good  of 
himself,  were  doctrines  I  saw  no  more  of  than  a  heathen : 


•THE    RETROSPECT.  57 

and  as  to  the  offices  and  work  of  the  Holy  Ghost,  as  a 
convincing,  comforting,  teaching,  and  sanctifying  Spirit, 
I  might  be  truly  said  not  to  know  any  thing  of  the 
matter.  Confused  and  limited  as  my  knowledge  of  the 
christian  system  was,  I  soon  became  proud  of  it,  and 
even  considered  it  as  that  faith  spoken  of  in  the  Scrip- 
tures, and  treated  of  in  the  sermons  I  had  read.  But, 
alas,  as  this  was  only  a  small  accession  of  scriptural  in- 
formation, it  did  not  purify  my  heart,  or  work  by  love. 
Indeed,  with  the  exception  of  having  left  off  swearing, 
and  ridiculing  of  religion,  my  practice  was  much  the 
same  as  before  ;  and,  as  conscience  did  its  work  a  little 
more  faithfully,  my  life  was  only  more  wretched.  Sin- 
ning, and  vowing  against  committing  sin,  repenting  and 
transgressing,  and  transgressing  and  repenting,  made  up 
the  round  of  most  of  my  days  and  months  during  the 
three  years  I  was  abroad.  My  companions  often  thought 
me  happy ;  I  knew  myself  to  be  miserable.  During 
this  period  many  visible  providential  mercies  fell  to  my 
lot.  Our  ship  was  twice  nearly  set  on  fire,  and  on  both 
occasions  I  was  greatly  instrumental  in  overcoming  this 
most  aAvful  of  all  maritime  calamities.  Nay,  in  the  last 
instance,  I  was  the  sole  and  timely  instrument.  It  was 
on  a  Sunday.  We  were  lying  in  Malta  harbour  ;  and 
as  almost  all  the  officers  and  crew  were  either  on  shore 
or  upon  the  upper  deck  I  had  embraced  the  opportu- 
nity of  sitting  down  to  read  the  Bible :  and  being  near 
the  spot  where  the  fire  burst  out,  I  was  enabled,  though 
almost  at  the  expense  of  suffocation,  to  throw  a  quantity 
of  water  on  it,  and  to  extinguish  what,  in  five  minutes, 
would  have  so  filled  the  lower  part  of  the  ship  with 


58  THE    RETROSPECT. 

smoke,  and  have  so  extended  itself,  as  to  baffle  human 
efforts.  As  it  was,  the  danger  was  past  by  the  time 
the  alarmed  crew  began  to  descend  with  a  view  of  com- 
bating it.  Thrice  after  my  return  from  the  hospital, 
our  people  were  visited  with  pestilential  diseases  which 
proved  fatal  to  many,  and  more  than  once  or  twice  we 
narrowly  escaped  shipwreck  ;  besides  sharing  in  all  the 
vicissitudes  of  seasons  and  services  mentioned  in  "  Col- 
lins's  Voyages  to  Portugal.  Spain,  Sicily,  Malta,  Asia 
Minor,  Egypt,  &c.  &c."  as  our  ship  was  frequently  in 
company  with  the  Dolphin,  employed  in  the  same 
branch  of  service,  visited  most  of  the  places,  and  shared 
in  the  same  perils,  which  are  related  of  that  vessel  du- 
ring the  last  three  years  of  her  continuance  in  those  seas.* 
Had  I  been  blessed  with  a  serious  friend,  I  might, 
through  divine  mercy,  have  become  more  decidedly  a 
Christian ;  but  such  a  privilege  I  as  yet  had  never  en- 
joyed. On  the  contrary,  my  messmates,  and  every  offi- 
cer in  the  ship,  were  not  only  ignorant  of  God,  but 
seemingly  vied  with  each  other  in  sin.  When  I  could 
get  on  shore  alone,  I  generally  fell  into  a  reflecting 
mood,  and  often  enjoyed  a  solitary  ramble  on  the  banks 
of  the  Nile,  or  the  shores  of  Cyprus  and  ancient  Crete, 
and  felt  desirous  of  hearing  what  these  places  once 
heard,  and  of  seeing  what  their  inhabitants  once  saw. 
But  the  first  hour  that  returned  me  to  my  companions 
drove  all  these  thoughts  away.  The  superb  magnifi- 
cence and  solemn  state  of  the  Roman  Catholic  churches 

*  The  pious  author  of  these  Voyages  is  now  dead ;  but  I  gladly 
embrace  this  opportunity  of  recommending  his  little  book  as  an 
interesting  christian  narrative  of  facts. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  59 

Struck  me  with  awe.  Though  I  felt  certain  they  were 
the  temples  of  corrupt  and  superstitious  worshippers,  yet 
I  fell  into  a  pleasing  melancholy,  whenever  I  could  pace 
their  aisles  undisturbed  and  unseen.  But  I  think  the 
worshippers  of  the  impostor  Mahomet  struck  my  vain 
mind  with  more  solemnity  than  any  other  people.  Proud 
as  I  was  of  my  better  creed,  yet  their  practice  put  me  to 
the  blush,  whenever  I  saw  them  prostrate  on  the  earth, 
absorbed  in  their  devotions,  and  utterly  regardless  of  the 
eyes  and  the  opinions  of  others.  Many,  indeed,  were 
the  striking  objects  which  at  different  times  and  places 
continued  to  present  themselves  to  the  eye,  as  well  as  to 
the  mind,  during  our  long  and  roving  services  in  the 
Mediterranean.  For  the  christian  and  classic  reader  is 
well  aware  that  we  could  scarcely  pass  the  shores  of 
any  country,  or  approach  the  shelter  of  any  harbour, 
whose  present  or  past  history  did  not  powerfully  admo- 
nish us  to  consider  the  instability  of  all  earthly  things. 
On  many  of  these  occasions  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  cer- 
tainly strove  with  me,  although  I  knew  it  not  at  the 

time. Yes ;  it  was  undoubtedly  that  unknown  still 

small  voice,  which  sometimes  made  me  thus  converse 
with  myself:  Where  is  the  ancient  wisdom,  and  where 
all  the  once  boasted  greatness  of  Egypt?  Where  the 
splendour  of  its  Alexandria,  the  pomp  and  luxury  of  its 
Canopus,  and  the  glory  of  its  Pharaohs  ?  Where  is 
Tyre,  and  where  is  Carthage?  Where  the  seven 
churches  planted  by  the  apostles  ?  Where  the  pure 
knowledge  and  holy  practice  they  once  inculcated? 
Gone — some  few  broken  fragments  of  the  one,  and  some 
few  eclipsed  remains  of  the  other,  are  indeed  to  be  found; 


60  THE    RETROSPECT. 

but  their  glory  is  departed,  and  their  very  remembrace 
is  likely  to  perish  from  off  the  earth !" 

But  Sicily  and  its  volcano,  its  ruins  and  its  neigh- 
bouring coast,  displayed  too  much  of  the  grand  opera- 
tions of  nature,  and  of  the  awful  visitations  of  God,  to 
pass  unnoticed  even  by  a  more  thoughtless  being  than 
myself 

It  was  impossible  to  stand  on  the  shores  of  Messina 
without  feeling  some  awe  in  the  contemplation  of  sur- 
rounding objects.  If  the  eye  turned  southward,  it  beheld 
the  towering  summit  of  Mount  ^tna,  pouring  forth  its 
clouds  of  smoke,  and  occasionally  emitting  the  vivid 
flame;  and  when  it  retired  to  survey  nearer  objects,  it 
saw  in  many  places  little  else  than  melancholy  ruins  of 
what  had  once  been  the  habitations  of  men,  the  cham- 
bers in  which  the  tabret  and  the  pipe,  the  viol  and  the 
harp  had  sounded — the  ruins  of  whole  ranges  of  build- 
ings, whose  lofty  tops  many  years  ago  caught  and  re- 
flected the  first  rays  of  that  day's  sun,  who  before  he 
went  down  saw  the  convulsive  earthquake  hurl  them 
into  their  present  forlorn  and  prostrate  state,  beheld  the 
sea  cast  its  waves  on  the  unresisting  shore,  and  sweep 
its  crowded  and  despairing  people  into  one  common 
grave. 

My  then  confused  and  scanty  knowledge  of  the  hu- 
man heart  will  account  for  my  surprise  and  perplexity, 
when,  standing  by  these  ruins,  thoughtful  and  distressed, 
I  saw  the  natives  pass  and  repass,  utterly  unmindful  of 
the  scenes  which  so  much  engaged  my  attention.  Surely, 
I  said  to  myself,  these  people  are  stupid  and  hardened 
in  the  extreme,  who  can  every  day  behold  yonder  vol- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  61 

cano,  and  every  day  live  in  the  very  midst  of  these 
ruins,  and  yet  every  day  take  the  lead  in  all  manner  of 
sin! 

Alas !  poor  moralizer !  thou  couldst  see  the  mote  in 
thy  brother's  eye,  but  thou  didst  not  discern  the  beam  in 
thine  own  ;  otherwise  thou  wouldest  have  ceased  to 
marvel  at  the  Sicilian's  indiiference,  and  have  asked 
thyself  how  it  was  that  these  reflections  on  God  and  his 
judgments  could  vanish  from  thine  own  mind  the  in- 
stant the  objects  which  gave  rise  to  them  were  with- 
drawn from  thy  sight ! 

What  greatly  assisted  to  dissipate  serious  reflections 
from  my  mind  was  the  several  active  duties  I  generally 
had  to  perform,  and  in  the  bustle  of  which  I  took  so 
much  delight ;  especially,  as  I  was  for  the  last  two  years 
we  were  abroad  directed  by  the  captain  to  do  lieutenant's 
duty  both  at  sea  and  in  port.  This  was  undoubtedly 
a  great  help  towards  increasing  my  professional  know- 
ledge, but  it  made  me  very  vain  and  worldly-minded. 

While  I  pass  over  many  occurrences  in  silence,  there 
is  one  which  I  cannot  but  -notice ;  it  took  place  a  few 
weeks  after  my  becoming  acquainted  with  the  Village 
Sermons.  Sitting  alone,  and,  for  the  first  time,  reading 
the  Pilgrim's  Progress,  I  felt  much  interested;  and 
though  I  understood  but  little  of  its  spiritual  import,  I 
made  a  general  application  of  it  to  myself  I  considered 
life  as  a  journey,  beset  with  innumerable  dangers,  and 
myself  as  a  traveller  surrounded  by  so  many  and  great 
difficulties,  that  I  deemed  it  almost  impossible  but  I 
must  one  day  fall  under  them,  and  never  reach  the  ce- 
lestial city.  It  was  no  trifling  season.  I  closed  the 
6 


62  THE    RETROSPECT. 

book,  and  for  the  first  time  in  my  life  wept  over  myself 
as  a  sinner  exposed  to  much  spiritual  evil  and  many  pe- 
culiar snares.  Then  it  was  I  experienced  what  some 
may  condemn  as  enthusiasm,  but  what  I  at  this  day 
humbly  hope  was  the  still  small  voice  of  God.*  While 
weeping  over  my  forlorn  condition,  these  words,  "  I  will 
never  leave  thee  nor  forsake  thee^^  were  impressed  on 
my  mind  with  such  a  distinctness  and  power,  that,  had 
a  voice  pronounced  them,  they  could  not  have  been  re- 
ceived more  distinctly.  I  had  then  never  seen  or  read 
them  to  my  knowledge,  but  from  that  instant  I  felt  con- 
fident they  were  a  part  of  Holy  Writ,  and  conceived 
some  hopes  of  their  being  sent  as  an  assurance  of  the 
Lord's  mercy  and  goodness  to  me.  And  will  the  Al- 
mighty never  leave,  never  forsake  me  ?  I  said  to  myself. 
The  thought  filled  my  eyes  and  my  heart,  as  they  had 
never  been  filled  before,  and  as  I  cannot  describe  to 
others. — But  O  what  a  base  ungrateful  wretch  did  I 
soon  prove! — The  world  and  its  honours — the  flesh 
and  its  lusts — the  devil  and  his  wiles,  shortly  united  to 
quench  this  ray  of  the  Spirit ;  and  they  but  too  well 
succeeded !  On  our  voyage  home  I  could  not  forget 
that  more  than  six  years  had  elapsed  since  I  turned  my 
back  on  the  Lord's  house,  and  all  the  mercies  of  a  quiet 
family.  And  I  knew  also,  that  often  during  the  last 
two  years  of  our  abode  in  the  Mediterranean,  I  had 
pleased  myself  with  the  thought  of  attending  his  courts 
if  I  lived  to  return.  But  when  that  event  really  took  place, 
and  some  favorable  opportunities  did  offer,  I  neglected 
them  all,  gave  myself  to  the  service  of  Satan,  and  pol- 
luted the  Lord's  Sabbaths,  seeking  my  own  pleasure. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  63 

and  doing  my  own  will.     Such  was  the  state  of  things 

when  the  E was  put  out  of  commission,  and  I 

joined  the  D ,  to  offend  still  more,  and  to  receive 

yet  greater  mercies. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

"god  speaketh  once,  yea  twice,  yet  man  PER- 

CEIVETH  IT  NOT." — JoB  XXxiii,  14. 

Alas!  poor  sinful,  wretched,  rebel  man!  Little 
does  it  avail  that  some  pronounce  great  things  in  thy 
praise ;  little  does  it  change  the  nature  of  things,  though 
they  "  spend  all  their  powers  of  rant  and  rhapsody"  in 
eulogies  of  moral  rectitude !  "  All  is  but  the  tinkling 
cymbal  and  high-sounding  brass;  smitten  in  vain!" 
For  thy  Maker's  voice  is  disregarded.  He  who  formed 
thee  from  the  womb,  proclaims,  "Although  the  ox 
knows  his  owner,  and  the  ass  his  master's  crib,  Israel 
does  not  know,  his  people  do  not  consider."  They  con- 
sider neither  his  calls  of  mercy  nor  his  voice  of  judg- 
ment, but  are  ever  disposed  "  to  revolt  more  and  more, 
seeing  the  whole  head  is  sick,  the  whole  heart  faint." 

Do  any  of  my  readers  doubt  this  Bible  statement  ? 
Let  them  look  abroad ;  let  them  "  examine  themselves 
truly ;"  or  let  them  peruse  these  brief  memorials  of  a 
fitranger ;  and  the  result  will  be,  a  conviction  that  "  the 
heart  is  deceitful  above  all  things,  and  desperately 
wicked." 

It  was  in  May,  1803,  when  we  returned  to  England. 
The  short  peace  of  Amiens  had  then  expired,  and  war 
again  sounded  the  alarm,  and  we  were  instantly  directed 


THE    RETROSPECT.  65 

to  prepare  to  face  our  enemies,  when  we  had  been  cal- 
culating on  returning  to  our  friends.  As  honour  and 
glory,  falsely  so  called,  were  then  my  idols,  I  rather  re- 
joiced at  this  circumstance ;  and  especially  so  when  I 
obtained  a  situation  under  one  of  our  very  influential  and 
first-rate  officers.  Most  striking  were  the  leadings  of 
Providence  in  bringing  me  under  this  officer's  com- 
mand and  patronage,  although,  at  that  time,  I  saw  but 
little  of  the  hand  of  God  in  them.  Indeed,  the  world 
was  now  so  completely  my  object,  that,  notwithstanding 
the  tender  mercies  of  a  heavenly  Father  had  watched 
over  and  returned  me  in  health  to  my  "  long  lost  native 
shore,"  he  was  seldom  in  my  thoughts:  I  reflected  not 
on  the  thousands  who  once  sailed  with  me,  but  whose 
carcasses  had  fallen  in  distant  lands,  or  been  ingulfed  in 
the  ocean,  while  I  had  been  preserved.  Nay,  when  his 
gracious  providence  had  again  prospered  my  way,  and 
given  me  a  few  opportunities  of  attending  his  house  of 
prayer,  I  not  only  neglected  to  embrace  them,  but,  as 
was  observed  in  the  conclusion  of  the  last  chapter,  I  de- 
voted these  seasons  to  the  service  of  Satan,  and  polluted 
his  Sabbaths  by  seeking  my  own  pleasure,  and  doing 

my  own  will.     In  the  D I  found  a  large  and  gay 

society  of  young  men,  whose  only  object,  like  my  own, 
was  to  obtain  "that  honour  which  cometh  from  man  ;" 
and  happy  and  enviable  was  his  lot  esteemed  who  out- 
stripped his  competitors  in  the  ardent  race.  The  world 
caressed  me,  and  I  gave  it  my  heart.  My  practice  as  a 
Christian  became  more  lax  :  I  gave  way  to  furious  an- 
gry passion  :  sought  my  happiness  in  the  smiles  of  man; 
and  more  and  more  forgat  God.  Who,  then,  will  be 
6* 


66  THE    RETROSPECT. 

surprised  to  hear,  that  my  little  scriptural  light  became 
darkness ;  or,  that  on  my  having  grieved  and  quenched 
the  blessed  Spirit,  Satan  should  be  again  permitted  to 
exert  great  power  over  me !  I  shudder  at  the  recollec- 
tion of  this  period !  Merciful  God ;  well  might  thy  bles- 
sed Son  declare  that  the  things  which  are  highly 
esteemed  among  men  are  abomination  to  thee — in  my 
own  case  I  know  it  must  have  been  so.* 

Such  was  the  determined  manner  in  which  I  went 
through  all  the  boisterous  duties  of  my  station,  that  I 
was  appointed  to  head  a  party  of  the  boarders  in  time  of 
action,  and  also  to  command  a  company  of  men  selected 
to  combat  and  extinguish  fire  whenever  it  might  occur 
in  the  ship.     In  short,  I  left  my  companions  at  a  dis- 

*  The  writer  wishes  it  to  be  clearly  understood,  that  no  part 
of  his  own  irregularity  could  be  ascribed  to  the  want  of  good  order 
and  discipline  on  board  this  ship.  Captain  H —  (who  lately  de- 
parted this  life  a  titled  admiral,  and  justly  honoured  by  his  sove- 
reign) was  too  good  an  officer,  and  too  moral  a  man,  to  suffer  any 
to  trifle  in  his  presence,  either  with  their  public  duties,  or  the  sa- 
cred name  and  things  of  God.  Wherever  he  conceived  that  he 
found  merit,  there  he  promoted  it  to  the  utmost  of  his  power ;  and 
if  his  ship  had  not  a  pious  chaplain  on  board,  it  was  not  his  fault. 
He  watched  over  the  conduct  of  those  young  men  more  immedi- 
ately under  his  care,  with  the  vigilant  eye  of  an  intelligent  father; 
and  formed  the  character  and  sent  forth  not  a  few  who  at  this 
day  are  officers  high  in  rank  and  respectability  in  the  service. 
Had  all  commanders  of  his  Majesty's  ships  and  vessels  of  war 
been  like  him,  perhaps  the  writer  would  this  day  have  been  very 
differently  employed  to  what  he  now  is :  but  be  that  as  it  may,  so 
long  as  reason  and  memory  maintain  their  empire,  so  long  will 
the  name  and  remembrance  of  Sir  G.  H.  be  honoured  and  respect« 
ed  by  him. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  67 

tance,  carried  all  before  me,  and  was  among  the  very 
first  who  received  promotion  from  the  commander-in- 
chief  after  the  close  of  the  battle  of  Trafalgar,  in  which 
the  D took  no  minor  part. 

Ours  being  one  of  the  only  three  ships  which  saved 
and  carried  into  port  their  captured  enemies,  I  was  sent 
on  board  the  ship  that  struck  to  us  to  assist  in  taking 
her  to  Gibraltar,  where  we  had  scarcely  arrived,  before 

the  D came  in,  and  my  kind  captain  put  into  my 

hands  a  lieutenant's  commission  from  Lord  CoUingvvoodj 
and  a  purse  of  doubloons  as  my  share  of  some  prizes 
lately  captured ;  then  wishing  me  all  future  good  suc- 
cess, he  left  me  to  repair  on  board  the  C r,  to  which 

ship  I  was  appointed. 

Thus  did  the  world,  or  rather  the  providence  of  God 
smile  upon  me ;  men  applauded  my  conduct,  but  I  am 
sure  that  God  condemned  it.  He  was  not  as  yet  in  ail 
or  any  of  my  thoughts  as  the  chief  good ;  the  glory  of 
his  name  was  not  my  motive  of  action ;  nor  was  his 
word  my  rule  of  conduct.  But  amidst  all  the  dangers 
and  mercies,  the  bustle  and  delusive  smiles  with  which 
I  was  surrounded,  I  was  far  from  being  happy,  either 
before  or  after  my  promotion.  The  Lord  did  not  suffer 
my  conscience  to  become  wholly  callous,  and  every  day 
I  did  more  than  sufficient  to  wound  its  feelings  and  raise 
its  voice.  Nothing  short  of  the  preventing  mercies  of 
God  kept  me  from  destroying  myself  and  others  in  my 
paroxysms  of  anger  and  passion.  Once  I  so  nearly 
brought  on  an  apoplectic  fit,  as  to  turn  giddy,  become 
speechless,  stagger,  and  almost  fall  on  the  deck;  and 
often  has  this  unworthy  hand  levelled  a  poor  offending 


bo  THE    RETROSPECT. 

fellow-mortal  at  my  feet  on  a  trifling  occasion.  No 
marvel  then,  that,  when  I  retreated  to  my  cabin,  I  was 
wretched  in  the  review  of  my  conduct. 

Turning  back  again  to  the  time  previous  to  the  battle 

of  Trafalgar,  and  while  I  was  serving  in  the  D ,  I 

must  now  observe  that  the  enemy  assaulted  me  with  the 
weapons  of  deism ;  doubts  upon  doubts,  and  one  cavil 
after  another,  rushed  on  the  mind,  and  induced  me  to 
call  the  whole  authority  of  Scripture  in  question.  Did 
the  eternal  Author  of  all  being,  indeed,  give  his  only 
begotten  Son  to  be  the  propitiation  for  sinners  ?  was  a 
question  frequently  suggested  to  my  mind.  I  left  off 
reading  the  Bible,  and  reasoned  after  the  wisdom  of  man. 
Viewing  the  universe  through  the  medium  of  recent 
astronomical  discoveries,  I  beheld  systems  of  worlds 
rising  above  each  other  in  an  innumerable  multitude,  and 
almost  lost  sight  of  our  globe,  as  an  atom  in  the  vast 
field  of  creation.  My  belief  was  staggered  at  the  price 
said  to  have  been  paid  for  the  redemption  of  this  atom, 
and  I  foolishly  asked,  what  or  who  must  redeem  the 
millions  of  others  ?*  The  sight  of  the  rainbow  was,  for 
some  months,  the  constant  introduction  to  these  sceptical 
reasonings :  in  it  I  conceived  I  had  found  out  an  unde- 
niable instance  of  priestcraft,  merely  because  I  could 
describe  how  natural  causes  produce  that  beautiful 
effect.!     O  Scepticism!  thou  destroyer  of  man's  peace, 

*  In  the  fifth  chapter  of  Fuller's  "  Gospel  its  own  Witness," 
there  is  an  admirable  answer  to  this  objection. 

t  "Whether  during  the  age  of  the  ante-dilu^dan  world  rain  de- 
scended in  its  present  usual  form  of  showers,  or  whether  the 
whole  face  of  the  ground  continued  to  be  watered  by  a  mist  going 


THE    RETROSPECT.  69 

thy  chain,  I  can  say  from  experience,  is  hard  to  be 
borne.  No  part  of  my  life  was  more  truhf  unhafpy 
than  this,  in  which  I  called  in  question  the  authority 
of  revelation.  I  dreaded  my  own  sentiments,  yet  conti- 
nued to  indulge  them.  I  trembled  at  my  creed,  though 
I  tried  to  hold  it  fast.  Strange  and  miserable  infatua- 
tion !  Happy  for  me,  no  disciples  of  modern  infidelity, 
nor  any  of  their  pernicious  works,  had  yet  fallen  in  my 
way,  or  I  should  probably  have  declared  at  once  for  the 
doctrines  of  Paine's  Age  of  reason,  &c.    Since  that  time 

up  from  it,  as  specified  in  Genesis  ii.  6.  and  consequently,  whe- 
ther the  bow  did  or  did  not  appear  before  the  flood,  is  not  worth 
our  staying  to  conjecture  or  enquire.  One  thing  is  clear  to  the 
inteUigent  mind,  that  the  colours  are  the  natural  effect  of  a  well- 
known  cause,  and  as  such  the  bow  contains  no  more  of  the  finger 
of  God  than  any  other  portion  of  his  works.  But  in  the  then 
pride  and  ignorance  of  my  heart,  I  did  not  once  ask  who  esta- 
blished and  gave  laws  to  nature ;  nor  did  I  once  reflect  on  the  di- 
vine condescension,  thus  stooping  to  give  a  promise  of  safety  to 
offending  men,  and  ratifying  this  promise  anew  whenever  they 
behold  this  seal  or  natural  sign  in  the  cloud.  Had  it  pleased  the 
Lord  to  appoint  any  other  part  of  his  natural  and  visible  works 
(for  instance,  every  new  or  full  moon,  or  every  eclipse)  as  a  re- 
membrancer of  the  deluge,  and  of  our  safety  from  its  recurrence, 
his  goodness  would  have  been  equally  conspicuous,  though  the 
sign  itself  would  not  have  been  so  appropriate,  so  striking  to  the 
outward  senses,  as  that  of  the  glowing  bow ;  because  it  is  only 
when  the  sky  is  darkened  with  storms,  and  the  torrents  are  de- 
scending to  moisten,  but  not  to  destroy  the  earth,  that  this  gra- 
cious and  beautiful  token  appears.  What  time,  then  so  appropri- 
ate— what  part  of  all  nature's  productions  so  suited  to  confirm  a 
merciful  promise  that  the  earth  shall  no  more  be  destroyed  by  a 
flood '?  O  !  the  wisdom  and  goodness  of  God,  in  giving  the  pro- 
mise, and  in  selecting  such  a  memorial  of  its  continuance ! 


70  THR    RETROSPECT. 

I  have  read  some  of  their  vain  philosophy,  their  proud 
and  blasphemous  reasonings,  and  have  been  much  struck 
at  the  similarity  of  their  cavils  and  my  own.  Nay,  I 
have  seen  their  objections  clothed  in  the  very  shape  in 
which  Satan  formerly  suggested  them  to  my  mind; 
and  hence  I  knew  who  had  taught  them.  May  the 
Lord  change  their  hearts,  and  preserve  all  mankind 
from  their  destructive  opinions  and  principles. 


"Ah  me  !  the  laurell'd  wreath  that  murder  rears, 
Blood-nurs'd  and  water'd  by  the  widow's  tears, 
Seems  not  so  foul,  so  tainted,  and  so  dread, 
As  waves  the  night-shade  round  the  sceptic's  head. 
What  is  the  bigot's  torch,  the  tyrant's  chain  1 
I  smile  at  death,  if  heaven-born  hope  remain ! 
But  if  the  warring  winds  of  nature's  strife 
Be  all  the  faithless  charter  of  my  life ; 
If  chance  awaked,  inexorable  power, 
This  frail  and  feverish  being  of  an  hour ; 
Doom'd  o'er  the  world's  precarious  scene  to  sweep, 
Swift  as  the  tempest  travels  on  the  deep, 
To  know  dehght  but  by  her  parting  smile, 
And  toil  and  wish,  and  weep  a  little  while ; 
Then  melt,  ye  elements,  that  form'd  in  vain, 
This  troubled  pulse  and  visionary  brain ! 
Fade,  ye  wild  flowers,  memorials  of  my  doom, 
And  sink,  ye  stars,  that  light  me  to  the  tomb !" 

Campbell. 

But  blessed  be  God,  things  are  not  so  There  is  a 
Gospel  of  peace  given  unto  man ;  and  in  its  hallowed 
pages  life  and  immortality  are  brought  to  light.  O 
blessed  Bible !  may  thy  doctrines  and  promises  continue 
to  cheer  and  support  me  and  all  the  believing  servants 


THE    RETROSPECT.  71 

of  God  throug-h  this  vale  of  tears ;  for  I  know  by  expe- 
rience, that  the  Assyrians,  the  Jarebs  of  this  world,  can- 
not heal  a  troubled  mind,  nor  cure  a  wounded  spirit. 

During  this  period  of  scepticism,  I  remember  being 
one  evening  below,  and  more  than  usually  struck  with 
dread  at  the  thought  of  such  consequences  as  must 
follow  a  denial  of  the  Bible,  should  it,  after  all, 
prove  to  be  the  revealed  will  of  God.  In  this  per- 
plexity and  distress  I  knelt  down  by  the  side  of  a 
cannon  which  occupied  one  side  of  my  cabin,  and  ex- 
claimed, "  Lord,  show  me  whether  the  Bible  is  truth  or 
falsehood;"  and  once  more  I  had  words  suggested  to 
my  mind  with  as  much  power  and  distinctness,  as  those 
recorded  in  the  former  chapter ;  but  assuredly  from  a 
different  source.  The  former  I  then  believed^  and  still 
do  believe,  were  from  the  Spirit  of  God,  encouraging 
me  to  hope  and  persevere  in  christian  duty ;  while  this 
was  evidently  from  the  spirit  of  evil  to  distress  and  per- 
plex me.  The  words  now  suggested  were  these, 
"  What  a  fool  you  are  to  suppose  that  the  Almighty 
will  regard  such  a  request,  or  attend  to  anything  you  say." 

Whatever  the  reader  may  think,  I  can  assure  him 
that  the  force  with  which  these  words  were  suggested 
to  or  impressed  on  the  mind,  was  such  as  I  shall  never 
forget,  and  such  as  at  that  moment  actually  startled  and 
induced  me  to  rise  from  my  knees,  and  say,  "  Yes,  it  is 
indeed  gross  folly  for  me  to  encourage  any  such  thought 
as  that  the  Almighty  will  either  attend  to  or  regard  me." 
I  then  went  on  deck,  and  for  a  considerable  time  en- 
deavoured to  forget  the  subject  of  the  Scriptures  alto- 
gether. 


72  THE    RETROSPECT. 

To  the  best  of  my  recollection,  this  sceptical  state  of 
mind  lasted  about  half  a  year,  when  I  gradually  re- 
turned to  reading  the  Bible  (if  it  may  be  called  reading  ;) 
for  no  sooner  had  the  Lord  driven  Satan  from  this  post, 
than  he  attacked  me  from  another.  No  longer  able  to 
make  me  deny  the  Scriptures,  he  endeavoured  to  pre- 
vent my  reading  them,  and  this  he  did  by  injecting  the 
most  vile  and  horrid,  the  most  impure  and  abominable 
thoughts  into  my  mind  whenever  I  opened  that  blessed 
book.  It  is  utterly  impossible  that  a  second  person 
can  conceive  to  what  length  this  perplexing  snare  was 
carried.  Many  a  time  did  I  shut  up  the  Bible,  as  the 
only  way  of  getting  clear  of  what  made  me  detest  my- 
self; for  I  found,  that  whenever  I  left  off  reading,  I 
was  delivered  from  these  abominable  thoughts.  So  lit- 
tle did  I  know  of  Satan's  devices,  of  my  own  heart,  or 
of  the  way  to  escape  the  evils  of  the  one  or  the  other. 
While  these  conflicts  were  passing  within  my  mind,  and 
while  I  was  sinning  on  deck  and  repenting  below, 
making  resolutions,  and  breaking  them  faster  and  faster, 
the  Lord  sent  me  one  very  striking  personal  call  to  turn 
and  consider  the  madness  of  my  ways. 

Having  anchored  off  the  coast  of  Suffolk,  a  party 
went  on  shore  to  shoot  wild  fowl.  We  had  returned  to 
the  beach,  and  were  waiting  the  arrival  of  the  boat. 
The  roar  of  noisy  mirth  had  ceased,  and  I  was  at  length 
become  thoughtful;  for  I  had  greatly  sinned  against 
light  and  conscience  that  day.  As  I  was  pacing  the 
shore,  thirty  or  forty  yards  from  the  main  body  of  my 
companions,  one  of  them  levelled  his  piece ;  I  noticed 
him,  and  thought  his  aim  was  well  adjusted  for  my  head, 


THE    RETROSPECT.  73 

if  he  had  any  real  design  to  shoot  me.  Scarcely  had 
the  thought  crossed  my  mind  before  he  fired :  when, 
feeling  my  hat  jerk,  I  took  it  off,  and  to  my  surprise, 
found  the  contents  of  his  piece  had  entered  the  crown, 
right  in  front ;  passed  over  the  scalp  of  the  head,  and 
escaped  through  the  back  part  of  the  hat !  It  appeared, 
on  inquiry  that  he  had  loaded  with  a  pebble-stone,  the 
size  of  a  musket-ball,  which  he  foolishly  supposed 
would  fly  to  dust  as  soon  as  it  escaped  the  barrel  of  the 
piece.  When  I  saw  how  near  I  had  been  to  the  eter- 
nal world,  I  could  not  but  say,  "  This  is  surely  the 
voice  of  God ;"  and  under  this  impression  I  sat  silent 
in  the  boat  during  the  greater  part  of  our  way  to  the 
ship,  a  circumstance  which  one  of  the  lieutenants  ob- 
served, and  began  to  rally  me  on  it,  asking  whether  the 
thought  of  having  been  nearly  shot  had  tied  up  my 
tongue  ?  And  now,  does  the  reader  imagine  I  honestly 
confessed  the  truth  1 — No !  for,  although  I  trembled  at 
the  recollection  of  the  eye  and  hand  of  Omnipotence 
being  so  evidently  about  me,  yet  I  trembled  more  at  the 
prospect  of  human  ridicule,  and  rather  than  endure  the 
laugh  of  man  for  standing  in  awe  of  God,  I  ventured 
on  another  act  of  known  sin,  and  positively  denied  that 
any  such  thought  occupied  my  mind. 

Such  was  my  base  ingratitude  to  a  gracious  Preser- 
ver, who  still  permitted  me  to  live,  an  awful  instance  of 
this  truth,  that  though  "  God  speaketh  once,  yea  twice, 
yet  man  perceiveth  it  not ;"  at  least  not  so  as  to  be  duly 
affected  by  the  divine  calls.  But  my  heinous  lie  left  a 
sting  behind,  which  more  than  ever  banished  peace  from 
my  mind.  I  applied  to  the  Bible  with  somewhat  more 
7 


74  THE    RETROSPECT. 

attention  than  usual ;  but,  alas  !  it  was  a  sealed  book, 
Egyptian  darkness  overshadowed  my  understanding, 
and  fretfulness  and  dissatisfaction  (not  repentance)  filled 
my  heart.  Still  I  put  on  the  hypocritical  smile  of 
cheerfulness  in  company,  and  passed  for  a  happy  fellow, 
while  happiness  was  an  entire  stranger  to  my  breast. 
My  most  comfortable  hours  were  those  in  which  the 
bustle  and  exertion  of  nautical  duty  prevented  my  think- 
ing.    In  this  state  I  passed  more  than  two  years  in  the 

D ,  causing  the  Lord  to  serve  with  my  sins,  and 

wearying  him  with  my  iniquities ;  until  I  concluded 
my  services  in  that  ship  at  the  battle  of  Trafalgar,  and 

was  promoted  into   the  C r,  as  has   been  already 

mentioned. 

I  might  lengthen  out  my  remarks  on  his  goodness, 
in  covering  my  head  in  that  day  of  battle,  when  so  many 
fell ;  as  well  as,  on  three  different  occasions,  preserving 
this  ship  from  the  most  imminent  danger  of  being 
wrecked,  on  the  coast  of  Spain,  and  in  the  North  Sea ; 
but  I  refrain  from  doing  it,  lest  so  many  repetitions  should 
exhaust  the  patience  of  my  readers.  I  will  only  ob- 
serve, that  some  time  after  I  left  the  D ,  this  dear 

favourite  ship  was  lost,  and  more  than  five  hundred  souls 
perished  with  her  !  O  that  I  could  but  feel  as  I  ought 
to  do  in  the  retrospective  view  of  so  much  mercy ! 
But,  alas !  like  David,  I  find  my  soul  cleaves  to  the 
dust;  and,  like  St.  Paul,  when  I  would  do  good — 
when  I  would  "  stretch  forth  the  wings  of  love  and 
arms  of  faith,"  evil  in  various  shapes  is  present  with 
me,  and  shortly  I  am  found  dwelling  in  the  tents  of 
Kedar  as  before. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


Sweet  theme  !  thou  hast  smoothened  down  many  a 
rugged  portion  of  my  way  through  this  wilderness  of 
sin — thou  hast  solaced  me  through  many  a  past  and 
gloomy  hour !  Henceforth,  "  when  clouds  and  dark- 
ness are  round  about  the  throne  of  the  Almighty,"  may 
I  ever  remember,  that  "  mercy  and  truth  are  the  habita- 
tion of  his  seat."  When  at  any  time  "  I  walk  in  dark- 
ness, and  have  no  light,"  let  the  remembrance  of  past 
goodness  cheer  my  drooping  spirits,  and  strengthen  my 
feeble  knees  !  And,  O  thou  gracious  covenant  God ! 
who  hast  borne  with  me  so  long,  do  thou  bear  with  me 
a  little  longer,  and  from  henceforth,  enable  me  to  follow 
thy  dear  Son  as  the  good  shepherd,  although  it  be  like 
the  ewes  big  with  young,  limping,  and  in  the  rear  of 
thy  flock !  Whensoever  I  am  likely  to  feint,  do  thou 
stretch  forth  thy  merciful  hand,  and  enable  me  to  endure 
unto  the  end,  to  arrive  at  thy  fold,  and  to  awake  up  after 
thy  likeness ;  for  then  I  shall  indeed  be  satisfied  with  it 
— then  shall  "  hosannahs  no  more  languish  on  the 
tongue,"  nor  will  my  devotions  die  away  into  luke- 
warmness ;  but  on  the  contrary, 

"  This  song  shall  last  when  night  has  quench'd  the  pole, 
And  heav'n  is  all  departed  as  a  scroll ; 


76  THE    RETROSPECT. 

Yea,  when,  as  Justice  has  long  since  decreed, 
This  earth  shall  blaze,  and  a  new  world  succeed." 

Still  shall  I  sing  of  mercy  and  judgment ;  unto  thee,  O 
Lord,  I  shall  sing. 

On  returning  to  England,  the  C had  to  undergo 

some  repairs,  which  enabled  me  to  be  more  on  shore 
than  formerly.  Again  I  mixed  with  gay  companions, 
turned  my  back  on  the  house  of  God,  and  sought,  in  the 
midst  of  thoughtless  beings,  like  myself,  that  happiness 
which  had  hitherto  eluded  my  grasp.  I  sought  it  eagerly, 
but  I  found  it  not.  The  sound  of  the  church-aroino;  bell, 
the  procession  to  and  from  different  places  of  worship, 
and  that  solemn  something  which  pervades  the  Sabbath, 
and  which  all  the  abandoned  profligacy  of  the  multi- 
tude cannot  entirely  do  away ;  these  united  in  dashing 
the  cup  of  pleasure  from  my  lips,  and  in  establishing 
the  dominion  of  conscience  within  :  but  the  fear  of  man 
was  my  great,  my  dreadful  snare.  Like  Agrippa,  I  was 
almost  persuaded  to  reform,  and  become  a  Christian,  but 
the  dread  of  ridicule  was  like  a  triple  chain  about  me. 
Well  said  the  poet, 

"  He  is  the  freeman  whom  the  truth  makes  free, 
And  all  are  slaves  beside." 

How  lamentably  did  I  continue  to  labour  as  a  bond-slave 
in  the  drudgery  of  this  chain,  doing  the  works  of  Sa- 
tan !  Not  because  I  felt  his  service  to  be  freedom,  or 
his  paths  to  be  those  of  peace ;  but  that  I  dreaded  the 
trial  of  cruel  mockings,  should  I  quit  his  ranks.  Thus 
I  went  on,  one  hour  reflecting  and  condemning  myself, 
the  next  gallanting  ladies  to  shops  and  morning  visits, 


THE    RETROSPECT.  77 

sitting  down  to  wine  parties,  or  mixing  in  the  card-room, 
the  assembly,  or  the  ball.  Twice  I,  as  it  were,  stole 
away  from  them,  and  attended  the  morning  service  at  a 
fashionable  chapel  of  ease ;  but  I  neither  understood  nor 
felt  what  I  heard.  Little,  indeed,  did  I  then  know  of 
'^  doctrines,  but  I  was  vexed  to  find  nothing  about  Christ, 
nothing  to  rouse  the  mind,  or  warm  the  soul,  in  these 
well-trimmed,  cold,  and  heartless  discourses.  The  next 
Sabbath  I  rambled  into  the  fields,  and  stumbled,  as  the 
world  would  say,  by  mere  chance  on  Old  Stoke  church, 
just  as  the  congregation  were  going  in.  I  followed  them, 
and  saw,  and  heard,  and  felt,  what  I  little  expected.  To 
hear  a  minister  address  his  audience,  not  from  the  pages 
of  a  formal,  cold,  moral  essay,  but  from  a  page  of  notes 
laid  in  his  Bible,  with  that  seriousness,  which  bespoke 
him  really  in  earnest — and  with  that  affection,  which 
showed  that  he  indeed  felt  for  their  eternal  peace :  to 
hear  and  witness  all  this  in  a  Minister  of  the  Established 
Church,  was  to  me  (pardon  me,  my  clerical  reader)  as 
new  as  it  was  unexpected :  nor  was  the  subject  matter 
less  new  than  the  manner  in  which  it  was  delivered.  I 
may  truly  say  by  this  servant  of  Christ,  as  the  Atheni- 
ans did  by  the  great  Apostle,  "  He  brought  strange 
things  to  my  ears,"  while  he  continued  to  draw  the  pic- 
ture of  man  as  a  helpless  undone  creature,  possessing  a 
nature  totally  corrupt  and  desperately  wicked.  I  now 
began  to  discover  the  source  of  that  evil  which  I  so 
often  had  found  breaking  through  all  the  restraints,  the 
resolutions,  and  vows  with  which  I  had  endeavoured  to 
bind  it..  Hitherto  I  had  esteemed  myself  capable  of 
doing  great  things ;  nor  had  all  my  failures  swept  away 


78  THE    RETROSPECT. 

my  vain  conceits  of  a  good  heart  and  inherent  strength. 
But  now  the  Word  was  commissioned  to  lay  the  axe  at 
the  root  of  all  such  vain  imaginations.  I  was  told,  and 
I  felt,  that  I  could  neither  think  nor  act  for  myself  in 
any  way  pleasing  to  God,  but  that  all  my  sufficiency 
must  be  derived  from  above.  In  short,  a  few  more  ser- 
mons tore  away  all  my  false  props  from  under  me,  and 
I  saw  myself  "  poor,  and  blind,  and  wretched,  and  mise- 
rable, and  naked."  But  I  was  not  left  here.  I  was 
directed  to  the  Lord  Jesus  as  the  great  High  Priest, 
whose  fulness  abounds  to  the  supplying  of  all  the  wants 
of  his  church  and  people.  What  a  display  of  those 
wants,  and  of  the  mercy  and  goodness  of  a  covenant 
God  to  supply  them,  did  I  hear,  in  an  enlargement  on 
Psalm  Iv.  22.  "  Cast  thy  burden  upon  the  Lord,  and 
he  shall  sustain  thee  :  he  shall  never  suffer  the  righteous 
to  be  moved."  No  longer  surprised  at  my  having  for- 
merly broken  through  so  many  resolutions  and  vows 
of  amendment,  I  stood  amazed  at  the  folly  of  having 
even  made  one  in  my  own  strength.  I  now  understood, 
both  doctrinally  and  experimentally,  that  "  it  is  not  our 
willing  or  running,  but  that  it  is  of  God,  who  showeth 
mercy,  and  who  worketh  in  us  both  to  will  and  to  do 
of  his  good  pleasure." 

Our  ship,  happily,  continued  for  a  while  on  the  Chan- 
nel service  ;  and  occasionally  went  into  this  port ;  and  I 
as  often  embraced  every  opportunity  of  hearing  the  word 
of  God  at  Stoke  church.  But  I  had  been  a  great  sin- 
ner, and  the  Lord  kept  me  in  a  sorrowful  path,  especi- 
ally while  the  vast  and  important  truths  of  Scripture 
were  pouring  in  on  my  soul.     I  saw  more  of  the  won- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  79 

derful  things  out  of  God's  law  every  week,  and  thereby 
I  saw  more  of  my  own  vileness.  Many  were  my  fears 
and  doubts  ;  my  heart  was  full,  and  1  longed  to  unbur- 
den it  to  some  one  who  could  enter  into  my  feelings,  and 
assist  me  in  my  difficulties.  But  whither  could  I  look 
for  such  a  person  ?  Not  in  all  the  circle  of  my  friends 
and  acquaintance  :  they  cared  for  none  of  these  things. 
At  length,  after  many  debates  with  myself,  I  determined 
on  requesting  an  interview  with  the  man  whose  minis- 
try had  been  blessed  to  the  bringing  of  me  thus  far. 
It  is  almost  superfluous  to  say  it  was  readily  granted, 
or  to  add  how  much,  under  God,  I  was,  and  still  am  in- 
debted for  the  instruction,  advice,  and  comfort  which  I 
received  from  this  christian  minister.  He  endeared  him- 
self to  me  by  every  act  of  kindness  ;  his  heart  and  his 
house  were  always  open  to  me.  In  the  latter,  I  beheld 
all  that  contrast  which  exists  between  the  manners  of  a 
christian  family  and  those  of  an  ungodly  and  ignorant 
world.  At  Stoke  Rectory  was  all  that  my  peculiar  case 
seemed  to  demand — retreat  from  the  noise  and  vanity  of 
former  companions,  domestic  peace,  wise  and  christian 
counsel,  and  real  friendship.  These  privileges  soon 
disqualified  me  for  the  jovial  board,  and  the  idle  chit- 
chat of  a  fashionable  world :  they  unfitted  me  for  the 
pleasures  of  a  card-room,  the  ball  and  the  assembly.  I 
bid  them  all  adieu ;  no  longer  esteeming  the  smiles  of 
their  advocates  as  any  thing  worth  valuing,  and  no 
longer  deterred  from  seeking  the  Lord  by  their  frowns 
or  their  jests. — On  going  to  sea,  I  was  enabled  to  pass 
through  my  public  duties  with  much  composure  ;  and 
when  in  my  cabin,  I  read  the  Scriptures  like  one  who 


80  THE    RETROSPECT. 

had  obtained  a  key,  or  index,  to  unfold,  what  was  before 
unintelligible.  Man  was  no  longer  a  riddle,  or  his  ac- 
tions unaccountable.  I  saw  him  rise  and  fall,  conquer 
or  fly,  in  his  conflicts  with  the  world,  himself,  and  Satan, 
just  as  grace  was  in  exercise  in  his  soul. 

The  awful  inconsistencies  of  Noah,  Abraham,  David, 
Solomon,  and  others,  were  reconcilable ;  and,  though  I 
trembled,  I  was  not  surprised.  To  enlarge,  however, 
in  this  part  of  the  Retrospect,  would  not  become  me.  I 
shall  only  add,  that  from  that  time  to  the  present,  I  have 
been  learning,  by  little  and  little,  more  of  those  great 
truths  which  I  first  heard  at  Stoke  church.  The  night 
I  left  my  kind  christian  friend's  house  to  proceed  on 
board,  and  thence  again  to  sea,  was  a  time  of  trial. — 
The  sweets  of  christian  society  and  domestic  peace  had 
been  tasted,  and  these  made  the  rugged  scenes  and  dis- 
orders of  a  ship  the  more  harsh — I  felt  it  difficuk  to 
part  from  the  former,  and  again  to  unite  with  the  latter. 
My  mind  weighed  the  blessings  I  was  to  leave,  and  the 
trials  and  privations  I  was  soon  to  be  exposed  to ;  and 
it  was  very  sorrowful.  This  my  kind  host  observed, 
and  said  many  affectionate  things  to  inspire  hope  and 
allay  despair ;  but  there  was  something  of  the  prophetic 
in  his  concluding  sentence.  "Who  can  tell  but  the 
Lord  may  make  you  serviceable  in  the  ship  ?" — At  that 
time  I  could  not  entertain  the  smallest  hope  of  any  such 
thing  ever  coming  to  pass ;  nay,  I  scarcely  dared  to 
think  I  should  myself  continue  on  the  Lord's  side;  but 
subsequent  events  often  brought  his  words  to  my  re- 
membrance. 

It  was  on  a  Friday  I  returned  on  board ;  and  on 


THE    RETROSPECT.  81 

Saturday  we  put  to  sea.  The  next  day  of  course  saw 
me  far  from  the  venerable  walls  of  Stoke  church — other 
sounds  than  those  of  its  plaintive  chiming  bells  filled 
my  ears,  and  far  different  works  from  those  which  oc- 
cupied the  assemblies  of  God's  worshipping  people 
there  and  elsewhere  demanded  my  attention.  It  was 
one  of  the  most  sorrowful  Sabbaths  I  had  ever  expe- 
rienced. Like  David  of  old,  I  truly  envied  "the  spar- 
row that  had  found  her  a  nest  about  the  walls  of  God's 
temple,  and  the  swallow  who  could  there  attend  her 
young." 

For  some  time  past  it  had  been  my  custom,  when 
agitated  or  distressed  in  mind,  to  retire  to  my  cabin,  and 
there  (as  I  had  no  friend  to  whom  I  could  lay  open  my 
sorrows,  or  from  whom  I  could  receive  suitable  advice 
and  consolation)  to  snatch  up  the  first  paper  and  pen 
which  fell  in  my  way,  and  converse,  as  it  were,  with 
myself,  and  carry  on  my  paper  complainings,  until  my 
mind  was  somewhat  tranquillized.  These  incoherent 
epistles  rarely  outlived  the  second  day;  but  the  one  I 
that  Sabbath  scrawled  was,  I  know  not  why,  preserved. 
I  have  lately  received  a  copy  of  it,  with  other  memo- 
randums, which  I  had  long  supposed  were  destroyed. 
I  will  therefore  transcribe  it  without  apologizing  for  its 
rude,  abrupt,  unconnected  style,  that  the  christian  reader 
may  see,  as  in  a  glass,  the  then  state  of  my  mind. 

"  I  am  cut  off  from  the  Lord's  house,  his  ordinances 
and  his  people — I  shall  hear  no  more  the  glad  tidings 
of  salvation  within  the  courts  of  the  Most  High — and 
my  christian  friends  are  left — perhaps  to  be  seen  no 
more/ or  at  some  very  distant  period — and  oh  what  tern- 


82  THE    RETROSPECT. 

ptations  !  what  trials !  what  difficulties  may  I  not  have 
to  encounter !  How  much  do  I  need  line  upon  line 
and  precept  upon  precept!  Yet  all  is  lost — no — my 
blessed  Saviour  will  not  leave  me  !  My  heavenly  Fa- 
ther will  not  in  anger  cast  me  off  for  ever — I  feel  con- 
fident his  Holy  Spirit  will  go  with  me — And  O  Eternal 
Lord  God !  if  thy  spirit  does  accompany  me,  it  is  suffi- 
cient— Thou  hast  declared  that  all  things  shall  work 
together  for  good  to  them  that  love  thee — O  Lord  Jesus 
Christ !  thou  knowest  this  is  my  desire — O  that  I  could 
confide  more  fully  for  time  and  eternity  in  thine  un- 
changeable righteousness  and  love ;  for  in  this  place  of 
sin  and  iniquity  thou  art  yet  present  in  abundant  mercy, 
and  thy  strength  is  sufficient — Oh  it  is  best  even  for  me 
to  possess  no  power  in  the  heavenly  warfare !  for  when 
I  am  weak  then  am  I  strong  in  thee." 

Again,  I  observe,  I  shall  make  no  apology  for  this 
production.  The  christian  reader  will  sympathise  with 
the  state  of  mind  which  dictated  it,  and  give  me  credit, 
when  I  say  that  at  the  time  I  wrote  it,  I  no  more  ex- 
pected it  would  live  to  this  day,  or  be  laid  before  the 
public,  than  I  expected  it  to  be  transmitted  to  the  Em- 
peror of  China. — After  a  few  days,  I  became  composed, 
and  applied  my  leisure  hours  to  reading  the  Scriptures 
and  such  works  on  divinity  as  my  kind  friend  and  min- 
ister had  recommended,  and  I  hope  I  may  say  I  grew 
in  the  right  knowledge  and  experience  of  God's  word, 
and  in  some  measure  of  resignation  to  the  divine  will. 
But  at  the  end  of  six  or  eight  months,  like  the  lepers 
in  the  Syrian  camp,  my  conscience  smote  me;  and  I 
said,  "  This  is  the  day  of  good  tidings,  and  I  hold  my 


THE    RETROSPECT.  83 

peace."  Here  are  more  than  six  hundred  souls  famish- 
ing- in  spiritual  want,  perishing  for  lack  of  knowledge ; 
they  have  not  worshipped  God,  even  in  the  form  of 
Sabbath  worship,  for  these  five  years  past ;  they  have 
had  few,  very  few  Bibles — no  man  has  cared  for  their 
souls.  I  could  not  but  feel  my  superior  mercies,  and  I 
trembled  at  the  thought  of  uselessly  burying  my  little 
talent  of  knowledge  and  influence  in  the  earth.  But 
what  to  do,  under  all  the  many  and  great  existing  dif- 
ficulties, I  knew  not ;  unless  it  were  to  introduce  to  the 
captain  the  subject  of  reading  prayers  on  the  Sunday  to 
the  ship's  crew.  As  this  was  done  on  board  many 
ships  by  the  commander,  or  one  of  the  commissioned 
officers,  there  was  a  distant  hope  of  bringing  the  same 

about  in  the  C .     But  full  of  fears  and  cautions,  I 

passed  day  after  day  without  finding  any  opportunity  of 
introducing  the  subject.  At  length  to  my  great  joy,  the 
very  thing  was  done  by  the  captain  himself  at  his  din- 
ner-table, where  religion  happened  to  be  brought  on 
the  carpet  by  some  of  the  company.  I  need  hardly  say, 
that  on  such  an  occasion  many  silly  things  were  ad- 
vanced, particularly  on  the  point  of  acceptance,  or  justi- 
fication with  God.  All  had  given  their  opinions,  ex- 
cept the  captain  and  myself,  and  had  agreed  that  all  re- 
ligions and  creeds  were  alike  acceptable  to  God,  pro- 
vided men  were  but  sincere  in  what  they  professed ;  and 
that  he  who  did  as  he  would  be  done  by  here,  was  sure 
of  doing  well  hereafter,  or,  in  other  words,  of  going  to 
heaven.  It  had  been  captain  P.'s  privilege,  when  on 
shore,  to  live  near  a  pious  minister,  and  occasionally  to 
enjoy  his  public  instructions  and  private  conversation. 


84  THE    RETROSPECT. 

These  had  not  been  in  vain ;  they  had  certainly  furnish- 
ed his  head  with  much  right  knowledge,  whatever  the 
State  of  his  heart  might  be.  When,  therefore,  he  gave 
his  sentiments  on  the  subject  in  debate,  he  confuted  what 
had  been  advanced,  alleging  that,  as  God  had  imparted 
his  will  to  man  in  the  Scriptures,  it  was  not  left  to  man's 
choice  to  form  a  creed  suited  to  his  own  fancies.  I 
_  heartily  seconded  him,  and  added  a  few  words  to  prove 
that  neither  our  scanty  performance  of  relative  duties, 
nor  our  self-made  creeds,  could  justify  us  before  God, 
who  had  appointed  his  only  begotten  Son  to  be  wisdom, 
righteousness,  sanctification,  and  redemption  to  a  lost 
world,  and  that  there  "  was  none  other  name  given  un- 
der heaven,  whereby  men  could  be  saved,  but  only  that 
of  Jesus  Christ."  The  only  rjsply  which  followed  my 
few  observations  was  from  captain  P.  himself,  in  these 

words :  "  You  preach  very  well,  M s,  and  you  shall 

read  prayers  next  Sunday,  if  you  will."  My  heart 
leaped  with  joy.  I  thanked  him,  and  offered  my  will- 
ing services  as  often  as  the  weather  and  public  duty 
would  allow.     And  now  the  news  ran  through  the  ship 

like  lightning,  that  M s  was  to  preach  next  Sunday. 

Some  smiled,  others  marvelled ;  but  I  secretly  rejoiced, 
and  thanked  God  for  having  thus  favourably  and  unex- 
pectedly opened  such  a  door,  and  for  having  proved  bet- 
ter to  me  than  all  my  hopes  and  expectations.  As  this 
was  early  in  the  week,  I  had  some  opportunities  of  talk- 
ing the  matter  over  with  the  captain,  and  saying  that  I 
had  a  volume  of  plain  discourses,  short,  and  well  adap- 
ted to  the  crew,  if  he  would  permit  me  to  read  one  after 
the  prayers.     "  Do  as  you  like,"  was  the  answer. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  85 

At  length  Sunday  came:  the  day  was  remarkably 
fine.  No  public  duty  intervened  to  set  aside  this  holy 
season.  The  church  was  rigged,*  the  bell  rang,  and 
the  captain,  officers,  and  entire  crew  soon  took  their 
seats,  according  to  that  order  and  discipline  which  pre- 
vails in  ships  of  war.  Much  as  I  had  longed  for,  and 
pleased  and  rejoiced  as  I  certainly  was  at  the  sight,  yet 
it  confounded  me.  More  than  six  hundred  bare  heads 
and  attentive  looks,  all  directed  to  myself,  as  I  advanced 
to  my  stand,  were  more  terrible  than  the  muzzles  of  so 
many  frowning  cannon  had  ever  been ;  a  nervous  fever- 
ish heat  actually  dried  up  my  tongue,  and  nearly  pre- 
vented articulation,  which,  of  course  much  increased  my 
confusion ;  in  short,  this  proved  one  of  the  most  formi- 
dable undertakings  I  had  ever  embarked  in.  I  literal- 
ly trembled,  while  I  read  through  the  prayers;  and 
more  so,  if  possible,  when  I  came  to  the  sermon.  At 
length  I  got  through  the  service,  and  retired  to  my  cab- 
in, full  of  confusion  and  self  reproach,  in  that  I  had  not 
looked  up  with  sufficient  earnestness  to  God  for  a  rea- 
lising sense  of  his  presence,  as  the  only  thing  that  could 
deliver  me  from  this  snare — this  fear  of  man. 

O  what  a  poor  inconsistent  creature  is  man !  who  fears 
the  presence  of  a  fellow-mortal  more  than  the  eye  of  his 
Maker,  who  shrinks  more  appalled  at  the  censure  of  a 

*  A  maritime  phrase  for  clearing  away  and  fitting  up  a  conve- 
nient part  of  the  ship,  sufficient  to  seat  the  whole  crew.  This  is 
done  sometimes  between  decks,  and  sometimes  on  the  quarter  or 
upper  deck.  Stools  are  placed  and  flags  of  different  colours  sus- 
pended round  the  sides  and  over-head,  so  as  to  form  an  enclosed 
place,  and  to  produce  a  pleasing  effect. 
8 


■■^^ 


86  THE    RETROSPECT. 

worm  like  himself,  than  he  does  at  the  threatenings  of 
Omnipotence  — O  Lord  God  of  mercy !  pardon  thy  ser- 
vant's many,  many  offences  in  this  particular,  from  this 
first  public  instance  of  his  weakness,  even  unto  the  pre- 
sent day.  And  henceforth  give  him  grace  not  only  to 
stand  up  in  thy  name,  but  to  speak  the  word  with  all 
boldness  as  he  ought  to  speak  who  advocates  the  cause 
of  the  King  of  kings,  and  Lord  of  lords  ! 

As  the  ship  continued  several  weeks  off  the  mouth  of 
Brest  harbour,  and  frequently  at  anchor,  we  had  service 
almost  every  Sunday,  not  only  to  all  the  officers  and 
crew  in  the  forenoon,  but  I  obtained  permission  to  read 
the  Evening  Prayers,  and  a  sermon  between  decks,  to 
such  as  chose  to  attend  ;  these  were  generally  about  two 
hundred.  That  delightful  part  of  divine  worship,  the 
singing  to  the  praise  and  glory  of  God,  was  as  yet  want- 
ing in  our  assembly.  As  we  had  a  band  on  board,  I 
thought  it  not  impossible  to  form  a  choir,  if  I  could  pre- 
vail on  some  of  the  men  to  learn  a  few  plain  tunes,  and 
to  bear  the  reproach  of  "  Psalm-singers,^^  (a  term  of  de- 
rision and  contempt,  among  common  seamen,  even  where 
there  is  no  such  thing  as  sacred  music,  or  an  attempt  at 
it.)  Here,  again,  I  succeeded  beyond  my  expectation. 
For  having,  on  enquiry,  found  three  or  four  men  who 
formerly  sang  at  church,  or  in  chapels,  they  consented 
to  meet  the  master  of  the  band,  and  such  young  begin- 
ners as  chose  to  practise.  In  short,  in  a  very  little  time, 
we  mustered  ten  or  twelve  vocal  performers,  who,  with 
two  clarionets  and  a  bass,  produced  much  better  harmony 
than  many  country  parish  singers  do.  It  was  truly 
gratifying  to  witness  the  attention  and  apparent  interest 


THE    RETROSPECT.  87 

with  which  the  greater  part  of  the  crew  now  attended 
the  worship  of  God.  But  there  was  a  sad  want  of  Bi- 
bles, Prayer  Books,  and  other  pious  works.  This  evil, 
however,  was  partly  removed  on  our  going  into  port  to 
be  paid ;  as  I  obtained  permission  to  apply  to  the  Naval 
and  Military  Bible  Society,  from  whom  we  obtained 
sixty-four  Bibles.  These,  together  with  some  hundreds 
of  good  little  tracts,  being  the  publications  of  the  Reli- 
gious Tract  Society,  I  obtained  permission  to  circulate, 
and  saw  distributed  among  the  crew,  and  had  the  satis- 
faction of  knowing  that  every  mess  possessed  a  copy  of 
the  Scriptures.  Seldom,  from  that  time  forward,  did  I 
go  between  decks  without  seeing  some  of  the  crew  read- 
ing them. 

As  soon  as  possible  after  this  I  applied  for  and  ob- 
tained permission  to  form  a  public  library  of  religious 
books  on  the  following  plan.  Every  member  subscribed 
four  shillings,  and  was  entitled  to  have  one  book  in  his 
possession,  and  to  change  it  for  any  other  as  often  as  he 
pleased ;  and,  in  the  event  of  leaving  the  ship,  to  take 
one  or  more  volumes  with  him  as  his  own.  The  pur- 
ser's steward  undertook  to  keep  the  library  chest,  and 
receive  and  give  out  the  books.  Most  of  the  officers 
gave  a  gratuitous  sum.  Our  number  of  subscribers 
exceeded  a  hundred  and  fifty,  and  our  library,  when  pur- 
chased, contained  above  two  hundred  volumes  of  pious, 
evangelical  works,  two-thirds  of  which  were  always  in 
circulation.  Thus,  from  a  state  of  barrenness,  as  to  the 
Scriptures  and  good  books,  we  were  soon  and  easily  in 
possession  of  abundance :  for  it  must  be  observed,  that 
many  of  the  crew  furnished  themselves  with  Prayer 


88   -  THE    RETROSPECT. 

Books,  besides  their  subscriptions  to  the  library.  The 
next  object  was  to  form  a  day-school  for  the  poor  boys. 
This  was  soon  done,  and  was  daily  inspected  by  myself, 
and  often  visited  by  the  captain.  The  singers,  when 
their  duty  would  permit,  still  continued  to  meet  between 
six  and  eight  o'clock,  in  a  retired  part  of  the  ship ;  not 
that  it  was  necessary  to  do  so  merely  to  practise  singing, 
but,  having  for  several  weeks  enjoyed  this  retreat  from 
the  noise  and  folly  of  the  crew,  they  knew  not  how  to 
give  it  up ;  nor  could  I  find  it  in  my  heart  to  order  it. 
On  the  contrary,  I  sometimes  went  below,  and  read  a 
chapter  or  a  tract,  or  a  passage  from  some  of  our  library 
books,  as  well  for  my  own  edification  as  for  theirs. 

Most  thoroughly  was  I  aware  of  my  own  need  of  in- 
struction, and  gladly  should  I  have  received  lessons  had 
there  been  any  one  to  give  them.  This,  however,  was 
not  the  case ;  and  as  the  poor  fellows  were  still  more  ig- 
norant than  myself,  and  willing  to  be  instructed,  I  felt  it 
a  duty  in  these  evening  readings,  when  passages  occur- 
red, either  in  the  Bible  and  other  books,  which  I  thought 
they  did  not  understand  quite  so  well  as  myself,  to  en- 
deavour, for  a  few  minutes,  to  simplify  and  explain 
them,  and  then  to  read  on  again,  and  conclude  with 
prayer,  much  in  the  way  as  many  heads  of  families  con- 
duct their  evening  worship.  This  done,  I  dismissed 
them  with  a  few  injunctions  to  be  attentive  to  their  pub- 
lic duties,  as  the  first  and  best  way  of  reducing  to  prac- 
tice what  they  had  heard.  Little  did  I  then  think  that 
this  was  the  first  leading-step  towards  the  pastoral  office. 
Our  apartment  was  soon  unable  to  hold  those  who 
came,  and  many  attended  without  the  canvas  curtains 


THE    RETROSPECT.  89 

which  inclosed  it.  Nor  were  my  hearers  confined  to 
the  poor  seamen  and  marines ;  but  some  of  the  midship- 
men, and  now  and  then  one  of  the  commissioned  officers, 
came  to  hear  M s  preach,  as  they  termed  my  read- 
ings. In  this  manner  things  went  on  for  half  a  year, 
when  the  storm,  w^hich  had  been  silently  gathering,  be- 
gan to  discharge  itself,  and  the  cry  of  Methodism  was 
in  the  mouth  of  several  of  my  brother  officers,  who 
knew  not  the  meaning  of  the  word.  Added  to  this, 
many  foolish  and  false  reports  got  into  circulation,  as  to 
some  of  the  men  preaching.  This  took  its  rise  from 
the  circumstance  of  a  few  of  them  occasionally  reading 
and  praying  in  their  plain  and  honest  way,  on  some 
evenings  when  I  was  not  present.  But  our  revilers 
could  not  distinguish  prayer  from  exposition.  The 
same  spirit  of  enmity  was  shortly  displayed  by  the 
great  bulk  of  the  crew,  as  had  been  shown  by  their 
superiors.  They  stigmatized  their  comrades  with  the 
name  of  Wingers  ;*  and  though  no  one  ventured  to  speak 
openly  before  me  on  the  subject,  yet  I  heard  of  many 
ungenerous  things  that  were  uttered  in  my  absence.  I 
had  endeavoured  to  sit  down  and  count  the  cost  of  my 
undertakings ;  but  such  was  the  fury  of  the  storm  when 
it  first  broke  out,  that  it  beat  me  down  for  a  season,  and, 
I  fear,  induced  me  almost  to  regret  having  done  any  thing 
beyond  reading  my  Bible  alone  in  my  own  cabin.  But 
the  Lord  was  merciful — he  remembered  whereof  I  was 
made,  and  graciously  strengthened  my  hands,  by  show- 
ing, at  this  very  time,  how  he  had  owned  that  work 

*  From  the  place  where  we  met  being  called  the  Wing. 

8* 


90  THE    RETROSPECT. 

which  man  despised.  More  than  one  or  two  instances 
presented  themselves,  of  very  abandoned  characters 
earnestly  enquiring  what  they  must  do  to  be  saved,  and, 
to  the  utter  astonishment  of  all  their  companions,  they 
held  on  in  a  new  course  of  life  and  conversation — Yes ! 

"  The  wretch  who  once  sang  wildly,  danc'd,  and  laugh'd, 
And  suck'd  in  dizzy  madness  with  his  draught, 
Now  wept  a  silent  flood,  revers'd  his  ways, 
Is  sober,  meek,  benevolent — and  prays." 

Thus  encouraged,  I  went  on,  endeavouring,  by  a  strict 
attention  to  my  public  duties,  and  kindness  to  my  brother 
officers,  to  do  away  any  real  cause  of  complaint,  seldom 
introducing  religious  subjects,  and  never  dogmatically 
thrusting  my  own  opinions  on  others. 

In  this  way,  through  the  blessing  of  God,  many  of 
them  were  brought  to  acknowledge  the  reasonableness 
of  seeking  Jfirst  the  kingdom  of  God  and  his  righteous- 
ness. Oaths  and  unchaste  conversation  were  almost 
entirely  banished  from  our  mess-room,  and  a  blessing 
was  regularly  asked  by  the  president  at  our  meals. 
The  visible  improvement  in  many  of  the  wingers  was  a 
loud-speaking  testimony  that  our  Methodism  had  been 
useful.  The  whole  of  the  officers  were  convinced  that 
I  could  carry  on  the  public  duty  without  swearing  at 
the  men ;  and  that  the  men  could  also  do  theirs  without 
uttering  an  oath,  whenever  I  was  on  deck. 

About  this  time  a  pleasing  and  indirect  testimony  was 
borne  to  the  general  improvement  of  the  crew,  by  one 
whose  words  would  have  considerable  weight  with 
many,  as  never  having  been  suspected  oi ijsalm-singingj 


THE    RETROSPECT.  91 

I  mean  General  *  *  *  *j  who,  being-  on  the  inspecting 
service,  at  Berry  Head  and  Brixham,  at  the  time  the 
fleet  put  into  Torbay,  was  invited  on  board  by  our  cap- 
tain. After  he  had  gone  over  and  examined  the  whole 
of  the  ship,  he  expressed  his  high  gratification,  and  par- 
ticularly remarked  to  captain  B.,  that  he  had  heard 
little  or  no  swearing  as  he  passed  among  the  seamen ; 
a  circumstance  which  he  considered  very  singular,  and 
very  different  from  what  would  have  been  found  on  a 
like  occasion  among  so  many  troops  in  barracks.  But 
although  the  senior  lieutenant  professed  great  friend- 
ship, and  pretended  to  rejoice  at  the  moral  improvement 
of  the  crew,  he  was  secretly  an  enemy  to  myself  and 
the  cause  of  religion  in  general.  He  was  a  weak  and 
vain  man.  He  viewed  me  as  one  who  was  gaining  an 
ascendency  in  the  ship,  far  beyond  his  own ;  and  his 
friends  in  port  persuaded  him  that  all  our  meetings  were 
for  mutinous  purposes,  or  that  they  would  end  in  such. 
This  afforded  a  pretext  for  complaint  to  the  captain, 
who  was  earnestly  solicited  to  put  an  immediate  and  en- 
tire stop  to  all  religious  assemblies  and  religious  pro- 
ceedings in  the  ship ;  and  so  effectually  did  my  adver- 
sary, in  my  absence,  plead  his  cause,  that  orders  were 
the  same  night  issued  that  it  should  be  as  he  required. 
The  following  day  I  requested  an  interview  with  the 
commander  on  the  subject;  when  I  endeavoured  to 
show  him  the  absurdity  of  all  fears  on  the  score  of  mu- 
tiny and  insubordination,  and  appealed  to  facts  in  proof 
that  the  wingers  were  always  obedient  to  command, 
ready  at  every  call,  and  foremost  in  every  danger. 
From  this  view  and  statement  I  appealed  to  conscience 


92  THE    RETROSPECT. 

and  plainly  declared  that  I  considered  our  different  posts 
of  authority  as  talents  intrusted  to  us  for  the  good  of 
others — that  we  owed  a  duty  to  men's  souls  as  well  as 
to  their  bodies — to  our  God  as  well  as  to  our  country. 

The  result  of  this  interview  was  the  revoking  of  part 
of  the  severe  orders  just  issued,  and  the  grant  for  our 
little  meetings  to  take  place  twice  in  the  week,  provided 
I  were  personally  present.  This  was  a  prudent  cau- 
tion, and  left  no  room  for  complaint  on  our  part.  From 
this  time,  until  captain  P.  gave  up  the  command,  I  had 
but  few  troubles  to  encounter,  unless  what  arose  from 
witnessing  the  falling  away  of  some  professors,  and  the 
unsteady  walk  of  others.  It  was  then  much  as  it  has 
been  in  my  former  and  present  fields  of  labour.  On 
one  hand,  I  rejoiced  in  hope  that  the  Almighty  had  set 
his  seal  to  a  part  of  what  had  been  done :  on  the  other, 
I  grieved  at  beholding  the  ravages  which  the  wolf  from 
time  to  time  made  in  our  poor  little  flock. 

At  length  captain  P.  left  the  ship,  to  the  regret  of  all, 
and  especially  of  myself,  for  he  had  not  only  been  kind, 
but  a  supporter  of  what  was  good.  His  successor,  cap- 
tain B.,  was  a  man  of  considerable  naval  interest,  had 
made  much  prize-money,  and  was  haughty  and  impe- 
rious to  an  extreme.  As  to  religion,  he  had  no  other 
idea  of  it,  but  as  being  useful  to  keep  the  lower  orders 
in  subjection.  He  was  evidently  astonished  at  the  mo- 
rality of  the  officers,  and  certainly  endeavoured  to  re- 
strain his  violent  gusts  of  passion  and  oaths,  when 
commanding  the  seamen  and  petty  officers  on  deck. 
But  it  was  not  from  right  motives.  He  soon  looked  on 
us  as  a  set  of  Jesuits,  before  whom  it  was  necessary  to 


THE    RETROSPECT.  93 

be  on  his  guard.  Learning  how  the  Sundays  had  been 
kept,  he  could  not,  without  a  breach  of  order  and  disci- 
pline, totally  abolish  the  observance  of  divine  service. 
He  therefore  sent  for  me,  and  requested  the  favour  of 
my  reading  prayers,  as  usual,  when  duty  would  allow. 
I  did  so  the  next  Sunday  after  he  joined  us.  The  sing- 
ers sang  twice,  and  I  produced  one  of  the  Village  Ser- 
mons as  formerly ;  but  this  was  the  last  time  but  one 
that  my  poor  sermon-book  made  its  appearance.  Some 
duty  or  other  was  always  pleaded,  so  as  never  after- 
wards to  allow  time  for  the  reading  of  a  sermon ;  and  in 
one  or  two  more  Sabbaths  we  could  not  find  leisure  to 
sing  a  psalm.  Thus  the  service  was  reduced  to  the 
mere  reading  of  prayers,  and  that  but  occasionally. 
The  poor  boy's  school  was  the  first  object  of  his  atten- 
tion and  objection,  as,  in  his  profound  judgment,  likely 
to  do  harm.  He  doubted  not  of  my  good  intentions,  but 
he  assured  us  that  it  was  a  mistaken  idea  in  all  who 
thought  to  forward  the  happiness  of  the  poor  by  giving 
them  an  education.  The  lads  were  therefore  dismiss- 
ed, and  the  table  broken  up  to  repair  some  old  partitions. 
Well  knowing  the  weakness  and  enmity  of  the  senior 
lieutenant's  mind,  I  felt  assured  he  would  lose  no  op- 
portunity of  endeavouring  to  accomplish  what  he  had 
hitherto  failed  in.  On  my  first  interview  with  captain 
B.,  I  therefore  informed  him  of  the  little  party  that  met 
below,  and  requested  his  permission  for  a  continuance 
of  it  when  I  could  be  present.  To  this  he  consented, 
being  in  fact  taken  by  surprise,  and  unprepared  to  argue 
the  subject,  or  deny  the  request.  This  was  a  grand 
point  gained,  and  I  hope  we  felt  thankful  to  the  gracious 


94  THE    RETROSPECT. 

Disposer  of  events  for  it.  As  captain  B.  brought  six 
young  gentlemen  with  him  from  his  former  ship,  they 
soon,  out  of  mere  curiosity,  visited  our  evening  party. 
To  the  amazement  and  vexation  of  their  commander, 
three  out  of  the  number  became  constant  and  serious  at- 
tendants. With  these  young  men  I  passed  many  an 
interesting  hour,  both  in  my  cabin,  and  on  deck,  in  the 
silent  night-watches.  At  first  captain  B.  argued  with 
and  cautioned  them  against  being  with  me  ;  but,  finding 
his  arguments  avail  nothing,  he  proceeded  to  threats,  and 
actually  sent  one  very  amiable  youth  into  a  strange  ship 
at  ten  minutes'  warning,  with  the  declared  view  of 
"  getting  his  bishop-like  notions  out  of  his  head."  By 
this  time  every  officer  except  myself  had  quarrelled 
with  this  imperious  man.  The  ship  was  become  ex- 
tremely uncomfortable;  courts-martial  were  the  order 
of  the  day ;  and  it  was  but  too  evident  how  much  hatred 
existed  between  the  commander  and  the  commanded. 
For  the  Gospel's  sake  I  strove  to  be  at  peace ;  and  had 
it  not  been  for  my  religious  sentiments,  I  believe  I 
should  have  been  a  favourite.  But,  under  such  circum- 
stances, my  countenancing  any  midshipman  or  sailor, 
was  a  sure  prelude  to  a  train  of  petty  oppressions  falling 
on  them,  especially  from  the  senior  lieutenant.  The 
reprobate  part  of  the  crew  began  to  triumph  over  their 
more  serious  comrades,  and  those  who  were  not  really 
in  earnest  fell  away  through  the  fear  of  persecution. 
Still  the  evening  meetings  continued  twice  a  week ;  and 
I  think  I  may  affirm,  the  presence  of  God  was  occa- 
sionally with  us,  and  that  to  comfort  and  bless  us. 
The  reader  must  not  however  conclude,  that  all  was 


THE    RETROSPECT.  95 

smooth  and  comfortable,  even  in  these  little  meetings : 
no,  I  have  already  observed  I  had  to  witness  the  falling 
away  of  some  professors,  and  the  unsteady  w*alk  of- 
others ;  and  here  I  may  add,  that  Satan  found  means  for 
a  time  to  distract  our  little  party  with  contests  about  elec- 
tion and  non-election,  principally  through  the  medium 
of  one  John  T .  He  had  formerly  been  in  connec- 
tion with  Mr.  Wesley's  people,  and  from  his  knowledge 
of  scripture  and  psalmody,  and  an  assumed  pious  exte- 
rior, was  for  a  considerable  time  looked  up  to  as  a  lead- 
ing character,  by  those  who  were  really  sincere.  But 
his  true  state  of  heart  was  by  and  by  clearly  evident 
from  the  fruits  it  produced ;  and  I  felt  it  my  duty  first  to 
expostulate,  then  to  rebuke,  and  lastly  to  dismiss  him 
from  our  assembly.  Yet  he  found  many  opportunities 
to  cavil  with  and  perplex  the  upright  in  spirit,  and 
while  he  himself  fell  more  and  more  into  open  sins,  to 
advocate  the  doctrines  of  free-will  and  perfection  on 
earth.  At  the  same  time  another  person,  almost  as  un- 
christian as  the  former,  was  as  warm  on  the  opposite 
side  of  the  question.  Thus  these  ungodly  talkers  would 
have  completely  done  the  work  of  their  master  the 
devil,  and  turned  our  quiet  simple-minded  people  into  a 
set  of  angry  polemics  and  headstrong  bigots,  had  not 
the  Great  Head  of  the  Church  said,  "  Hitherto  shalt 
thou  go,  and  no  further."  Blessed  and  omnipotent  God ! 
I  thank  thee  that  in  this  day  of  small  things,  this  early 
state  of  my  christian  labours,  thou  didst  guide  me  by 
thy  counsel  and  strengthen  me  by  thy  power  to  steer 
that  course  and  act  that  part,  which,  after  several  years 


96  THE    RETROSPECT. 

of  deliberate  reading  and  reflection,  I  at  this  day  con- 
ceive to  be  the  best. 

But  perhaps  some  reader  would  wish  to  know  the 
general  outline  of  my  views,  and  my  mode  of  stating 
divine  truths  to  my  humble  hearers,  and  which  I  still 
hold  and  approve  of  If  so,  I  can  gratify  him ;  for  I 
have  at  this  moment  a  letter  before  me,  which  I  wrote 
to  a  dear  and  pious  friend  at  the  time,  and  on  the  ex- 
press subject  in  question. 

"  It  has  been,  and  I  hope  ever  will  be,  my  principal 
object  to  lead  poor  unawakened  sinners  to  see  their  lost 
estate  by  nature  and  by  practice,  and  thence  the  absolute 
necessity  of  regeneration — to  point  to  Jesus  Christ  as  the 
Lamb  of  God  slain  for  the  sins  of  the  world,  as  the  only 
rock  on  which  we  can  build  our  spiritual  house — 
through  whom  alone  we  can  procure  pardon  for  the 
past,  strength  for  the  present,  and  acceptance  in  future — 
in  point  of  merit,  disclaiming  even  our  best  perform- 
ances as  nothing  worth,  but  looking  alone  to  his  per- 
fect righteousness,  who  died,  the  just  for  the  unjust,  that 
he  might  bring  sinners  to  God ;  which  righteousness  is 
to  and  upon  all  that  believe,  but  none  others. — Insisting, 
at  the  same  time,  on  the  necessity  of  proving  our  faith 
and  love  in  a  crucified  Saviour  by  love  to  his  people, 
and  by  maintaining  good  works :  it  being  a  vain  delu- 
sion to  confess  Christ  with  our  lips,  while  the  tenor  of 
our  lives  denies  him.  Thus  I  hope  I  have  gone  on  safe 
ground,  without  bewildering  these  babes  in  religion 
with  speculative  divinity,  of  which  Satan  makes  much, 
very  much  use ;  filling  the  heads  of  many  with  argu- 
ments and  debates  on  points  frequently  non-essential,  but 


THE    RETROSPECT.  97 

often  unfathomable ;  well  knowing  while  the  head  is 
filling  this  way,  the  heart  is  cooling  and  emptying  in 
one  of  the  most  essential  properties  it  can  possess,  namely, 
divine  love. — O  how  frequently  has  the  arch-fiend  made 
the  terms  adoption  and  election  a  terror  and  stumbling- 
block  to  young  beginners!  Yes,  those  very  terms, 
which  are  as  celestial  harmony  to  many,  he  converts 
into  a  soul-distressing  evil  to  others.  Alas !  it  is  too 
true  he  is  ever  seeking  whom  and  how  he  may  devour. 
But  could  the  sin-burdened  soul,  under  its  pressure  of 
an  accusing  and  guilty  conscience,  be  brought  to  hear 
the  blessed  Jesus  inviting  all  that  are  in  such  circum- 
stances to  come  directly  to  him,  instead  of  tarrying  by 
the  way  to  enquire  about  their  election  or  non-election, 
they  would  most  assuredly  find  that  peace  to  their  souls, 
which  He  who  invites  them  to  come  would  most  cer- 
tainly bestow." 

After  this  digression  I  shall  resume  the  narrative,  by 
observing,  that  in  the  night-watches  at  sea,  when  all  is 
quiet,  and  the  weather  fine,  it  is  customary  for  those 
men  who  are  on  duty  to  sit  down  in  little  companies  and 
sing  songs,  or  tell  marvellous  tales  from  the  Arabian 
Nights,  &c.  &c.  by  way  of  keeping  each  other  awake. 
On  these  occasions  the  serious  part  of  the  people  gener- 
ally assembled  together,  and  either  sung  hymns  or 
psalms,  or  discoursed  on  the  things  which  made  for  their 
everlasting  peace.  Many  a  time  has  my  heart  been 
lightened  of  its  burden,  as  I  have  listened  to  those  hon- 
est fellows,  while  they  sang, 

"  Weary  of  wand'ring  from  my  God, 
And  now  made  willing  to  return, 
9 


98  THE    RETROSPECT. 

I  hear,  and  bow  me  to  the  rod ; 

To  Thee,  not  without  hope,  I  mourn ; 
I  have  an  advocate  above, 
A  Friend  before  the  throne  of  love."  < 

Captain  B.  had  undoubtedly  heard  the  same  more  than 
once,  though  with  very  different  feelings  to  my  ouii, 
yet  he  seemed  to  want  resolution  to  suppress  it.  At 
length,  walking  the  quarter-deck,  one  fine  quiet  night, 
about  eleven  o'clock,  as  the  crew  were  singing  and  re- 
lating their  stories  as  usual,  he  affected  surprise,  and  in- 
quired what  noise  it  was  he  heard  just  beneath  him. 
The  senior  lieutenant,  who  was  then  at  his  elbow,  an- 
swered in  a  very  significant  and  sneering  tone,  it  was  a 
party  of  men  singing  psalms.  "  Singing  psalms !" 
replied  the  infurated  captain ;  "  I'll  have  no  such  doings 
in  my  ship.  Go  down  this  instant,  Mr. ,"  contin- 
ued he,  addressing  one  of  the  midshipmen,  "  go  down 
and  ascertain  whether  they  are  singing  songs  or  psalms," 
As  the  young  man  quickly  returned  and  reported  it  to 
be  the  latter,  an  official  order  was  immediately  given  to 
disperse  the  offenders,  and  to  report  for  punishment  any 
person  or  persons  who  might  in  future  be  found  doing 
the  like.  And  now  our  old  enemy,  the  senior  lieuten- 
ant, recalled  the  captain's  attention  to  the  evening  meet- 
ings in  the  witig.  The  latter  affected  not  to  know  of 
any  such  thing  having  existed  and  gave  immediate  or- 
ders for  their  suppression,  and  for  certain  officers  to  visit 
all  parts  of  the  ship  every  evening,  and  make  report  of 
any  assemblies  that  might  be  formed  for  religious  con- 
versation, singing,  &c.  &c.  These  orders  were  com- 
municated to  me  the  next  morninsr.     It  was  in  vain  to 


THE    RETROSPECT.  99 

contend  against  unlimited  power.  Submission  now  be- 
came our  duty,  and  we  endeavoured  to  act  on  this  prin- 
ciple, though  we  certainly  might  have  advanced  much, 
against  the  folly  and  injustice  of  such  proceedings.  It 
was,  however,  some  consolation  to  know,  that  all  the 
other  officers  in  the  ship,  except  the  first  lieutenant, 
viewed  these  arbitrary  mandates  in  a  proper  light,  and 
eeemed  anxious  to  express  their  regret  at  what  had  hap- 
pened, by  showing  me  every  little  attention  in  their 
power,  and  by  extending  their  kind  regards  to  those 
young  gentlemen  who  more  particularly  fell  under  the 
oppressive  hand  of  their  enraged  commander.  It  was 
now  very  common  for  two  or  three  of  the  commission- 
ed officers  to  meet  in  each  other's  cabins  for  serious  con- 
versation and  reading  the  Scriptures;  but  it  was,  at  the 
same  time,  a  painful  thing  to  witness  many  of  the  poor 
unthinking  crew  rejoicing  at  the  suppression  of  our 
evening  meetings,  singing  of  psalms,  &c.  &c.  But 
such  is  the  enmity  of  the  carnal  heart  against  God ! 

For  some  time  past  my  friends  had  been  employed  in 
fruitless  endeavours  to  obtain  leave  for  my  return  to 
England,  as  more  than  twelve  years'  unremitting  active 
service  on  the  great  deep  had  much  shaken  my  consti- 
tution. The  repeated  changes  of  climate,  sickness,  and 
various  hardships  encountered  in  that  period,  had  laid 
the  foundation  of  rheumatic  and  other  complaints,  inde- 
pendent of  the  effects  of  that  anxiety  of  mind  under 
which  I  had,  for  more  than  three  years  past,  laboured 
in  endeavouring  to  maintain  the  narrow  path  of  duty, 
between  the  trying  circumstances  of  my  public  station, 
and  those  of  a  follower  of  Him,  whose  kingdom  and 


100  THE    RETROSPECT. 

people  are  not  of  this  world.  These  altogether  had 
produced  an  effect  on  the  constitution,  which,  to  say  the 
least,  required  some  retirement  and  repose  to  counteract. 
Yet  hitherto  all  endeavours  had  been  unavailing,  be- 
cause my  little  work  was  not  quite  done.  But,  now 
that  the  Sabbaths  were  almost  entirely  profaned,  and  our 
evening  meetings  altogether  suppressed ;  now  that  the 
people  were  forbidden  to  engage  in  religious  conversa- 
tion, or  to  sing  praises  to  God,  under  pain  of  being 
flogged ;  now  that  some  were  driven  out  of  the  ship, 
and  all  whom  I  in  any  way  noticed  were  oppressed  and 
persecuted;  it  seemed  to  myself  clear,  that  my  little 
christian  labours  were  drawing  to  a  close  in  this  place. 
Under  that  impression,  I  besought  the  Lord  to  remove 
me  thence,  to  mark  out  my  future  path,  and  to  give  me 
grace  to  see  and  follow  it.  That  his  gracious  provi- 
dence had  opened  a  way  for  the  introduction  of  religion, 
and  had  blessed  the  means  in  various  instances,  I  could 
have  no  doubt.  I  felt  equally  certain  that  the  change  I 
then  beheld  could  not  have  happened  without  his  per- 
mission. It  was  not  for  me  impatiently  to  ask,  "  O  God, 
how  long  shall  the  adversary  do  this  dishonour  ?  how 
long  shall  the  enemy  blaspheme  thy  name?"  I  found  it 
more  profitable  to  meditate  on  our  blessed  Lord's  decla- 
ration, and  that  of  his  servant,  "  What  I  do  thou  know- 
est  not  now,  but  thou  shalt  know  hereafter" — "  Now 
we  see  through  a  glass  darkly,  but  then  face  to  face," 
&c.  In  this  manner  I  passed  not  more  than  two  or 
three  weeks,  when,  to  my  joy  and  surprise,  the  long 
wished-for  order  arrived,  and  I  was  directed  to  take  a  pas- 
sage in  one  of  the  ships  then  about  to  sail  for  England. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  101 

That  very  forenoon  I  had  held  the  command  on  deck 
from  eight  to  twelve  o'clock,  and  weary  with  the  heat 
of  the  weather  and  activity  of  duty,  I  had  gone  down 
to  my  cabin,  stretched  myself  at  full  length  on  a  sofa, 
and  was  half  asleep,  when  one  of  the  midshipmen  came 
running  in,  and  said,  "Sir,  I  am  just  returned  from  the 
admiral's  ship  with  the  order  for  you  to  get  yourself  and 
luggage  ready,  and  repair  on  board  the  Royal  Sovereign, 
as  she  will  leave  the  fleet  in  one  hour's  time."  And  so 
it  was,  that  in  one  hour  from  being  engaged  in  all  the 
activity  and  responsibility  of  my  naval  profession,  and 
at  a  moment  when  I  almost  despaired  of  ever  obtaining 
a  respite,  or  seeing  again  the  interior  of  my  native  land, 
I  found  myself  divested  of  all  these  cares  and  responsi- 
bilities ;  removed  from,  under  the  controul  of  my  un- 
happy commander ;  and  standing  in  the  quiet  capacity 
of  a  passenger  on  my  way  home ;  meditating  on  the  im- 
possibility of  man's  foreseeing  what  a  day  may  bring  forth. 

The  moment  of  quitting  the  C was  no  uninte- 
resting one  to  my  feelings.  Many  came  on  deck  to  see 
me  depart,  and  many  wished  me  well.  I  looked  round 
for  the  last  time  on  a  people  and  place  familiar  to  me  for 
more  than  four  years.  A  thousand  tender  recollections 
were  revived ;  for  from  the  day  in  which  I  joined  this 
vessel,  to  the  hour  of  leaving  her,  mercy  and  goodness 
had  not  ceased  to  follow  me.  My  own  mind  had  under- 
gone a  great  change  since  the  former  period,  and  the 
same  change  had  been  experienced  by  several  others. 
It  was  the  Lord's  doing,  and  marvellous  in  my  eyes.  I 
could  say  but  little  to  my  poor  dejected  fellow  Christians. 
Their  peculiar  case  lay  near  my  heart,  and  that  heart 
9* 


102  THE    RETROSPECT. 

foreboded  little  else  than  tribulation  as  their  every  day's 

lot.     During  the   two  years  that  the  C remained 

abroad  after  I  left  her,  the  Lord's  day  was  never  once 
observed.  The  serious  midshipmen  were  ordered  never 
to  visit  the  officers'  cabins,  unless  on  duty;  and  all  the 
officers,  of  every  description,  were  prohibited  from 
reading  religious  books  to  the  people. 

Thus  the  Retrospect  has  carried  me  through  some  of 
the  principal  events  of  my  life,  and  in  conclusion,  has 
shown  the  rise  and  suppression  of  religion  in  one  of  his 
Majesty's  ship  of  war.*     Natural  curiosity  may  prompt 

*  This  ship's  complement  consisted  of  six  hundred  and  forty 
souls.  At  the  time  of  her  return  to  England,  and  being  laid  by 
in  ordinary  two  years  after  I  quitted  her,  she  had  been  in  commis- 
sion eleven  years.  The  whole  Sabbaths  of  nearly  eight  out  of 
the  eleven  had  been  entirely  profaned,  without  so  much  as  even 
the  form  of  divine  worship  having  been  observed.  Nor  was  this 
by  any  means  an  uncommon  thing  in  the  navy.  So  far  as  the 
writer's  observations  went,  for  a  certainty  two-thirds  of  our  line 
of  battle  ships,  and  nine-tenths  of  all  smaller  ships  and  vessels, 
were  as  remiss  in  honouring  and  hallowing  the  Lord's  day  as  the 

C had  been.     The  distinction  between    Sunday  and  other 

days  at  sea  consisted,  in  the  writer's  time,  of  setting  aside  the 
more  laborious  and  dirty  work,  mustering  the  crew  in  their  best 
clothes,  examining  and  taking  an  account  of  their  stock  of  wear- 
ing apparel,  reading  the  Articles  of  War  every  fourth  week,  and 
giving  liberty  for  the  purchase  of  an  extra  and  unnecessary  por- 
tion of  rum  from  the  shore  when  in  port.  When  the  reflecting 
mind  contemplates  this  state  of  things,  and  connects  it  with  the 
remembrance  of  the  horrid  custom  of  admitting  such  swarms  of 
prostitutes  on  board  our  ships  as  soon  as  they  reach  their  anchor- 
age, (the  writer  has  known  more  than  three  hundred  of  these 
wretched  beings  on  board  his  ship  at  one  time,)  how  evident  it  is, 
that  He  who  hath  used  the  instrumentality  of  our  navy  to  defend 


THE    RETROSPECT.  103 

my  readers  to  ask  many  questions  respecting  my  name, 
my  character,  and  present  pursuits.  Now,  as  to  the 
first  of  these  subjects  of  inquiry,  it  really  is  not  worth 
knowing  ;  and  the  second  can  be  truly  drawn  by  none 
except  by  Him  "  who  searcheth  the  heart  and  trieth  the 
reins  of  the  children  of  men,"  and  who  hath  warned 
both  them  and  me,  "  if  we  think  we  stand,  to  take  heed 
lest  we  fall."  As  to  the  third,  I  shall  gratify  them  so 
far  as  to  observe,  that  on  my  return  to  England,  I  found 
my  naval  friends  high  in  power  and  office,  and  willing 
and  able  to  serve  me.  God,  however,  had  given  me 
another  mind.  For,  when  I  looked  back  through  all 
my  professional  labours,  motives,  and  acquirements,  and 
tried  them  in  the  balance  of  the  sanctuary,  I  found  their 
amount  only  vanity  and  vexation  of  spirit.  Ofttimes 
had  my  conscience  loudly  remonstrated  against  many 
parts  of  my  public  duty,  and  there  was  no  prospect  but 
of  deepening  its  wounds  while  I  continued  in  the  ser- 
vice. In  the  mean  time,  the  concerns  of  eternity  ap- 
peared more  and  more  solemnly  important.  I  beheld 
myself  as  a  creature  born  for  an  endless  existence,  and 
felt  that  that  existence  would  be  replete  with  blessedness 

and  preserve  the  country,  did  not  give  victory  for  the  sake  of  the 
great  mass  which  fought  her  battles !  It  will,  however,  afford 
some  consolation  to  the  serious  reader  to  know,  that  the  morals 
and  manners  of  our  seamen  in  general  are  gradually  improving 
under  the  various  means  now  used  for  their  instruction  in  our  sea- 
ports and  the  merchant  service.  Whether  any  real  moral  im- 
provement is  attempted,  or  produced  on  board  our  ships  of  war 
now  in  commission,  I  have  many  doubts  to  discourage  expectation, 
and  but  little  ground  to  build  any  hopes  upon — time  and  events 
will  ere  long  inform  us. 


104  THE    RETROSPECT. 

or  misery,  according  as  this  little  span  of  time  was  de- 
voted to  God  or  to  the  world.  Viewed  through  this 
medium,  every  thing  wore  a  new  aspect,  and  appeared 
in  a  different  light  to  what  it  formerly  had  done.  When, 
with  eternity  on  my  mind,  I  looked  round  and  contem- 
plated mankind  at  large,  and  those,  in  particular,  whom 
I  left  in  what  is  called  the  high  road  to  honour  and 
happiness,  I  could  not  but  pity  them.  I  felt  the  whole 
force  of  Cowper's  lines,  and  often  repeated  them  to  my- 
self, saying, 

''  I  see  that  all  are  wand'rers  gone  astray, 
Each  in  his  own  delusions ;  they  are  lost 
In  chase  of  fancied  happiness,  still  woo'd 
And  never  won.     Dream  after  dream  ensues, 
And  still  they  dream  that  they  shall  still  succeed, 
And  still  are  disappointed.     Rings  the  world 
With  the  vain  stir.     I  sum  up  half  mankind, 
And  add  two-thirds  of  the  remaining  half, 
And  find  the  total  of  their  hopes  and  fears — 
Dreams,  empty  dreams !" 

What  I  could  I  had  done  to  impress  their  minds  with  a 
sense  of  the  reasonableness  of  seeking  first  the  kingdom 
of  God  and  his  righteousness.  I  had  seen  the  blessing 
of  the  Almighty  accompany  these  endeavours  for  a 
season.  I  had  witnessed  his  unerring  providence  allow 
them  to  be  suspended  where  he  had  once  opened  the 
door  for  their  progress.  The  same  providence  had  at 
length  removed  me  from  this  distressing  situation,  and 
in  a  manner  had  unfitted  me  for  resuming  it  again. 
Indeed,  I  earnestly  longed,  should  God  so  permit,  to 
(levote  my  whole  life  and  exertions  exclusively  to  his 


""  THE    RETROSPECT.  105 

service  in  the  established  church ;  to  retreat  into  some 
humble,  quiet  nook,  and  there,  far  from  the  strife  and 
tumult  of  worldly  and  ambitious  scenes,  to  labour  among 
a  poor  and  plain  people  for  the  honour  of  God,  and  the 
good  of  souls.  The  subject  had  been  strongly  enforced 
on  my  attention  by  several  pious  friends  at  Portsmouth 
and  Plymouth,  and  hence  I  began  to  direct  my  studies, 
and  to  arrange  my  plans  in  this  direction,  waiting  the 
indications  of  Providence  to  see  whether  the  cloud 
moved  towards  the  object  in  view  or  not.  Many  and 
great  obstacles  presented  themselves  ;  but  in  the  Lord's 
time  they  all  vanished,  and  my  desires  were  wonder- 
fully accomplished.  My  humble  name  found  a  place 
on  the  honourable  and  awful  list  of  labourers  in  the 
vineyard  of  Christ.  The  people  among  whom  I  was 
appointed  to  minister  were  of  that  description  who 
formerly  heard  the  word  gladly.  (Mark  xii.  37.)  And 
ray  situation  is  as  much  as  possible  out  of  the  reach  of 
observation.* 

"  Since,  then,  with  few  associates,  in  remote 
And  hurnble  life,  I  live,  far,  far  from  those 
My  former  partners  of  the  peopled  scene, 
With  few  associates,  and  not  wishing  more. 
Here  much  I  ruminate,  as  much  I  may, 
With  other  views  of  men  and  manners  now 
Than  once,  and  others  of  a  Ufe  to  come. 

Nor  have  I  any  cause  to  apprehend  I  have  stepped  out 
of  that  path  which  a  gracious  God  had  marked  out  for  me. 

*  This  more  particularly  applied  to  the  time  when  this  chapter 
was  first  published. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

"the  lord  will  take  vengeance  on  his  adver- 
saries, AND  he  RESERVETH  WRATH  FOR  HIS  ENE- 
MIES."— Nahum  i.  2. 

This  portion  of  Holy  Writ  I  conceive  is  declarative 
of  that  vengeance  which  the  eternal  Jehovah  takes  in 
the  present  life,  as  well  as  of  that  tribulation  and  wrath 
which  is  to  be  inflicted  in  a  future  state.  I  am  well 
aware  how  many  awful  instances  of  vice  and  wicked- 
ness pass  here,  without  any  singular  or  visible  mark  of 
divine  anger.  Many  dreadful  sinners  are  permitted  to 
live  out  all  their  days  without  experiencing  any  particu- 
lar trial ;  without  once  smarting  under  the  rod  of  in- 
sulted mercy  and  justice.  While  they  live  this  is  their 
language:  "  Our  life  is  short,  and  in  the  death  of  a  man 
there  is  no  remedy.  Come  on,  therefore ;  let  us  enjoy 
the  good  things  that  are  present ;  and  let  us  speedily  use 
the  creatures  as  in  our  youth.  Let  us  fill  ourselves  with 
costly  wines  and  ointments ;  let  no  flowers  of  the  spring 
pass  by  us.  Let  us  crown  ourselves  with  rose-buds  be- 
fore they  be  withered.  Let  none  of  us  go  without  his 
part  of  our  voluptuousness ;  let  us  leave  tokens  of  our 
joyfulness  in  every  place ;  let  us  eat  and  drink,  for  to- 
morrow we  die."  That  morrow  arrives,  and  "  they  de- 
part with  their  hearts  full  of  milk,  and  their  bones  full 


THE    RETROSPECT.  107 

of  marrow;  they  are  not  troubled  as  other  and  better 
men  are,  neither  have  they  any  bands  in  their  death." 
Stupid,  self-confident,  and  insensible,  they  quit  this  stage 
of  mortal  existence,  and  open  their  eyes  in  despair  and 
anguish,  and  begin  to  drink  of  that  bitter  cup  which  the 
Lord  had  reserved  for  them  until  that  day. 

Such  is  the  state  and  the  end  of  many  sinners ;  but  it 
is  not  the  state  of  all.  Some  there  are,  Avho  having 
lived  without  God  and  without  Christ  in  the  world,  de- 
part hence,  with  all  the  sure  and  irresistible  forebodings 
of  eternal  wrath ;  they  are  not  permitted  any  longer  to 
deceive  themselves ;  they  are  made  to  think  of  eternal 
concerns,  and  to  know  that  "their  summer  is  past,  their 
harvest  is  ended,  and  that  they  are  not  saved."  Not  a 
few  of  these,  it  may  be,  were  long  esteemed,  and  even 
denominated  happy  creatures  by  their  companions  in 
folly  and  sin.  Bat  in  the  day  of  visitation,  these  com- 
panions fly  from  them,  as  unable  to  bear  and  witness  the 
solemn  and  salutary  lessons  of  such  dying  beds.  Thus 
the  individual  bereft  of  hope  and  forsaken  of  man,  rolls 
his  eyes  in  despair,  groans  as  he  makes  his  exit,  and 
quickly  enters  on  a  second,  an  eternal  state  of  indescri- 
bable misery. 

Others  there  are,  who,  in  after-life,  fight  against  and 
overcome  every  serious  impression  which  the  instruction 
of  parents,  and  the  example  of  pious  friends,  had  once 
produced.  In  league  with  Satan  and  the  world,  they  con- 
tend against  all  the  calls  of  divine  mercy  and  judgment 
— they  silence  all  the  remonstrances  of  conscience,  and 
refuse,  resolutely  refuse,  to  have  Christ  to  reign  over 
them,  until  at  length  the  sentence  goes  forth,  "  Ephraim 


108  THE    RETROSPECT. 

is  joined  to  his  idols ;  let  him  alone."  Of  this  descrip- 
tion I  fear  the  number  is  greater  than  many  Christians 
are  aware  of  He  that  sojourns  much  among  men,  not 
unfrequently  meets  companions  by  the  way,  who  bear 
every  mark  of  being  thus  given  up  to  follow  the  devices 
and  desires  of  their  own  hearts — men,  whose  consciences 
seem  callous,  as  the  flesh  seared  with  a  hot  iron :  who 
appear  to  have  entirely  quenched  the  Spirit;  whose 
whole  conduct  bespeaks  a  reprobate  mind,  and  whose 
awful  end  stamps  the  concluding  feature  of  such  a  mel- 
ancholy state.  True  it  is,  we  ought  to  be  extremely 
cautious  in  applying  this  doctrine  to  individuals :  but  it 
is  equally  true,  that  we  ought  not  to  confound  the  sinner 
with  the  saint.  Charity  hopeth  all  things,  only  so  far 
as  reason,  facts,  and  Scripture  authorize  her.  It  is  not 
charity  to  silence,  or  contradict,  the  testimony  of  these 
guides.  For  a  Christian  to  indulge  a  hope  of  the  eter- 
nal happiness  of  those  who  persisted  in  known  and  al- 
lowed sin  while  they  lived,  and  who  died  without  ever 
manifesting  a  reformed  practice,  or  a  penitential  sorrow 
— nay,  who  died  in  a  state  of  senseless  and  brutal  intox- 
ication, or  in  the  feelings  of  rage,  hatred,  and  murder ; 
or  in  reviling  God,  or  in  uttering  oaths  and  execrations, 
this  is  not  charity.  It  is,  to  say  the  least,  weakness  and 
error ;  it  is  more ;  it  is  a  tacit  disregard  or  denial  of  such 
Scriptures  as  declare  that  the  unconverted  and  unsancti- 
fied  sinner,  dying  a  hundred  years  old,  is  accursed. 

For  our  daily  support,  we  know  that  it  shall  be  well 
with  those  who  die  in  the  Lord.  Their  end,  we  are 
assured,  will  be  peace ;  and,  for  our  warning,  we  also 
know,  that  the  "  impenitent  wicked  shall  be  turned  into 


THE    RETROSPECT.  109 

hell,  and  all  the  people  that  forget  God."  Our  judg- 
ment cannot,  and  ought  not,  to  follow  individuals  into 
an  eternal  world,  with  any  thing  like  a  positive  sentence 
of  condemnation,  for  two  reasons :  first,  because  judg- 
ment belongeth  unto  God,  and  he  will  repay;  and, 
secondly,  because  we  are  ignorant  of  many  particulars 
which  are  known  unto,  and  mercifully  regarded  by,  the 
Almighty.  Yet  we  ought  not,  I  again  repeat  it,  to  con- 
found the  sinner's  fate  with  that  of  the  saint.  If  we  are 
afraid  to  pronounce  any  one  a  son  of  perdition,  let  us  be 
also  afraid  to  assign  salvation  to  those  who,  having  lived 
and  died  in  the  service  of  Satan,  and  in  doing  the  works 
of  the  flesh,  are  pronounced  by  God  himself  inadmissi- 
ble into  his  heavenly  kingdom. 

On  witnessing  such  a  close  of  such  a  life,  our  minds 
ought  to  be  filled  with  solemn  awe,  with  silent  resigna- 
tion to  the  will  and  determination  of  the  Judge  of  all 
the  earth,  fully  convinced  that  he  will  do  right.  On 
such  occasions  we  should  do  well  to  prostrate  ourselves 
before  his  mercy-seat,  and  daily  to  implore  fresh  supplies 
of  grace  to  enable  us  to  endure  unto  the  end.  Let  us 
remember,  that  so  long  as  we  inhabit  a  body  of  sin  and 
corruption,  we  have  abundant  cause  to  pass  the  time  of 
our  sojourning  here  with  fear.  For  we  have  to  "  wrestle 
not  only  against  flesh  and  blood,  but  against  principali- 
ties, against  powers,  against  the  rulers  of  the  darkness 
of  this  world,  against  spiritual  wickedness  in  high 
places."  Let  us,  therefore,  watch  and  pray,  lest  we  en- 
ter into  temptation ;  let  us  not  only  dread  the  profanity 
of  the  blasphemer,  and  the  empty  unavailing  confidence 
of  the  self-righteous  Pharisee ;  but  let  us  shrink  back 
10 


110  THE    RETROSPECT. 

from  every  approach  to  Antinomianism ;  let  us  tremble 
at  the  idea  of  viewing  sin,  either  in  ourselves  or  others, 
with  the  smallest  complacency,  of  resting  in  the  head- 
knowledge  and  letter  of  the  doctrines  of  election  and 
final  perseverance,  while  we  remain  destitute  of  the 
spirit  and  practice  of  those  "who  are  sanctified  hy  faith 
which  is  in  Christ." 

What  that  spirit  and  that  practice  is,  will  sufficiently 
appear  from  consulting  the  few  following  texts,  among 
many  others  of  a  similar  tendency  :  Phil.  ii.  5  ;  John  iv. 
84;  Romans  viii.  5,  6,  9,  10;  Gal.  v.  22—26 ;  Col.  iii. 
12—17;  ICor.  x.  31;  Titus  ii.  11—14;  Col.  i.  10; 
Phil.  iv.  8;  Romans  vi.  throughout;  1  Peter  i.  15; 
2  Cor.  vii.  1. 

Having  thus  far  explained  myself,  I  shall  proceed  to 
relate  a  few  anecdotes  of  persons,  whose  lives  and  deaths 
were  such,  as  to  leave  survivors  but  little  room  for  hope, 
and  very  much  for  fear,  as  to  their  final,  their  eternal  state. 

G.  H.  was  one  of  the  crew  of  the  P ,  whose 

wreck  and  destruction  have  been  noticed  in  the  second, 
third,  and  fourth  chapters  of  this  Retrospect.  He  was 
a  most  notorious  thief,  drunkard,  and  profane  blasphemer, 
such  as  to  engage  my  notice,  reprobate  as  I  was,  and 
the  notice  of  all  the  officers  and  crew.  He  seldom  es- 
caped more  than  six  or  eight  weeks  without  being 
flogged,  on  one  of  which  occasions  he  frankly  told  the 
officers  they  had  better  procure  his  execution,  as  he 
should  never  reform.  Dreadfully  severe  as  some  of  his 
punishments  had  been,  yet  they  availed  nothing.  Time 
and  facts  only  confirmed  the  truth  of  his  assertion — he 
never  did  reform.     Whether  he  could  read  or  not,  or 


THE    RETROSPECT.  Ill 

whether  he  knew  of  and  believed  in  the  existence  of  a 
future  state  or  not,  I  cannot  tell.  At  this  moment  I 
have  not  the  smallest  recollection  of  any  one  on  board 
ever  betraying  the  least  concern  about  eternity,  much 
less  do  I  recollect  any  thing  in  G.  H.'s  conduct  that 
bespoke  him  aware  that  "  it  was  appointed  unto  all  men 
once  to  die,  and  after  that  the  judgment." 

His  was  a  life  not  only  of  sin,  but  of  hateful  sin ; 
hateful  even  in  the  estimation  of  other  sinners.  It  was 
one  unvarying  round  of  punishment,  oaths,  and  false- 
hood, of  theft,  drunkenness,  and  punishment,  until  the 
time  the  ship  was  stranded.  When  that  event  happen- 
ed, a  part  of  two  days  and  one  night  were  expended  in 
great  and  laborious  exertions,  by  every  officer  and  man 
on  board,  as  we  supposed.  But  it  afterwards  appeared, 
that,  while  the  rest  of  the  crew  were  labouring  to  save 
the  wreck,  G.  H.  had  found  means  to  enter  one  of  the 
officer's  store-rooms,  and  also  succeeded  in  enticing  a 
clownish  landsman  (who  had  lately  volunteered  into 
the  service)  to  bear  him  company.  There  they  con- 
cealed, and  drank  themselves  senseless,  and  slept  until 
the  exertions  of  their  comrades  were  relinquished  as 
fruitless,  and  the  vessel  was  abandoned  to  its  fate.  Sleep 
and  cold  at  length  restored  their  reason,  and  roused  them 
from  their  skulking  place  to  discover  their  situation,  as 
the  sole  and  uncomfortable  possessors  of  His  Majesty's 
ship  P ,  now  lying  on  its  side,  bilged,  and  surround- 
ed with  ice. 

Having  succeeded  in  kindling  a  fire,  and  being  a  little 
warmed  and  refreshed,  G.  H.  proceeded  to  examine  such 
of  the  cabins,  drawers,  and  officers'  trunks  as  were  ac- 


112  THE    RETROSPECT. 

cessible.  Plundering  was  always  his  delight,  but  now 
the  abundance  of  stuff  distressed  his  mind,  since  he  could 
carry  off  so  little  in  comparison  with  the  much  that 
must  be  left  behind.  To  travel  with  a  trunk  or  load, 
over  the  rugged  mass  of  ice  that  surrounded  the  wreck, 
was  impracticable ;  but  he  determined  to  carry  off  as 
much  as  he  could.  To  this  end  he  put  on  several  shirts 
and  various  other  articles  of  wearing  apparel,  com- 
pleting his  equipment  with  one  of  the  captain's  uniform 
coats,  mounted  with  gold  epaulets.  A  pair  of  large 
plated  candlesticks  next  fell  in  his  way,  which  he  mis- 
taking for  silver,  determined  to  save  if  he  saved  himself. 
Being  now  tolerably  well  laden,  and  having  again 
drunk  from  the  wine  cases,  he  and  his  companion  quit- 
ted the  wreck,  without  knowing  whither  they  were 
going,  and,  indeed,  without  understanding  the  nature 
and  time  of  the  tide.  The  consequence  was,  that  soon 
after  they  left  the  vessel,  they  found  the  ice  in  motion, 
and  themselves  scarcely  able  to  proceed  in  any  direction. 
H.'s  difficulties  were  of  course  much  increased  by  the 
load  of  clothes  on  his  back,  as  well  as  the  lumber  in  his 
hands  ;  but  he  seemed  utterly  insensible  to  every  thing, 
except  saving  his  pillage,  and  giving  vent  to  his  repro- 
bate feelings,  and  now  more  than  usually  blasphemous 
mind.  Oaths,  dreadful  oaths  and  curses,  continued  to 
be  poured  forth  from  his  lips,  until  one  of  the  massy 
pieces  of  ice,  on  which  he  stood,  clave  under  him,*  not 
unlike  the  earth,  when  it  opened  and  swallowed  up 
Korah  and  his  associates,  and  he  descended  with  his 

*  Not  from  the  natural  effect  of  his  weight  on  it,  but  from  the 
concussion  of  the  surrounding  mass  or  field  of  ice  then  in  motion. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  113 

plunder  in  his  hands,  and  his  oaths  on  his  tongue — and 
the  ice  closed  upon  him,  and  he  was  seen  no  more. 

The  poor  loutish  landsman,  who  at  a  small  distance 
witnessed  and  escaped  his  fate,  was  exceedingly  shocked 
at  what  had  happened;  nor  was  he  much  less  terrified 
under  the  apprehensions  of  his  own  danger.  He  saw 
no  prospect  of  escaping  by  land  ;  and,  indeed,  there  was 
not,  at  that  time,  any  refuge  from  impending  destruc- 
tion, but  what  the  wreck  itself  offered.  Thither  a  gra- 
cious Providence  directed  his  attention,  and,  contrary  to 
all  human  expectation,  enabled  him  to  regain  it  before 
the  night  closed  upon  him.  Here  he  continued  for  four 
or  five  days,  until  he  was  rescued  from  his  solitary  and 
dreary  abode  by  some  of  the  crew  who  remained  at  the 
island.  To  them,  with  much  honest  simplicity,  he  re- 
lated the  foregoing  particulars  of  himself  and  the  un- 
happy G.  H. 

Mr.  Z.  was  a  brother-midshipman  and  messmate  in 

the  E ,  during  the  eventful  period  of  three  years 

which  I  passed  in  that  ship.*  He  had  enjoyed  the 
privilege  of  a  religious  education,  and  the  edifying  ex- 
ample of  pious  parents  ;  he  knew  his  Master's  will,  but 
he  did  it  not.  His  father,  who  was  employed  in  a  very 
respectable  mercantile  line,  was  desirous  of  bringing  up 
this,  his  only  son,  to  the  knowledge  and  future  emolu- 
ment of  his  business;  but  Mr.  Z.  soon  broke  through 
all  restraint,  and  proceeded  to  such  lengths,  as  to  make 
it  necessary  he  should  leave  town.  Interest  was  then 
made   with  Captain  W ,  and  he  was  received  on 


*  See  Chap.  VI. 
10* 


114  THE    RETROSPECT. 

board  as  midshipman,  not  long  before  we  sailed  for  the 
Mediterranean.  It  is  but  justice  to  say,  that,  so  far  as 
public  naval  duty  was  concerned,  he  did  better  than 
some  I  have  known  ;  but  as  to  his  moral  conduct,  it  was 
awfully  depraved.  Religion  was  the  constant  butt 
against  which  he  levelled  his  wit  and  ridicule.  He 
mimicked  the  frailties  of  some  good  men,  and  burlesqued 
the  devotions  of  others.  Several  times  the  Lord  per- 
mitted him  to  be  so  filled  with  his  own  ways,  and  so  to 
feel  the  effects  of  his  vicious  course  of  life,  as  to  be 
brought  to  the  very  brink  of  eternity.  The  calls  of 
Providence  to  him  were  many  and  pointed ;  but  he  re- 
sisted them  all  with  steady  persevering  success.  Not 
one  expression  of  repentance — not  one  sign  of  contrition 
do  I  recollect  as  ever  having  escaped  him  on  any  occa- 
sion. For  the  last  two  years  we  were  together,  my 
Burder's  Village  Sermons,  and  a  borrowed  Bible,  were 
often  on  our  mess-table.  But  poor  Z.  not  only  refrained 
from  reading  them  himself,  but  he  greatly  opposed 
others,  whom  he  saw  occasionally  disposed  to  look  into 
them.  Indeed,  such  was  his  profane  abuse  of  sacred 
things,  as  to  shock  the  minds  of  some,  who  were  neither 
conscientious,  nor  even  moral  characters. 

Thus  he  Avent  on  from  bad  to  worse,  until  our  return 

to  England,  when  I  joined  the   D .     Mr.  Z.  was 

ordered  by  the  port-admiral  to  repair  on  board  the 
Y :  a  circumstance  as  unexpected  as  it  was  con- 
trary to  his  wishes.  Our  ships  put  to  sea  at  the  same 
time — stormy  weather  followed — the  squadron  was  sepa- 

ted — the  Y was  lost — and  Mr.  Z.  and  all  on  board, 

to  the  number  of  five  hundred,  perished  together. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  115 

A.  B.  was  a  seaman  belonging  to  my  last  ship,  the 

C .     He  was  what  the  thoughtless  part  of  the  crew 

called  a  jovial  good  fellow ;  i.  e.  he  was  ever  ready  to 
take  the  lead  in  drunkenness,  swearing,  filthy  conver- 
sation, lewd  songs,  and  lewder  practice.  Religion,  and 
religious  characters,  were,  of  course,  objects  of  his  con- 
tempt. With  astonishment  he  had  seen  some  of  his  old 
companions  in  vice  become  new  creatures ;  and  there 
were  seasons,  wherein  he  would  listen,  at  a  distance,  to 
what  was  passing  among  the  serious  men  in  the  wing — 
seasons,  wherein  his  conscience  smote  and  condemned 
him  for  the  life  he  led.  But  he  loved  sin,  and  was  de- 
termined to  silence  that  conscience.  He  therefore  not 
only  did  evil  himself,  but  seemed  to  take  pleasure  in 
others  who  did  the  same.  In  this  spirit,  about  two  days 
before  his  death,  he  went  to  one  of  his  most  profligate 
and  favourite  companions,  and  prefacing  what  he  had 
to  advance  with  a  volley  of  oaths,  said,  "  H.  you  know 

now  that  Mr.  M s  tells  us  there  is  a  broad  road  and 

narrow  one,  and  you,  you  old ,  and  I  are  in  the 

broad  one."  This  was  uttered  with  all  that  bravado 
and  apparent  glorying  in  iniquity  which  is  peculiar  to 
fools  who  make  a  mock  at  sin. 

The  second  or  third  night  after  this  his  awful  decla- 
ration, I  was  ordered  on  service,  with  some  other  offi- 
cers of  the  fleet,  to  reconnoitre  the  enemy's  coast,  &c. ; 
on  which  occasion  A.  B.  formed  one  of  the  crew  of  my 
boat.  A  full  moon  and  clear  sky  enabled  the  troops  on 
shore  to  observe  our  approach,  and  to  secrete  themselves 
behind  the  rocks,  until  we  were  within  pistol-shot  of 
their  concealment,  when  they  opened  a  shower  of  mus- 


116  THE    RETROSPECT. 

quetry  on  us,  from  a  quarter  we  least  expected,  and 
from  which  we  could  neither  defend  ourselves,  nor  fly 
for  a  considerable  time.  At  length,  when  our  bustle 
had  a  little  subsided,  and  we  had  retired  somewhat  fur- 
ther off,  I  inquired  whether  any  had  received  injury, 
and  to  my  surprise  and  joy  I  heard  nineteen  out  of  the 
twenty  answer  in  the  negative.  But  poor  A.  B.,  whose 
station  was  the  farthest  from  me,  made  no  reply.  I  saw 
he  had  let  go  his  oar,  and  was  leaning  against  the  boat's 
side ;  I  went  to  him,  and  expressed  my  hope  that  he  was 
not  much  hurt ;  but  he  returned  no  answer.  His  eyes 
were  closed  ;  and,  on  examination,  I  found  his  heart  had 
ceased  to  perform  its  wonted  office ;  for  a  musket  ball 
had  passed  directly  through  the  brain,  and,  in  an  instant 
had  dismissed  the  spirit,  to  give  an  account  of  all  the 
things  done  in  the  body ! 

What  made  the  exit  of  this  poor  immortal  the  more 
distressing,  was  to  learn  that,  previous  to  his  quitting  the 
ship,  he  had  been  boasting  of  the  jovial,  or  rather  drunken, 
manner  in  which  he  hoped  to  pass  the  morrow  evening, 
having  clandesiinely  bargained  with  some  others  for 
their  grog,  with  which  he  intended  to  keep  a  feast, 
either  on  account  of  a  birth-day  or  some  other  particular 
occasion.  But,  alas  for  him !  that  morrow's  sun  arose, 
not  to  witness  the  accomplishment  of  his  plans,  but  to 
behold  his  body  committed  to  the  deep,  to  be  turned  into 
corruption.  I  was  directed  to  read  the  Burial  Service 
on  this  occasion,  and  in  so  doing,  made  the  necessary 
pause  while  his  corpse  was  launched  into  the  sea.  My 
eyes  followed  it  as  it  sunk,  until  the  proud  waves  had 
gone  over,  and  hidden  it  from  our  sight.     My  heart  was 


THE    RETROSPECT.  117 

pained  within  me ;  for  I  had  learnt,  not  only  the  cir- 
cumstances already  related,  but  the  more  distressing  one, 
that  he  was  actually  giving  vent  to  oaths  and  curses 
when  the  ball  struck  him,  and  closed  his  lips  in  silence 
for  ever  in  this  world !  Whether  I  contemplated  the 
dead  or  the  living,  it  was  a  solemn  theme :  when  I 
turned  my  eyes  from  following  the  former  into  the  bow- 
els of  the  deep,  and  cast  them  on  the  latter,  I  beheld  his 
nineteen  surviving  comrades  standing  around  me  in 
thoughtful  silence.  They,  with  myself,  were  so  many 
living  instances  of  a  great,  a  watchful,  and  a  gracious 
Providence ;  and  had  the  circumstances  of  time  and 
place  permitted,  I  should  gladly  have  improved  it,  and 
said,  "  O  that  ye  were  wise — that  ye  understood  these 
things — that  ye  would  consider  your  latter  end  !"  "  O 
that  ye  would  praise  the  Lord  for  his  goodness  !"  and  so 
reflect  on  that  goodness  as  to  be  led  to  repentance ! 

Whenever  I  have  recollected  this  preservation  of 
nineteen  of  the  crew,  and  of  myself  in  particular,  it  has 
seemed  little  less  than  a  miracle,  considering  how  near 
and  how  long  we  were  exposed  to  what  may  be  termed 
a  shower  of  shot  falling  like  hail  among  us.  It  was  a 
time  which  called  for  a  deliberate  exposure  of  myself, 
and  while  I  felt  it  a  necessary  duty  to  stand  up  on  the  seat 
of  the  boat  to  give  my  orders  and  make  observations, 
until  we  were  out  all  danger,  I  seldom  have  had  a  more 
composed  reliance  on  the  presence  and  protection  of 
God,  than  while  I  was  thus  acting  and  seemed  as  a 
mark  set  up  for  the  enemy  to  shoot  at,  and  which  one 
would  think  it  were  impossible  for  them  to  have  missed. 


CHAPTER  X. 

"cast  thy  bread  upon  the  waters;  for  thou 

SHALT  FIND  IT  AFTER  MANY  DAYS.— EcCLES  xi.  1. 

Blessed  be  God  for  such  a  command,  and  blessed  be 
his  holy  name  for  such  a  promise ;  and  blessed  be  the  man 
who  seeks  and  obtains  grace  to  "  work  while  it  is  called 
to-day:  who  continues  steadfast,  unmoveable,  always 
abounding  in  the  works  of  the  Lord ;"  occupying,  with 
his  ten,  or  his  two  intrusted  talents,  until  his  Lord  shall 
come !  Yes !  I  pray  that  such  may,  and  I  know  they 
will,  be  blessed.  Not  that  the  imperfect  services,  the 
deficient  obedience  of  the  creature,  can  look  for  a  reward 
of  merit  at  the  hands  of  the  eternal  Jehovah,  whose 
every  command  all  the  sons  and  daughters  of  Adam 
have  more  or  less  broken ;  but  that  it  is  a  present  bless- 
ing, as  well  as  the  earnest  of  a  future  one,  to  be  disposed 
and  permitted  to  unite  our  instrumentality  in  the  work 
of  Him,  who,  with  infinite  ease,  could  accomplish  every 
purpose  of  his  divine  will  without  our  agency. 

The  fact  is,  what  we  call  our  duty^  should  be  called 
and  esteemed  our  privilege.  Most  men  would  consider 
it  a  great  honour,  an  enviable  distinction,  to  be  made  the 
frequent  and  familiar  companions  of  their  monarch's 
leisure  hours — to  assist  him  in  arranging  the  papers  of 
his  portfolio,  or  in  adjusting  the  trifling  disorders  of  his 


THE    RETROSPECT.  119 

library.  These  little  offices  would  be  esteemed,  not  as  a 
task,  a  labour,  or  a  burden,  but  as  a  pleasure,  a  privi- 
lege, and  a  mark  of  kind  condescension ;  especially  if 
the  parties  knew  their  monarch  could  himself  do  the 
thing  much  better,  but  that  he  chose  this  method  of 
showing  his  attention  and  love  to  them.  Well,  then, 
my  christian  readers,  let  us  endeavor  to  esteem  it  our 
privilege  to  do  the  will  of  Him  who  sent  us  hither. 
And  when  he  invites  and  directs  us  to  cast  our  bread 
upon  the  waters,  to  sow  our  seed  in  the  morning,  and  in 
the  evening  not  to  withhold  our  hand,  let  us  learn  to  go 
about  the  work,  not  as  a  task,  a  labour,  or  a  burden,  but 
as  a  pleasure,  a  privileged  employment  in  the  service  of 
One,  who,  though  King  of  kings,  and  Lord  of  lords, 
hath  nevertheless  shown  us  this  mark  of  distinction ; 
"that  we  should  be  workers  together  with  God." 
■  But  here,  perhaps,  two  classes  of  people  will  step 
forward  and  throw  in  their  complaints ;  the  Jirst  lar 
menting  that  their  situation  in  life  is  and  has  been  such 
as  to  exclude  them  from  doing  any  thing  for  the  glory 
of  God  and  the  spiritual  good  of  others  :  the  second,  that 
they  have  "  all  day  long  stretched  forth  their  hands  to  a 
stiff-necked  and  gainsaying  people;"  that  they  have 
long  continued  casting  their  bread  upon  the  waters,  but 
that  the  stream  of  sin  and  rebellion  has  uniformly  swept 
all  their  labours  into  the  ocean  of  forgetfulness,  and  none 
have  believed  or  remembered  their  report. 

To  the  former  class  of  my  complaining  brethren  I 
would  beg  leave  to  observe,  that  nothing  is  more  com- 
mon than  for  Satan  and  our  own  hearts  to  lead  us  into 
wild  speculations,  and  fanciful  plans  and  persuasions, 


120  THE    RETROSPECT. 

how  we  would  act  were  we  in  this  man's  situation,  or 
in  the  other's — what  we  could  and  would  do,  were  we 
possessed  of  this  man's  wealth,  or  of  that  man's  talents 
and  influence.  Many  a  time,  my  dear  reader,  have  I 
caught  myself  thus  building  up  goodly  castles  in  the  air, 
wasting,  and  worse  than  wasting,  my  time  in  idle  Don 
Cluixote-like  reveries,  to  the  overlooking  and  forgetting 
that  I  had  my  work  to  do,  and  my  station  to  act  in ;  and 
that,  hereafter.  I  should  have  to  give  up  my  account, 
and  be  reckoned  with,  not  according  to  what  I  had  not, 
but  according  to  the  talents  I  possessed. 

Be  assured  my  reader,  there  is  not  a  situation  under 
heaven  wherein  the  real  Christian  is  utterly  debarred  all 
opportunities  of  acting  for  the  honour  of  God  and  the 
good  of  his  fellow-creatures.  The  poor  man  on  his 
crutches,  and  the  destitute  widow  on  her  sick  couch  may 
honour,  and  often  have  honoured,  God  and  edified  oth- 
ers. When  bereft  of  every  thing  this  world  calls  great 
and  good,  they  have  possessed  a  contented  mind  as  their 
continual  feast.  If  their  neighbors  have  witnessed  the 
rod  of  affliction  enter  their  dwelling,  they  have  also  wit- 
nessed their  cheerful  resignation  to  the  will  of  Him  who 
breaks  and  makes  whole.  Many  a  precious  and  scrip- 
tural word  of  exhortation  hath  proceeded  from  the  lips 
of  poor  and  rustic  christian  sufferers  to  the  edification 
not  only  of  the  poor  and  simple,  but  of  the  more  pros- 
perous and  learned  also.  As  an  individual  I  hesitate  not 
to  confess,  in  the  face  of  the  world,  that  on  many  occa- 
sions when  I  have  visited  the  poor  and  afflicted  of 
Christ's  flock,  in  the  character  of  a  teacher,  I  have  my- 
self been  taught,  both  by  their  words  and  example. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  121 

As  to  the  poor  man  who  is  in  health,  if  he  have  any 
portion  of  the  love  of  God  shed  abroad  in  his  heart,  by 
the  Holy  Ghost,  sure  I  am,  he  need  not,  he  will  not 
look  far  for  opportunities  of  glorifying  God  and  bene- 
fiting others.  His  own  family  or  fellow-servants,  or 
near  neighbours,  will  present  a  field  for  all  his  talents 
and  exertions ;  a  field  wherein  he  may  labour  accord- 
ing to  his  abilities,  and  be  approved  of  Him  who  hath 
already  said  to  many,  "  Well  done,  thou  good  servant ; 
because  thou  hast  been  faithful  in  a  very  little,  have  thou 
authority,"  &c. 

It  certainly  is  not  necessary  that  a  man  should  possess 
great  power  or  extensive  talents  to  be  "  useful  in  his 
day  and  generation."  Of  this  truth  Jerry  T.,  one  of  the 
crew  of  the  C ,  was  a  striking  instance.  His  situa- 
tion in  the  ship  was  that  of  officers'  barber  and  hair- 
dresser. Being  a  cleanly  smart  young  man  in  his  per- 
son, and  rather  clever  at  his  business,  as  well  as  handy 
in  doing  little  jobs  in  the  officers'  apartments,  he  was  a 
sort  of  privileged  man,  and  had  access  to  most  of  their 
cabins  and  private  liquor  cases  whenever  he  pJeased. 

Like  barbers  in  general,  Jerry  had  often  some  news 
to  relate,  or  some  subject  to  talk  about  while  performing 
the  duties  of  his  office;  but  on  the  topic  of  religion  he 
was  silent.  Not  but  that  he  could  read  very  well ;  but 
having  been  born  in  Ireland,  and  brought  up  a  Roman 
Catholic,  he  literally  knew  nothing  beyond  what  had 
been  imparted  through  the  medium  and  mummery  of 
paintings,  images,  processions,  legends,  and  deluded 
friars. 

It  however  pleased  God,  in  the  early  stage  of  our 
11 


122  THE    RETROSPECT. 

exertions,  to  bring  him  to  a  clear  understanding  of  gos- 
gel  truths.  His  was  an  honest  mind,  and  open  to  con- 
viction. He  attended  to  the  readings  in  the  icing,  and 
retired  and  examined  his  Bible  for  himself  The  Dagon 
of  Roman  Catholic  ignorance  and  idolatry  fell  before 
him.  But  this  was  not  all.  He  not  only  understood 
the  doctrines  of  the  Gospel,  but  he  felt  their  renovating 
effect;  and  so  far  as  a  steady  consistent  walk  and  con- 
versation could  prove  the  fact,  he  was  in  Christ  Jesus, 
and  became  a  new  creature.  And  now  began  his  trials 
from  the  ship's  company  in  general,  and  the  officers  in 
particular.  For  several  weeks  every  one  of  the  latter 
would  roast  Jerry,  as  they  termed  it,  on  the  subject  of 
his  Methodism,  and  praying  and  singing  of  psalms  in 
the  wing ;  but  these  roastings  did  not  continue  beyond 
half  a  year,  for  within  that  period  he  had,  by  a  conti- 
nuance in  well-doing,  put  them  all  to  silence. 

There  was  so  much  propriety  in  his  general  conduct, 
so  much  firmness  and  patience  under  ridicule  and  temp- 
tation ;  such  a  wise,  steady,  and  yet  unassuming  manner 
of  defending  the  cause  of  religion,  when  compelled  to 
answer,  that  he  advanced  in  the  esteem  of  his  superiors 
beyond  any  thing  I  could  have  conceived.  In  short,  he 
lived  to  hear  some  of  these  officers  converse  with  him 
on  religion  in  a  strain  widely  different  from  ridicule*and 
reproach.  As  to  his  conduct  among  his  comrades  be- 
low, it  was  such  as  to  comfort  me  whenever  I  heard  or 
thought  of  it.  We  had  many  Roman  Catholics  on 
board,  most  of  whom  were  extremely  ignorant  and  pro- 
fane, as  well  as  deplorably  bigotted  and  superstitious. 
Among  these  he  laboured,  reading  from  the  word  of 


THE    RETROSPECT.  123 

God,  and  conversing  with  such  zeal  and  understanding, 
that  he  was  hated  by  the  grossly  profane,  dreaded  by 
those  whose  consciences  were  not  entirely  callous,  and 
beloved  by  such  as  were  seeking  the  Lord  Jesus  in  sin- 
cerity and  truth.  Nor  have  I  a  doubt  but  the  last  day 
will  prove,  that  no  small  share  of  what  was  effected  on 

board  the  C was  brought  about  through  the  divine 

blessing  on  the  instrumentality  of  Jerry  T .     He, 

therefore,  has  added  one  more  to  the  numerous  instances 
that  might  be  brought  forward,  in  proof  of  a  fact  which 
claims  our  most  serious  and  grateful  attention — that 
great  power  and  extensive  talents  are  not  always  ne- 
cessary to  a  man's  being  useful  as  a  Christian  in  his  day 
and  generation. 

As  to  the  second  description  of  complainers,  who  la- 
ment their  having  long  cast  their  bread  upon  the  waters, 
without  the  smallest  prospect  of  its  being  found  to  any 
good  purpose,  let  me  remind  them,  that  it  is  not  always 
best  for  us  to  see  too  much  success  attend  even  our  most 
christian-like  labours.  It  is  sufficient  for  us  to  know 
that  these  labours  will  not  be  in  vain  in  the  Lord :  that 
"  the  word  is  not  to  return  void,  but  is  certainly  to  ac- 
complish the  thing  whereunto  it  is  sent ;"  in  other  words, 
that  "  the  bread  cast  upon  the  waters  is  to  be  found  after 
mafty  days."  We  are  ansiverable  for  casting  this 
bread,  but  not  for  its  being  found.  The  former  is  our 
work;  the  latter  is  the  Lord's.  But  it  must  not  be 
forgotten,  that  in  every  place  where  exertions  have  been 
made  for  the  glory  of  God  and  the  good  of  souls,  many 
who  were  expected  to  become  the  first  fruits  of  an  early 
spiritual  harvest,  have  not  been  gathered  in  until  a  late 


124  THE    RETROSPECT. 

hour,  and  many  not  at  all ;  while,  on  the  other  hand, 
some,  of  whom  little,  or  perhaps  no  hope,  was  cherish- 
ed, have  turned  out  the  most  flourishing  plants  in  the 
Lord's  vineyard.  Of  this  I  have  seen  repeated  instances, 
from  the  day  I  first  began  my  humble  work  of  reading 

to  a  few  poor  seamen  in  the  wing  of  the  C ,  even  to 

this  day.  But  as  the  last  instance  of  this  nature  which 
occurred  on  board  that  ship  was  somewhat  out  of  the 
common  way,  I  shall  adduce  it  in  proof  that  we  ought 
not  to  be  discouraged  when  we  cast  our  bread  upon  the 
waters,  however  rough  and  gloomy  those  waters  may 
appear  to  human  eyes. 

Robert  A.  was  a  young  man  of  rather  superior  un- 
derstanding to  seamen  in  general,  and,  being  excessive- 
ly fond  of  reading,  he  had  perused  and  imbibed  much 
evil  from  many  novels,  and  other  vile  books ;  so  that 
with  his  natural  and  acquired  talents,  he  was  enabled  to 
proceed  some  degrees  in  profligacy  beyond  many  others. 
He  was,  what  he  styled  himself  in  a  letter  which  1  now 
possess,  "  the  veriest  slave  to  all  manner  of  vice  of  any 
one  in  the  ship."  Not  all  the  discipline  of  the  service, 
nor  the  presence  of  his  superiors,  was  sufiicient  to  bridle 
his  impure  and  blasphemous  tongue. 

The  second  in  the  Naval  Articles  of  War  provides, 
"  that  if  any  officer,  mariner,  or  soldier,  shall  be  guilty 
of  profane  oaths,  cursing,  execrations,  drunkenness,  un- 
cleanness,  or  other  scandalous  actions,  in  derogation  of 
God's  honour  and  corruption  of  good  manners,  he  shall 
be  punished  as  a  court-martial  thinks  he  deserves."  This 
is  a  good  and  salutary  law,  but  most  wretchedly  execut- 
ed.    I  had  been  more  than  ten  years  at  sea  without  wit- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  125 

nessing  any  thing  like  a  regular  punishment  for  oaths, 
cursings  and  execrations.  At  length,  however,  poor 
Robert  A.  furnished  an  instance.  Having  gone  beyond 
all  bounds  of  order  and  decency,  he  was  one  day  tied 
up,  and  actually  flogged  for  a  breach  of  the  former  part 
of  the  above-cited  Second  Article  of  War.  This  made 
him  more  circumspect  in  the  presence  of  his  officers, 
but  it  could  not  reach  his  heart.  He  therefore  contin- 
ued in  his  general  conduct  much  the  same,  until  God 
himself  effectually  wrought  on  his  soul,  which  was 
done  in  the  following  way. 

Being  one  forenoon  stationed  in  the  main-top,  and 
having  no  active  duty  to  employ  his  time  and  drown  re- 
flection, he  opened  the  chest,*  and,  to  his  joy,  observed 
a  book.  In  hope  of  finding  some  idle  story  to  beguile 
his  mind,  he  opened  it,  and  began  to  read.  The  volume 
belonged  to  our  circulating  library ;  it  was  "  Dodd- 
ridge's Rise  and  Progress  of  religion  in  the  soul;"  a 
subject,  above  all  others,  most  unwelcome  to  one  in  his 
state ;  yet  he  read  on,  to  use  his  own  words,  "  torturing 
himself  by  every  line  he  read."  Again  and  again  he 
wished  the  book  had  been  a  thousand  miles  off,  or  that 
he  had  never  seen  it ;  yet  he  told  me  "  that  he  could  not 
put  it  away.     The  reading  of  it,"  he  said,  "  pricked  him 

*  In  each  of  what  the  landsmen  call  round-tops,  is  a  chest  for 
holding  muskets,  seamen's  working  tools,  &c.  &c.  The  main- 
top of  a  seventy-four  gun  ship  is  capable  of  seating  twenty  men  ; 
and  at  sea  there  is  always  a  greater  or  less  number  of  people 
aloft,  in  readiness  to  execute  such  duty  as  may  be  required.  It 
was,  therefore,  one  of  my  objects  to  keep  a  certain  number  of  our 
library  books  in  the  top  chests  for  their  perusal, 
11* 


126  THE    RETROSPECT. 

to  the  heart,  but  still  he  read  on,  drawing  all  the  com- 
fort he  was  able  from  the  thought,  that  by  and  by  twelve 
o'clock  would  arrive,  and  then  he  should  be  relieved 
from  this  post,  and  obliged  to  put  the  book  away." 
Twelve  o'clock  at  length  came,  and,  being  relieved,  he 
flew  below ;  but  he  could  not  fly  from  his  convictions. 
Ten  minutes  were  found  abundantly  sufficient  to  take 
his  dinner,  and  having  left  his  messmates  to  drink  both 
his  and  their  own  grog,  as  they  pleased,  he  again  sat 
down  to  the  tormenting,  but  irresistible  book.  From 
that  day  he  became  a  most  patient,  meek,  and  humble 
Christian.  He  separated  from  his  old  iniquitous  com- 
panions, and  passed  his  leisure  hours  in  hearing,  read- 
ing, and  singing  with  the  wingers^  whom  he  had  here- 
tofore so  cordially  hated  and  despised.  Nor  was  all  the 
opposition  of  his  former  comrades  able,  in  the  smallest 
degree,  to  shake  him. 

When  I  first  heard  the  report  I  could  not  give  it 
credit,  until  I  had  sent  for  Robert  A.  to  my  own  cabin, 
and  satisfied  myself  Indeed,  so  unexpected  and  great 
was  the  change,  that  it  not  only  excited  general  notice, 
but  it  actually  produced  a  kind  of  uproar  throughout 
the  seamen's  berths,  many  of  whom,  like  myself,  would 
not  credit  what  they  heard,  until  they  had  satisfied 
themselves.  To  this  end  some  beset  him  with  argu- 
ments, and  some  with  oaths  and  ridicule ;  others  brought 
him  grog,  as  a  supposed  irresistible  temptation;  and 
when  he  steadily  refused  to  drink,  they  threw  it  in  his 
face.  All  this,  (though  of  a  naturally  high  spirit)  he 
bore  patiently,  never  to  my  knowledge  uttering  one  un- 
becoming expression,  or  doing  one  unchristian  act,  from 


THE    RETROSPECT.  127 

the  day  in  which  he  found  and  read  the  book  in  the 
main-top,  to  the  time  of  my  leaving  the  ship. 

Let  us  then,  my  discouraged  reader,  take  shame  to 
ourselves  for  fainting  and  growing  weary  in  well-doing. 
Let  the  instance  of  this  poor  reprobate,  Robert  A.,  and 
others  hereafter  to  be  produced  and  illustrated,  encour- 
age us  to  cast  our  bread  upon  the  waters ;  fully  confi- 
dent that  it  will  be  found  in  the  Lord's  good  time ;  that 
it  will  be  found  when  it  shall  most  redound  to  the  praise 
of  the  riches  of  his  grace  in  Christ  Jesus. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

"for  my  thoughts  are  not  your  thoughts, 
neither  are  your  ways  my  ways,  saith  the 
lord  :  for  as  the  heavens  are  higher  than 
the  earth,  so  are  my  ways  higher  than  your 
ways,  and  my  thoughts  than  your  thoughts." 
Isaiah  Iv,  8,  9, 

There  are  few  portions  of  Holy  Writ  to  which  my 
mind  turns  with  more  frequency,  or  with  more  delight, 
than  to  the  above,  and  that  in  1  Cor.  xiii.  9,  10,  12. 
"  For  we  know  in  part,  and  we  prophesy  in  part.  But 
when  that  which  is  perfect  is  come,  then  that  which  is 
in  part  shall  be  done  away.  For  now  we  see  through 
a  glass  darkly,  hut  then  face  to  face :  now  I  know  in 
part,  hut  then  I  shall  know  even  as  also  I  am  known^ 
Indeed,  there  are  seasons  when  I  feel  an  inexpressible 
interest  in  anticipating  the  fulfilment  of  the  concluding 
promise,  of  "  knowing  even  as  I  am  also  known  ;"  be- 
cause my  present  imperfect  vision  and  limited  knowledge 
but  too  often  gave  rise  to  doubts  and  fears.  Wherever 
the  mind  directs  its  attention,  whether  to  the  past,  the 
present,  or  the  future,  how  many  difficulties  present 
themselves,  not  to  be  solved  by  man !  A  dark  cloud 
rests  on  much  of  the  divine  proceedings  in  many  events 
which  have  been,  and  on  many  that  now  are,  and  pro- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  129 

bably  on  many  that  may  continue  to  take  place  on  earth. 
We  know  that  the  eternal  Jehovah  works  for  the  glory 
of  his  own  great  Name,  as  the  ultimate  end  of  all  his 
mighty  and  gracious  operations.  Yet  the  wicked  often 
flourish  like  a  green  bay  tree,  and  the  righteous  are  cut 
off.  Sin  stalks  forth  with  mighty  strides,  and  fills  almost 
the  whole  earth  with  its  evils.  Here  and  there  we  dis- 
cover a  plant  of  grace  ;  but  it  is  not  unfrequent  that  these 
are  removed  by  a  premature  and  unexpected  stroke,  just 
as  the  blossom  is  opening,  and  we  are  pleasing  ourselves 
with  the  thought  of  the  harvest  of  fruits  which  they  will 
bear  to  the  glory  of  God  and  to  the  good  of  mankind. 
Now  when  we  recollect  that  all  hearts  are  in  the  Lord's 
hands,  and  all  events  under  his  control ;  we  cannot  help 
exclaiming,  with  Elihu  and  Isaiah,  "  Touching  the 
Almighty  we  cannot  find  him  out ;  £br  his  thoughts  are 
not  our  thoughts,  neither  are  his  ways  as  our  ways," 
&c.  He  works,  indeed,  on  the  left  hand,  but  we  cannot 
fathom  his  intentions :  he  hideth  himself  on  the  right 
hand,  that  we  cannot  see  into  the  arcana  of  his  divine 
will,  or  understand  the  purposes  of  his  infinite  wisdom 
and  justice,  in  many  things  which  he  permits  or  or- 
dains to  come  to  pass. 

How  delightful,  then,  to  turn  to  the  Bible,  and  hear 
this  great,  this  wise,  this  glorious  Being  say  to  us  his 
creatures,  "  What  I  do  thou  knowest  not  now,  but  thou 
shak  know  hereafter  !"  How  delightful  to  think,  that, 
after  a  few  more  suns  have  risen  and  set,  our  days  of  sin 
and  imperfection  will  be  ended  ;  the  glass,  through 
which  we  now  see  so  darkly,  removed,  and  we  shall 
know,  even  as  also  we  are  known ! 


130  THE    RETROSPECT. 

These  thoughts  greatly  relieved  my  mind,  as  I  was 
the  other  day  looking  over  some  letters  of  a  dear  departed 
friend,  whose  gifts  and  graces,  whose  connections  and 
rank  in  society,  and  advancement  in  the  divine  life,  had 
engaged  the  attention,  and  raised  the  expectations,  of  all 
Christians  who  knew  him ;  but  whose  premature  death 
has  furnished  another  instance  of  the  short-sightedness 
of  man,  and  of  the  mysterious  darkness  that  often  en- 
velopes the  ways  of  Him  who,  "being  excellent  in 
power  and  in  judgment,  and  in  plenty  of  justice,  does 
nothing  in  vain." 

As  the  Retrospect  has  led  me  to  produce  a  few  anec- 
dotes of  others,  it  may  not  be  out  of  place  to  bring  forward 
so  much  of  the  life  and  character  of  this  amiable  person, 
as  may  serve  to  illustrate  the  foregoing  observations.  It 
will  be  a  pleasing  task  to  pay  this  small  tribute  to  his 
memory :  and  it  may  not  be  altogether  uninteresting  to 
some  of  my  readers,  although  in  giving  it,  I  must  con- 
tinue to  speak  of  and  exhibit  myself  more  than  is  de- 
sirable. But  the  candid  reader  will  see  there  is  no 
alternative  between  doing  so  or  maintaining  a  criminal 
silence,  where  the  goodness  and  grace  of  God  call  for  a 
certain  degree  of  publicity.  I  therefore  prefer  incurring 
censure  for  the  former,  (if  censure  be  due,)  rather  than 
condemnation  for  the  latter. 

As  it  is  not  necessary  that  my  readers  should  be  ac- 
quainted with  the  real  name  or  family  connections  of 
my  departed  friend,  I  shall  speak  of  him  under  that  of 
Macarius.  and  commence  my  account  by  observing,  that 

it  was  not  more  than  a  year  before  I  quitted  the  C ■ 

that  I  became  acquainted  with  him^  and  his  particular 


THE    RETROSPECT.  131 

and  truly  honourable  friend,  whom  I  shall  call  Euge- 
nius.  At  that  time  we  all  held  lieutenant's  commissions ; 
but  Macarius  and  Eugenius  were  on  board  the  com- 
mander-in-chief's ship,  waiting  for,  and  daily  expecting, 
promotion  to  the  command  of  a  vessel.  From  the  first 
hour  I  became  known  to  these  young  men,  I  had  reason 
to  admire  their  conduct ;  standing,  as  they  did,  in  a  very 
trying  situation,  and  maintaining,  as  they  long  had  done, 
a  very  praiseworthy  and  interesting  part. 

The  number  of  officers,  and  extent  of  society  on  board 
a  first-rate  ship  of  war,  carrying  the  flag  of  a  com- 
mander-in-chief, is  far  greater  than  many  of  my  readers 
are  aware  of  This  was  particularly  the  case  with  the 
one  in  question.  But,  out  of  all  the  officers  who  com- 
posed the  staff,  and  filled  the  naval,  military,  medical, 
and  civil  departments,  there  were  none,  except  Maca- 
rius and  his  friend,  who  treated  religion  with  respect, 
unless  the  total  silence  and  perfect  neutrality  of  a  few 
could  be  esteemed  such.  It  was  frequently  the  subject 
of  conversation,  and  as  frequently  the  subject  of  contempt 
and  ridicule,  even  at  the  commander's  own  table,  where 
men  of  considerable  reading  and  intellect  levelled  their 
raillery  and  deistical  objections  at  Christianity  and  seri- 
ous characters.  This  was  the  real  and  melancholy  state 
of  things  at  the  very  time  when  some  of  these  officers 
were  considered  serious  men  by  many,  who  had  read 
their  character  only  in  the  language  of  some  public  or- 
ders and  official  documents.  Unhappy  men !  what 
does  it  now  avail  that  your  distant  and  deceived  fellow- 
mortals  once  thought  highly  either  of  your  public  or 
your  moral  characters  ?     Ye  have,  at  least  most  of  you. 


132  THE    RETROSPECT.  ' 

been  summoned  to  the  tribunal  of  Him  who  cannot  be 
deceived,  and  who  will  not  always  be  mocked  with  im- 
punity. Their  idol,  this  beloved  world,  is  now  left  be- 
hind, too  unfaithful  to  continue  blazoning  forth  that 
commendation  which  they  so  anxiously  desired — too 
impotent  to  administer  one  drop  of  water  to  cool  a 
parched  and  burning  tongue  ! 

May  the  survivors,  who  aspire  after  earthly  honour, 
be  led  to  seek  that  honour  that  cometh  from  above,  if 
God  peradventure  would  give  them  repentance  to  the 
acknowledging  of  the  truth ! 

From  these  unhappy  children  of  this  world,  let  us 
turn  to  Macarius  and  Eugenius,  in  whom  religion  and 
the  Bible  found  two  sincere,  if  not  powerful,  advocates. 
It  cannot  be  expected  that  young  men  in  their  circum- 
stances should  be  deeply  read  in  theology,  or  capable 
of  meeting  all  the  cavils  of  gainsayers  in  a  systematic 
form.  To  such  attainments  they  made  no  pretensions. 
But  that  gracious  Being,  who  never  leaves  himself  with- 
out witness,  did  not  suffer  them  to  be  carried  away,  or 
even  shaken,  by  the  arguments  and  rank  of  their  op- 
posers  ; 

"  Nor  number  nor  example  with  them  wrought, 
To  swerve  from  truth," 

They  were  not  disputants  either  from  divinity  schools  or 
in  their  own  natural  disposition,  but  they  revered  their 
Bible.  They  professed  not  to  be  theologians,  but  they 
believed  the  Scriptures  to  be  the  word  of  God.  They 
were  not  theoretically  acquainted  with  the  peculiar  and 
distinguishing  doctrines  of  Christianity,  as  revealed  in 


-*M- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  133 

those  Scriptures,  any  more  than  thousands  of  others  in 
this  land ;  but  they  were  strictly  moral,  and,  in  their 
whole  conduct,  acted  up  to  what  they  knew  and  con- 
ceived to  be  right.  In  short,  as  moral  and  upright  men, 
they  were  not  far  from  the  kingdom  of  God.  At  the 
same  time,  the  greatest  suavity  of  manners  stamped  their 
general  character,  and  it  is  difficult  to  say  whether  they 
were  more  to  be  admired  for  their  gentlemanly  beha- 
vious,  when  below  with  their  brother  officers,  or  for 
their  able  and  excellent  method  of  carrying  on  the  pub- 
lic duties  of  the  quarter  deck.  Certainly  they  were 
worthy  of  imitation  in  both  respects. 

Such  were  Macarius  and  Eugenius,  in  character  and 
circumstances,  when  I  had  the  happiness  of  becoming 
first  acquainted  with  them.  The  dispersed  state  of  our 
fleet  seldom  allowed  of  our  being  together.  But  we 
endeavoured  to  improve  all  opportunities  of  exchanging 
letters ;  and  as  I  found  them,  like  Cornelius  the  centu- 
rion, very  desirous  of  being  further  instructed  in  the 
things  of  God,  I  sent  them  Wilberforce's  View  of 
Christianity,  Cooper's  Sermon's  on  the  leading  Doc- 
trines of  the  Gospel,  and  some  other  books  likely  to  be 
useful.  These  I  accompanied,  from  time  to  time,  with 
such  remarks  and  advice  as  I  was  able  to  give,  aiming 
chiefly  at  two  things :  first,  to  fortify  their  minds  against 
"the  trial  of  cruel  mockings,"  by  insisting  on  the  rea- 
sonableness and  paramount  necessity  of  seeking  first  the 
kingdom  of  God  and  his  righteousness ;  and,  secondly, 
endeavouring  to  lead  them  into  clearer  apprehensions 
of  the  Gospel  plan  of  salvation.  Nor  were  my  labours 
in  vain  in  the  Lord.  Their  views  expanded  rapidly, 
12 


134  THE    RETROSPECT. 

and  their  hearts  entered  into  the  subject.  Eugenius,  how- 
ever, was  soon  promoted  to  the  command  of  a  ship,  and 
on  his  quitting-  the  fleet,  we  were  no  longer  able  to  keep 
up  so  frequent  and  regular  a  correspondence. 

This  separation  was  no  small  trial  to  Macarius.  He 
was  now  left  without  one  person  on  board  to  whom  he 
could  unbosom  himself  on  the  great  subjects  of  religion, 
of  life,  death,  and  eternity.  He  stood  alone,  without 
one  friend  to  strengthen  his  hands,  or  to  support  him  in 
his  defence  of  the  Bible  and  its  sacred  contents  ;  a  trial 
which  many  of  my  readers,  nurtured  in  the  bosom  of  a 
religious  circle,  can  but  feebly  realize  in  their  minds. 
In  his  next  note  I  received  from  him,  he  expressed  his 
feelings  on  the  great  loss  he  had  sustained,  observing, 
"that  although  he  had  the  happiness  of  being  on  the 
best  imaginable  terms  with  all  the  officers,  as  far  as 
worldly  concerns  went,  yet  he  still  found  something 
wanting  to  render  their  society  agreeable." 

Not  long  after  this  event  the  Commander-in-Chief 
left  the  ship,  with  most  of  the  officers  of  his  stafl^  and 
Macarius  once  more  found  himself  disappointed  of  his 
expected  promotion.  Solomon  has  observed,  that  "  hope 
long  deferred  makes  the  heart  sick."  But  the  case  of 
Macarius  was  an  exception.  Hope  had  here  been  long 
deferred,  and  expectation  more  than  once  baffled,  yet 
the  heart  was  not  sick,  nor  the  mind  ruffled ;  for  earthly 
expectations  were  now  but  secondary  things  with  Ma- 
carius. His  first  hope  and  most  ardent  expectations 
were  above ;  hence  he  appeared  to  enjoy  the  privacy 
and  quiet  to  which  the  ship  was  reduced,  far  more  than 


THE    RETROSPECT.  135 

to  regret  the  present  loss  of  expected  promotion,  as  the 
change  was  not  a  little  in  favour,  of  religion. 

Captain  ***,  who  hitherto  had  maintained  a  silent  neu- 
trality, (overawed  perhaps  by  the  rank  and  number  of  op- 
posers,)  began  to  encourage  the  observance  of  the  Sabbath, 
and,  as  the  ship  had  no  chaplain,  he  undertook  to  perform 
divine  service  himself  I  need  not  say  how  much  Ma- 
carius  rejoiced  at  this  dawn  of  a  better  state  of  things. 
As  a  christian  warrior,  he  considered  it  the  unfurling  of 
the  standard  of  the  cross,  and  the  call  to  arms.  His 
mind  was  all  activity,  and  continually  on  the  look  out 
for  opportunities  of  entering  into  such  conversations 
with  the  captain  and  other  officers  as  might  lead  their 
attention  more  closely  to  the  subject,  and  induce  them 
to  read  the  books  he  had  found  so  useful  to  himself  In 
this  he  had  considerable  success.  Two  of  the  lieuten- 
ants eventually  became  serious  and  intelligent  Christians, 
and  have  continued  to  adorn  the  doctrines  of  the  Gospel 
by  a  holy  walk  and  conversation  to  this  day:  indeed, 
one  of  them  is  now  in  the  ministry  in  the  Established 
Church.  At  the  same  time  his  attention  was  unremit- 
tingly turned  to  the  great  mass  of  the  crew.  On  going 
to  Gibraltar,  he  procured  fifty  Testaments,  and  a  quan- 
tity of  religious  tracts,  which  he  distributed  among  the 
seamen  and  marines.  That  God  whom  he  desired  to 
serve  was  pleased  to  encourage  him  to  proceed,  by  dis- 
posing many  of  the  people  to  read  them  with  serious 
attention,  so  as  to  lead  him  to  say,  in  his  next  letter,  "  I 
assure  you  it  is  with  heartfelt  pleasure  I  perceive  that, 
even  here,  where  religion  has  been  so  much  neglected, 
there  are  many  sparks  of  it  yet  unextinguished." 


136  THE    RETROSPECT. 

Shortly  after  this  he  formed  a  little  select  evening 
party  of  such  officers  as  appeared  at  all  seriously  dis- 
posed. These  met  for  reading-,  and  moral  and  religious 
conversation,  in  his  cabin,  as  often  as  the  circumstances 
of  public  duty  would  admit.  This,  the  cold  and  empty 
formalist  will  say,  was  beginning  to  carry  things  to  an 
unnecessary  length ;  and  so,  it  appears,  they  thought  on 
board  his  ship.  "  I  find,"  said  Macarius,  in  the  next 
note  I  received,  "  the  adversary  begins  to  feel  his  prov- 
ince invaded,  in  the  loss  of  some  of  his  disciples,  and 
the  dread  of  a  change  in  others.  He  is  busily  employ- 
ing his  terrible  weapon  of  ridicule  on  some  of  those 
who  profess  religion,  and  who  frequent  my  cabin.  This 
you  will  consider,  with  me,  as  a  good  sign."  I  did  so ; 
and  could  not  but  thank  God,  when  I  saw  my  friend 
not  only  stand  the  shock  unmoved  himself,  but  steadily 
persist  in  leading  on,  and  encouraging  his  little  band  to 
the  same  trying  warfare.  I  now  considered  him  in  the 
fair  way  of  experiencing  the  various  comforts  and 
crosses  inseparable  from  real  christian  practice.  I 
knew  that  many  eyes  would  be  on  him  for  evil,  and  that 
every  deviation  from  the  narrow  path  of  duty  would  be 
observed,  commented  on,  and  unfeelingly  magnified,  I 
therefore  took  the  liberty  of  communicating  my 
thoughts  on  various  subjects  connected  with  his  and  my 
own  peculiar  duties  and  trials  as  Christians  and  officers, 
with  some  short  account  of  the  difficulties  and  merciful 
helps  I  had  experienced ;  and,  as  he  wrote  to  me  rather 
fully  in  reply,  I  shall  transcribe  so  much  of  his  letter 
as  will  show  his  teachableness  of  mind,  his  activity,  and 
his  increasing  knowledge  of  gospel  truths. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  137 

«  My  dear  M s, 

"  I  did  hope  to  have  had  an  opportunity  of  seeing  you 
last  week  ;  and  had  not  our  ships  been  always  so  far 
apart,  I  should  certainly  have  endeavoured  to  call  on 
you.  I  find  your  advice  so  congenial  to  my  own  ideas 
of  duty,  that  I  much  wish  it  were  in  my  power  to  have 
more  frequently  the  benefit  of  it.  An  account  of  the 
progress  the  Lord  enables  you  to  make  in  awakening 
the  minds  of  your  fellow-creatures  to  a  sense  of  the  im- 
portance of  religion,  always  animates  me  to  exertion,  and 
recalls  to  my  mind  the  dreadful  sentence  passed  on  the 
slothful  servant,  who  hid  his  talent  in  the  earth.  I  am  con- 
vinced we  all  have  it  in  our  power  to  do  much  good,  and 
I  blush  at  my  own  inactivity  in  promoting  a  cause 
which,  thanks  be  to  God,  I  every  day  feel  more  im- 
pressed with  the  love  of  To  my  acquaintance  with 
you,  my  dear  M s,  I  am  indebted  for  what  I  con- 
sider the  greatest  blessing  man  can  bestow  on  me.  I 
have  been  induced  to  read  books  which  have  given  me 
a  clearer  view  of  the  natural  and  lost  estate  of  man,  and 
of  his  happy  redemption,  through  the  merits  of  a  Sa- 
viour^ than  perhaps  would  otherwise  have  come  within 
my  reach.  Indeed  I  see  the  scheme  of  salvation  in  so 
different  a  point  of  view  from  what  I  formerly  considered 
it,  that  I  tremble  in  reflecting  on  the  dangerous  precipice 
on  which  I  stood.  How  little,  alas !  is  Christ  looked 
up  to,  as  the  sole  hope,  by  the  generality  of  professed 
Christians!  Self-righteousness  is  too  often  more  de- 
pended on,  or,  at  least,  has  an  equal  share  in  their  hopes; 
and  the  discourses  of  too  many  of  our  divines,  lam  sorry 
to  find,  countenance  this  deception ;  for,  in  dwelling  too 
12* 


138  THE    RETROSPECT. 

much  on  morality,  they  forget  the  very  foundation  of 
Christianity. 

"  Captain  *  *  *  continues  to  countenance  religion  by 
reading  divine  service  on  the  Sabbath.  In  the  hope  of 
rendering  myself  in  some  degree  useful  in  the  same 
cause,  I  have,  for  the  last  two  Sundays,  vv^ith  his  per- 
mission, performed  the  same  office  in  the  sick  bay,* 
where,  independently  of  the  number  who  are  there  con- 
fined by  illness  (which  generally  amounts  to  more  than 
thirty),  I  have  the  pleasure  of  seeing  two  of  the  warrant 
officers,  and  several  of  the  other  gentlemen.  I  have 
each  time  read  one  of  Taylor's  Sermons,  but  I  don't  ad- 
mire them  so  much  as  I  could  wish,  for  the  reason 
which  I  before  mentioned.  They  contain  very  plausible 
arguments  in  favour  of  what  is  commonly  styled  reli- 
gion ;  but,  in  my  own  opinion,  they  do  not  explain  the 
true  scope  of  Christianity,  nor  do  they  inform  the  sinner 
how  he  is  to  commence  the  work  of  reformation.  In 
short,  I  think  they  are  not  calculated  to  bring  people  to 
a  sense  of  their  sole  dependence  on  Christ,  or  to  induce 
them  to  have  recourse  to  a  throne  of  grace  for  every 
good  and  perfect  gift.  If  you  can  supply  me  with  any 
which  are  better  calculated  to  combine  Christianity 
with  morality,  you  will  oblige  me  by  so  doing.  I  think 
I  have  heard  you  speak  highly  of  Burder's  Village 
Sermons.  My  evening  cabin  party  still  assembles,  and 
last  night  amounted  to  four.  I  retired  with  a  degree  of 
inward  satisfaction,  which,  I  am  sure,  no  gaiety  or  dis- 
sipation could  ever  have  afforded." 

*  A  large  room  fitted  up  for  the  sick,  separate  from  the  rest  of 
the  crew. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  139 

As  I  had  more  than  one  copy  of  the  Village  Sermons, 
I  lost  no  time  in  forwarding  a  set,  which  Macarius  as- 
sured me  were  not  idle  in  his  ship.  They  were  in  many 
hands,  and  formed  the  principal  readings  in  the  sick 
bay.  But  the  time  was  come  for  a  wider  separation. 
The  order  for  my  return  to  England  arrived,  and  I 
quitted  the  fleet  without  being  able  to  take  a  personal 
farewell.  Macarius,  however,  continued  to  go  steadily 
on,  until  the  Board  of  Admiralty  promoted  him  to  the 
rank  of  commander ;  and  of  course  obliged  him  to  quit 
his  present  situation.  This  took  place  not  long  after 
my  own  removal  ;^  and,  as  he  was  not  appointed  to  a 
vessel,  he  returned  to  England,  and  repaired  to  his  long 
absent  and  affectionate  mother,  to  enjoy  the  comforts  and 
blessings  of  domestic  and  christian  society. 

He  now  embraced  every  opportunity  of  enlarging 
his  circle  of  religious  friends,  and  the  providences  of 
God  threw  him  into  much  of  what  may  be  truly  called 
the  best  society.  It  was  a  season  greatly  to  be  remem- 
bered, and  would  have  been  so  to  old  age,  had  he  been 
permitted  to  reach  that  period.  It  was  indeed  a  spirit- 
ual harvest,  a  summer  of  mental  blessings;  and,  as  such, 
he  esteemed  and  endeavoured  to  improve  it.  But  in  the 
midst  of  this  company  of  first-rate  Christians,  and  under 
all  his  own  advancements  in  knowledge  and  grace,  he 
never  forgot  the  humble  instrumentality  of  his  friend ; 
nor  scarcely  ever  wrote  a  letter  without  alluding  to  our 
past  days  of  small  things,  when  sailing  on  the  bosom 
of  a  foreign  ocean. 

Like  all  others,  he  had  to  contend  with  a  world  that 
lieth  in  wickedness.    In  the  first  letter  I  received  after  his 


140  THE    RETROSPECT. 

arrival  in  England,  he  said,  "  I  meet  with  some  opposi- 
tion, and  no  doubt  appear  to  many  as  very  singular  in 
my  opinions;  but,  while  I  know  that  'the  carnal  heart 
is  enmity  against  God,'  and  that  all  who  will  live  godly 
in  Christ  Jesus  must  suffer  persecution  ;  I  not  only  ex- 
pect this,  but  consider  it  as  a  confirmation  of  my  inward 
hopes  of  being  in  the  road  of  truth.  A  wish  to  improve 
in  the  knowlege  of  this  '  one  thing  needful,'  to  quahfy 
myself  for  being  useful  to  others,  particularly  to  those  of 
our  profession,  who  sit  in  much  gross  darkness,  and  the 
hope  of  being  instrumental  in  bringing  some  of  my  re- 
lations to  a  true  knowledge  of  Christ,  is  my  only  wish 
for  remaining  unemployed.  For  these  reasons  I  have 
not  yet  made  application  for  a  ship,  nor  do  I  think  I 
shall  before  the  summer." 

In  perfect  consistency  with  these  declarations,  he  ap- 
plied his  active  mind  in  the  unremitting  pursuit  of  that 
knowledge  "  which  maketh  wise  unto  salvation  :"  and 
he  certainly  grew  in  grace,  and  in  the  knowledge  of  our 
Lord  and  Saviour  Jesus  Christ.  Hence  deep  self-abase- 
ment, continual  upbraidings  of  his  heart  for  want  of 
more  activity  in,  and  devotedness  to  the  cause  of  his  Re- 
deemer, and  a  child-like  submission  to  all  the  will  of 
God  concerning  himself,  were  features  more  and  more 
conspicuous  in  his  letters.     His  last  was  Avritten  but  a 

few  days  before  his  appointment  to  the  B ,  and  his 

consequent  putting  again  to  sea. 

At  that  time  my  mind  was  very  anxiously  directed 
towards  the  work  of  the  ministry,  and  much  exercised 
in  contending  with  various  difficulties  which  lay  in  the 
way  of  entering  on  that  great  work.     His  friendship 


THE    RETROSPECT.  141 

would  not  permit  him  to  look  on  any  subject  with  in- 
difference, that  much  engaged  and  agitated  my  mind, 
much  less  the  present  one.  His  letters  were,  therefore, 
filled  with  declarations  to  that  purpose,  intermingled 
with  repeated  observations,  that  constant  submission  to 
the  will  of  God  was  our  privilege  and  duty  in  this  and 
all  other  things.  Nor  did  he  inculcate  a  docirine  in 
others,  and  neglect  to  apply  it  to  himself  Perhaps 
there  never  was  any  period  of  his  life  which  required 
the  application  of  these  truths  more  than  the  then  pre- 
sent moment.  He  was  on  the  eve  of  being  appointed  to 
a  ship,  and  to  be  ordered  he  knew  not  where,  or  on 
what  service.  He  had  many  dear  and  affectionate 
friends,  in  whose  happiness  he  took  no  small  interest. 
He  was  going  to  leave  them,  and  again  to  contend 
with  ail  the  dangers,  privations,  and  difficulties  of  his 
professional  situation.  In  this  state  of  things  he  sought 
and  found  a  degree  of  tranquillity  of  mind,  which  none 
but  God  could  bestow.  "  I  wish  for  nothing,"  was  the 
language  of  his  letter,  "  I  wish  for  nothing  for  myself, 
but  what  seems  good  in  his  sight ;  and  my  earnest  prayer 
is,  for  grace  to  feel  contended  with  whatever  lot  in  this 
life  his  providence  may  order  for  me.  Should  your 
prospects  vanish,  he  will  enable  you  to  bear  the  disap- 
pointment :  should  they  succeed,  I  trust  you  will  indulge 
the  thought  that  the  success  is  from  him." 

Such  was  his  state  of  mind  when  his  appointment 
reached  him.  He  embarked  in  the  new  and  important 
situation  of  a  commander.  Nor  did  his  subsequent  con- 
duct disappoint  the  high  expectations  of  his  friends.  His 
unwearied  and  paternal  care  to  bring  up  his  young  mid- 


142  THE    RETROSPECT. 

shipmen  in  the  fear  of  God,  and  to  the  honour  and  real 
service  of  their  country,  was  such  as  to  excite  the  most 
grateful  feelings  in  their  parents'  bosoms;  while  his 
steady  perseverance  in  discipline,  benevolence,  and  piety, 
soon  gained  the  respect  and  love  of  all  classes  on  board, 
so  far  as  the  children  of  this  world  can  love  the  children 
of  God. 

As  to  his  more  immediate  and  general  public  conduct 
as  a  commander  of  one  of  His  Majesty's  ships  of  war,  it 

left  no  room  for  doubt.     For  although  the  B was 

a  very  inferior  vessel  in  point  of  force  and  sailing,  yet, 
such  was  his  activity,  and  such  the  blessing  with  which 
Providence  followed  his  conscientious  endeavours  to 
serve  his  country,  that  he  made  more  captures  than  any 
other  commander  on  the  station.  Through  a  winter, 
and  on  the  coast  of  America,  in  a  climate  far  more  se- 
vere for  cold  and  storms  than  our  own,  he  was  conti- 
nually under  way,  chasing,  cutting  off,  or  boarding  the 
enemy's  vessels  in  shore,  while  our  squadron  of  larger 
ships  could  do  little  more  than  lie  off  at  anchor,  and  wit- 
ness his  almost  incredible  perseverance.  From  one  of 
these  witnessses  I  have  been  personally  informed,  that 
for  three  weeks  together,  Macarius  has  been  known  not 
to  have  gone  to  bed,  his  only  rest  being  an  occasional 
half-hour's  repose  on  a  mattress,  from  whence,  at  a  mi- 
nute's warning,  he  ascended  the  deck  at  all  hours,  to 
brave  out  hail-storms,  sleet,  and  snow,  continually.  Yet 
even  this  state  of  incessant  activity  and  severe  public 
duty  did  not  prevent  his  performing  morning  and  eve- 
ning prayers  every  day ! 

No  one  will  be  surprised  to  hear  that,  in  a  short  time 


THE    RETROSPECT.  143 

he  most  completely  established  his  reputation,  not  only 
-with  his  comrades  in  the-  fleet,  but  among  his  enemies 
on  the  shore :  so  that,  when  a  very  important  expedi- 
tion was  planned,  for  the  capture  and  destruction  of  a 
large  convoy,  moored  in  one  of  the  enemy's  rivers,  Ma- 
carius  was  appointed  to  command  the  flotilla.  Let  it  suf- 
fice to  say,  that  this  service  was  crowned  with  the  most 
complete  success  in  the  extent  of  its  captures,  and  in  the 
exceedingly  small  loss  sustained  on  the  part  of  the  Bri- 
tish. For  notwithstanding  the  number  of  soldiers 
brought  to  the  banks  of  the  river,  to  annihilate,  as  they 
expected,  our  little  troop  of  heroes,  such  was  the  wisdom 
and  presence  of  Macarius's  mind,  that  the  enemy  was 
eluded,  and  he  returned,  like  David  of  old,  to  receive 
the  applause  of  his  countrymen,  for  having  "  gone  in 
and  out  before  them"  in  much  courage,  wisdom  and 
success.  The  enemy's  newspapers  gave  a  report  of  this 
attack,  and  concluded  their  observations  by  saying, 
"  Thus  ended  an  expedition,  the  most  destructive  to  our 
states,  and  effected  with  the  smallest  lost  on  the  part  of 
the  English,  of  any  thing  that  has  been  undertaken  on 
our  coasts  since  the  commencement  of  the  war." 

Of  the  same  opinion  were  the  Lords  of  the  Admiral- 
ty, and  the  Commander-in-Chief  on  the  station.  For 
the  latter  soon  appointed  him  to  a  larger  ship,  with  the 
rank  of  post  captain,  and  the  former  confirmed  the  ap- 
pointment. Thus  Macarius,  at  an  early  age,  was  ad- 
vanced as  far  up  the  scale  of  naval  promotion  as  he 
could  go,  until  years  and  seniority  should  bring  him 
within  the  reach  of  an  admiral's  flag.  The  prospect 
was  cheering  to  all  who  knew  him :  but  especially  so 


144  THE    RETROSPECT. 

to  his  christian  friends.  These  now  looked  forward  to 
the  exertions  of  his  energetic  mind  through  a  wide  field 
of  action,  not  only  in  the  important  duties  of  his  profes- 
sional character,  but  in  the  more  important  ones  of  a 
christian  philanthropist,  devoted  to  the  best  interests  of 
mankind.  His  rank  would  now  lift  him  above  the  con- 
trol of  ignorant  and  irreligious  men,  and  his  wisdom 
and  piety  could  not  but  be  expected  to  influence  many 
around  him.  Yes — we  fondly  hoped,  that  for  this  very 
end  the  Lord  had  raised  him  up,  and  that  many  years 
would  be  added  to  his  days,  and  much  fruit  be  borne  to 
the  honour  of  religion  and  the  glory  of  God.  But 
herein  our  thoughts  were  not  as  the  Lord's  thoughts. 
For  it  was  but  a  little  while  after  obtaining  this  promo- 
tion, that  he  was  ordered  to  cruise  ofl'  a  distant  part  of 
the  coast.  The  weather  proved  severely  tempestuous, 
his  ship  foundered,  and  Macarius,  with  all  his  crew, 
sunk  in  the  deep  waters,  to  rise  no  more  until  the  last 
trumpet  shall  sound,  and  the  dead  shall  awake ;  until 
the  graves  shall  be  opened,  and  the  sea  shall  give  up 
her  dead. 

This  is  one  of  those  events  which  compel  us  to  ex- 
claim, "  Touching  the  Almighty,  we  cannot  find  him 
out !"  It  is  one  of  those  events  which  endear  the  words 
of  our  Lord  to  my  soul,  "  What  I  do  thou  knowest  not 
now,  but  thou  shalt  know  hereafter."  O  Macarius! 
how  unlike  art  thou  to  thy  poor  sorrowing  friends  on 
earth !  Thy  feet  tread  the  cities  of  the  living  God, 
while  ours  but  too  often  stumble  on  the  dark  mountains 
of  ignorance,  error,  and  sin.  Thy  vision  is  now  unob- 
scured  by  a  body  of  flesh ;  thy  knowledge  is  no  longer 


THE    RETROSPECT.  145 

confined  within  mortal  limits.  In  the  glory  and  light 
of  God  thou  beholdest  light,  thou  seest  face  to  face,  thou 
knowest  even  as  also  thou  art  known.  Thy  body,  in- 
deed, is  sown  in  corruption,  and  for  an  appointed  season 
must  lie  entombed  in  the  great  deep ;  but,  even  there,  it 
rests  in  sure  and  certain  hope  of  a  glorious  resurrection 
unto  an  eternal  and  blessed  state.  Yes,  that  which  has 
been  sown  in  dishonour  shall  be  raised  in  glory,  re-uni- 
ted to  its  kindred  spirit,  and  with  it  worship  before  the 
throne  of  God  and  the  Lamb !  Adieu,  then,  my  Macarius ! 

"  My  lost  companion,  kindest  friend,  adieu ! 

Your  toils,  and  pains,  and  dangers  are  no  more ; 
-     The  tempest  now  shall  howl  unheard  by  you. 

While  ocean  smites  in  vain  the  trembling  shore ! 

On  you  the  blast,  surcharged  with  rain  and  snow, 
In  winter's  dismal  nights  no  more  shall  beat ; 

Unfelt  by  you,  the  vertic  sun  may  glow, 

And  scorch  the  panting  earth  with  baneful  heat. 

The  thundering  drum,  the  trumpet's  swelling  strain, 
Unheard,  shall  form  the  long  embattled  line; 

Unheard,  the  deep  foundations  of  the  main 
Shall  tremble  when  the  hostile  squadrons  join. 

Since  grief,  and  sin,  and  sorrow  still  molest 
The  wandering  vassals  of  the  faithless  deep, 

O  happier  thou,  escaped  to  endless  rest, 

Than  those  who  still  survive  to  err  and  weep !" 

Yet  must  thy  friend  indulge  his  sorrow,  though  not  as 
one  without  hope.  From  him  the  pleasing  dream  is 
quite  vanished — hope  and  fancy  can  now  no  more  be- 
guile his  mind  with  the  prospect  of  seeing  thee  in  this 
humble  retreat ;  to  him  on  earth  thou  wilt  never  more 
13 


146  THE    RETROSPECT. 

relate  thy  conflicts,  nor  tell  thy  sorrows  or  thy  mercies ; 
nor  will  he  impart  to  thee  the  long  account  of  ways  hy 
which  the  Lord  hath  led  him  even  to  this  day.  No  ! 
thou  art  far  better  employed  in  casting  thy  crown  at  the 
feet  of  Him  who  hath  redeemed  thee  to  God  by  his 
blood.  In  heaven,  indeed,  thou  canst  not  wear  the  in- 
signia of  earthly  honours  conferred  by  a  grateful  coun- 
try ;*  but  thou  wilt  for  ever  wave  that  palm  of  spiritual 
victory  which  Jesus,  the  captain  of  thy  salvation,  hath 
put  into  thine  hands.  Henceforth  thy  duty  as  a  citizen 
shall  no  more  wound  thy  benevolent  heart,  by  calling 
on  thee  to  distress,  or  cut  off,  thy  fellow  creatures.  The 
crimes  of  bad  men  shall  no  more  ruffle  thy  mind,  nor 
the  inconsistencies  of  the  good  excite  thy  compassion  or 
regret.  Thou  shalt  not  weep  over  the  sorrows  of  any 
distressed  or  departing  friends ;  nor  shalt  thou  again  re- 
tire, under  spiritual  conflicts,  to  smite  on  thy  breast,  and 
exclaim,  "  O  wretched  man  that  I  am ;  who  shall  deliv- 
er me  from  the  body  of  this  death?"  No!  for  thou 
hast  reached  the  haven  where  thou  wouldst  be — ^thou 
hast  entered  that  rest  which  remains  for  the  people  of 
God. —  There  He  who  sitteth  on  the  throne  hath  made 
all  things  new,  and  God  himself  is  thy  present  God, 
visible  in  the  glorified  person  of  Immanual  Jehovah 
Jesus.  He  has  taken  thee  from  the  evil  to  come ;  he 
has  wiped  away  all  tears  from  thine  eyes.     Thou  wilt 

*  Soon  after  peace  was  concluded,  the  Prince  Regent  conferred 
various  honorary  titles  and  distinctions  on  such  naval  and  military 
officers  as  had  particularly  distinguished  themselves,  when  Maca- 
rius,  whose  death  had  not  then  been  officially  ascertained,  was 
made  a  knight  companion  of  the  military  order  of  the  Bath. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  147 

henceforth  experience  no  more  death,  neither  sorrow 
nor  crying ;  neither  wilt  thou  feel  any  more  pain ;  for 
these  were  earthly  evils,  and  in  heaven  are  all  passed 
away.     O  heaven, 

"  Thou  sweet  abode  of  peace  and  love, 

Where  pilgrims,  freed  from  toil,  are  bless'd; 
Had  I  the  pinions  of  a  dove, 
I'd  fly  to  thee,  and  be  at  rest 

But  hush,  my  soul,  nor  dare  repine ; 

The  time  thy  God  appoints  is  best; 
While  here  to  do  his  will  be  miiie, 

And  his  to  fix  my  time  of  rest." 


CHAPTER  XII. 

"the  heart  knoweth  his  own  bitterness,  and 
A  stranger  doth  not  intermeddle  with  his 


On  lately  reading-  an  account  of  the  horrors  of  mind 
which  the  blustering,  and  professed  infidel  Volney  ex- 
hibited when  overtaken  by  a  storm  at  sea ;  and  of  his 
unreserved  and  unsolicited  acknowledgment  of  a  God, 
when  he  apprehended  his  death  was  at  hand,  I  was 
brought  to  the  recollection  of  some  occurrences  which 

passed  when  I  was  once  a  passenger  on  board  the  V 

frigate. 

It  was  but  a  few  months  before  I  quitted  the  last  ship 
I  served  in,  that  we  and  the  E ,  another  line  of  bat- 
tle ship,  captured  two  brigs  off  the  Coast  of  Sardinia. — 
On  this  occasion  a  commissioned  officer,  with  a  party 
of  seamen  from  each  ship,  were  ordered  on  board  the 
captured  vessels.  Whether  my  commander  really  con- 
sidered my  services  as  necessary  and  desirable  to  take 
command  of  these  prizes,  or  whether  he  were  glad  of 
a  fair  opportunity  of  getting  rid  of  me  for  a  season,  and, 
perhaps,  altogether,  I  cannot  tell ;  but  off  I  was  hurried 
as  senior  officer,  having  the  other  vessel  and  its  com- 
mander under  my  orders,  with  instructions  to  take  the 
prizes  to  Gibraltar,  and  then  return  up  the  Mediterra- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  149 

nean  with  those  under  my  command,  and  join  our  re- 
spective ships  whenever  and  wherever  they  could  be 
fallen  in  with.  Whatever  might  be  my  captain's  mo- 
tives for  selecting  me  on  this  occasion,  I  certainly  did 
not  feel  obliged  to  him,  for,  in  the  then  state  of  the  war, 
the  Spanish  coast  swarmed  with  their  privateers,  while 
my  two  poor  vessels  had  no  means  of  defence,  and  very 
little  capabilities  for  a  successful  flight,  should  we  be 
pursued.  In  short,  I  considered  it  much  more  likely 
that  I  should  visit  a  Spanish  prison  than  the  Bay  of 
Gibraltar.  To  that  God,  who  had  hitherto  always  pre- 
served me,  I  committed  myself  and  my  proceedings, 
and  through  his  good  providence  we  accomplished  the 
voyage  with  safety  and  speed ;  when,  having  delivered 
the  vessels  into  the  charge  of  the  prize  agent,  I  and  my 
brother  officer  of  the  E ,  with  our  parties  of  sea- 
men, embarked  on  board  the  V ,  and  in  a  few  days 

sailed  for  our  squadron  to  the  eastward.  On  my  arrival 
in  this  happy,  dashing  ship,  as  such  frigates  are  gene- 
rally esteemed,  I  was  ushered  into  the  ward-room  with 
all  the  respect  and  politeness  customary  on  such  occa- 
sions. In  the  society  of  this  ship's  ward-room  I  found 
much  that  was  pleasing,  and  much  that  was  distressing; 
all  the  officers  were  young  men  of  intelligent  and  gen- 
tlemanly manners,  men  of  reading  and  cultivated  minds; 
hence  there  was  much  more  correctness  of  behaviour 
and  interesting  conversation  among  them  than  could  be 
found  on  board  of  many  ships  in  oui'  fleet.  This  was  a 
pleasure  I  had  not  anticipated ;  it  was  the  fair  side  of  a 
picture  I  had  not  expected  to  see.  But  this  same  picture 
had  a  dark  and  distressing  side,  which  I  was  obliged 
13* 


150  THE    RETROSPECT. 

often  to  look  upon.  These  young  men  had,  by  some 
means  or  other,  got  into  a  train  of  deistical  reading,  and 
of  dangerous,  half  infidel  opinions.  The  works  of  Hume, 
Gibbon,  and  Voltaire  formed  a  part  of  their  library,  and 
but  too  frequently  engaged  their  leisure  hours.  At  that 
time  my  thoughts  and  feelings  on  religious  matters  were 
much  what  they  now  are  ;  consequently,  it  was  not  long 
before  I  and  my  new  associates  discovered  that  we 
viewed  many  things  in  a  very  opposite  light  to  each 
other.  This  discovery  was  first  made  by  the  following 
circumstance.  The  junior  lieutenant  of  the  frigate  had, 
some  days  before  I  joined  them,  purchased,  at  a  very 
high  price,  what  the  bookseller  told  him  was  one  of  the 
most  popular  and  sensible  novels  ever  published  in 
England,  and  that  a  full  chest  of  them  had  happily  ar- 
rived at  Gibraltar.  I  think  it  was  the  very  day  I  went 
on  board,  that  one  of  the  officers  enquired  of  the  purcha- 
ser, "  How  he  liked  his  famous  new  novel  ?"  To  which 
the  other  replied,  "I  don't  know  what  to  think  of  it: 
there  is  too  much  of  religion  in  it.  I  have  read  but  a 
few  pages."  Hearing  this  odd  description  of  a  novel, 
and  perceiving  that  neither  the  enquirer  nor  the  owner 
of  the  work  cared  about  reading  it,  I  requested  the  fa- 
vour of  seeing  it;  and  found  its  title,  "  Calebs  in  search 
of  a  Wife,"  and  truly,  it  did  contain  much  good  advice 
and  sound  doctrine.  To  me  it  proved  quite  a  treat,  while 
it  remained  unread,  and  unvalued  by  the  purchaser  and 
his  shipmates.  This  event  discovered  to  them  that  they 
had  what  they  termed  a  religionist  among  them.  And 
I  believe  their  surprise  was  accompanied  with  a  strong 
curiosity  to  hear  what  I  had  to  say  on  so  unnautical  and 


THE    RETROSPECT.  151    r« 

V 

unfashionable  a  subject  as  the  religion  interwoven  with 
the  tale  of  Cozlehs. 

I  have  remarked  that  the  manners  and  language  of 
my  new  associates  were,  for  the  most  part,  correct  and 
gentlemanly ;  but  in  the  case  of  the  surgeon  of  the  ship, 
I  soon  found  a  melancholy  exception,  as  well  as  in  the 
lieutenant,  who  had  accompanied  me  from  our  squad- 
ron. The  latter,  indeed,  was  a  man  of  no  intelligence 
or  information  on  any  subject  whatever,  but  such  as 
were  to  his  disgrace :  he  was  what  many  hundreds  of 
the  lieutenants  of  the  navy  then  were — a  noisy,  profane 
blockhead.  On  the  other  hand,  the  surgeon  was  a 
clever,  well  informed  man,  who  could  appear  to  much 
advantage  in  company  whenever  he  chose ;  or  rather 
he  would  have  done  so  at  all  times,  had  he  been  under 
the  influence  of  real  christian  principles.  As  it  was,  he 
combined  the  disgusting  and  interesting  qualities  to- 
gether. The  first  part  of  the  day  generally  found  him 
in  a  sullen  and  half-melancholy  state  of  mind ;  but  in 
the  afternoons,  when  a  moderate  portion  of  wine  had 
restrung  his  nerves,  and  company  and  conversation  had 
in  a  manner  silenced  the  small,  still  voice  within,  he 
became  another  man,  and  often  launched  forth  in  all  the 
warmth  of  debate  in  favour  of  daring,  black  infidelity, 
and  in  blasphemous  denial  and  contempt  of  the  Holy 
Scriptures,  and  of  every  truth  and  doctrine  they  contain. 
The  book  Ccelebs  having,  to  a  certain  extent,  made  them 
acquainted  with  my  sentiments,  the  poor  surgeon  and 
my  fellow  passenger  most  days  purposely  introduced, 
or  rather  forced,  religious  subjects  into  conversation  the 
instant  the  cloth  was  removed  from  the  dinner  table. 


152  THE    RETROSPECT. 

Their  aim  was,  directly  or  indirectly,  to  level  all  at  my- 
self; while  they  seemed  to  think  I  was  bound  to  answer 
all  their  nonsense  and  profaneness,  and  that  it  behoved 
me  to  explain  away,  or  take  upon  myself  all  the  faults 
and  follies,  real  or  imaginary,  which  they  brought  for- 
ward against  those  they  called  ^'-  Methodists^''  a  term 
which,  in  their  vocabulary,  comprised  individuals  of  all 
sects,  parties,  ranks,  and  ages,  who  feared  God,  and  en- 
deavoured to  work  righteousness.  Hence  every  ridicu- 
lous story,  and  every  lying  report  which  they  had  either 
read  or  heard  of,  was  brought  forward  to  make  sport  at 
the  expense  of  the  Bible,  and  to  prove  to  me  that  reli- 
gion was  all  cant  and  hypocrisy,  and  that  its  advocates 
were  either  fools  or  knaves.  At  the  close  of  each  of 
these  silly  anecdotes  and  groundless  reports  they  would 
appeal  to  me  with  the  air  of  imaginary  triumph,  and  ex- 
claim, '-There,   what  think   you,  M -s,   of  that?" 

This  merriment,  at  the  expense  of  the  vilified  and  mis- 
represented iVIethodists,  might  have  passed  off  without 
producing  little  else  than  a  smile  of  contempt  and  pity, 
had  it  been  the  worst  I  unhappily  had  to  hear :  but,  as 
the  wine  passed  round,  the  surgeon's  animal  spirits  be- 
came more  buoyant,  and  his  profaneness  more  satanic ; 
while  the  objects  of  his  attack  were  more  and  more 
sacred.  The  reader,  by  this  time,  must  be  aware,  that 
it  never  was  my  custom  to  do  what  has  been  justly  con- 
demned both  by  land  and  sea,  under  the  designation  of 
^^  cramming  religion  down  meii s  tliroatsP  On  the 
contrary,  I  ever  considered  it  extremely  improper  to 
introduce  spiritual  conversation,  until  I  perceived  some- 
thing like  a  prospect  of  doing  it  with  profit  to  my  hearers. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  153 

and  credit  to  the  cause  of  God.  As  a  layman,  and  an 
officer  in  the  public  service,  I  felt  that  my  first  great 
business  was  to  endeavour  to  keep  my  own  heart  with 
all  diligence,  and  thus  to  speak  to  others,  rather  by  my 
actions  and  conduct  than  by  assuming  the  office  of  the 
preacher.  There  were,  however,  times  and  occasions 
when  it  became  a  duty  to  speak  out,  and  fearlessly  and 
unreservedly  to  confess  Christ  Jesus  before  men.  I  need 
hardly  say  that  such  did  present  themselves  more  than 

once  while  I  was  on  board  the  V .     It  is  true,  that 

so  far  as  my  poor  brainless  fellow-passenger  was  con- 
cerned, all  argument  was  thrown  away,  for  he  really 
knew  not  when  he  was  confuted :  and  oftentimes  the 
conversation  of  the  surgeon  was  too  much  like  that  of 
a  being  labouring  under  the  effects  of  a  frenzied  brain, 
to  call  for  any  reply.  To  the  more  sedate  part  of  the 
company  I  however,  at  times,  considered  it  right  to 
address  myself;  but  here  I  could  go  only  on  general 
and  broad  ground,  because  they  knew  little  of,  and  cared 
less  about  the  peculiar  doctrines  of  the  Gospel.  Yet  I 
hope  even  this  little  was  not  altogether  in  vain  in  the 
Lord.  More  than  once  or  twice  I  brought  them  to  ac- 
knowledge that  there  must  be  a  God,  the  Creator  of  all 
things ;  that  his  power  and  rule  must  extend  to  and 
over  all  his  works ;  that  his  approbation  or  disapproba- 
tion must  mark  the  conduct  of  all  his  rational  creatures ; 
that  reverence  and  gratitude  were  due  from  man  to  his 
Maker ;  and  that  the  circumstance  of  our  holding  a  tem- 
porary command  over  a  portion  of  our  fellow-creatures, 
could  never  absolve  us  from  that  humility,  obedience, 
and   love,  which  were,  and   ever  must  be,  due   to  the 


154  THE    RETROSPECT. 

King  of  kings  and  Lord  of  lords.  To  this  length  I 
generally  could  carry  my  point,  even  in  the  presence  of 
the  daring,  infidel  surgeon,  and  boisterous,  profane  lieu- 
tenant. Not  but  that  they  both  would  continue  to  pour 
forth,  the  one  his  blasphemy,  and  the  other  his  nonsense. 
At  times,  indeed,  they  seemed  hurried  on  by  a  spirit  of 
evil,  to  such  lengths,  that  I  considered  it  altogether  im- 
proper to  be  a  hearer,  and  on  such  occasions,  left  the 
table,  and  repaired  on  deck,  where  I  could  walk,  and 
muse,  and  sigh  over  the  folly  and  madness  of  the  heart 
of  man,  as  a  mystery  of  iniquity,  while  destitute  of  the 
regenerating  grace  of  God.  The  case  of  the  surgeon 
much  perplexed  me.  That  a  person  with  so  much 
good  sense  as  he  appeared  to  possess,  should  actually  be 
the  dupe  of  infidelity,  even  unto  atheism,  seemed  in- 
credible. Yet,  that  he  should  so  furiously  profess  such 
principles  with  his  lips,  and  really  not  believe  in  thein 
in  his  heart,  was  again  what  I  could  hardly  think  pos- 
sible. The  poet,  Campbell,  seems,  to  have,  for  a  while, 
fallen  into  the  same  perplexity,  when  he  beautifully  put 
the  question, 

"  Oh,  lives  there,  heaven !  beneath  thy  dread  expanse, 

One  hopeless,  dark  idolater  of  chance, 

Content  to  feed,  with  pleasures  unrefined, 

The  lukevi^arm  passions  of  a  lowly  mind ; 

Who,  mouldering  eastward,  'reft  of  every  trust, 

In  joyless  union  wedded  to  the  dust, 

Could  all  his  parting  energy  dismiss. 

And  call  this  barren  world  sufficient  bliss  1" 

And  as  the  same  page  informs  us,  he  at  length  came 
to  the  melancholy  conclusion,  that  such  infidels,  such 


THE    RETROSPECT.  155 

atheists,  were  actually  to  be  found  ;  for  thus  he  proceeds, 
in  strains  as  enchanting  as  their  theme  is  dismal — 

"  There  live,  alas !  of  heaven-directed  mein, 
Of  cultured  soul,  and  sapient  eye  serene, 
Who  hail  thee  man !  the  pilgrim  of  a  day, 
Spouse  of  the  worm,  and  brother  of  the  clay, 
Frail  as  the  leaf  in  Autumn's  yellow  bower, 
Dust  in  the  wind,  or  dew  upon  the  flower ; 
A  friendless  slave,  a  child  without  a  sire, 
Whose  mortal  life,  and  momentary  fire, 
Lights  to  the  grave  his  chance-created  form. 
As  ocean-wrecks  illuminate  the  storm  ; 
And  when  the  gun's  tremendous  flash  is  o'er, 
To  night  and  silence  sink  for  evermore  !" 

Campbell's  Pleasures  of  Hope. 

In  reference  to  the  poor  surgeon  this  matter  was,  how- 
ever, cleared  up  before  I  left  them.  One  morning,  a 
morning  that  succeeded  to  an  afternoon  of  more  than 
usual  profaneness  on  his  part,  I  found  him,  as  was  his 
general  custom,  pacing  the  deck  alone,  sad,  and  thought- 
ful.    I  went  to  him,  and,  in  as  kind  a  way  as  I  could,  I 

said,  "  S ,  your  conversation  at  the  mess-table  has 

often  surprised  and  grieved  me  beyond  measure,  but  it 
did  especially  so  yesterday  afternoon ;  I  am  utterly 
astonished  that  a  man  of  your  good  sense  and  abilities 
should  advocate  such  principles,  and  advance  such  lan- 
guage as  you  are  in  the  habit  of  doing."  He  stopped 
short,  looked  a  look  of  desponding  melancholy  in  my 
face,  and  exclaimed,  "  M ,  you  are  right ;  the  prin- 
ciples you  maintain  are  true — you  are  on  the  safe  side, 
and  I  am  damned !"  "  Damned  !"  I  replied,  "  why  you 
deny  in  toto  the  very  existence  of  hell  and  damnation!" 


156  THE    RETROSPECT. 

"  Ah,"  said  he,  "  I  know  there  is  a  hell,  and  that  there 
is  damnation,  and  I  shall  go  to  hell  and  be  damned  for 
ever  !"  Such  a  reply  as  this,  uttered,  as  it  unquestiona- 
bly was,  from  the  agonizing  feelings  of  a  guilty  con- 
science, and  a  despairing  state  of  mind,  and  accompanied 
by  a  look  of  indescribable  distress,  fixed  me  for  some 
moments  in  silent  amazement.  His  hand  still  resting 
on  my  shoulder — we  stood  and  looked  at  each  other,  I 
in  astonishment  at  what  I  had  heard,  and  he  in  evident 
anxiety  to  hear  what  I  should  say  in  reply.  Recover- 
ing myself,  I  resumed  the  conversation.     "  S ,  your 

language  now  is  as  absurd,  though  not  so  criminal,  as 
that  which  I  before  complained  of!  You  say  you 
know  there  is  a  hell  and  a  future  state ;  why  then  dc 
you  persist  day  after  day  in  denying  these  truths  ?  why 
endeavour  to  persuade  others  that  there  is  no  future 
state  of  rewards  and  punishments?  Have  you  not  con- 
stantly maintained  that  these  things  are  only  the  dreams 
of  silly  fanatics,  or  the  sayings  of  knavtsh  priests'?" 
He  shook  his  head,  and  seemed  in  an  agony,  while  he 
replied,  "  Ah !  it  is  to  no  purpose  your  thus  talking  to 
me,  my  doom  is  fixed — I  shall  be  damned!  !"  "  No, 
my  dear  fellow,"  I  interrupted  him,  "there  is  mercy 
with  God  that  he  may  be  feared  and  relied  on,  the 
blood  of  Jesus  Christ  cleanseth  from  all  sin.  Pray  for 
repentance  unto  life,  and  your  prayer  will  yet  be  heard. 
Remember  Him  who,  while  pouring  out  his  soul  unto 
death  for  sinners,  cast  his  eyes  of  mercy  and  compassion 
on  the  ignorant,  idolatrous,  blaspheming  Roman  sol- 
diers, and  on  the  unthinking  and  profane  Jews,  who  sur- 
rounded his  cross,  and  mocked  his  sufferings ;  think  of 


THE    RETROSPECT.  157 

Him,  I  say,  who  at  such  a  time,  and  under  such  provo- 
cations, prayed  for  his  revilers  and  persecutors,  '  Fa- 
ther, forgive  them,  they  know  not  what  they  do.'  No, 
S ,  I  trust  that  your  doom  is  not  fixed,  as  your  pre- 
sent troubled  conscience  would  persuade  you,  but  that 
you  are  still  on  mercy's  ground ;  only  seek  the  Lord, 
and  be  assured  he  will  be  found  of  you."  Here  some 
of  the  officers  coming  up  to  us  broke  off  the  conversa- 
tion, and  the  next  day,  falling  in  with  our  squadron,  I 
left  the  frigate  and  rejoined  my  own  ship,  and  saw  poor 

S no  more ;  but  though  I  saw  him  not  again,  I 

often  had  him  in  my  thoughts^  and  on  every  such  occa- 
sion I  could  not  but  say,  "  •  The  heart  does  indeed  know 
its  own  bitterness,'  does  so  know  it,  that  a  stranger  inter- 
meddles not  with  it,  cannot  feel  or  understand  it  like  unto 
the  sufferer  himself,  and  of  all  bitterness  of  heart  this 
must  be  the  severest  which  springs  from  the  rankling 
arrows  of  a  wounded  and  despairing  conscience,  sinning 
against  knowledge  and  conviction." 

Does  the  reader  wish  to  know  what  ultimately  be- 
came of  this  unhappy  young  man  ?  I  can  give  him 
but  a  short  and  imperfect,  though  I  believe  a  gratifying 
account.  I  left  the  frigate,  as  before  observed,  and  saw 
no  more  of  the  blasphemer.  Years  had  passed  over  my 
head,  and  changes  and  providences,  many,  merciful,  and 
great,  had  at  length  placed  me  as  a  minister  of  God's 
Avord,  in  a  secluded  village  in  the  interior  of  the  king- 
dom, where  the  many  and  multiplying  objects  of  duty, 
hopes,  and  fears,  connected  with  my  beloved  but  solemn 
work,  had  at  length  almost  obliterated  the  remembrance 

of  those  days  1  once  passed  in  poor  S 's  company 

14 


158  THE    RETROSPECT. 

on  board  the  V frigate.     Judge  then  my  surprise^ 

when  on  returning  home  after  a  few  days  absence,  I 
learnt  from  the  servant  a  confused  account  of  a   Mr. 

S having  sent  a  message  by  some  stranger  who  was 

travelling  our  way,  begging  my  pardon  and  forgiveness 
for  all  the  pain  he  had  once  occasioned  me — that  he  had 
long  wished  to  make  this  apology,  but  had  not,  until 
very  lately,  been  able  to  trace  me  out ;  such  was  the 
servant's  tale.     But  who  this  messenger  was,  or  where 

Mr.  S was  then  living,  or  in  what  state  of  mind,  or 

of  circumstances  he  was  then  to  be  found,  were  parti- 
culars concerning  which  I  could  gather  nothing  further 
for  two  or  three  years,  when  I  learnt  that  a  pious  old 
naval  friend  of  mine  had  been  thrown  on  board  the 

V as  a  passenger,  nof  long  after  I  left  her,  and  that 

his  judicious  and  zealous  labours  were  blessed  by  the 

Almighty  to  the  establishing  of  poor  S in  the  faith 

and  hope  of  the  Gospel ;  in  which  renewed  state  of 
heart  he  returned  on  shore  in  the  peace  of  1814,  and 
had  commenced  surgical  practice  in  London,  where  my 
informant  believed  he  was  going  on  well  as  a  follower 
of  Christ  Jesus :  being  convinced  in  his  own  experience, 
that  "  The  heart  knows  its  own  bitterness,  and  that  a 
stranger  intermeddles  not  with  its  joys."  Further  parti- 
culars I  have  not  been  able  to  obtain  concerning  him. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

"  When  backwards,  with  attentive  mind, 

Life's  labyrinths  I  trace, 
I  find  my  God,  unceasing  kind, 

Propitious  to  my  peace." 

On  a  review  of  the  foregoing  papers,  I  cannot  but 
set  my  seal  to  the  truth  of  the  above  stanza,  in  its  fullest 
and  most  literal  sense ;  but  the  circumstances  particular- 
ized in  Chapter  VI.  crowd,  in  a  more  especial  manner, 
a  host  of  other  interesting  events  on  the  mind.  Time 
has  indeed  measured  out  a  considerable  space  since  those 
events  took  place,  but  memory,  faithful  to  her  office, 
revives  them  more  and  more  distinctly. 

Let  me  then  indulge  in  once  more  turning  back  to 
the  island  of  Minorca.  It  is  a  little  spot  of  earth  indeli- 
bly fixed  on  my  mind,  and  rendered  more  than  com- 
monly interesting  by  many  circumstances  which  oc- 
curred there. — Yes,  the  very  sight  and  sound  of  the 
word  Minorca  recalls  many  pleasing  and  many  sorrow- 
ful events.  Not  that  I  assisted  in  any  military  exploits 
on  its  shores,  or  acquired  naval  fame  from  any  thing 
connected  with  it ;  but  it  was  the  spot  where  I  once  lay 
suspended,  as  it  were,  between  eternity  and  time;  where 
the  balance  rose  and  fell,  and  the  by-stander  long  waited 
in  suspense  whether  it  would  predominate  on  the  side 


160  THE    RETROSPECT. 

of  life  or  death.  It  was  at  Minorca,  where  sick  and 
friendless,  unknown  and  unknowing,  I  was  left  behind, 
a  stranger  in  a  strange  land,  while  the  calls  of  public 
duty  directed  both  friends  and  companions  elsewhere, 
and  to  return  I  knew  not  when.  On  these,  as  well  as 
some  other  accounts  yet  to  be  noticed,  I  cannot  think 
of  this  place  with  indifference. 

Six  years  after  my  first  return  to  England  from  the 
Mediterranean,  or  rather  nine  years  from  my  first  going 
thither,  and  being  left  at  Mahon  hospital,  I  again  visited 
that  part  of  the  world,  and  Port  Mahon  in  particular.* 
What  a  variety  of  mercies,  providences,  and  judgments, 
did  I  not  witness  and  partake  of  between  these  two  pe- 
riods !  Yet  the  events  connected  with  my  first  and  last 
visits  at  this  moment  seem  to  be  equally  distinct,  and 
almost  as  the  transactions  of  the  last  month !  so  short,  so 
fleeting  does  time  in  the  retrospect  appear !  and  so  ra- 
pidly do  the  various  cares  and  enjoyments,  the  troubles 
and  comforts  of  life,  succeed  each  other,  while  their  days 
return  no  more. 

Standing  now  on  the  downward  side  of  the  central 
arch  of  the  bridge  of  life,  and  looking  back  on  the  rise 
as  well  as  on  the  declivity  already  traversed,  I  cannot 
but  admire  the  force  and  beauty  with  which  the  wise 

*  Port  Mahon  is  a  principal  harbour  in  the  island  of  Minorca, 
in  the  centre  of  which  is  a  small  rocky  island,  whereon  a  naval 
hospital  has  long  been  built.  This  port  has  ever  afforded  conside- 
rable relief  to  our  fleets  employed  on  the  blockade  of  Toulon,  &c. 
The  French,  British,  and  Spaniards,  have  been  its  successive 
possessors.  At  the  time  of  my  last  visit,  it  was,  and  has  ever  since 
continued,  in  the  hands  of  the  last  unhappy  people. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  161 

man  has  painted  the  instability  and  fleeting  nature  of  all 
sublunary  things,  and  take  up  his  words  and  say,  "  All 
these  are  passed  away  like  a  shadow,  and  as  a  post  that 
hasteth  by ;  and  as  a  ship  that  passeth  over  the  waves 
of  the  water,  which,  when  it  is  gone  by,  the  trace 
thereof  cannot  be  found,  neither  the  pathway  of  the  keel 
in  the  waves ;  or,  as  when  a  bird  hath  flown  through 
the  air,  there  is  no  token  of  her  way  to  be  found,  but 
the  light  air,  being  beaten  with  the  stroke  of  her  wings, 
and  parted  with  the  violent  noise  and  motion  of  them, 
is  passed  through,  and  therein  afterwards  no  sign  where 
she  went  is  to  be  found  ;  or  like  as  when  an  arrow  is 
shot  at  a  mark,  it  parteth  the  air,  which  immediately 
Cometh  together  again,  so  that  a  man  cannot  know 
where  it  went  through :  even  so  we,  in  like  manner, 
as  soon  as  we  were  born,  began  to  draw  to  our  end." 

This  however  is  but  an  additional  call  to  devote  the 
present  hour  to  God,  and  by  meditation,  prayer,  and 
praise,  to  endeavour  to  draw  improvement  from  the  ex- 
ercise. We  cannot  recall  the  days  of  past  times,  whose 
sun  is  gone  down,  and  whose  seasons  are  for  ever 
ended ;  but  we  may  "  turn  back  the  attentive  mind  their 
labyrinths  to  trace,"  and  it  will  be  our  own  fault  if  the 
retrospect  do  not  furnish  abundant  matter  wherewith  to 
approach  the  throne  of  God  ;  to  approach  it  in  such  a 
manner  as  may  be  profitable  to  our  own  souls.  For 
myself,  I  may  surely  say,  when  I  recollect  what  dark- 
ness overshadowed  my  mind,  what  carnality  reigned  in 
my  heart  on  first  visiting  Port  Mahon,  and  even  when 
I  quitted  the  hospital ;  I  have  on  the  one  hand  abundant 
cause  to  implore  forgiveness,  and  equal  cause  on  the 


162  THE    RETROSPECT. 

Other  to  praise  that  long  forbearing  and  insulted  mercy 
which  did  not  cut  me  off  in  such  a  state — a  state  wherein 
there  was  no  love  to  God^  no  desire  of  the  knowledge 
of  his  ways.  Some  fear  of  his  wrath,  indeed,  was  found 
within  me,  so  long  as  its  threatenings  were  visibly  sus- 
pended over  my  head.  But  no  sooner  were  these  threat- 
enings withdrawn,  than  my  fears  and  reverence  of  their 
author  withdrew  also. 

It  has  already  been  observed,  that  at  the  expiration  of 
one  month  from  being  put  on  shore,  I  again  embarked. 

For  just  at  that  time  the  E unexpectedly  returned 

to  complete  her  water  and  provisions ;  which  having 
accomplished,  she  again  sailed,  and  for  three  years  con- 
tinued to  traverse  the  Mediterranean,  on  various  services 
and  through  various  fortunes,  until  our  return  to  Eng- 
land, as  noticed  in  the  conclusion  of  Chapter  VI. 

Had  I  been  permitted  to  follow  the  bent  of  my  own 
perverse  inclinations,  I  should  not  have  rejoined  the 

E ,     For  during  her  absence  I  had  formed  a  wild 

and  preposterous  plan,  and  cherished  the  unaccountable 
desire  of  embarking  on  board  a  strange  ship  ;  where,  to 
say  the  least,  the  Village  Sermons  would  never  have 
fallen  in  my  way — where  many  great  and  important 
links  in  the  chain  of  divine  providence  would  have  been 
marred  or  stricken  off — where,  in  short,  I  should  have 
altogether  fled  from  my  own  mercies.  But  the  pre- 
venting, as  well  as  the  preserving,  goodness  of  God  was 
about  me ;  and  on  this,  as  on  many  other  occasions,  I 
soon  perceived, 

"  Where  I  had  plann'd  great  cause  was  there 
My  plan's  defeat  to  bless." 


THE    RETROSPECT.  163 

No  sooner  was  the  arrival  of  my  ship  announced 
than  the  physician,  fearful  of  a  relapse,  ordered  me  on 
board.  Two  days  afterwards  a  favourable  breeze  bore 
us  in  slow  and  easy  pace  out  of  the  harbour.  I  looked 
back  on  the  building  under  whose  roof  I  had  expe- 
rienced so  much  pain  of  body  and  terror  of  mind,  and 
did  not  regret  my  departure  from  a  place,  the  very  ex- 
terior view  of  which  harrowed  up  a  train  of  uneasy 
thoughts.  O  how  little  did  I  then  think,  that  after  nine 
years'  absence,  after  nine  years  of  mercies  and  judg- 
ments, I  should  again  enter  that  haven  with  views  and 
sentiments  so  different  to  those  I  then  possessed ! — Of 
the  difference  of  these  sentiments  and  views  the  reader 
will  be  a  competent  judge,  when  he  bears  in  mind  that 
my  second  course  of  visits  were  all  within  the  last  fifteen 
months  of  my  naval  career,  and  the  very  last  of  them 
but  a  few  weeks  before  the  total  suppression  of  our  little 

religious  assemblies  on  board  the  C . 

Having  been  employed  on  different  services  at  Lisbon, 
Cadiz,  TenerifTe,  &c.  we  were  ordered  to  reinforce  the 
fleet  off  Toulon.  From  thence  (after  some  months 
beating  about)  we  were  sent,  with  the  majority  of  the 
other  ships,  to  Port  Mahon  to  victual,  water,  and  partial- 
ly refit.  Then  it  was  I  first  met  the  dear  departed 
Macarius  and  his  honourable  friend  Eugenius. — We 
had  exchanged  some  letters  at  sea,  but  had  not  enjoyed 
a  personal  interview  until  we  came  into  Port  Mahon,  a 
place,  even  on  that  account  alone,  more  than  commonly 
interesting.  But,  independent  of  this  circumstance,  it 
was  a  place  where  all  the  powerful,  the  pleasing,  and 


164  THE    RETROSPECT. 

the  afflicting  consequences  of  the  association  of  ideas 
were  most  fully  experienced. 

It  was  a  stormy  autumnal  day,  when  we  entered  the 
haven;  the  sky  lowered  with  black  clouds, and  the  sud- 
den gusts  of  wind  from  time  to  time  rushed  down  the 
well  remembered  hills  in  wild  fury  on  the  oppressed 
vessel,  leaving  a  momentary  calm  between  them,  only 
to  renew  their  assaults  with  greater  violence.  And 
such,  I  thought,  (as  I  gained  sight  of  the  well-known 
hospital  building,)  and  such  was  the  state  of  my  mind, 
when  nine  years  ago  I  turned  my  aching  limbs  on  your 
couches,  and  gazed  on  your  dreary  walls,  and  thought 
on  death !  I  felt  some  gratitude  for  the  change  which 
had  taken  place  since  that  period,  as  well  as  much  joy 
in  the  prospect  of  becoming  better  acquainted  with 
Macarius  and  Eugenius.  Nor  was  it  long  ere  all  my 
anticipations  were  for  once  more  than  realized.  There 
was  a  union  of  hearts  between  us  which  soon  did  away 
the  formalities  of  the  world  and  the  natural  shyness  of 
strangers.  We  passed  all  our  leisure  time  together 
principally  on  shore.  Sometimes  we  rambled  over  the 
barren  rugged  hills,  and  sometimes  through  the  more 
fertile  and  refreshing  vallies — nor  do  I  hesitate  to  say, 
that  these  rambles,  these  seasons,  stolen  as  they  were 
from  the  noise  and  confusion  of  nautical  duty,  and  from 
the  invidious  eye  of  man,  made  up  some  of  the  most 
pleasing  and  happy  portions  of  time  I  had  then  expe- 
rienced. As  such  I  esteemed  them  then,  and  as  such  I 
look  back  on  them  at  this  day.  The  world,  and  the 
things  of  the  world,  had  necessarily  much  of  our  time, 
and  this  heightened  our  enjoyment  of  every  little  respite 


THE    RETROSPECT.  165 

and  deliverance  from  its  contentions. — Yes,  these  were 
precious  seasons ;  when  for  an  hour  or  two,  abstracted 
from  the  cares,  and  almost  forgetting  the  concerns  of 
earth,  we  discoursed  with  freedom  and  unreserve  of  the 
things  of  heaven, 

Solomon  has  observed,  that  "  as  iron  sharpeneth  iron, 
so  a  man  sharpeneth  the  countenance  of  his  friend;" 
and  I  think  the  effect  of  our  interviews  at  Minorca  was 
strikingly  illustrative  of  the  justness  of  his  observation. 
The  oftener  we  met  and  parted,  the  more  we  wished  to 
meet  again:  the  more  we  discoursed,  the  closer  were 
our  hearts  drawn  together  in  that  bond  of  christian 
friendship  which  death  cannot  dissolve,  and  which  eter- 
nity will  not  do  away. 

On  these  occasions  we  never  wanted  for  subjects  of 
conversation,  nor  did  we  discourse  much  on  any  but 
those  which  had  a  tendency  to  glorify  God  and  benefit 
man. — Sweet  and  interesting  seasons  !  not  again  to  recur 
below,  but  I  hope  they  are  to  be  remembered,  and  to  be 
enjoyed,  when  mortality  is  swallowed  up  of  life. 

In  those  rambles,  as  we  ascended  from  the  vallies, 
and  gained  the  summit  of  now  one  hill  and  now  another, 
we  beheld  the  spacious  harbour  stretching  itself  beneath 
us.  In  its  centre  the  hospital  island  and  its  building 
reared  themselves  into  a  sort  of  watch-tower,  while  over 
its  whole  surface  were  seen  scattered  the  different  ships 
and  all  their  accompanying  boats  and  vessels,  busily 
employed  in  fresh  preparations  to  combat  the  storms  of 
the  sea  and  the  violence  of  the  enemy.  From  these 
heights,  and  with  such  objects  before  us,  it  was  almost 
impossible  for  me  not  to  revert  to  former  times,  and 


166  THE    RETROSPECT. 

point  out  to  my  friends  the  spot  where  I  once  lay  a  sort 
of  outcast  from  God  and  man.  Nor  were  my  more 
private  excursions  on  the  water  less  interesting  to  myself 
than  those  on  the  land.  To  sail  round  the  hospital  Is- 
land, or  to  row  by  its  rugged  base,  and  to  track  the 
path  which,  as  a  convalescent,  I  had  often  trod,  when 
supported  on  a  staff  I  measured  and  re-measured,  with 
feeble  faltering  steps,  the  extent  of  this  little  coast — to 
mark  the  rock-stones  on  which,  faint  and  exhausted,  I 
often  sat  down  to  rest — to  survey  the  point  from  which 
my  deranged  comrade  was  about  to  take  the  fatal  leap* 
— to  see  the  cavern  into  which  the  bodies  of  so  many 
brave  men  had,  in  the  prime  and  flower  of  life,  been 
conveyed  previous  to  their  interment,  and  into  which 
three  of  my  accompanying  shipmates  had  been  carried 
— all  this  I  found  not  only  interesting,  but  useful,  and 
well  calculated  to  rouse  the  mind,  and  lift  it  up  to  God 
in  David's  words,  "  Lord,  what  am  I,  or  what  is  my 
father's  house,  that  thou  hast  brought  me  thus  far  '?" 

From  contemplating  these  objects,  I  now  and  then 
directed  my  eyes  to  the  eastern  and  opposite  side  of  the 

*  The  first  who  died  of  those  who  accompanied  me  to  sick 
quarters,  in  the  paroxysm  of  his  fever,  and  in  that  supernatural 
strength  which  deUrium  often  suppUes,  leaped  out  of  bed  before 
the  nurses  were  in  attendance,  quitted  the  ward,  and  ran  to  the 
side  of  the  cliff,  where  he  vociferously  called  on  his  ship,  (then 
many  miles  away)  to  send  a  boat  and  take  him  on  board.  Finding 
no  voice  to  answer,  or  any  boat  to  approach,  he  was  on  the  point 
of  leaping  into  the  sea,  when  one  of  the  centinels  arrived  and 
caught  him,  and  thus  prolonged  his  earthly  existence  for  the  short 
space  of  twenty-four  hours ;  for  at  the  expiration  of  that  time  he 
died. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  167 

harbour,  where  still  remained  the  solitary  inclosure 
which  has  long  been  the  general  burying-place  for  Brit- 
ish and  all  other  protestant  subjects.  Hither  the  poor 
Roman  Catholic  natives  (tutored  and  deceived  by  their 
bigoted  and  political  priests)  have  conveyed  the  supposed 
heretics  who  died  at  the  hospital,  and  interred  them  with 
as  little  sympathy  as  they  would  have  earthed  over  a 
dead  beast.  O !  ye  British  mothers,  and  wives,  and  sis- 
ters !  happy  for  you  that  ye  never  witnessed  the  insults 
offered  to  the  remains  of  those  whom  ye  once  called 
your  sons,  and  brothers,  and  husbands  ! 

I  know  all  our  little  civilities  and  kind  attentions  to 
the  deceased  are  alike  unavailing,  both  to  body  and  soul; 
but  I  would  not  have  them  omitted,  much  less  would  I 
have  the  remains  of  what  were  once  man  treated  with 
such  barbarity  as  the  protestant  dead  are  sure  to  receive 
at  the  hands  of  a  Spaniard,  an  Italian,  or  a  Portuguese. 

Such  treatment  is  to  the  best  feelings  of  the  heart 
what  the  rude  hand  of  the  sullen  maniac  would  be  on 
the  strings  of  a  well-tuned  harp.  Nor  can  there  be  any 
more  of  the  genuine  and  lovely  spirit  of  Christianity  in 
the  one,  than  of  well-adjusted  and  soothing  harmony  in 
the  other. 

But  we  may  hope  the  dawn  of  better  times  is  at  hand. 
— Neither  is  it  to  me  the  least  interesting  circumstance 
connected  with  Minorca,  that  I  was  permitted  to  be  the 
harbinger  of  good  tidings  of  salvation  to  many.  For 
at  Port  Mahon  I  had  the  happiness  and  the  honour  of 
distributing  the  first  fifty  Testaments  that  had  ever  ap- 
peared in  the  language  of  the  people  in  that  island — yes, 
I  will  say  the  honour ; — for  if  I  were  enabled  to  per- 


168  THE    RETROSPECT. 

form  this  work  in  an  acceptable  spirit  before  God,  the 
angels  in  heaven  will  consider  it  as  a  work  infinitely 
raore  honourable  than  the  conquest  of  fifty  cities,  and 
the  boon  itself  as  far  surpassing  in  real  value  the  collect- 
ed riches  of  fifty  kingdoms. 

But  I  hasten  to  conclude  this  chapter.  For  however 
interesting  the  events  alluded  to  in  it  may  be  to  myself, 
I  cannot  expect  them  to  aflTord  that  interest  to  others — I 
will  therefore  only  observe,  that  this  was  the  last  place 
touched  at  in  the  Mediterranean  by  the  ship  in  which  I 
ook  my  passage  home.  The  want  of  water  occasioned 
our  anchoring  off  the  harbour  for  two  or  three  days : 
but  as  my  health  was  ill  calculated  for  shore  exercise, 
and  having  neither  duty  to  perform,  friends  to  see,  nor 
Testaments  to  distribute,  I  remained  on  board.  When 
the  anchor  was  weighed,  I  bid  a  final  adieu  to  Minorca, 
with  no  small  portion  of  those  feelings  usually  connect- 
ed with  the  idea  of  for  ever  leaving  a  place  where  many 
either  of  the  adverse  or  pleasing  events  of  life  have  oc- 
curred. 

As  the  ship  increased  her  sail  and  quickened  her 
flight,  I  looked  back,  and  from  time  to  time  beheld  the 
receding  island  sinking  into  the  horizon  as  a  thin  cloud 
on  the  edge  of  the  waters.  Had  the  place  afforded  op- 
portunity of  giving  vent  to  my  full  heart,  I  think  it 
would  have  dictated  the  following  words :  "  Farewell, 
Minorca,  farewell! — to  me  thou  hast  proved  the  land  of 
mercy  and  of  judgment — on  thy  circumscribed  shores  I 
have  tasted  the  sweets  of  christian  friendship,  and 
within  thy  limits  I  have  trembled  under  the  alarms  of 
a  troubled  mind — within  thy  sheltering  harbour  I  have 


THE    RETROSPECT.  169 

joined  the  scoffer  and  profane,  there  I  have  held  sweet 
communion  in  praise  and  prayer  with  those  who  feared 
God — in  thy  fields  and  in  thy  streets  I  have  witnessed 
the  eager  desire  of  thy  benighted  sons  and  daughters  to 
obtain  the  word  of  God,  to  possess  that  living  bread 
which  comes  down  from  heaven ;  and  with  thy  hunger- 
ing and  thirsting  children  I  have  left  some  portions  of 
that  word,  which  is  able  to  make  them  wise  unto  salva- 
tion by  faith  in  Jesus  Christ. — Adieu,  Minorca,  adieu  ! 
Henceforth  thou  wilt  see  my  face  no  more  for  ever ! 
For  I  go  to  dwell  in  a  far  distant,  a  far  happier,  and 
more  enlightened  land.  But  O,  thou  bounteous  Giver 
of  all  good,  hasten  the  time  when  missionaries  and  min- 
isters after  thine  own  heart  shall  preach  and  expound 
that  word  which  thou  hast  commissioned  thine  unworthy 
servant  to  leave  with  this  people. — O  send  forth  instru- 
ments who  shall  feed  them  with  knowledge  and  under- 
standing, until  Minorca  shall  be  numbered  with  the 
'  isles  that  wait  upon  thee  and  trust  in  thy  name.'  "  O 
God  of  all  power  and  might,  reform  her  idolatrous 
church ;  instruct  and  sanctify  her  priests,  and  lead,  en- 
lighten, and  bless  her  people,  for  Jesus  Christ,  our  Re- 
deemer's sake!" 

15 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

"cast  thy  bread  upon  the  waters;  for  thou 

SHALT  FIND  IT  AFTER  MANY  DAYS. — EcCLES  xi.  1. 

Many  good  men  are  deterred  from  exertion  in  their 
allotted  posts  and  paths  of  duty,  under  a  very  common 
suggestion  of  the  enemy  of  souls,  that  it  is  useless  for 
them,  with  their  limited  abilities,  and  in  their  contracted, 
and,  perhaps,  humble  sphere,  to  expect  any  good  can 
arise,  or  any  fruit  be  found.  Nor  are  men  of  moderate 
abilities  the  only  individuals  who  experience  this  temp- 
tation: it  is  a  snare  laid  in  the  way  of  almost  every  man, 
and  which  more  or  less  paralyzes  many  of  their  best 
hopes  and  exertions.  In  my  own  case  I  can  truly  say, 
that  I  have  been  held  back  from  promptly  setting  about 
a  hundred  important  duties,  which  at  times  I  might,  and 
ought  at  once  to  have  attempted,  instead  of  delaying  the 
time,  encouraging  fears,  and  going  to  work,  at  last,  like 
one  who  was  only  half  persuaded  that  the  attempt  was 
worth  making.  Moreover,  while  such  has  been  the 
case,  with  respect  to  many  duties  actually  attempted, 
many,  alas  !  have  been  hitherto  quite  delayed  ;  and  now 
they  can  never  be  set  about ;  for  the  time,  the  means,  the 
circumstances,  and  the  individuals  either  no  longer  exist, 
or  are  removed  far  beyond  my  influence  and  reach. 
How  salutary,  how  seasonable  then  is  that  admonition, 


THE    RETROSPECT.  171 

"  Whatsoever  thine  hand  findeth  to  do,  do  it  with  all 
thy  might."  And  how  encouraging  are  these  assuran- 
ces; "that  the  Lord  doth  not  despise  the  day  of  sniall 
things," — that  "  our  labors  shall  not  be  in  vain  in  Him 
whose  strength  is  perfected  in  our  weakness  ;  and  who 
putteth  his  treasure  into  earthern  vessels,  that  the  excel- 
lency of  the  power  may  be  seen  to  be  of  God  and  not 
of  man:" — who,  while  he  hath  bidden  us  "not  to  be 
weary  in  well  doing,"  hath  positively  said,  "  we  shall 
reap  if  we  faint  not ;"  who  hath  directed  us  to  "  cast  our 
bread  upon  the  waters,"  with  the  assurance  that  "  we 
shall  find  it  after  many  days."  Many  a  time  has  the 
retrospect  of  gonc-by  days  brought  to  remembrance  ano- 
ther and  another  instance  of  the  Lord's  faithfulness  to 
these  his  promises ;  at  once  to  rebuke  my  unbelief  and 
despondency,  and  to  urge  me  on  to  attempt  something 
further,  as  times  and  opportunities  presented  something 
more  to  be  done.  Let  us  then  indulge  in  that  retrospect 
for  a  little  while,  and  take  a  glance  at  some  few  circum- 
stances, not  noticed  in  the  preceding  pages.  It  may, 
through  the  divine  blessing,  stir  up  both  the  writer's  and 
the  reader's  heart  to  go  forth  hereafter,  and  "  cast  our 
bread  upon  the  waters  in  some  confidence  of  hope,  that 
we  shall  find  it  after  many  days." 

In  the  course  of  my  ministerial  labours  the  Lord  has, 
notwithstanding  all  my  fears  and  hesitations  in  the  path 
of  duty,  favoured  me  with  not  a  few  instances,  in  proof, 
that  he  is  a  promise-making  and  promise-fulfilling  God. 
I  will,  however,  select  one,  and  only  one,  from  this 
field,  and  then  turn  back  again  to  sea-faring  scenes  and 
characters  for  further  illustrations. 


172  THE    RETROSPECT. 

There  is  an  ancient  farm-house  standing  on  the  dis- 
tant confines  of  my  parish,  whither  I  had  once  very 
often  gone  to  visit  a  poor  young  woman,  named  Char- 
lotte S s ;  who,  after  suffering  much  and  long  under 

a  pulmonary  consumption,  departed  triumphing,  and  re- 
joicing in  hope  of  the  glory  of  God.  Some  three  years 
after  her  happy  departure,  I  one  day  received  a  message 
from  one  of  the  survivors  of  the  family,  requesting  me 
to  call  on  a  sister  of  the  deceased,  who  had  lately  been 
sent  home  from  a  distant  place  of  service  very  ill.  On 
arriving  at  the  house  I  found  the  subject  of  my  visit  was 
most  seriously  indisposed;  she  was,  in  reality,  in  the 
last  stage  of  the  same  complaint  of  which  Charlotte  had 
previously  died.  There  is  somethingdistressingto  human 
nature  in  the  contemplation  of  this  insidious  and  fatal 
disease,  as  its  ravages  are  generally  most  extensive  and 
severe  among  the  rising  generation ;  ofttimes  seizing  on 
the  most  interesting  and  lovely  portion  of  our  young 
people,  and  that,  too,  when  and  where  the  fond  friends 
and  relatives  had  been  calculating  on  many  years  of 
health  and  strength  to  come.  Oh,  how  many  of  these 
instances  have  I  witnessed  among  my  flock,  my  friends, 
and  acquaintance !  But  to  return  to  Sophia,  for  such 
was  her  name ;  perceiving  that  her  sun  was  hastening 
to  go  down,  I  proceeded  to  enquire  into  her  views  and 
her  prospects,  her  hopes  and  fears,  as  connected  with 
life,  death,  and  eternity — of  her  state  of  preparation  for 
that  change,  when  the  body  must  return  to  the  dust  from 
whence  it  was  taken,  and  the  soul  into  his  presence  who 
gave  it — a  task  this,  whatever  the  reader  may  think  of 
it,  which  is  often  attended  with  much  difficulty  and  deep 


THE    RETROSPECT.  173 

anxiety ;  requiring,  as  it  does,  the  exercise  of  much  dis- 
cretion, tenderness,  and  christian  faithfulness.  In  So- 
phia's case,  however,  these  difficulties  and  anxieties 
were  but  little  felt;  for  I  found  her  mind  well  informed 
on  scriptural  subjects,  and  her  foundation  of  hope  built 
on  Christ  Jesus,  as  "  the  only  rock  and  name  given  un- 
der heaven  whereon  and  whereby  man  can  build  and 
be  saved."  In  short,  I  found  her  in  possession  of  such 
a  good  hope,  through  grace,  that  she  was  enabled 
calmly  and  cheerfully  to  look  forward  to  her  dissolution, 
as  an  event  w^hich  she  knew  could  not  be  far  off  In 
the  course  of  conversation,  I  enquired  how  long,  and 
by  what  means,  her  mind  had  been  brought  into  a  train 
of  serious,  christian  reflections  and  practice?  when  she 
replied,  "  Ever  since  you,  Sir,  conversed  with  me  and 
the  family  one  day  when  you  visited  dear  Charlotte,  not 
long  before  she  died."  "  Indeed,"  said  I,  "  I  don't  now 
recollect  any  thing  particular  as  to  that  circumstance." 
"  Perhaps  not,  Sir  ;  but  I  have  never  forgotten  it.  I 
had  obtained  leave  of  absence  to  come  home  for  a  day 
or  two  before  Charlotte  was  quite  gone;  and  during 
that  time  you  called  to  see  her.  On  leaving  her  room, 
you  staid  a  short  time,  and  conversed  with  us  who  were 
below,  on  the  subject  of  the  shortness  and  uncertainty 
of  human  life.  I  was  then  in  good  health,  but,  Sir, 
don't  you  remember,  you  turned  and  said  to  me,  '  It  is 
very  probable  you  may  never  reach  your  twenty-fifth 
year?'  "  "  I  think  I  do  now  recollect  something  of  that 
circumstance,  but  what  of  that?"  I  answered.  "Why, 
Sir,  these  were  the  words  which  made  the  first  serious 
impression  on  my  mind.  I  went  to  my  place  of  service 
15* 


174  THE    RETROSPECT. 

the  next  day;  and  soon  after  that  Charlotte  died,  and 
went  to  heaven ;  but  your  words  were,  from  time  to 
time,  coming  afresh  to  my  recollection.  It  is  now  three 
years  ago,  but  these  words  have  been  on  my  mind  al- 
most continually ;  they  led  me,  through  the  blessing  of 
God,  to  reflect,  and  read,  and  pray  ;  they  led  me  to  seek 
that  Saviour,  who  came  to  seek  and  to  save  lost  sinners." 

I  told  her  I  was  thankful  to  God  for  such  his  mercy 
to  her,  and  for  his  condescending  grace  in  blessing  any 
thing  that  I  had  said  or  done.  With  a  smile  of  sweet 
christian  gratitude  and  faith,  she  replied,  "  Yes,  Sir ;  and 
now  your  words  will  certainly  prove  true.  You  said, 
'  It  was  very  probable  that  I  should  never  reach  my 
twenty-fifth  year  :'  I  am  now  only  twenty-three,  and  I 
shall  soon  be  gone." 

Thus  ended  my  first  visit,  and  in  a  very  few  weeks 
Sophia  was  numbered  with  those  dead  who  have  died 
in  the  Lord  and  are  blessed.  While  that  work  which 
eventually  ended  in  her  everlasting  salvation,  had  its 
commencement  in  the  way  above  described,  namely,  by 
the  divine  blessing  going  with  one  short  and  simple 
sentence,  uttered  at  the  time  without  a  moment's  preme- 
ditation, and  thought  of  no  more  until  three  years  after- 
wards, when  it  was  recalled  to  my  remembrance  by  the 
individual  who  had  received  the  benefit!  Here  then 
we  see,  that  "  bread  cast  upon  the  waters,"  even  in  the 
smallest  portions,  and  in  a  way  that  scarcely  leaves 
room  to  expect  any  beneficial  result,  may,  by  and  by, 
be  found  to  the  glory  of  God,  and  to  the  good  of  some 
of  the  numerous  family  of  mankind. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  175 

The  next  illustration  will  appear  in  the  sequel  of 

John  P 's   humble  history.     John  was  one  of  our 

best   fore-castle  seamen   on  board   his    Majesty's  ship 

C r,  but,  like  many  others,  he  was  as  profane  and 

ignorant  as  a  heathen.  Our  little  religious  meetings  had 
gone  on  in  the  wing*  and  elsewhere  for  more  than  two 
years  before  he  quitted  the  ship :  but  never  had  he  come 
near  any  of  them.  While  he  attended  well  to  his  duty 
as  a  seaman,  he  was  totally  unconcerned  about  his  soul, 
and  seemed  to  have  neither  a  thought,  nor  hope,  nor 
fear  as  to  its  salvation  or  condemnation.  Thus  things 
went  on  with  him  until  the  Lord  arrested  his  downward 
progress,  first  by  afflicting  his  body,  and  then  by  con- 
vincing his  soul  of  sin.  The  first  of  these  visitations 
was  by  his  receiving  a  very  serious  hurt  in  the  prose- 
cution of  his  usual  duty  in  the  ship,  w^hich  rendered  it 
necessary  to  send  him  on  shore  to  the  naval  hospital  at 
Gosport.  As  the  ship  was  lying  at  Spithead  at  the  time 
of  the  accident,  and  it  is  customary  to  send  a  commis- 
sioned officer  with  the  sick  or  wounded,  I  was  directed 
to  take  him  to  the  hospital.  I  have  not  the  slightest 
recollection  of  any  thing  in  particular  which  passed  on 
that  occasion,  nor  should  I,  in  all  probability,  ever  have 
recalled  one  circumstance  connected  with  that  event, 
had  not  John  himself,  several  years  afterwards,  found 
out  my  present  residence,  and  called  to  obtain  a  certifi- 
cate to  establish  his  servitude  in  the  navy,  and  his  fair 
character  as  a  good  seamen  while  we  sailed  together. 
It  so  happened  that  I  was  from  home  the  first  time  he 

*  See  Chapter  VIII. 


176  THE    RETROSPECT. 

called ;  so  that  he  amused  the  inmates  of  my  house  with 
a  much  fuller  account  of  old  times,  and  of  my  various 

doings  on  board  the  C r  than  he  would  have  been 

allowed  to  do  had  I  myself  been  present.  As  it  was, 
however,  his  straight-forward  simple  tale,  which,  by  the 
bye,  was  only  the  truth,  gained  full  credit  with  those 
who  listened  to  it :  and  while  he  told  them  many  a  ditty 
of  storms,  and  wounds,  and  battles  that  he  had  shared 
in,  they  cheered  him  with  kind  words  and  some  neces- 
sary refreshment.  But  the  most  interesting  part  of  all 
he  had  to  say  was,  how  the  Lord  had  in  great  mercy 
brought  him  to  a  sense  of  his  sins,  and  made  him  ac- 
quainted with  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  in  whom  he  was 
trusting  for  salvation  through  faith  in  his  blood.  And 
here  it  appeared  that  what  passed  between  him  and  me 
on  our  way  from  the  ship  to  the  hospital  had  been  owned 
of  God  to  begin  that  work  which  from  that  time  for- 
ward had  gone  on  and  made  poor  John  a  new  creature. 
From  his  own  account,  it  seems  that  I  called  his  atten- 
tion to  the  many  mercies  and  long  forbearance  of  the 
Almighty  towards  him  in  his  many  and  great  preser- 
vations amidst  sundry  kinds  of  deaths :  and  that  next  I 
warned  him  against  hardening  his  heart  to  this  last,  and 
loud-speaking  providence,  which,  while  it  had  wounded 
his  limbs,  had  yet  spared  his  life.  And  lastly,  it  seems 
that  I  entreated  him  to  call  on  the  Lord  Jesus  as  on  one 
able  and  willing  to  save  to  the  uttermost  all  who  fly  to 
him  for  pardon  for  the  past,  and  grace  for  the  future. 
This,  from  his  own  account,  was  the  substance  of  what 
passed  in  the  boat  just  before  he  was  left  behind,  and  I 
saw  him  no  more  until  several  winters  and  summers 


THE    RETROSPECT.  177 

had  passed  over  our  heads,  and  he  was  truly  born  again, 
even  when  he  had  become  old !  I  need  here  add  no 
more  than  to  say,  that  he  obtained  the  certificate  he 
came  for,  and  the  pension  he  was  seeking  at  the  Admi- 
ralty; and  that  by  a  subscription  among  some  friends, 
he  was  enabled  to  purchase  a  wherry  on  the  Thames, 
where  he  has  for  some  time  past  been  very  usefully 
employed  as  an  agent  of  one  of  the  Societies  established 
for  the  moral  and  religious  instruction  of  our  seamen. 
Surely  this  is  another  illustration  of  our  motto,  "  Cast 
thy  bread  upon  the  waters :  for  thou  shalt  find  it  after 
many  days." 

Before  I  lay  down  my  pen,  I  may  perhaps,  be  allow- 
ed to  say,  that  John  P was  always  a  good  specimen 

of  our  old,  and  commonly  called,  hard-aweather  En- 
glish seamen,  who,  from  having  been  all  their  lifetime 
at  sea,  or  on  ship  board,  have  but  few  words  in  which 
to  clothe  their  ideas  or  express  themselves  on  general 
topics,  unless  it  be  in  sea  phrases  and  nautical  compari- 
sons.    This  was  and  still  is,  peculiarly  the  case  with 

honest  John  P ,  although  he  has  for  some  years 

been  a  resident  on  shore,  and  a  follower  of  the  Lord 
Jesus  Christ.  Full  well  does  he  know  what  religion  in 
the  heart  means,  for  this  kingdom  of  God  is  within  him  j 
but  he  cannot  go  far  in  expressing  his  feelings  and 
knowledge  of  this  glorious  transformation,  in  what  he 
would  term,  a  shore-going  way.  There  is,  however,  a 
simplicity  of  manner,  and  a  force  and  propriety,  in  his 
nautical  prayers  and  conversation  which  have  surprised 
every  man  of  intelligence  who  has  heard  him,  and  is 
acquainted  with  the  literal  signification  of  John's  vocab- 


178  THE    RETROSPECT. 

ulary.  A  gentleman  who  was  once  present,  gave  me 
an  account  of  what  passed ;  as,  on  that  occasion,  my 
name  and  former  humble  proceedings  were  introduced 
into  John's  prayer.  This  took  place  one  old  year's  day, 
when  he  and  several  other  pious  seamen,  with  some 
landsmen,  agreed  to  keep  what  is  called  a  watch-nighty 
that  is,  to  sit  up  until  the  old  year  is  gone  out  and  the 
new  one  come  in,  on  which  occasions  the  individuals 
unite  in  singing,  reading  of  Scripture,  and  praising  God 
for  all  his  mercies  through  the  various  stages  of  the  year 
about  to  expire,  and  then  they  commence  the  new  year 
in  actual  prayer  and  supplication  for  his  mercy  and 
grace  to  go  with  them  through  the  days  that  may  yet 
be  added  to  their  earthly  pilgrimage.  In  these  simple, 
primitive,  and  edifying  exercises,  it  is  customary  for 
several  individuals  to  take  a  part.  On  the  occasion  here 
alluded  to,  it  came,  in  the  course  of  their  little  service, 
to  John's  turn  to  give  out  a  psalm  or  hymn,  and  then  to 
engage  in  prayer,  which,  my  informant  assured  me,  he 
did  with  the  seriousness  of  a  patriarch,  and  the  simplicity 
of  a  little  child.  This  gentleman  assured  me,  that 
John's  whole  soul  appeared  absorbed  in  penitence,  in 
gratitude,  and  love  to  God  ;  so  that  he  seemed  utterly 
unmindful  of  any  one's  presence,  save  His  unto  whom 
he  was  now  addressing  himself  in  confession  of  sins 
committed,  and  in  thanksgivings  for  mercies  received. 
Often  his  full  heart  caused  his  eyes  literally  to  flow  down 
with  tears.  But  it  was  the  peculiarity  of  his  language, 
and  the  simplicity  of  his  mixture  of  confession,  suppli- 
cation, and  a  sort  of  conversation  with  God,  while  on 
his  kneeS;  which  exhibited,  so  strikingly,  the  character- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  179 

istics  of  a  poor  pious  sailor's  devotions.  Weeping  like 
a  child,  the  old  hero  of  many  a  hard-fought  battle,  ex- 
claimed, "  O  Lord,  I  am  a  poor  vile,  ignorant  sinner,  not 
worthy  to  call  on  thy  name.  Lord,  I  have  many  times, 
at  this  season  of  the  year,  sat  up  to  drink,  and  curse,  and 
swear  the  old  year  out,  and  the  new  year  in,  with  my 
shipmates.     Yes,  Lord,  I  did  so  when  I  belonged  to  the 

C r.     There  we  sat  in  the  galley  most  of  the  night 

sinning  against  thee.  Lord,  I  did  so  when  thy  dear  ser- 
vant Mr.  M belonged  to  our  ship.     O  Lord  !  thou 

knowest  how  that  dear  man  was  willing  to  take  us  poor 
sailors  in  tow  for  heaven.  Lord,  thou  knowest  how  he 
often  hailed  us,  but  I  would  not  answer  him ;  no,  nor 
even  throw  a  rope.  O  Lord,  forgive  me,  and  do  thou 
bless  his  soul  now  and  for  ever."  Should  this  recital 
induce  a  smile,  oh !  let  it  not  be  one  of  contempt  at  poor 
John's  simple  prayer,  which,  I  doubt  not,  ascended  to 
heaven,  and  entered  into  the  ears  of  the  Lord  of  Sabaoth. 
Rather  let  the  reader  contemplate  the  case  of  a  vessel 
lost  in  error,  as  to  the  courses  she  has  iong  been  steer- 
ing, and  unacquainted  with  her  present  latitude  and  lon- 
gitude. Let  him  consider  this  vessel  overtaken,  dis- 
masted, and  almost  overwhelmed  by  a  storm  ;  then  let 
him  realise  to  his  mind  some  friendly  ship  bearing  dowTi 
to  her  relief,  anxious  and  willing,  if  possible,  to  take  her 
in  tow;  but  all  these  friendly  intentions  are  defeated  ; 
for  the  besotted  crew  will  neither  answ^er  the  repeated 
calls  made  to  them,  nor  even  exert  themselves  to  throw 
a  small  line  on  board  the  friendly  ship  to  receive  a  tow 
rope  from  those  who  are  desirous  of  rendering  assistance. 
When  the  reader  has  proceeded  thus  far  he  will,  though 


180  THE    RETROSPECT. 

a  landsman,  have  a  clue  by  which  he  may  interpret 
poor  John's  simple  and  undisguised  confession  of  his  past 
conduct,  and  understand,  in  a  small  degree,  how  expres- 
sive and  to  the  purpose  are  many  sea  terms  and  nauti- 
cal phrases,  when  used  by  real  seamen.  O  how  often 
has  the  Saviour  of  men  beheld  us  like  this  poor  bewil- 
dered, dismasted  vessel,  ready  to  sink  into  eternity,  with- 
out the  knowledge  of  our  situation,  and  without  power 
or  will  to  help  ourselves  ?  And  how  often  has  he  borne 
down  in  mercy,  and  asked  "  Why  will  ye  die?"  How 
often  would  he  have  gathered  us,  as  a  hen  her  brood  un- 
der her  wings ;  but,  like  John  P ,  we  would  not 

hear,  nor  answer,  nor  make  the  least  effort  to  flee  from 
the  wrath  to  come,  or  to  lay  hold  on  eternal  life.  "  He 
would  ofttimes  have  taken  us  in  tow,  but  we  would  not 
even  throw  a  rope."  Let  the  trifler  smile  at  John's  con- 
fession, but  let  me  ever  take  it  up,  and  repeat  it  for  my- 
self, to  the  praise  of  that  mercy  which  did  not  leave  me 
or  poor  John  to  perish  in  our  ignorance,  ingratitude, 
and  stupidity. 


CHAPTER  XV. 

**CAST    THY    BREAD    UPON    THE    WATERS;    FOR    THOU 
&HALT  FIND  IT  AFTER  MANY  DAYS— EcCLES  xi.  1. 

To  proceed  with  some  additional  illustrations  of  our 
(iiotto,  I  may  here  observe,  that  few  persons,  who  are 
unconnected  with  our  navy,  can  be  aware  of  the  great 
difference  that  runs  through  ail  the  interior  of  different 
ships  composing  the  same  fleet  or  squadron.  In  fact,  it 
is  in  ships  as  in  houses,  two  of  the  latter  may  comprise 
a  part  of  the  same  terrace,  and  in  all  respects  of  size  and 
building  may  be  the  exact  counterpart  of  each  other, 
while  every  thing  within  them,  as  to  comfort,  regular- 
ity, intelligence,  and  morality,  may  be  as  opposite  as 
possible.  So  it  is  in  ships  of  the  same  fleet,  and  size, 
and  rating  on  the  navy  list.  In  one,  the  visitor  who 
possesses  correct  principles,  and  a  well  informed  mind, 
may  find  many  things  to  interest  his  best  feelings,  and 
command  his  esteem ;  while,  in  the  other,  he  will  hear 
and  see  little  else  than  what  is  calculated  to  excite  his 
pity  or  contempt.  To  confine  myself,  however,  to  one 
particular,  it  may  be  stated,  that  the  young  gentlemen- 
volunteers,  and  midshipmen,  are  so  watched  over  by 
the  captain  and  commissioned  officers,  and  so  trained 
up  in  general  and  professional  knowledge  on  board  of 
some  ships,  as  to  bid  fair  for  their  one  day  becoming 
16 


182  THE    RETROSPECT. 

intelligent  and  useful  members  of  society,  as  well  on 
shore  as  afloat.  While  in  other  ships  these  young  can- 
didates for  fame  and  hard  service,  are  permitted  to  run 
wild,  to  grow  up  in  such  ignorance  and  profaneness,  as 
to  become  a  disgrace  to  their  superiors,  and  a  clog,  if 
not  an  absolute  curse,  to  the  navy,  and  to  society  in 
general — at  least,  such  was  the  case  when  I  was  among 
them. 

On  joining  the  ship  to  which  I  was  appointed  lieute- 
nant after  the  close  of  the  battle  of  Trafalgar,  all  the 
distinctions  above  pointed  out  rushed  on  me  with  a  force 
I  had  never  expected  to  realize.  Times  had  been,  when 
I  was  disposed  to  indulge  a  murmur  at  what  I  thought 
unnecessary  strictness  and  order — now  I  blessed  my  lot 
that  I  had  been  so  ruled  and  trained  up :  but  it  was  a 
melancholy  task  to  look  round,  and  draw  the  compari- 
son between  the  ship  I  had  left,  and  the  one  into  which 
I  had  been  promoted.  As  a  young  officer,  entering  on 
such  responsibilities  as  then  involved  and  surrounded 
me,  I  should  have  rejoiced  to  have  had  the  advice  and 
example  of  older  and  more  talented  comrades  ;  but  here 
1  found  myself  destitute,  altogether,  of  such  advantages, 
and  surrounded  by  a  crew  of  seamen,  and  a  number  of 
petty  officers,  who,  for  the  most  part,  were  a  compound 
of  ignorance  and  ill  behaviour.  As  to  the  midshipmen, 
they  seemed  to  have  been  long  left  to  themselves ;  no 
superior  officer  appeared  to  regard  them  with  the  least 
interest.  They  were  any  thmg  but  what  those  I  had 
left  behind  me  were.  Among  these  young  lads  on  board 
my  new  ship  there  was  one,  whose  fatherless  and  friend- 
less situation  called  forth  my  sympathies  beyond  the 


.5 


THE    RETROSPECT.  183 

Others.  His  appearance  and  behaviour  were  ill  suited 
to  those  of  a  person  who  was  expected,  one  day,  to  fill  a 
post  of  responsibility  and  honour  as  a  public  man.  Who 
had  introduced  him  into  the  ship  I  never  knew — one 
thing  was  clear,  that  none  of  the  officers  interested  them- 
selves about  him ;  and  that  he  was  growing  up  in  igno- 
rance, untidiness,  and  ill  behaviour.  But  as  this  was 
more  his  misfortune  than  his  fault,  I  determined,  stran- 
ger as  I  was  among  them,  to  make  some  little  attempt 
for  his  good.  To  this  end  I  ordered  him,  often  much 
against  his  own  will,  to  come  to  my  cabin,  where  I  set 
him  to  work  at  reading,  writing,  and  arithmetic ;  en- 
deavouring, from  day  to  day,  to  impress  his  mind  with 
a  conviction,  that,  next  to  the  blessing  of  God's  provi- 
dence, he  must  look  to,  and  depend  on  his  own  exer- 
tions to  get  forward  in  thcAVorld,  and  to  rise  in  the  navy; 
as  he  had  not  the  advantages  of  rich  or  influential  rela- 
tives to  help  him  on.  How  long  I  continued  my  office 
of  tutor  I  cannot  now  tell,  nor   have   I  any  recollection 

when  and  why  this  youth  left  the  C r,  though  I 

think  it  was  before  I  quitted  that  ship.  But  at  all  events, 
amidst  the  varying  scenes  and  duties  that  crowded  into 
my  succeeding  months  and  years,  I  had  nearly  altoge- 
ther forgotten  the  circumstance  of  having  been  once  so 
employed;  and,  certainly,  I  had  never  indulged  any 
sanguine  hopes  or  expectations  of  these  little  labours 
producing  any  efTects,  or  leading  to  any  results  worth 
mentioning.  But  here  again  I  was  happily  disap- 
pointed. 

It  was  not  until  after  the  general  peace,  and  at  a  time 
when  I  was  busily  employed  in  my  village  ministerial 


184  THE    RETROSPECT. 

avocations,  snug  in  a  retreat  which  few  of  my  old  friends 
and  companions  had  discovered,  that  I  received  a  letter 
full  of  good  sense  and  moral  feeling,  and  overflowing 
with  grateful  acknowledgments  of  my  past  kindness 
and  attentions.  For  a  while  I  read  on,  and  knew  not 
what  it  all  meant ;  or  who  it  was  that  thus  felt  himself 
obliged  to  me ;  until,  at  length,  the  writer  informed  me, 
that  he  had  the  honour  of  holding  a  commission  in  His 
Majesty's  navy,  and  that  he  considered  all  his  then  re- 
spectability and  future  prospects  as  resulting  from  the 
advice  and  instructions  he  had  received  from  me — in  the 
absence  of  which  he  believed  that  he  never  could  have 
been  prepared  to  advance  from  the  situation  in  which  I 

found  him  on  board  the  C r. 

In  the  feelings  which  dictated  that  letter,  my  poor 
services  were  unquestionably  over-rated;  yet,  had  they 
never  been  rendered,  it  is  most  probable,  partly  from  the 
youth's  own  disinclination  at  that  time  to  mental  appli- 
cation, as  well  as  from  his  unfitness  to  advance  without 
assistance,  that  the  time  might  have  for  ever  gone  by  in 
which  the  work  required  to  be  done  must  be  accom- 
plished, if  done  at  all.  For  aught  I  know  to  the  con- 
trary, this  gentleman  is  now  living,  and  may  one  day 
command  a  ship  of  the  line  and  become  a  British  Ad- 
miral. Let  my  readers  then  "  Cast  their  bread  upon 
the  waters,"  as  they  have  an  opportunity,  believing  that 
it  shall  be  found  after  many  days. 

With  one  more  instance,  I  will  conclude  these  illustra- 
tions, not  because  I  have  no  more  to  add,  but  because 
these  will  be  quite  sufficient  to  our  purpose.     Having, 


THE    RETROSPECT.  185 

in  the  year  1808,  arrived  at  Spithead,  and  effected  a 
hasty  refit  of  our  rigging,  and  obtained  a  supply  of  pro- 
visions  and  stores   for  foreign  service,  we  embaiked 

Admiral  B and  his  suite  for  Lisbon,  where  his  flag 

ship  awaited  him,  as  commander  on  that  station.  On 
this  occasion  several  officers  went  out  with  the  Admiral, 

among  whom  was  his  chaplain,  the  Rev  Mr.  T ,  a 

gentlemanly,  intelligent  person,  with  Avhom  I  very  soon 
formed  an  intimacy,  and  found  it  a  pleasure  to  accom- 
modate him  with  what  little  advantages  my  cabin  afford- 
ed. When  I  first  learnt  that  a  chaplain  was  to  be 
among  the  passengers  who,  for  a  time,  would  partake 
at  our  mess-table,  I  certainly  felt  no  small  regret ;  for, 
from  the  specimens  which  I  had  seen  of  these  gentle- 
men, I  had  good  reason  to  fear  we  should  have  an  asso- 
ciate who  would  discredit  himself  ^d  his  profession, 
and  hurl  contempt  on  every  thing  like  real  religion. 
But  in  this  instance  my  apprehensions  were  not  realized: 

Mr.  T did  not  appear  in  danger  of  being  ranked 

with  Methodists  or  saints^  as  the  w^orld  contemptuously 
denominates  all  who  really  fear  and  love  God,  but  his 
whole  conduct  was  that  of  a  gentleman  who  respected 
himself,  and  who  obtained  due  respect  from  others.  I 
soon  observed,  that  the  officers  who  accompanied  him, 
indulged  in  no  improper  levities  where  he  was  present, 
w^hile,  on  the  other  hand,  he  was  ever  ready  and  able  to 
promote  or  join  in  sensible,  interesting  conversation  on 
general  subjects.  During  the  passage,  which  was  a 
tedious  one,  he  and  I  passed  a  good  deal  of  time  together 
in  my  cabin ;  but  I  could  never  get  him  to  enter  into 
conversation  on  decidedly  scriptural  religion,  or  the  vital 
16* 


186  THE    RETROSPECT. 

parts  of  Christianity.  Still  he  was  an  agreeable  compa- 
nion on  ship-board ;  and  many  a  pleasing  ramble  1  took 
with  him  in  and  about  Lisbon  after  we  arrived  in  the 
Tagus.  One  little  event,  however,  produced  a  coolness 
betvi^een  us,  or  rather,  as  I  thought,  broke  up  our  mutual 
kindly  feelings  for  ever  in  this  world.  About  a  w^eek 
before  we  sailed  for  Cadiz  Bay,  he  put  a  little  elegantly 

bound  volume  into  my  hands,  saying,  "  Here,  M ,  is 

a  little  book,  which  I  have  great  pleasure  in  lending  you, 
as  I  believe  you  will  be  much  pleased  with  its  contents." 
The  next  day  I  caught  a  leisure  hour  to  examine  its 
pages.  The  subject  was  "  Beath^  metaphysically  and 
philosophically  considered."  I  thought  the  subject  ra- 
ther an  odd  one ;  or,  more  correctly  speaking,  that  it 
was  oddly  treated.  Having  myself,  for  the  last  four 
years,  been  in  th% habit  of  considering  death  through 
the  medium  of  the  Word  of  God,  without  the  aid  of  me- 
taphysics or  philosophy,  and  believing  then,  as  I  believe 
now,  that  mine  was  the  only  pure  and  competent  source 
to  learn  all  that  can  be  learnt,  and  all  that  behoves  us  to 
know  on  this  subject,  I  did  not  expect  so  much  gratifica- 
tion from   the  perusal    of  the  work   in    hand    as   my 

friend  T had  imagined  would  be  the   case ;  and 

truly  I  can  say,  that  the  further  I  read  the  less  I  was 
interested,  and  the  more  I  was  surprised  and  disgusted. 
The  fact  is,  my  elegant  little  book  was  a  mass  of  Jesuit- 
ical deism,  and  evasion,  and  denial  of  the  Holy  Scriptures. 
Before  I  had  got  half  way  through  it,  I  found  that  its 
author  had  the  folly  and  insolence  to  declare,  that  all 
such  after  consequences  of  death,  as  the  eternal  punish- 
ment of  the  impenitent  clearly  and  repeatedly  slated  in 


THE    RETROSPECT.  187 

Holy  Writ,  were  altogether  unphilosophical,  unreas- 
onable, and  unjust!  This  was  more  than  enough  to 
determine  my  opinion  of  the  work ;  and  away  I  threw 
it  out  of  my  hands— an  act,  which  the  metaphysical  and 
philosophical  student  will  probably  consider  as  unpar- 
donable. I  could  not,  however,  thus  readily  free  my 
mind  from  a  load  of  perplexity  which  burdened  it.  Not 
that  the  gilded  trash  and  poison  I  had  been  reading  had, 
in  the  smallest  degree,  discomposed  or  unsettled  my 
former  views  of  death  in  all  its  characters  and  conse- 
quences ;  but  I  was  utterly  confounded  when  I  endeav- 
oured to  account  for  its  owner  putting  such  a  book  into 

my  hands,  with  such  a  recommendation.     "  Can  T 

really  believe  these  essays  ?  Is  the  doctrine  of  this  book 
the  creed  of  him  who  has  signed  and  solemnly  declared 
his  belief  in  the  Articles  and  Liturgy  of  the  Church  of 
England  7  Can  this  man,  who  at  his  ordination  de- 
clared his  '  unfeigned  belief  in  all  the  canonical  Scrip- 
tures of  the  Old  and  New  Testament,'  believe  in  this 
book,  which  denies  all  the  most  fundamental  doctrines  of 
God's  Word?"      Thus  I  reasoned  with  myself     Again 

I   said,   "  Has   not  T declared    himself  inwardly 

moved  by  the  Holy  Ghost  to  take  upon  himself  the 
office  and  administration  of  a  christian  pastor — and  that 
he  thinks  himself  truly  called  according  to  the  will  of 
our  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  to  the  office  of  the  ministry,  to 
serve  God  for  the  promoting  of  his  glory,  and  the  edifi- 
cation of  his  people  ?*  What  then  can  I  think  of  his 
thus  approving  and  recommending  such  a  work  as  this 

*  See  the  Church  Ordination  Service. 


188  THE    RETROSPECT. 

I  have  thrown  out  of  my  hands  ?  Is  it  possible  that  he 
can  be  an  infidel  at  heart,  while  he  is  a  minister  of  the 
Gospel  by  profession?"  My  whole  soul  revoked  against 
coming  to  this  conclusion,  and  yet  I  knew  not  what  to 
think. 

I  had  occasionally  heard  of  the  melancholy  biblical 
ignorance  of  many  of  our  mathematical,  classical,  and 
metaphysical  students  at  Oxford  and  Cambridge ;  hence 
I  tried  to  think  it  possible,  that  after  all  my  friend  had 
said  in  commendation  of  this  book,  he  really  was  not 
aware  of  the  principles  of  poison  it  contained,  nor  suffi- 
ciently versed  in  the  Scriptures,  to  see  the  entire  disa- 
greement between  the  two.  It  was  very  difficult  to 
bring  my  mind  to  this  conclusion;  but  as  I  had  no  al- 
ternative between  considering  him  an  infidel  wolf  in 
ministerial  clothing,  or  a  professor  of  divinity  very  little 
acquainted  with  the  Word  of  God,  I  clung  to  the  latter 
as  my  resting-point.  Then  arose  the  no-easi]y  decided 
question,  "  What  step  ought  I  to  take  ?"  Whether  I 
should  civilly  return  his  book  without  any  comment 
whatever ;  or  w^hether  I  should  send  it  back,  accompa- 
nied with  my  reasons  for  disapproving  its  contents.  To 
do  the  first  seemed  disingenuous  and  unmanly,  while 
the  second  would  look  like  assuming  the  teacher  towards 
one  who,  in  literary  attainments,  was  greatly  my  supe- 
rior— a  step  that  would  expose  me  to  the  charge  of 
vanity  and  presumption,  and  alienate  a  man  whom  I 
wished  to  respect  and  include  among  my  friends.  At 
length,  however,  I  determined  on  this  step,  and  to  point 
out,  with  as  much  delicacy  and  tenderness  as  I  possibly 
could,  consistent  with    truth   and  quotations  from  the 


THE    RETROSPECT.  189 

Bible,  why  I  could  not  approve  of  a  work  he  esteemed 
and  recommended  to  my  notice.  My  epistle  was  rather 
a  long  one,  but  I  endeavoured  to  make  it  as  acceptable 
as  I  could.  During  the  few  days  we  afterwards  re- 
mained in  the  Tagus  I  waited  with  some  interest  for  the 
arrival  of  an  answer  to  my  semi-theological  communi- 
cation ;  but  no  such  answer  made  its  appearance.  We 
then  sailed  for  Cadiz,  and,  for  several  months,  were 
on  the  coast  of  Spain,  within  the  reach  of  correspon- 
dence, had  T felt  disposed  to  write ;  this,  however, 

he  evidently  did  not,  and  I  concluded,  that  I  had  dis- 
pleased him ;  but  whether  he  were  the  infidel  I  feared, 
or  the  scripturally  ignorant  clergyman  I  had  tried  to 
believe,  I  had  no  means  of  learning  until  a  period  when 
I  least  of  all  expected  to  be  made  acquainted  with  the 
fact.  In  short,  I  never  heard  any  thing  of  him  until  I 
myself  had  been  some  considerable  time  in  the  ministry. 
It  was  then  that  I  was  privileged  with  this  additional 
testimony,  that  "bread  cast  upon  the  waters  is  found 

after  many  days."     Mr.  T ,  by  some  means,  had 

found  out  my  retreat,  and  he  wrote  to  me  such  a  letter 
as  the  christian  reader  will  easily  believe  was  of  no 
common  interest.  This  epistle  briefly  informed  me  of 
the  outline  of  his  history  during  the  years  that  had 
passed  since  we  separated  at  Lisbon  to  the  time  of  his 
addressing  me ;  in  which  it  appeared,  that  many  changes 
and  trials  had  chequered  his  lot,  and  that  not  a  few  bit- 
ters had  been  mingled  in  his  cup.  He  had,  in  the  space 
of  that  time,  quitted  the  navy — entered  on  ministerial 
labours  in  the  spiritual  charge  of  a  parish — married  a 
wife,  and  become  the  father  of  several  children — and 


190  THE    RETROSPECT. 

deaths  the  soldhin  subject  of  his  once  deistical  and  fa- 
vourite book,  had  broken  repeatedly  into  the  circle  of 
his  family,  and  children  and  relatives  had  been  followed 
to  the  grave.  Thus  he  had  often  been  called  upon  to 
contemplate  its  approach,  and  to  witness  its  execution, 
not  metaphysically  and  philosophically,  but  practically, 
so  as  to  know  and  feel,  that  if  his  consolations  were 
not  derived  from  the  doctrines  of  the  Gospel,  they 
would  never  be  found  from  deistical  philosophy  and  met- 
aphysics. 

All  this  interested  my  mind  and  called  forth  my 
sympathies  not  a  little ;  but  there  was  one  more  inte- 
resting detail  behind,  namely,  that  he  was  now  become 
a  preacher  of,  and  theoretically  and  practically  acquaint- 
ed with,  that  Gospel  of  which  he  acknowledged  in  his 
letter  he  was  extremely  ignorant  at  the  time  we  asso- 
ciated together  ;  and  lastly,  that  it  was  the  letter  I  wrote 
to  him  when  I  returned  the  book  of  which  he  was  now 
grieved  that  ever  he  should  have  recommended  to  my 
perusal,  which,  in  the  hands  of  God,  was  the  beginning 
of  that  great  change  which  he  trusted  had  passed  on 
his  understanding  and  his  heart.  It  appeared  by  his 
letter,  that  on  receiving  my  communication,  his  pride 
was,  indeed,  hurt,  that  a  naval  officer  should  enter  on 
the  task,  and  succeed  in  it  too,  of  exhibiting  his  igno- 
rance of  divinity..  His  conscience  became  alarmed  that 
he  should,  not  through  infidelity,  but  ignorance  of  the 
Bible,  have  approved  of  a  work  which  I  had  unan- 
swerably proved  to  be  m  direct  opposition  to  that  Gos- 
pel of  which  he  was  the  professed  disciple  and  teacher. 
Thus  did  the  Lord  begin  to  open  the  eyes  of  his  under- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  191 

Standing,  and  prepare  him  for  those  afflictions  and  duties 
to  which,  after  a  season,  he  was  to  be  called ;  and  in 
the  midst  of  which  he  was  engaged  when  he  made 
known  to  me  the  above  particulars.  Here  again  we 
see  how  the  mercies  and  grace  of  God  do  now,  as  well 
as  in  former  ages,  illustrate  his  holy  word ;  that  the 
most  important  results  are  frequently  produced  by  very 
small,  and  apparently  insignificant  means.  There  were 
times,  both  before  and  after  I  quitted  the  navy,  when  I 
recollected  my  former  intercourse  with  this  gentleman  ; 
but  little  did  I  think  or  know  what  the  Author  of  all 

grace  had  begun  to  do,  or  was  then  doing  in  Mr.  T 's 

heart.  I,  indeed,  felt  thankful  that  I  had  delivered  my 
own  soul  by  the  step  I  had  taken ;  but  1  never  indulged 
the  most  distant  hope  or  expectation  of  such  conse- 
quences following  it. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 


"  FOR  SO  IS  THE  WILL  OF  GOD,  THAT  WITH  WELL 
DOING  YE  MAY  PUT  TO  SILENCE  THE  IGNORANCE 
OF    FOOLISH    MEN." 1   Pet.  ii.   15. 

While  our  blessed  Lord,  on  all  occasions,  instructed 
his  followers  in  the  duties  which  would  devolve  on 
them  in  their  various  circumstances  and  situations  of 
life,  he  warned  them  of  those  trials  which  must  come, 
not  merely  from  the  open  and  bitter  hostility  of  the 
carnal  heart,  but  from  the  ignorance  and  prejudice  of 
men's  minds,  as  to  the  nature  of  gospel  truths,  and  the 
real  sentiments  and  character  of  his  disciples.  While 
the  latter  will  feel  and  say,  "  The  time  past  of  our  lives 
may  suffice  to  have  wrought  the  will  of  the  Gentiles," 
the  former  will  think  it  strange,  that  any  alteration  in 
our  views,  our  taste,  and  practice,  should  have  taken 
place ;  they  will  wonder  how  it  is,  that  we  no  longer 
run  with  them  to  the  same  excess  of  riot  and  folly, 
speaking  evil  of  us,  as  being  either  crazy,  or  on  the 
point  of  becoming  so.  Of  all  this,  I  had  much  more 
experience,  during  the  last  three  years  I  wore  the  naval 
uniform,  than  I  have  had  during  all  the  time  I  have 
been  in  the  ministry.  Religion  on  board  a  ship,  and 
especially  among  the  officers,  was  then  far  more  un- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  193 

common  than  I  hope  and  trust  it  will  ever  be  again. 
With  my  own  shipmates  things  went  on  pretty  well, 
because  they  had  the  means  of  knowing,  that  I  was 
neither  turned  fool,  nor  gone  mad,  and  they  knew  also, 
that  I  had  reason  and  Scripture  on  my  side  to  back  my 
opinions  and  practice ;  while,  at  the  same  time,  they 
could  not  but  see  and  allow,  that  I  could  and  did  dis- 
charge my  professional  duties  as  ably  as  themselves. 
But  with  officers  in  other  ships,  and  further  from  the 
scene  of  action,  things  were  different.  These  men  often 
heard  many  a  strange  tale  at  my  expense ;  so  that  it 
was  very  evident,  when  our  ship  was  in  port,  that  they 
were  anxious  to  come  on  board,  and  see  and  hear  some- 
thing which,  as  they  thought,  would  furnish  matter  for 
future  jokes  and  merry  tales. 

Hence,  when  they  had  any  acquaintance  with  my 
messmates,  they  would  invite  themselves  on  board  to 
dine  and  pass  an  evening.  I  saw  clearly  through  all 
this,  and  at  times  was  not  a  little  diverted  at  their  ill- 
disguised  disappointment,  when  having  waited  for  an 
hour  or  two  in  expectation  of  something  very  ridiculous 
being  said  or  done,  they  found  me  not  very  much  un- 
like those  around  me.  At  length,  perceiving  that  I  was 
not  likely  to  break  in  on  the  general  conversation  by 
beginning  to  preach,  or  exhibit  any  merry-andrew-like 
tricks,  they  themselves,  though  always  ill  prepared  for 
such  an  undertaking,  would  introduce  religion,  and 
either  attack,  or  pointedly  refer  all  they  advanced  to  me. 
On  these  occasions  I  ever  felt  that  the  discussion  of  such 
a  topic  was  ill-timed,  and  often  highly  improper ;  but, 
as  a  gentleman  at  my  own  table,  it  behoved  me  to  treat 

17 


194  THE    RETROSPECT. 

these  guests  with  every  respect,  to  answer  them  with 
kindness,  and,  if  necessary,  to  confute  them  as  briefly 
and  christian- like  as  possible.  In  this  way  I  soon  got 
clear  of  my  assailants ;  and  although  I  ever  regretted 
having  to  take  a  part  in  these  contests,  I  scarcely  ever 
found  them  end  otherwise  than  in  my  opponents  con- 
fessing themselves  on  the  wrong  side,  and  expressing  a 
wish  that  they  were  different  men.  Generally,  as  they 
found  themselves  driven  from  one  position  to  another, 
they  would  take  refuge  in  excuses  for  their  acknow- 
ledged faults,  and  particularly  would  they  endeavour  to 
justify  the  practice  of  swearing,  as  an  evil  that  could 
not  be  dispensed  with  in  commanding  the  active  duties 
of  a  ship  of  war.  Of  course,  I  denied  all  such  neces- 
sity, and  reprobated  the  practice  as  ungentlemanly  and 
unofficer-like,  as  well  as  contrary  to  the  Scriptures,  and 
to  our  own  Articles  of  War,  or  Naval  Code.  Still 
they  would  hold  by  the  necessity  of  doing  it,  and  stoutly 
protest,  that  no  one  could  carry  on  the  duty  without  it, 
however  much  he  might  wish  to  refrain.  Having  al- 
lowed them  for  some  time  to  enjoy  this  one  supposed 
victory  in  our  debate,  I  produced  my  reserved  confuta- 
tion, by  referring  them  to  my  messmates  present,  whe- 
ther, during  all  the  time  we  had  sailed  together,  they 
had  ever  heard  me  swear  at  the  men  ?  and  whether  the 
duties  of  the  ship  were  not  carried  on  as  promptly  un- 
der my  orders  as  under  any  other  officer  on  board  % 
This  appeal,  of  course,  was  conclusive,  and  the  subject 
was  given  up,  generally  by  their  expressing  their  aston- 
ishment, and  wish  that  they  could  do  the  same. 

Sometimes  out  of  the  ship,  these  things  partook,  in 


THE    RETROSPECT.  195 

no  small  degree,  of  the  ludicrous;  while  they  exhibited 
enough  to  prove  how  easily,  and,  often,  how  mischiev- 
ously the  ignorance  and  prejudices  of  men  may  work 
in  defaming  religion,  and  in  misrepresenting  its  advo- 
cates. I  remember,  on  an  occasion  of  our  ship  being 
in  harbour,  that  it  was  my  turn  to  attend  the  dock-yard 
duty  with  a  large  party  of  the  crew  at  the  sail  loft.  At 
noon  the  party  went  off  to  dinner,  from  which  they  re- 
turned again  at  one  o'clock  to  their  work.  During 
this  interval  I  remained  at  my  post :  and  as  the  officer 
of  that  part  of  the  arsenal  was  a  pious  man,  and  had 
two  very  snug  rooms,  or  cabins,  on  the  premises,  I  availed 
myself  of  his  offer,  and  took  possession  of  one  of  them 
for  half  an  hour.  Having  no  book  in  my  pocket,  I 
was  glad  to  find  a  Bible  on  the  table.  This  I  Avas 
quietly  reading,  when  Williams  the  proprietor  of  the 
cabin,  opened  the  door,  and  ushered  in  a  lieutenant  of 
the  Victory,  then  lying  at  Spithead ;  and  having  mere- 
ly introduced  us  to  each  by  name,  he  withdrew.  Find- 
ing myself  thus  closeted  with  an  entire  stranger,  and 
having  very  little,  just  then,  to  say,  I  observed,  that  I 
had  taken  a  quiet  seat  there  until  my  men  returned,  and 
that  I  could  not  but  admire  the  way  in  Avhich  Williams's 
Bible  appeared  to  have  been  read,  from  the  numerous 
marks  down  its  margins.  A  little  common-place  chit- 
chat about  our  respective  ships  then  followed,  and  in 
ten  minutes'  time  my  visitor  left  me  again  to  myself 
On  my  leaving  the  cabin,  Williams  enquired,  "  What 
I  thought  of  Mr.  N.  ?"  to  which  I  answered,  "  I  did 
not  think  him  either  a  serious  or  an  interesting  cha- 
racter."    "  Nor  do  I,  Sir,"  replied  he,  "  but  I  thought 


196  THE    RETROSPECT. 

you  might  do  him  some  good ;  I,  however,  fear  that  is 
not  likely  to  be  the  case :  for,  on  leaving  you,  he  came 
to  me  and  said,  '  Mr.  Williams,  you  may  be  assured 
Mr.  M has  carried  his  religion  too  far,'  and  tap- 
ping his  forehead  with  the  ends  of  his  fingers,  he  con- 
tinued, '  depend  upon  it,  Mr.  Williams,  he  is  a  little 
cracked  here.'  I  told  him,  Sir,  I  had  no  such  thought ; 
but  he  went  away  declaring  it  was  so ;  and  that  such 
are  the  consequences  of  people  carrying  religion  too 
far."  "And  such,"  I  replied,  not  a  little  vexed,  "are 
the  consequences,  Mr.  Williams,  of  well  meaning  men, 
like  yourself,  acting  so  injudiciously  as  you  have  done. 
I  cannot  but  feel  astonished  and  displeased  at  your  thus 
intruding  such  a  person  on  me.  He  will  now  return 
to  his  ship  and  report,  that  he  has  seen  and  can  bear 
witness  to  my  madness — thus  considerable  prejudice 
will  be  raised,  and  the  cause  of  religion  will  suffer 
through  his  ignorance  and  your  indiscretion."  Poor 
Williams  had  nothing  to  say  in  his  own  defence,  but 
that  he  had  done  it  with  a  good  intention :  of  which  I 
had  no  doubt,  although  that  good  intention  would  not 
ward  off  the  ill  consequences  of  a  silly  action. 

In  the  course  of  the  afternoon  this  same  officer  again 
made  his  appearance;  and  now  was  my  time,  if  ever, 
to  grapple  with  him  in  earnest,  so  as,  if  possible,  to 
leave  no  doubt  on  his  mind  as  to  my  sanity,  and  sobriety 
of  judgment.  But  here  I  had  some  difficulty,  for  he 
evidently  wished  to  shun  my  advances.  At  length, 
however,  I  fixed  my  man,  and  expended  most  of  an 
hour  in  discussing  professional  and  general  topics,  until 
I  found  I  had  dissipated  all  his  fears  of  contagion,  or 


THE    RETROSPECT.  197 

whatever  else  made  him  reluctant  to  enter  into  conver- 
sation, nay,  I  actually  gained  so  far  on  his  kindly  feel- 
ings and  favourable  opinion,  that  it  was  with  some 
difficulty  1  could  excuse  myself  from  going  on  board 
his  ship  to  dine  the  next  day.  Having  thus  succeeded, 
I  felt  more  than  half  inclined  to  forgive  poor  Williams; 
although  it  is  certain,  that  had  not  this  second  interview 
taken  place,  his  conduct  would  have  produced  conse- 
quences injurious  to  truth  and  rehgion.  So  necessary 
is  it  that  discretion  should  ever  go  hand  in  hand  with 
our  zeal;  and  that  men  should  pray  for  wisdom  to  know 
when  and  how  to  speak  and  act,  as  well  as  for  courage 
and  grace  to  be  found  doing  the  work  of  God  in  their 
various  and  respective  stations. 

As  the  foregoing  little  anecdote  points  out  the  effects 
of  prejudice,  so  the  one  about  to  be  related  will  exhibit 
those  of  misrepresentation.  It  was  while  we  were  ly- 
ing in  the  Tagus,  moored  directly  off  the  city  of  Lisbon, 
that  I  was  appointed  officer  of  the  guard,  and,  of  course^ 
during  one  day  and  night,  I  had  to  board,  examine,  and 
report  every  ship  and  vessel  that  arrived  or  sailed.  In 
the  course  of  the  day  a  British  ship  of  war  came  in; 
and  on  going  on  board  I  found,  in  the  person  of  one  of 
her  lieutenants,  an  old  messmate,  one  with  whom  I  had 
formerly  served  for  three  years  as  a  brother  midship- 
man.    F h  received  me  very  cordially  ;  and  as  they 

were  far  down  the  river,  and  the  ward-room  dinner  just 
going  in,  he  pressed  me  to  go  below  and  take  some  re- 
freshment, while  the  ship  advanced  higher  up.  Scarcely 
had  I  taken  my  seat,  before  my  old  messmate  most  fu- 
riously attacked  me,  with  much  noise  and  nonsense 
17* 


198  THE    RETROSPECT. 

about  religion.  For  a  while  I  parried  off  or  replied  to 
him  as  briefly  as  possible,  until  I  considered  it  high  time 

to  apologize  to  the  company  in  general  for  F h  and 

myself  having  engrossed  so  much  of  the  conversation ; 
appealing  to  them  that  he  had  driven  me  to  it.  The 
company  very  politely  and  good  humouredly  acquitted 

me  of  all  blame.     Upon  which  F h,  giving  me  a 

clumsy,  sea-faring  slap  on  the  shoulder,  said,  "  Well, 
M s,  never  mind,  I'll  tell  you  why  I  made  the  at- 
tack. Before  we  left  Portsmouth  I  had  heard  such 
reports  about  you  that  I  determined  to  see  into  the  truth 
of  the  case,  if  ever  I  fell  in  with  you  again.  Why,  I 
was  told,  man,  that  you  were  become  such  a  disagreeable, 
religious  fellow,  that  there  was  no  sitting  in  your  com- 
pany, for  half  an  hour  without  being  insulted ;  and  a 
good  deal  more  of  such  stuff,  which  I  now  find  to  be  all 
smoke  in  the  wind.  To  be  sure,  I  think  you  have  got 
a  little  more  religion  about  you  than  you  had  when  we 
sailed  together,  but  never  mind,  for  I  see  you  are  much 
as  you  always  were ;  so  here's  my  hand,  my  boy,  and 
good  luck  to  you,  all  the  world  over." 

Of  such  sort  were  the  little  encounters  that  often  fell 
in  my  way,  at  a  time  when  every  one  thought  it  fair 
play  to  attack  religion  in  a  naval  uniform.  Yet  these 
little  contests,  which,  be  it  remembered,  I  never  com- 
menced myself,  generally  ended  to  my  satisfaction ;  and, 
on  several  occasions,  not  only  removed  long  existing 
prejudices,  but,  to  a  certain  degree,  produced  feelings  of 
respect.  Certainly,  if  by  a  continuance  in  well  doing, 
we  cannot  put  to  silence  the  ignorance,  the  prejudice, 
and  foolish  misconceptions  of  worldly  men,  we  shall 


THE    RETROSPECT.  199 

never  do  it  by  any  other  means.  I  am  convinced,  that 
consistency  of  character,  and  a  moderate  share  of  pru- 
dence; will,  sooner  or  later,  command  respect  from  those 
with  whom  we  associate ;  even  when  they  may  not  feel 
disposed  to  follow  in  our  track.  Of  this  I  had  as  many 
proofs  among  my  shipmates  in  general  as  one  could 
reasonably  expect  to  find  in  the  present  state  of  things. 
All  my  messmates  professed  a  friendship  for  me,  and, 
with  the  exception  of  one,  I  believe  they  all  felt  so. 
This  was  "a  pleasant  and  merciful  circumstance,  as  it 
smoothened  down  much  of  my  rough  path,  and,  on  some 
occasions,  enabled  me  to  contribute  to  the  general  har- 
mony of  our  ward-room  circle,  by  showing  the  indivi- 
duals where  they  had  misunderstood  each  other.  Nay, 
in  one  instance,  it  enabled  me  to  bring  about  a  recon- 
ciliation between  two  of  them,  the  captain  of  marines, 
and  the  purser  of  the  ship,  who  were  only  waiting  an 
opportunity  of  getting  on  shore  to  fight  a  duel ;  which 
might  have  ended  in  the  destruction  of  one  or  both  of 
them.  Their  hostility  had  originated  at  the  card  table 
one  evening  while  I  was  absent  on  duty;  and  the  cool 
and  deliberate  challenge  had  been  given  and  accepted  a 
day  or  two  before  I  learnt  the  fact.  Had  the  parties' 
views  of  duelling  been  similar  to  my  own,  the  business 
of  mediating  between  them  would  have  been  an  easy 
task,  or  rather  there  would  have  been  no  call  for  it. 
This,  however,  ^vas  not  the  case ;  and  well  did  I  know 
how  much  easier  it  would  be  to  prove  such  a  practice 
at  utter  variance  with  every  dictate  of  reason,  of  justice, 
and  equity,  and  with  every  command  of  God,  than  it 
would  be  to  brmg  these  gentlemen  to  submit  to  truths 


200  THE    RETROSPECT. 

they  could  not  disprove.  Yet  I  could  not  rest  without 
making  the  attempt;  and  the  more  especially  as  no 
other  person  seemed  disposed  to  do  it.  It  was  a  delicate 
and  difficult  work,  and  I  felt  the  need,  as  well  as  the  en- 
couragement of  such  an  injunction  and  promise  as  are 
found  in  James  i.  5.  "  If  any  of  you  lack  wisdom,  let 
him  ask  of  God,  that  giveth  to  all  men  liberally,  and 
upbraideth  not ;  and  it  shall  be  given  him."  I  will  not 
disguise  or  deny,  that  as  the  difficulty  of  my  task  was 
great,  and  my  anxiety  to  succeed  in  it  was  great  also,  I 
did  entreat  that  wisdom  so  necessary,  and  so  graciously 
promised,  and  I  rejoice  to  say,  that,  through  the  blessing 
of  God,  I  succeeded  most  completely,  and  had  the  hap- 
piness of  leaving  these  gentlemen  on  terms  of  renewed 
friendship  and  mutual  good  will  towards  each  other, 
when  I  quitted  the  ship  to  return  to  England ;  a  circum- 
stance which  I,  at  this  day,  look  back  on  with  far  more 
pleasure  than  I  do  on  the  part  I  took  in  that  battle  which 
procured  me  immediate  and  flattering  promotion,  be- 
cause the  one  was  the  saving  of  life,  while  the  other 
was  the  taking  of  life  away. 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

O  blest  seclusion  from  a  jarring  world ! 

Retreat 

Cannot  indeed  to  guilty  man  restore 
Lost  innocence,  or  cancel  follies  past ; 
But  it  has  peace,  and  much  secures  the  mind 
From  all  assaults  of  evil," 

COWPER. 

Happiness  on  this  side  the  grave  is  at  so  low  an 
ebb,  at  such  a  vast  remove  from  that  full  fruition  which 
the  redeemed  enjoy  in  their  heavenly  Father's  king- 
dom, that  when  we  speak  of  our  attainments,  of  our 
present  and  past  enjoyments  of  it,  we  only  do  so  in  a 
comparative  sense,  either  with  other  inferior  or  similar 
beings,  or  with  our  own  former  state  of  mind.  Differ- 
ent animals  and  different  men  are  capable  of  a  more  or 
less  exalted  state  of  what  is 'commonly  termed  happi- 
ness according  to  their  perceptive  capacities,  the  cultiva- 
tion of  their  minds,  and  their  facilities  for  gratifying 
their  predominant  and  ruling  desires.  The  beast,  the 
barbarian,  the  sceptic,  and  the  believer  are  thus  happy ; 
but  it  is  only  in  a  comparative  sense.  When  therefore, 
hs  a  Christian,  I  say  the  last  eight  days  have  produced 
no  small  portion  of  happiness,  I  mean  they  have  afforded 
enjoyments  more  exalted  than  the  brute  creation  has, 
or  can  be  susceptible  of — more  refined  and  substantial 


202  THE    RETROSPECT. 

than  many  of  my  fellow-creatures  have  shared,  and  far, 
very  far  more  so  than  what  I  myself  formerly  enjoyed. 
— These,  however,  have  been  infinitely  small,  in  com- 
parison of  those  I  hope  to  partake  of,  when  this  frail 
and  sinful  body  returns  to  its  native  dust,  and  the  spirit, 
disencumbered  of  mortality,  returns  to  God  who  gave 
it.  Yet  I  bless  the  Lord  for  what  I  have  enjoyed,  and 
am  not  ashamed  to  draw  the  contrast  between  these  and 
former  days,  and  thus  hold  up  to  the  vain  and  thought- 
less reader  another  proof  that  his  ways  are  not  the  ways 
of  pleasantness,  and  his  paths  are  not  the  paths  of  peace. 
It  is  one  gracious  property  in  the  divine  government 
to  produce  good  from  evil,  and  on  many  occasions  gra- 
ciously to  dispense  this  privilege  to  returning  prodigals, 
who  having  left  their  kind  parent's  house,  rejected  his 
councils,  spurned  and  cast  away  his  bountiful  provision, 
and  scorned  all  his  reproof,  do  at  length,  through  grace, 
come  to  themselves,  and  arise  and  return  with  weeping 
and  supplication  to  their  much  abused,  but  still  com- 
passionate, Father,  Thus,  in  my  own  instance,  foolish, 
perverse,  and  sinful  as  the  greater  number  of  my  past 
days  and  actions  have  been,  yet  viewed  in  the  retrospect, 
and  compared  with  the  present,  they  are  not  without 
their  benefit.  The  more  they  are  remembered  and 
pondered  over,  the  more  they  sink  in  my  esteem  and 
enhance  the  value  of  present  privileges.  For  there  is 
scarcely  a  wind  can  blow,  or  a  storm  arise — there  is 
scarcely  an  accident  can  now  befall  the  limbs  or  lives 
of  my  neighbours — there  are  few  complaints  can  seize 
their  bodies,  or  delusions  of  hell  infatuate  their  minds, 
but  in  each  circumstance  the  retrospect  presents  similar. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  203 

and  oftentimes  more  distressing,  events,  as  having  been 
witnessed  in  others,  or  deeply  shared  in  by  myself. 
Nor  is  there  a  comfort  I  now  enjoy,  either  political, 
domestic,  or  spiritual,  but,  when  viewed  in  contrast 
with  its  opposite  and  past  evil,  has  a  tendency  to  increase 
the  value  of  what  I  now  possess. — Thus,  through  in- 
finite mercy,  I  have  been  taught  to  esteem  as  blessings, 
many  things  which  otherwise  might  have  been  over- 
looked or  despised.  Having  been  made  to  feel  adversity 
myself,  I  have  been  taught  to  compassionate  others. 
From  seeing  and  suffering  much,  I  have  imperceptibly 
acquired  a  degree  of  medical  knowledge,  which  now 
enables  me  to  attend  the  couches  of  the  sick  poor,  and 
often  successfully  to  prescribe  to  those  who  in  our  poor 
and  remote  parish  would  otherwise  be  forlorn  indeed. 
Having  previous  to  my  entering  the  ministry  been  exer- 
cised in  the  school  of  opposition,  envy,  hatred,  and 
malice,  and  having  read  man  not  only  in  books,  but  in 
the  army,  the  navy,  and  various  societies  in  different 
parts  of  Europe,  Africa,  and  Asia,  I  have  come  to  my 
present  and  most  important  labours  with  some  share  of 
useful  knowledge,  which  has  at  least  helped  me  hf- 
ward  and  taught  me  to  overcome  difficulties  that  other- 
wise would  have  been  insurmountable.  And  thus  a 
gracious  God  on  many  occasions  leads  me  to  extract 
present  good  from  past  evil.  As  the  changes  and 
seasons  of  the  year  arrive,  and  pass  away,  and  are  suc- 
ceeded by  others,  each  in  its  turn  points  backward  to 
its  corresponding  portion,  and  although  unable  to  "  can- 
cel past  follies,"  yet  each  speaks  an  audible  and  intel- 
ligible language,  and  says,  be  humble  for  the  past; 


204  THE    RETROSPECT. 

he  thankful  for  the  present.  This  is  certainly  the  caae 
in  the  review  of  the  last  eight  days,*  and  the  recollec- 
tion of  similar  past  seasons.  For  when  the  retrospect 
glances  at  the  Christmas  seasons,  at  the  old,  and  new 
year's  days,  which  have  marked  a  long  succession  of 
years,  it  can  relate  nothing  of  the  greater  part  of  them, 
but  that  they  were  spent  in  heathen  indifference,  and 
awful  ignorance  of  the  nature  and  attendant  blessings 
connected  with  the  advent  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ, 
and  of  the  duties  and  devotions  in  which,  as  men  and 
professed  Christians,  we  should  employ  our  minds  on  the 
conclusion  of  one  year  and  the  commencement  of  ano- 
ther.— They  are  distinguished  from  other  days  only 
as  they  were  more  prolific  of  folly,  revelling,  incon- 
sideration,  and  sin.  But  in  the  great  number  which 
thus  passed  away,  my  mind  has  been  much  struck,  and 
I  hope  humbled  by  the  recollection  of  one  in  particular, 
which  occurred  during  my  first  visit  to  the  Mediterranean. 
After  our  return  from  the  campaign  and  conquest  of 
Egypt  we  remained  some  weeks  at  Malta.  Indepen- 
dent of  the  casualties  of  active  warfare,  the  climate  of 
the  former  country  had  swept  multitudes  into  eternity, 
and  enfeebled  many  of  the  survivors ;  nor  did  the  air 
of  Malta  relieve,  but  rather  prolong  and  increase,  the 
evil  in  my  own  and  other  cases  in  our  ship.  Several 
of  the  crew  were  landed,  and  only  a  part  ever  returned. 
As  for  myself,  although  I  continued  on  board,  I  was  too 

*  This  paper  was  first  drawn  up  on  the  2d  of  January,  1816; 
of  course  the  eight  days  alluded  to  included  Christmas-day,  as 
well  as  the  succeeding  old  and  new  year's  days,  as  they  are 
commonly  termed. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  205 

much  reduced  to  be  able  to  keep  the  deck  or  to  do  any 
duty ;  and  at  the  time  our  ship  was  ordered  to  sea,  I 
considered  myself  in  a  confirmed  consumption. 

On  the  last  day  of  November,  just  after  the  com- 
mencement of  the  rainy  tempestuous  season,  we  sailed 
with  a  party  of  troops  for  the  Isle  of  Elba,  a  voyage 
(had  the  wind  and  weather  proved  favourable)  of  not 
more  than  four  days;  but  which  employed  us  five  and 
twenty  to  complete.  During  this  time  we  had  to  con- 
tend with  incessant  gales  of  wind,  and  a  miserably  old 
and  leaky  vessel.  Such  a  change  from  heat  to  cold,  and 
from  rest  to  labour,  (for  our  ship  made  from  two  to  three 
feet  water  every  hour,)  exhausted  our  diminished  and 
debilitated  crew,  and  soon  laid  up  the  captain,  both  lieu- 
tenants, and  master,  leaving  only  myself,  the  gunner, 
and  one  midshipman*  to  take  command  of  the  deck. — 
But  this  laborious  and  trying  passage,  which  transferred 
almost  every  name  from  the  watch- bill  to  the  sick-list, 
was  commissioned  to  produce  an  entirely  different  effect 
on  myself  For  in  one  week  after  quitting  port,  I  was 
able  to  resume  and  continue  my  whole  duty,  by  night 
and  day,  and  from  that  period  I  enjoyed  much  better 
health  than  many  of  my  comrades.  At  length,  on  the 
forenoon  of  Christmas-day,  we  reached  our  destination, 
and  anchored  in  Porto  Ferrajo.  It  was  impossible,  after 
such  a  voyage,  not  to  enjoy  the  repose  and  comforts  of 
a  well  sheltered  harbour ;  nor  would  Christianity  have 
refused  that  enjoyment,  or  forbidden  us  the  comforts  of 
a  social  dinner  and  a  cheerful  evening,  so  that  we  had 

♦  The  writer's  rank  at  that  time  was  master's  mate. 
18 


206  THE    RETROSPECT. 

Still  remembered  and  been  thankful  for  the  redemption 
of  the  world  by  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  and  for  our  de- 
liverance from  the  toils  and  dangers  of  our  uncomforta- 
ble voyage.  But  alas !  not  one  of  us  had  the  least  de- 
sire thus  to  commemorate  the  day.  On  the  contrary, 
all  the  officers,  whose  health  would  admit,  dined  toge- 
ther, and  passed  the  evening  to  a  late  hour,  in  loud  and 
profane  songs,  hard  drinking,  and  all  that  silly,  loose, 
and  unchristian  conversation  which  never  fails  to  ac- 
company such  parties.  I  certainly  knew  ivhy  this  day 
had,  from  the  early  ages  of  the  church,  been  set  apart 
as  a  day  of  christian  thankfulness ;  but  I  do  not  recollect 
that  my  heart  felt  the  slightest  degree  of  gratitude  or 
love  to  God  for  the  inestimable  gift  of  his  only  begotten 
and  dearly  beloved  Son.  Nor  did  I  once  thank  him  for 
having  "brought  us  to  the  haven  where  we  would  be." 
Such  was  my  Christmas-day  at  Elba !  It  was  what  the 
world  would  call  a  jovial  one,  what  some  would  even 
call  a  happy  one. — It  was  what  I  then  enjoyed ;  but  my 
enjoyments  were  those  of  the  sensualist  and  the  brute, 
which  left  the  body  enfeebled  by  excess,  and  the  mind 
dissatisfied  with  itself 

This  day  of  unchristian  hilarity  was  soon  followed 
up  by  keeping  the  last  day  of  the  old  year,  and  the  first 
one  of  the  new,  in  the  usual  manner — in  revelling,  ban- 
quetting,  and  excess ;  in  stamping  the  broad  seal  of  ini- 
quity, rebellion,  and  spiritual  madness  on  the  conclusion 
of  the  one  and  on  the  commencement  of  the  other ;  in 
filling  up  the  measure  of  our  own  and  each  other's  sins, 
and  at  the  same  time  wishing  each  other  a  merry 
Christmas  and  a  happy  new  year.     What  fools  !  what 


THE    RETROSPECT.  207 

folly !  what  perversion  of  words,  and  of  times  and  sea- 
sons!  O  man,  man!  whether  thou  wilt  hear,  or 

whether  thou  wilt  forbear,  I  will  again  repeat  "that 
madness  is  in  thine  heart  while  thou  livest  in  thy  natu- 
ral and  unrenewed  state ;  for  thou  callest  evil  good  and 
good  evil ;  thou  puttest  bitter  for  sweet,  and  sweet  for 
bitter ;"  and  the  end  of  these  things  is  declared  to  be 
death ;  not  the 

*'  lUikXa  juaxQov  diiigfiova,  vt^^yq6Tov,  ^nvoVy* 

"  The  long,  the  endless  sleep, 
From  which  no  mortal  wakes," 

of  ancient  or  modern  sceptics,  but  an  eternal  seclusion 
from  that  river  of  life,  the  streams  whereof  make  glad 
the  city  of  God — an  eternal  seclusion  from  the  kingdom 
of  that  gracious  Saviour,  in  whose  presence  there  is  a 
fulness  of  joy,  and  at  whose  right  hand  there  are  plea- 
sures for  evermore.  It  is  an  eternal  death  to  all  the 
blessings  of  that  rest  which  remains  for  the  people  of 
God  ;  and  it  is  an  eternal  life  to  endure  the  gna wings 
of  that  worm  which  never  dies,  and  of  that  flame  which 
shall  not  be  quenched. — Reader  !  be  not  curious  to  know 
the  exact  nature  of  that  worm  and  of  that  fire ;  but  let 
me  entreat  thee  to  flee  from  their  torment,  by  making 
God  thy  father,  and  Christ  thy  brother  and  thy  friend, 
to  succour  thee  in  the  day  of  adversity  and  revelation 
of  the  righteous  judgments  of  God.  Art  thou  one  of 
those  gay  and  thoughtless  beings  who  are  rushing  forth 
through  all  the  mazes  and  beguiling  paths  of  a  world 
that  lies  in  wickedness? — Art  thou  flying  from  scene  to 
scene,  from  one  pursuit  to  another,  still  dissatisfied  with 


208  THE    RETROSPECT. 

the  past,  and  still  deceiving  thyself  with  hopes  and  ex, 
pectations  from  the  future?  O  let  me  entreat  thee  to 
pause  one  moment,  and  consider  thy  latter  end — let  me 
beseech  thee  to  cease  thy  present  fruitless  race,  nor  once 
more  enquire  of  the  thoughtless  sons  of  voluptuousness 
and  dissipation,  "  Who  will  show  me  any  good?"  Be 
assured  theirs  is  not  the  path  which  conducts  to  it,  nor 
are  they  the  people  who  can  show  thee  the  way — they 
live  for  time,  and  not  for  eternity ;  they  are  lovers  of 
sinful  pleasure  more  than  lovers  of  God.  Infidels  in 
heart,  and  unholy  in  practice,  their  heathen  precept  is 
now,  as  in  the  days  of  St.  Paul,  "  Let  us  eat  and  drink, 
for  to-morrow  we  die."  They  would  stifle  the  remon- 
strances, and  silence  the  voice  of  conscience  as  unwel- 
come intruders  on  their  polluted  hours.  For  them  to 
reflect  is  to  be  miserable.  From  the  days  of  classic 
yore  to  the  present  moment,  the  language  of  their  heart 
has  been  the  same — the  same  have  been  the  desires  of 
their  mind ; 

"  Vivamus,  mea  Lesbia  atque  amemus — 
Soles  occidere  et  redire  possunt : 
Nobis,  cum  semel  occidit  brevis  lux, 
Nox  est  perpetua  una  dormienda." 

"  Come,  my  Lesbia,  live  and  play, 

Suns  may  set  and  suns  may  rise ; 
Soon  as  sets  our  passing  day. 

Endless  night  must  close  our  eyes." 

But  shall  not  God  be  avenged  on  such  people  as 
these?  Yea,  verily,  "he  that  shall  come  will  come, 
and  will  not  tarry;"  and  when  he  does  come  to  be  glo- 
rified in  his  saints,  and  to  be  admired  in  all  them  that 


THE    RETROSPECT.  209 

believe,  he  will  execute  judgment,  and  take  awful  ven- 
geance on  them  that  know  not  God  and  obey  not  the 
Gospel  of  his  Son.  As  yet  they  harden  themselves  in 
transgression,  and  are  willingly  ignorant  and  studiously 
forgetful  of  death  and  judgment,  of  heaven  and  hell. 
Ytt  it  is  but  a  little  while,  and  they  shall  know,  to  their 
eternal  confusion,  that  man  is  born  for  eternity,  and  that 
"  God  hath  appointed  a  day  in  the  which  he  will  judge 
the  secrets  of  all  hearts  by  Jesus  Christ."  Be  then  en- 
treated, my  reader,  and  come  out  and  separate  thyself 
from  these  men,  lest  thou  perish  in  their  sins.  Seek 
happiness  in  the  smiles  of  thy  Maker — lay  up  a  trea- 
sure in  heaven,  and  press  forward  to  the  enjoyment  of 
an  eternal  inheritance  among  the  saints  in  light — culti- 
vate such  sentiments,  and  seek  such  friends  as  will  stand 
by  thy  couch,  when  the  world  and  its  advocates  forsake 
thee;  which  will  bear  thee  up  and  support  thy  soul, 
when  trouble  and  sickness,  when  pain  and  death,  shall 
shake  and  dissolve  thine  earthly  frame.  Surely  were 
I  to  put  the  question,  "Art  thou  happy  ?" — were  I  to  en- 
quire whether  the  evenings  of  thy  past  days  saw  thee 
from  time  to  time  lay  down  thy  head  well  satisfied  with 
the  fruits  and  pleasures  of  the  past  hours  ? — whether 
thy  mornings  witnessed  thy  conscience  approve  each 
week  and  month,  as  it  viewed  them  in  the  retrospect? 
thou  wouldst  reply.  No. — Nor  is  it  improbable  but 
jaded,  disappointed,  and  soured  in  all  thy  past  pursuits, 
thou  wouldst  add,  "  So  far  from  having  enjoyed  happi- 
ness in  times  past,  or  possessing  it  now,  I  begin  to  de- 
spair of  ever  being  so ;  fate  has  ordained  man  to  be 
wretched,  has  cast  my  lot  as  a  son  of  disappointment, 
18* 


210  THE    RETROSPECT. 

and  the  child  of  sorrow."  God,  my  reader,  has  or- 
dained that  wretchedness  shall,  even  in  this  life,  be  the 
concomitant  of  sin,  (at  least  where  the  conscience  is  not 
become  wholly  callous  and  reprobate,)  and  that  the  un- 
godly shall  be  like  the  troubled  sea,  whose  restless  wa- 
ters cast  up  mire  and  dirt.  This  is  all  that  has  been  or- 
dained, unless  it  be  that  those  who  seek  the  Lord  shall 
find  him,  and  those  who  forsake  him  he  ivill  cast  off  for 
ever.  O  that  these  additional  reasons  may  have  their 
proper  effect  in  stirring  thee  up  to  seek  first  the  kingdom 
of  God  and  his  righteousness,  for  then  all  other  things 
will  be  added  unto  thee  ! 

But  I  am  to  draw  the  contrast  between  the  week 
spent  at  Elba,  and  the  last  one  just  passed  in  my  parish. 
Let  me  then  proceed  to  state,  that  although  no  diversi- 
fied ranges  of  hill  and  valley  beautified  our  fields — no 
mantling  woods,  no  splendid  palaces,  no  maritime  views, 
added  their  charms  to  enliven  the  scenery  around  us, 
but  on  the  contrary,  that  all  was  cheerless,  cold,  and  un- 
picturesque  to  the  traveller  on  the  morning  of-  Christ- 
mas-day, yet,  under  all  these  disadvantages,  it  was  a  sea- 
son not  without  its  comforts,  its  real  enjoyments  to  my- 
self and  to  many  of  my  poor  neighbours ;  although  lit- 
erally 

The  icicles  hung  from  the  eaves  of  each  cot, 
And  the  streams  were  hard  bound  by  the  frost." 

On  the  morning  of  that  day  the  first  salute  from  our 
bleached  and  weather-beaten  steeple,  was  not  the  peal  of 
one  set  of  drunken  ringers,  inviting  others,  first  to  the 
belfry,  and  thence  to  the  ale-house,  but  it  was  the  sober 


THE    RETROSPECT.  211 

and  cheerful  notice  for  divine  worship,  reminding  us  of 
our  duty  and  privilege  to  say  to  each  other,  "  Come,  let 
us  go  up  to  the  house  of  the  Lord,  he  will  teach  us  his 
ways,  and  we  will  walk  in  his  statutes." — It  was  be- 
tween the  hours  of  ten  and  eleven  that  I  formerly  entered 
the  harbour  of  Porto  Ferrajo,  and  lost  sight  of  a  con- 
fused and  turbulent  world  of  waters ;  and  between  the 
same  hours  I  entered  this  venerable  house  of  prayer, 
and  for  a  season  lost  sight  of  the  more  confused  and 
restless  world  of  men  who  know  not  God.  Unlike  the 
splendid  and  semi-pagan  churches  of  Italy  and  its  adja- 
cent islands  and  countries,  our  humble  and  ancient 
building  had  nothing  in  its  decorations  or  in  its  accom- 
modations  to  invite  the  lounger  or  the  artist  to  enter  its 
walls ;  nor  were  our  congregation  of  that  sort  as  to 
draw  those  among  us  whose  desire  was  to  see  and  be 
seen  ;  in  short,  it  might  reasonably  be  considered  as 
formed  of  those  who  really  came  to  worship  God. 

It  was  my  solemn  and  distinguished  lot  to  stand  up 
as  an  ambassador  of  Christ,  and  to  declare  to  these  peo- 
ple the  blessings  which,  as  on  that  day,  were  communi- 
cated to  the  world  when  the  angels  sang,  "  Glory  to 
God  in  the  highest,  on  earth  peace,  good  will  towards 
men" — to  declare  the  offices  and  work  of  the  Saviour, 
as  predicted  in  the  sixty-first  chapter  of  Isaiah,  and  three 
first  verses — to  show,  that  "  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  God 
was  upon  Christ  Jesus,"  because  the  Lord  Jehovah  had 
anointed  him  to  preach  good  tidings  to  the  meek,  that 
he  had  sent  him  to  bind  up  the  broken-hearted,  to  pro- 
claim liberty  to  the  captives,  and  the  opening  of  the  prison 
to  them  that  are  bound — to  proclaim  the  acceptable  year 


212  THE    RETROSPECT. 

of  the  Lord,  and  the  day  of  vengeance  of  our  God ;  to 
comfort  all  that  mourn ;  to  appoint  and  to  give  unto  them 
that  mourn  in  Zion  beauty  for  ashes,  the  oil  of  joy  for 
mourning,  the  garment  of  praise  for  the  spirit  of  heavi- 
ness, that  they  might  be  called  trees  of  righteousness, 
the  planting  of  the  Lord,  that  he  might  be  glorified. 
From  the  brief  consideration  of  these  soul-refreshing 
doctrines,  a  part  of  the  congregation  followed  me  to  the 
Lord's  table,  to  eat  of  that  bread  and  drink  of  that  cup, 
which  were  to  show  forth  the  dying  love  of  the  Saviour, 
until  he  come  to  judge  the  world:  nor  have  I  the 
smallest  doubt  but  that  several  did  then  and  there  feed 
on  him  in  their  hearts  by  faith  with  thanksgiving.  It 
was  a  season  much  to  be  remembered.  While  standing 
before  the  altar,  and  ministering  to  these  people,  I  re- 
collected Elba,  and  all  my  aggravated  sins  at  that  island. 
I  well  remembered  also  that  it  was  on  that  very  day 
three  years,  in  which  I  first  stood  up  to  officiate  in  my 
solemn  character — I  remembered  the  dreary  aspect  of 
this  then  almost  forsaken  house  of  God,  and  the  few 
who  approached  the  blessed  Sacrament,  and  I  could  not 
but  adore  the  goodness  of  the  Lord,  who  since  that  time 
had  much  changed  the  face  of  things,  and  increased  our 
numbers  more  than  four-fold ;  and  all  this  through  the 
instrumentality  of  one,  who,  had  he  received  but  one 
thousandth  part  of  his  merited  punishment,  would  then 
have  been  where  hope,  and  peace,  and  mercy  never 
come. 

Nor  was  the  evening  of  the  same  day  a  solitary  one. 
If  the  world  had  its  parties,  so  had  I  mine — no  spark- 
ling wines  or  costly  viands  graced  our  board,  but  we 


THE    RETROSPECT.  213 

were  not  without  our  feast.  No  loud  intemperate  mirth 
did  violence  to  the  tender  conscience ;  yet  we  wefe  cheer- 
ful; and  although  no  idle,  frivolous,  or  unchaste  theme 
occupied  our  tongues,  yet  we  did  not  want  for  subjects 
of  conversation.  Reader,  is  thy  curiosity  excited  to 
know  of  what  description  of  persons  my  party  was  com- 
posed ?  I  will  inform  thee,  although  in  so  doing  I  may 
incur  the  contemptuous  smile  of  some,  and  the  loud  and 
illiberally  expressed  derision  of  others.  It  consisted  of 
young  people  and  children,  all  poor  in  this  world's 
goods,  but  not  a  few  of  them  rich  in  grace — untutored 
in  the  refined  duplicity  of  polite  life,  and  the  finesse  of 
higher  ranks,  but  intelligent  and  sincere  in  the  things 
of  God — children  over  whom  I  had  watched  almost 
daily  for  three  years  past,  and  who  numbered  among 
them  not  a  few  who  had  grown  in  grace  as  they  had 
grown  in  stature — children  whose  confidence  and  afl^ec- 
tion  I  knew  I  possessed,  and  whose  troubles  and  spirit- 
ual conflicts  had  often  been  made  known  to  me  as  to 
one  whom  they  had  tried  and  found  their  sincere  and 
affectionate  friend,  as  well  as  minister  in  Christ  Jesus. 
Of  such  was  my  Christmas  evening  party  m.ainly  com- 
posed. With  this  beloved  and  affectionate  group  I  con- 
versed on  my  own,  and  on  the  generality  of  men's  per- 
verse abuse  of  the  present  and  other  seasons.  We  then 
sang  some  scriptural  poetry,  expressive  of  the  nature 
and  blessings  connected  with  the  day ;  and  afterwards  I 
endeavoured  to  set  before  them  the  exceeding  mercy  of 
having  an  Emmanuel  to  guide  us  through  all  the  dan- 
gers and  difficulties  of  life  by  his  unerring  counsel,  and 
finally  to  receive  us  to  his  glory.     Tears  of  gratitude 


214  THE    RETROSPECT. 

and  christian  joy  filled  many  eyes,  and  I  trust  that  the 
Lord  approved  the  desires  of  many  hearts.  This  done, 
we  knelt  down  and  thanked  the  author  of  all  our  mer- 
cies for  the  means  of  grace  and  the  hope  of  glory  which 
he  had  aflforded  us,  and  then  we  separated  in  unity  and 
peace 

The  following  Sabbath  concluded  the  year,  the  even- 
ing of  which  was  spent  with  the  same  party.  On  that 
night  it  was  my  endeavour  to  lead  their  minds  back 
through  all  the  parts  of  the  year  then  expiring :  to  re- 
mind them  of  the  changes,  the  judgments,  and  mercies 
which  our  parish  had  witnessed  since  its  commence- 
ment— to  hold  up  the  flight,  the  rapidity,  and  value  of 
time,  and  the  sure  and  speedy  approach  of  eternity — to 
display  the  emptiness  and  vanity  of  all  earthly  good, 
and  the  importance  and  value  of  heavenly  riches — to 
warn  them  how  reasonable  it  was  to  expect  death  would 
break  in  on  some  one  or  more  then  present,  ere  another 
such  season  arrived ;  and  hence  to  enforce  the  necessity 
of  standing  with  our  lamps  trimmed  and  our  lights 
burning,  and  ourselves  as  those  who  wait  the  coming 
of  their  Lord.  Never  in  the  whole  course  of  my  life 
had  I  experienced  a  more  full  and  realizing  sense  of 
the  truth  and  importance  of  these  subjects  than  on  that 
evening.  An  unusal  degree  of  solemnity  pervaded  our 
party,  and  the  greater  number  seemed  deeply  impressed 
with  what  they  heard.  Great,  very  great,  had  been  the 
mercies  of  God  to  many  of  us,  and  to  myself  in  parti- 
cular. He  had  strengthened  my  hands  in  many  ardu- 
ous ministerial  undertakings,  and  carried  me  for  three 
years  through  difficulties  of  no  ordinary  magnitude. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  215 

At  the  conclusion  of  this  year,  many  circumstances 
seemed  to  indicate  to  those  about  me,  that  my  strength 
was  then  faihng,  and  that  henceforth  I  should  probably 
do  but  little  in  comparison  of  the  past.  This  impression 
caused  a  mutual  sympathy  and  feeling  for  each  other, 
and  drew  our  hearts  closer  in  the  ties  of  christian  affec- 
tion, and  made  us  more  earnest  in  seeking  pardon  for 
the  past,  and  grace  to  improve  all  the  future.  Reader. 
I  feel  a  conviction,  beyond  the  power  of  language  to 
express,  that  in  all  our  services,  thoughts,  words,  and 
works,  we  fall  infinitely  short  of  perfection.  Yet,  w^hen 
I  reflect  on  this  day,  and  compare  it  with  the  termina- 
tion of  past  years,  I  can  and  ought  to  bless  God,  and 
to  adore  the  riches  of  that  grace  which  has  made  me  to 
differ  from  what  I  once  was,  and  from  what  many  now 
are.  Whether  I  were  ever  to  meet  the  same  party 
again  on  a  similar  occasion,  was  known  only  to  the 
Lord ;  but  I  can  say  with  truth,  that  no  place,  no  season, 
no  society,  ever  interested  my  soul  more  than  this  did ; 
and  especially  while  the  following  hymn  was  singing 
by  so  unusual  a  number  of  serious  young  people  and 
intelligent  children,  whose  understandings  and  hearts,  I 
had  every  reason  to  believe,  went  with  the  words  of 
their  lips. 

"  Let  hearts  and  tongues  unite, 
And  loud  thanksgivings  raise ! 

'Tis  duty,  mingled  vi^ith  delight, 
To  sing  the  Saviour's  praise. 

When  on  the  breast  we  hung 

Our  help  was  in  the  Lord  ; 
'Twas  he  first  taught  our  infant  tongue 

To  form  the  lisping  word. 


216  THE    RETROSPECT. 

In  childhood  and  in  youth, 

His  eye  was  on  us  still, 
Though  strangers  to  his  love  and  truth, 

And  prone  to  thwart  his  will. 

Now,  through  another  year, 

Supported  by  his  care, 
We  raise  our  Ebenezer  here ; 

'  The  Lord  hath  help'd  thus  far.' 

Our  state  in  future  years 

Since  we  cannot  foresee, 
He  kindly,  to  prevent  our  fears, 

Says,  '  Leave  it  all  to  me,' 

O  may  we  then  all  cast 

Our  care  upon  the  Lord  ! 
And  praise  him  for  his  mercies  past, 

And  trust  his  promis'd  word." 

Most  confident  am  I,  that  man  is  justified  freely  by  the 
grace  of  God,  through  the  redemption  that  is  in  Christ 
Jesus ;  even  by  faith  without  the  deeds  of  the  law,  but 
still  I  cannot  help  saying,  "  O  that  I  had  ended  all  my 
past  days  as  I  ended  this." 

The  morrow,  or  Monday,  was  of  course  new  year's 
day ;  a  day,  whereon  thousands  of  mankind  in  this  land 
pull  down  a  more  than  ordinary  portion  of  wrath  on 
themselves  by  idleness  and  excess,  by  oaths  and  pro- 
faneness.  On  this  day,  in  our  villages,  as  well  as  in  our 
large  towns,  the  labourer  either  refrains  from  his  task 
altogether,  or  quits  it  at  an  earlier  hour  than  usual,  to 
repair  to  the  ale-house,  and  there  he  holds  a  great  feast 
unto  Baal ;  while  his  impoverished  wife  and  children 
are  pining  in  wretchedness  at  home.  Knov/ing  that 
several  of  my  young  friends  would  be  at  leisure  in  the 


THE    RETROSPECT.  217 

evening-,  I  gave  a  g^nf^ial  invitation  to  all  who  chose  to 
meet  and  pass  a  couple  of  hours  in  seeking  the  divine 
blessing  on  the  succi  eding  weeks  and  months,  and  my 
room  was  again  nearly  filled.  I  shall  not,  however, 
enter  into  particulars  on  this  occasion:  the  christian 
reader  will  not  doubt  my  words,  when  I  say  we  found 
it  good  thus  to  wait  upon  God — to  begin  the  new  year 
with  prayer,  as  we  had  ended  the  old  one  in  praise. 
On  the  morrow  I  felt  thankful  to  the  Lord,  on  the  re- 
view of  what  had  happened,  and  blessed  his  holy  name 
for  the  mercies  of  such  a  Christmas,  for  such  a  conclu- 
sion of  the  old  year,  and  such  a  commencement  of  the 
new,  which,  when  compared  to  the  corresponding 
seasons  passed  at  Elba  and  many  other  places,  left  no 
doubt  on  my  mind,  whether  the  path  of  christian  duty 
be  the  path  of  peace.  But  here  methinks  I  hear  the 
reader  exclaim,  "  All  this  is  very  well  for  a  minister 
who  has  nothing  else  to  do,  and  whose  business  it  is  to 
be  thus  employed :  but  such  things  cannot  be  expected 
from  others!"  To  this  I  answer,  that  so  far  as  public 
ministerial  duties  were  concerned  in  the  house  of  God, 
the  reply  is  just:  but  all  I  have  related  as  done  in  my 
own  private  parlour,  might  be  done  by  many  a  master 
or  mistress,  by  many  a  naval  and  military  officer,  with 
an  equal  prospect  of  good  arismg  from  such  christian 
labours.  Nor  would  this  occasional  condescension  to 
instruct  a  few  domestics  and  poor  children  in  the  least 
sink  their  real  dignity,  or  be  acting  out  of  character,  in 
those  who  profess  to  believe  in  Him  who  preached  to 
all  men,  as  well  as  to  ministers,  the  whole  of  what  is  re- 
corded in  the  twenty-fifth  chapter  of  St.  Matthew's  gospcL 
19 


218  THE    RETROSPECT. 

David  was  a  warrior,  and  a  king  of  Israel,  and  not  a 
priest.  Yet  he  was  the  condescending  and  instructive 
companion  of  all  them  that  feared  God,  and  to  such  he 
often  said,  "  Come  hither,  and  1  will  tell  you  what  the 
Lord  hath  done  for  my  soul." 

To  quit  the  drawing-room  and  all  its  splendour,  to 
leave  fashion,  elegance,  mirth,  and  beauty  behind,  and 
to  assemble  a  little  group  of  dependents  and  poor  chil- 
dren, and  converse  with  them  concerning  "  another  and 
a  better  world,"  and  the  way  to  obtain  it,  would  indeed 
expose  both  master  and  mistress  to  the  trial  of  cruel 
mockings,  to  no  little  share  of  derision  and  contempt 
from  the  sons  and  daughters  of  folly  and  dissipation. 
But  if  this  be  done  and  continued  in  a  truly  christian 
spirit,  and  from  christian  motives,  it  would  insure  that 
sentence,  "  Come,  ye  blessed  children  of  my  Father,  in- 
herit the  kingdom  prepared  for  you  from  the  foundation 
of  the  world  ;  for  inasmuch  as  ye  have  done  this  thing  un- 
to the  least  of  these  my  brethren,  ye  have  done  it  unto  me." 

Reader !  since  the  foregoing  part  of  this  chapter  was 
written,  seventeen  years  have  passed  over  my  head. 
And  this  very  Christmas-day  (1832)  makes  it  exactly 
twenty  years  since  I  commenced  my  ministerial  la- 
bours, by  officiating  as  curate  of  the  humble  village  of 
W ch. 

Twenty  years,  reader!  This  is  a  long  period  to  cal- 
culate on ;  and  yet  it  actually  seems  but  as  yesterday  in 
the  retiospect.  Short,  however,  as  it  may  thus  appear, 
it  is  a  portion  of  time  which  greatly  shortens  the  span 
of  human  life;  and  crowds  within  its  limits,  many 
events  of  the  utmost  importance,  as  connected  with  aik 


THE    RETROSPECT.  219 

eternal  destiny,  at  least  I  feel  it  to  be  so  in  my  own  case ; 
and,  had  I  the  power  to  do  it,  I  would  carry  home  to 
thy  bosom,  my  reader,  all  the  deepening,  and  all  the 
solemnizing  feelings  which  I  myself  at  this  moment  ex- 
perience in  the  retrospect  of  these  gone-by  years.  This, 
however,  I  cannot  do ;  but  I  will  tell  thee  how,  at  this 
moment,  I  feel,  if  possible,  a  hundred-fold  more  than  I 
did  twenty  years  ago,  the  wisdom  of  seeking  first  the 
kingdom  of  God  and  his  righteousness  ; — of  counting 
all  things  as  loss  for  the  excellency  of  the  knowledge  of 
Christ  Jesus  my  Lord.  Nor  are  these  feelings  the  ef- 
fect of  increasing  years  on  the  mind  and  body;  or  of  a 
soured  temper,  or  of  disappointed  hopes  and  expecta- 
tions; for  at  this  hour  I  possess  better  health  and  spirits, 
and  enjoy  more  of  the  comforts  of  life  than  I  did  at  the 
former  period;  and  as  to  the  intervening  years,  I  have 
to  look  back  on  them  as  bringing  one  after  another  a 
succession  of  mercies  and  blessings  to  me  far  greater 
than  they  bestowed  on  millions  of  my  compeers. 

Oh !  what  changes  and  unlooked-for  events  have  oc- 
curred since  I  wrote  the  former  part  of  this  chapter ! 
Where  are  the  individuals  who  composed  my  then  little 
parties'?  Many  of  them  are  in  eternity!  Some  of 
them,  I  feel  certain,  are  rejoicing  with  joy  unspeakable 
and  full  of  glory  in  the  kingdom  and  presence  of  Christ; 
and  some  of  them — oh!  distressing  thought! — I  have 
but  too  much  cause  to  fear,  are  lost  and  that  for  ever  ! 
As  to  the  survivors,  their  various  and  humble  histories, 
if  truly  told,  would  exhibit  many  illustrations  of  that 
wisdom  I  have  allud-  d  to,  and  of  the  folly  and  madness 
of  pursuing  an  opposite  course,     JVlany  cares,  anxieties, 


220  THE    RETROSPECT. 

and  sorrows,  have  fallen  to  the  lot  of  almost  every  one 
of  them,  and  change  after  change  has  altPied  ail  their 
earthly  circumstances,  and  scattered  many  of  them  far 
and  wide  from  the  spot  where  we  then  assembled  to- 
gether. The  very  aspect  of  the  village  is  changed,  and 
several  of  the  places  where  we  once  coUecti  d  together 
are  no  longer  to  be  found.  Yet  amidst  all  the  changes 
which  time  and  death,  and  prosperity  and  adversity,  and 
arrivals  and  removals,  have  occasioned,  I  have  to  bless 
God  that  some  substantial  evidences  remain  that  the 
Gospel  then  prt-ached  among  them  was  not  in  vain  in 
the  Lord.  Though  absent  in  body,  I  am  still  present 
with  many  of  them  inspirit;  and  we  are  waiting  ia 
humble  hope  of  by  and  by  hailing  each  other  in  that 
kingdom  where  the  inhabitants  never  go  out.  May  the 
Divine  presence  shine  brighter  and  brighter  on  their 
path  until  they  finish  their  course  and  receive  their 
crown.  And  may  the  tender  mercies  of  our  heavenly 
Father  pardon  and  reclaim  every  backslider,  and  heal 
all  the  broken-hearted  p'^nitents;  and  stay  all  those  who, 
as  yet,  are  travelling  down  th^it  broad  road  Nvhich  lead- 
eth  to  destruction.  Oh,  may  His  boundl'-ss  grace  spare 
and  snatch  them  as  brands  from  the  fire  for  Jesus  Christ 
our  redeemer's  sake.     Am  n  * 

*  Such  readers  as  are  inclined  to  follow  the  writer  through  a 
variety  of  scenes  and  events  connected  with  his  pastoral  labours, 
and  with  the  history  and  ciicuiastances  of  many  of  liis  poor  peo- 
ple during  the  first  fifteen  years  of  his  ministry,  will  find  tiiem 
detailed  in  his  three  little  publications  called,  "  T/ic  Villag-:  Ob' 
server"  "  Tke  Village  Church  Yard"  and  "  The  Village  Pastor^ 
Ac. 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

"thou  SHALT  REMEMBER  ALL  THE  WAY  WHICH  THE 
LORD  THY  GOD  LED  THEE." Deut.  viii.  2. 

Hitherto  the  Retrospect  has  in  general  gone  back  to 
days  spent  on  the  bosom  of  the  deep,  and  to  events  which 
transpired  among  naval  men.  Indeed,  when  this  hum- 
ble volume  first  went  into  public,  there  had  elapsed  but 
a  short  time,  comparatively  speaking,  from  my  quitting 
those  scenes  of  war  and  tumult.  But  now  the  case  is 
otherwise.  My  days  have  measured  out  more  than 
twenty  years  since  that  period ;  a  portion  of  my  life  far 
greater  than  that  which  was  passed  at  sea.  And  am  I 
not  bound  by  every  call  of  duty  and  gratitude  to  "  re- 
member all  the  way  which  the  Lord  my  God  hath  led 
me  these  twenty  years?"  It  is  true,  that  neither  battles 
or  shipwrecks,  storms  or  tempests,  have  diversified  this 
part  of  the  journey ;  neither  have  I  to  tell  of  distant 
lands  or  hair-breadth  escapes  from  death.  Yet  have 
these  years  been  laden  with  mercies,  and  rendered  me- 
morable to  me  by  events  more  unlooked  for,  and  vastly 
more  important  than  any  which  transpired  at  sea.  It  is 
probable,  however,  that  some  of  these  may  not  produce 
the  same  effect  on  all  my  readers  as  on  myself.  Yet  I 
believe  there  are  not  a  few,  who  having  taken  an  inter- 
est in  the  tales  of  more  distant  times,  will  feel  disposed 
19* 


222  THE    RETROSPECT. 

to  follow  me  through  a  few  circumstances  connected 
with  my  latter  years. 

Among  the  greatest  of  all  my  mercies,  and  the  most 
exalted  privileges  with  which  my  lot  has  been  signa- 
lized, I  must  ever  esteem  this  as  the  first,  namely,  that  I 
should  have  been  permitted  and  enabled,  though  in  ever 
so  humble  and  obscure  a  way,  to  go  forth,  and  "preach 
among  my  fellow-men  the  unsearchable  riches  of 
Christ"  For,  while  I  would  not  dediict  aught  from 
those  claims  to  honour  and  usefulness  which  many  other 
professions  can  advance,  I  must  still  consider  the  office 
of  the  ministry  of  God's  word  as  the  most  solemn  and 
honourable  which  man  can  fill  beneath  the  sun.  All 
others  having  reference,  either  principally  or  entirely, 
to  the  things  of  time,  while  this  applies  to  those  of  eter- 
nity— the  former  having  for  their  object  the  life  that 
now  is,  while  the  ministry  of  reconciliation  is  continual- 
ly bearing  on  those  which  are  to  come  Hence  every 
event  which,  in  the  chain  of  divine  providence,  con- 
nected itself  with  this  subject,  and  which,  directly  or  in- 
directly, led  on  to  this  end,  is  now  viewed  by  me  with 
peculiar  interest,  and  will  be  so  through  all  eternity; 
and,  oh  !  how  many  and  distinct  do  they  now  appear 
in  the  retrospect  of  the  Lord's  dealings.  Yet,  no  event 
could,  at  one  period  of  my  life,  have  been  more  im- 
probable ;  and,  certainly,  Jione  was  less  thought  of  by 
myself  Many  a  time,  during  the  last  two  years  of  my 
naval  career,  have  I  beguiled  a  portion  of  the  midnight 
watch  by  allowing  my  thoughts  and  fancy  to  range  on 
ideal  objects;  while  among  these  none  were  more 
pleasing  as  a  kind  of  waking  day-dream  than  that  of 


THE    RETROSPECT.  223 

the  ministerial  office.  Often  have  I  allowed  the  mind 
to  put  this  question,  "  Were  it  possible  for  you  to  re- 
cast, and  re-choose  your  lot.  what  of  all  stations  and 
pursuits  would  you  prefer,  and  be  occupied  in?"  And 
as  often  did  I  reply,  "  I  would  be  in  the  ministry  of  the 
Gospel,  as  the  pastor  of  a  village  flock,  and  poss:  ss  a 
sufficiency  of  means  and  knowledge  of  medicine  to 
enable  me,  in  the  absence  of  regular  help,  to  administer 
to  the  bodily  sufferings  of  my  sick  poor,  while  I  were 
pointing  their  souls  to  the  heavenly  Physician."  These 
waking  dreams  were  often  indulged  in  as  mere  reveries^ 
at  a  time  when  I  no  more  expcctt  d  them  to  be  realized 
than  I  expected  to  ascend  to  heaven  in  Elijah's  chariot 
of  fire.  And  yet,  in  as  short  a  time  as  was  possible,  all 
this  was  literally  accomplished.  It  was  so  great,  as 
well  as  so  unexpected  a  change,  that  many  times,  in  my 
little  jouinies  to  and  from  my  cottagers,  during  the  first 
year  of  my  ministerial  labours.  I  have  stopt  short  by  the 
way,  and  asked  myself,  "  Is  this  a  reality,  or  is  it  a  de- 
lusion ?"  Indeed,  it  seemed  at  these  times  more  like  my 
former  waking  mid-watch  reveries.  Let  not  the  reader, 
however,  suppose  that  I  ran  uncalled  or  unsent;  let  him 
not  do  me  the  injustice  to  imagine,  that  I  thrust  my- 
self hastily,  or  self-willnd  into  this  sacred  office.  That 
it  was  not  so,  many  now  living  can  testify — nay  more, 
they  can  bf  ar  witnt  ss,  that  every  step  was  suggf  sted, 
urged  upon  me.  and  marked  out  from  the  time  I  landed 
at  Porsmouth.  in  1810,  until  I  was  actually  in  holy  or- 
ders, and  settled  as  the  licensed  curate  of  a  village  parish 
of  seven  hundred  and  fifty  souls.  Having,  on  many 
former  occasions,  seen  the  goodness  of  my  heavenly 


224  THE    RETROSPECT. 

Father  in  defeating-  my  plans,  and  frustrating  my  fond- 
est and  most  anxious  wishes,  I  determined,  as  the  close 
of  my  preparatory  studies  drew  near,  not  to  choose  a 
post  of  labour  for  myself  Well  I  knew,  that  however 
humble  these  labours  might  be  in  themselves,  He  who 
blessed  my  poor  endeavours  in  the  wing  of  His  Majes- 
ty's ship  C r  could  own  and  bless  them  on  the  land, 

if  he  were  graciously  pleased  to  do  so.  And  I  knew 
also,  that  unless  this  blessing  went  continually  with  all 
I  said  and  did,  no  good  could  be  effected.  Hence,  it 
was  to  me,  of  the  utmost  importance  that  I  should  be 
where  my  God  would  have  me,  and  not  where  I  might 
fix  myself  With  this  object  in  view,  I  left  all  the 
choice  and  arrangements  of  place  and  people  to  the 
judgment  and  exertions  of  some  of  those  pious  and  kind 
friends  who  had  hitherto  most  interested  themselves  in 
my  projected  new  sphere  of  life.  I  only  insisted  on  one 
condition,  namely,  that  my  post  should  be  among  a  mass 
of  poor  and  plain  people  ;  and  then,  as  to  distance,  they 
might  mark  out  ten  miles  or  ten  thousand  for  me  to 
journey  to  them  as  a  matter  of  indifference  to  me.  I 
thought  by  thus  leaving  myself  out,  and  placing  others 
in  the  arrangements  of  a  station,  I  should  be  more  en- 
tirely under  the  guidance  of  God.  And  most  clearly 
did  his  providence  direct  all  my  ways,  until  the  cloud 
and  the  pillar  led  me  on  and  marked  out  a  spot  where 
I  was  to  fix  my  tent — a  spot  concerning  which  I  heard 
so  ill  a  report  as  I  drew  near  it,  that  my  heart  rebelled, 
and  I  said,  "  Here  I  cannot  stay."  It  was  indeed  then 
one  of  the  most  dreary  scenes  of  country,  and  peopled 
by  a  set  of  the  rudest  inhabitants  I  had  ever  seen  in 


THE    RETROSPECT.  225 

Eno-land.  Here,  however,  T  took  up  my  station,  not, 
as  1  at  first  thought,  for  a  few  weeks  or  months,  but  for 
seven  y^•ars ;  and  all  these  years,  like  those  which 
Jacob  served  for  his  Rachel,  seemed  only  as  so  many 
days,  for  the  interest  I  felt  in  my  little  labours,  and  in 
the  encouragement  which  the  Lord  gave  me,  that  they 
were  not  in  vain  in  him.  At  the  end  of  these  seven 
years,  a  n^'W  train  of  equally  clear  and  combined  provi- 
dences bid  me  prepare  to  march  on  one  stage  further  in 
the  wilderness,  and  tarry  there  until  the  next  movement 
should  direct  me  to  cross  the  Jordan  which  separates 
this  wildt^rness  from  the  promised  land.  In  other  words, 
He  who  walks  in  the  midst  of  the  golden  candlesticks, 
and  carries  the  stars  in  his  right  hand,  again  directed 
iny  movements,  and  led  me  to  my  present  station,  where 
I  have  ever  since  remained, 

"  Nor  e'er  have  chang'd,  or  wish'd  to  change  my  place. 

Here,  placed  beyond  those  anxieties  which  must  ever 
attend  the  uncertain  tenure  of  a  curate's  engagements, 
and  still  farther  removed  from  all  the  vexations  of 
haughty  and  capricious  naval  men,  and  from  all  the 
strife  and  contentions  of  warlike  pursuits,  I  am  blessed 
with  all  the  necrssaries.  and  some  of  the  indulgences 
of  life,  without  being  exposed  to  the  dangers  of  affluence. 
Meanwhile,  on  every  side.  I  behold  a  wide  and  inter- 
esting field  of  ministerial  labour  ready  for  every  exer- 
tion I  can  put  forth,  whih-  I  myself  am  surrounded  by 
a  numerous  and  aff  ctionate  people,  am.ong  whom  I 
hope  to  labour,  and  to  die;  and  with  many  of  whom  I 
hope  to  unite  my  praises  in   those  higher  and  better 


22q  the  retrospect. 

strains  which  are  only  sung  in  heaven.     Nor  have  I  i, 

forgotten  those  dear  departed  souls  who,  in  my  former  "' 

parish,  died  in  the  Lord,  nor  those  now  living  there, 
who  were  my  hope  and  joy  while  I  dwelt  among  them. 
The  day  will  come,  when,  through  the  merits  and  sacri- 
fice of  the  Lord  Jesus,  we  shall,  I  trust,  again  meet,  and 
form  a  part  of  the  general  assembly  and  church  of  the 
first-born,  whose  names  are  written  in  heaven  ;  and  who 
there  ever  behold  and  praise  Him  who  was  dead,  and 
is  alive  again,  and  hath  redeemed  them  to  God  through 
his  most  precious  blood. 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

"thou  SHALT  REMEMBER  ALL  THE  WAY  WHICH  THB 
LORD  THY  GOD  LED  THEE." Delt.  viii.  2. 

"  BY  HONOUR  AND  DISHONOUR,  BY  EVIL  REPORT  AND 
GOOD  REPORT." 2  CoR.  vi.  8. 

The  reader,  who  has  perused  the  foregoing  chapter 
to  its  close  may  well  say,  ''  that  it  behoves  me  to  be 
thankful."  He  must  not,  however,  suppose  from  what 
is  there  stated,  that  I  have  dwelt  beneath  an  unclouded 
sun,  and  travelled  none  but  smooth.and  flowery  paths, 
ever  since  I  quitted  the  sea.  No,  this  has  not  been  the 
case.  Man  is  born  to  a  greater  or  less  portion  of  trou- 
ble, as  certainly  as  that  the  sparks  fly  upwards. 

"  'Tis  the  associate  of  all  human  kind, 
In  calms  we  meet  it,  meet  it  in  the  wind — 
From  sorrow's  shafts  no  garrison  can  shield, 
To  her  assaults  must  ev'ry  mortal  yield," 

Many  a  cheering  proof  of  ministerial  success  has  the 
great  Shepherd  and  Bishop  of  souls  given  to  strengthen 
my  hands,  when  they  have  been  ready  to  hang  down  in 
sorrow  and  despair ;  so  that,  at  times,  while  more  holy 
and  able  men  have  been  mourning  over  what  they,  per- 
haps erroneously,  considered  an  unfruitful  field  of  labour, 
I  have  been  permitted  to  see,  that  God  gave  me  some 


228  THE    RETROSPECT. 

increase.  These  merciful  cordials  were  not  sent  unne- 
cessarily or  in  vain;  they  have  arrived  at  the  best  of 
seasons,  and  have  afforded  relief  when  trials  weie  at 
hand.  For  often  have  1  had  to  mourn  over  the  back- 
slid ings  of  the  young- and  the  old;  to  see  all  my  fond 
hopes  and  fair  expectation?  blasted,  in  many  instances, 
when  and  where  I  least  expected,  and  most  keenly  felt, 
the  disappointment.  Nor  have  I  been  altogether  ex- 
empt from  trials  on  the  part  of  my  brethren  and  supe- 
riois  in  the  ministry.  At  the  time  I  am  writing,  and 
for  some  years  past,  I  have  enjoyed  the  happiness  of 
serving  under  a  diocesan  whose  anxious  desire  it  is.  that 
all  his  clergy  may  "be  instant  in  season  and  out  of 
season,  to  save  souls  alive."  Hence,  foi  a  long  time,  I 
have  had  neither  to  encounter  rebuke,  nor  to  apprehend 
opposition  from  any  quarter,  for  endeavouring  to  do 
what  my  duty,  my  time,  and  strength  demand  and  ena- 
ble me  to  perform,  for  the  instruction  and  salvation  of 
my  people :  and  so  far  as  a  minister  who  rebukes^  as 
well  as  exhorts  his  flock,  can  reasonably  expect  to  find 
it,  I  certainly  do  enjoy  the  respect  and  affection  of  the 
people  among  whom  I  dwell  and  ininister  the  word. 
But  things  were  not  always  so,  either  in  my  former  or 
my  present  parish. 

The  grace  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ  is  a  regenerating^ 
experimental  principle;  and  his  Gospel  being  his  or- 
dained power  unto  salvation,  it  separates  its  partakers 
from  a  world  that  lieth  in  wickedness,  and  makes  them 
a  new  and  a  peculiar  people.  Hence  this  blessed  Gospel 
is  as  much  resisted  and  condemned  by  many  a  chief 
priestj  and   scribe,  and  pharisee  of  the  Church  of  Eng- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  229 

land  in  the  nineteenth  century,  as  it  was  by  those  of 
Jerusalem  in  the  time  of  our  blessed  Lord's  sojourn 
upon  earth — as  much  disapproved  of,  and  vilified  by 
many  of  our  worldly  minded  clergy  and  laity  on  shore, 
as  it  is  by  many  of  the  captains  and  other  officers  of 
our  ships  of  war  at  sea.  All  this  our  Lord  assured  his 
disciples  would  be  the  case,  so  long-  as  men  are  gtrangers 
to  the  saving  and  converting  grace  of  God.  This  I 
knew  before  I  entered  into  the  ministry ;  and,  knowing 
this,  and  being  determined,  by  th^  help  of  God,  to 
preach  the  good  old  doctrines  of  this  glorious  but  abused 
Gospel,  as  they  are  made  known  in  the  Scriptures,  and 
laid  down  in  the  Articles,  Homilies,  and  Liturgy  of  our 
national  church,  I  could  not  expect  that  clergymen  of 
the  above  description  would  give  me  the  right  hand  of 
fellowship,  or  speak  well  of  my  intentions  or  proceed- 
ings. Nor  was  I  mistaken  in  my  calculations,  for  very 
soon  after  I  commenced  my  labours,  those  who  were 
nearest  at  hand  shunned  me,  and  spake  ill  of  my  ways; 
nor  did  they  stop  here,  for  some  of  them,  and  particu- 
larly an  old  naval  chaplain,  of  whose  fame  I  had  heard 
before  I  quitted  the  service,  wrote  to  the  bishop,  entreat- 
ing him  to  rebuke  me,  and  tie  up  my  hands.  Indeed, 
so  many  were  their  threats  of  getting  me  further  from 
them,  that  for  a  long  time  both  myself  and  my  vener- 
ated friend,  the  encumbent,  expected  the  order  for  my 
removal  to  arrive  every  week.  This  kept  us  both,  as 
well  as  my  affectionate  poor  flock,  in  a  state  of  unsettled- 
ness  and  continual  anxiety.  Yet,  notwithstanding  all 
which  my  adversaries  said  and  did,  I  continued,  amidst 
evil  report  and  good  report,  for  seven  years ;  even  until 

20 


230  THE    RETROSPECT. 

I  saw  it  was  my  duty,  and  felt  it  was  my  choice  volun- 
tarily to  leave  this  post  for  another  and  far  more  im- 
portant sphere  of  action.  Yet  this  act  of  leaving  the 
people  was  truly  a  painful  one,  when  the  moment  ar- 
rived that  it  must  be  put  into  execution.  So  long  as  I 
could,  I  had  kept  the  matter  from  their  knowledge;  and 
when  I  quilted  the  village,  I  stole,  as  it  were,  away,  for 
I  could  not  encounter  the  task  of  going  and  saying  in 
person,  "  farewell."  Thus  I  left  my  first  flock  in  pres- 
ence, but  not  in  spirit,  for  many  a  spot  in  their  quiet 
church-yard  is  in  my  estimation,  hallowed  ground; 
because  there  sleep  the  remains  or  mortal  part  of  se\'eral 
who  were  exceedingly  dear  to  me,  as  being  among  the 
first  fruits  of  my  public  ministry;  and  whose  parting 
blessings  were  given  to  me  as  the  most  precious  of 
legacies,  just  as  they  stood  on  the  confines  of  time,  and 
were  about  to  wing  their  flight  into^the  presence  and 
glory  of  their  Redeemer. 

But  now  a  fresh  train  of  opposition  arose  when  I 
least  expected  any  such  encounter.  The  kind  and 
generous  friend  who,  unsolicited,  had  made  me  an 
offer  of  my  present  living,  brought  me  hither  on  the 
Saturday,  and  showed  me  whatever  he  thought  would 
induce  me  to  accept  it,  and  fix  my  wanderings  for  the 
residue  of  my  days.  We  staid  over  the  approacliing 
Sabbath,  and  I  preached  in  the  church  twice  on  that 
day;  not  to  bare  walls,  but  to  a  deplorably  thin  and 
heartless  congregation.  Among  these,  were  a  few  of 
the  leading  inhabitants;  two  or  three  of  whom  choose 
to  be  highly  offended  with  the  matter  and  manner  of 
my  services.      The   subjects   of  my  discourses   were 


THE    RETROSPECT.  231 

Romans  i.  16.  "/  am  not  ashamed  of  the  Gospel  of 
Christ;  for  it  is  the  power  of  God  unto  salvation  to 
every  one  that  believeth"  and  Revelation  xiv.  13, 
"  Blessed  are  the  dead  which  die  in  the  Lord  from 
henceforth :  yea,  saith  the  Spirit,  that  they  may  rest 
from  their  labours ;  and  their  works  do  folloiv  them." 
From  the  first  of  these  texts  I  endeavoured  to  show  the 
nature  and  tendency  of  the  Gospel.  How,  that  while  it 
exhibits  to  fallen  man  his  lost  estate  by  nature,  and  by 
practice;  it  brings  life  and  immortality  to  light,  and  is, 
in  the  Hands  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  the  instrument  of 
enlightening  his  understanding,  sanctifying  his  heart, 
and  saving  his  soul ;  "  by  grace  through  faith ;  and  that 
not  of  himself,  for  it  is  the  gift  of  God ;  not  of  works, 
least  any  man  should  boast."  From  the  second,  I  aimed 
to  describe,  what  the  blessedness  of  those  who  die  in 
the  Lord  consists  of;  namely,  a  perfection  of  holiness, 
happiness,  and  wisdom  in  the  society  of  angels,  and 
spirits,  and  just  men  m.ade  perfect,  and  in  the  presence 
and  glory  of  God  the  Saviour — That,  "dying  in  the 
Lord"  is  dying  in  the  faith  of  Christ;  being  justified 
by  faith  in  his  obedience  and  sacrifice,  and  sanctified  by 
the  Holy  Ghost.  And  that  the  woiks  of  such  charact- 
ers, that  is,  the  works  of  faith,  and  labours  of  love,  do 
follow  them  as  evidences,  that  they  were  those  who 
"worshipped  God  in  the  Spirit;  rejoiced  in  Christ  Jesus: 
and  placed  no  confid'  nee  in  the  flesh."  In  short,  that 
thn  woiks  of  the  believer  do  follow  him  as  evidences  of 
his  having  possessfd  that  saving  faith  in  Christ,  "  which 
purifiis  the  heart,  works  by  love,  and  overcomes  the 
world,"     In  which  point  of  view,  as  our  Church  Art- 


232  THE    RETROSPECT. 

icles  declare,  "  They  are  pleasing  and  acceptable  to 
God  in  Christ;  although  they  cannot  put  away  our 
sins,  or  endure  the  severity  ofGod^s  judgment."  For 
they  have  no  merit  in  them,  whereon  man  can  advance 
any  claim  upon  God;  seeing  that  "we  are  accounted 
righteous  before  Him,  only  for  the  merits  of  our  Lord 
and  Saviour  Jesus  Christ  by  faith,  and  that  not  of  our 
works  or  deservings* 

Had  I  preached  from  the  Alcoran  of  Mahomet,  or 
the  Shaster  of  Buddhu,  my  doctrine  could  not  have  ap- 
peared more  strange,  or  proved  more  offensive  to  some 
of  my  hearers ;  who,  on  leaving  the  church,  declared 
with  vehemence,  that  if  they  could  prevent  it,  I  should 
never  come  as  the  resident  incumbent  of  their  church. 
The  next  day  I  left  the  place  for  my  old  parish ;  having 
been  previously  informed  that  immediate  steps  would  be 
taken  to  prevent  my  settling  here.  My  poor  dear  flock, 
to  whom  I  had  now  returned  for  a  short  season,  knew 
not  where  I  had  been,  nor  what  was  likely  to  take 
place.  And  little  did  they  know  or  conceive  how  those 
doctrines,  which  they  delighted  to  have  preached  to 
them,  had  met  so  unwelcome  a  reception  elsewhere. 
Meanwhile,  having  again  consulted  those  friends  to 
whom,  under  God,  I  had  hitherto  committed  my  move- 
ments, and  finding  them  unanimously  of  opinion  that  I 
ought  to  go,  and  the  more  so  as  there  appeared  every 
probability  of  their  obtaining  a  good  and  suitable  man 
to  step  into  my  place,  I  determined  to  face  the  opposition 
about  to  be  made,  and  abide  by  the  result.     Praying  to 

♦  See  Articles  of  Faith  XII.  and  XL  Book  of  Common  Prayer. 


THE    RETROSPECT.  233 

the  Lord,  that  he  would  direct  my  path,  and  make  it 
plain,  either  bv  finstrating"  my  advt-rsaries,  or  by  per- 
mittino"  their  effints  to  succeed,  just  as  his  good  plea- 
sure might  be  in  favour  of  my  going-  or  not  going  to 
this  projected  new  station. 

About  three  weeks  after  preaching  the  offensive  ser- 
mons. I  waited  on  the  Bishop  for  institution;  when  the 
legal  or  official  parts  of  the  business  were  gone  through 
without  cavil  or  delay.  I  was  then  given  to  understand, 
that  his  Lordship  had  been  written  to  by  some  of  the 
inhabitants  of  the  parish,  complaining,  as  bethought,  very 
justly  of  my  proceedings  during  the  short  time  I  had 
been  among  them.  His  Lordship,  indeed,  appeared  to 
sympathize  very  much  with  my  accusers.  In  the  course 
of  a  long,  and,  to  give  it  the  mildest  term,  a  very  un- 
pleasant conversation,  it  appeared  that  the  "  head  and 
front  of  my  offending"  lay  in  the  following  particulars  ; 
First,  in  that  I  had  accompanied  my  kind  friend  and 
patron  to  the  house  of  one  of  his  farmer-tenants,  to  take 
tea  in  the  afternoon  of  the  Sabbath,  instead  of  going  to 
our  quarters  at  the  inn ;  such  tenant,  moreover,  being  a 
Dissenter.  Secondly,  in  that  I  took  a  large  Bible  into 
the  pulpit.  Thirdly,  in  that  I  gave  utterance  to  many 
more  words  in  my  discourses  than  were  actually  written 
down  in  the  notes  before  me.  And,  lastly,  in  that  I 
absolutely  denied  the  merit  of  good  works  to  purchase 
or  to  procure  heaven.  It  also  appeared  in  this  unpleasant 
conversation,  that  my  opponents  had  learnt,  and  com- 
municated the  fact  of  my  having  been  once  in  the  ser- 
vice of  my  country  as  an  officer  in  the  navy,  and  that 
as  such,  I  had  formerly  been  employed  in  defending 
20* 


234  THE    RETROSPECT. 

them,  with  the  other  peaceful  inhabitants  of  the  land, 
from  the  swords  and  bayonets  of  combined  Europe. 
This  circumstance,  which  I  had  never  before  imagined 
would  lower  me  in  the  scale  of  British  society,  now 
appeared  as  a  blot  on  my  escutcheon.  Happily  poor 
old  England  was  then  at  peace  with  all  nations,  and 
needed  no  longer  to  be  defended  from  invasion  ;  and 
now,  those  with  whom  I  had  to  do,  made  it  painfully 
manifest  that  they  looked  on  me  with  a  degree  of  con- 
tempt for  the  hard  services  I  had  once  cheerfully  ren- 
dered them.  Frivolous  and  illiberal  as  the  above 
charges  and  insinuations  against  me  may  appear  to  my 
readers,  they  actually  were  considered  as  matters  of 
grave  import  by  my  accusers  and  diocesan ;  and  pro- 
duced, on  the  part  of  the  latter,  what  I  must  ever  con- 
sider as  unkind  behaviour  towards  me.  Feeling,  as  I 
did,  that  unkindness,  and  at  the  same  time  supported  by 
a  spirit  of  independence,  arising  from  the  conviction, 
that   I  had   neither  lowered   myself  in  society,  by  my 

former  public  station  and  services,  nor  at  M n  had 

committed  any  offence  whatever  against  the  rules  of 
propriety,  good  morals,  or  church  discipline,  I  refused 
to  plead  guilty  to  any  thing  criminal ;  while  I  freely 
acknowledged  I  was  guilty  of  all  the  four  charges  laid 
in  my  indictment.  But  as  I  did  not  either  then  or  now 
feel  myself  bound  to  comply  with  the  whims  and  fancies 
of  two  or  three  pharisaic,  capricious  individuals,  I  could 
not  promise,  never  in  future  to  give  utterance,  in  my 
sermons  and  addresses,  to  one  word  beyond  what  I  had 
actually  lying  before  me  in  writing.  This  had  so  un- 
happy an  effect  on  my  superior,  as  to  induce  him  to  go 


THE    RETROSPECT.  235 

to  the  extremity  of  his  power  in  prohibiting  me,  at  my 
peril,  from  preaching  in  any  part  of  his  diocese,  except 
within  the  limits  of  my  own  parish.  To  me,  however, 
this  was  no  punishment  at  all ;  for,  as  I  stated  to  his 
Lordship,  from  what  I  had  seen  of  the  extent  of  my 
field  of  labours,  there  would  be  far  more  preaching  and 
teaching  required  than  I  should  ever  be  able  to  perform; 
and  consequently  that  I  should  have  neither  time  nor 
inclination  to  go  further  off  for  work.  Such  were  the 
consequences  of  a  few  officious,  conceited,  self-righteous 
individuals  interfering  with  what  they  had  no  concern, 
and  setting  themselves  up  for  judges  of  what  they  un- 
derstood little  or  nothing,  and  all  this  too  in  direct  oppo- 
sition to  the  views,  opinions,  and  wishes  of  nineteen  out 
of  every  twenty  of  their  neighbours.  My  prohibition, 
however,  lasted  but  about  nine  months ;  for,  at  the  end 
of  that  time,  it  pleased  God  suddenly  to  remove  my 
prohibitor  into  another  world,  where  I  most  sincerely 
hope  he  found  rest  unto  his  soul,  and  where,  if  I  am 
permitted  to  meet  him,  we  shall  perfectly  understand 
each  other's  acts  and  motives,  and  be  of  one  heart  and 
of  one  mind  for  ever.  This  unpleasant  affair  was,  on 
my  coming  to  reside  at  the  living,  followed  up  by  ano- 
ther of  a  more  petty  character. 

One  of  the  busy  individuals,  a  Diotrephes  in  his  way, 
who  loved  to  have  the  pre-eminence,  and  had  taken  a 
part  on  the  former  occasion,  vexed  that  they  had  not 
more  effectually  succeeded  with  the  Bishop,  now  deter- 
mined, himself,  to  act  a  leading  part  in  annoying  me, 
even  to  the  extent  of  what,  on  ship-board,  would  have 
been  termed  •'  open  mutiny."    This  man,  under  the  influ- 


236  THE    RETROSPECT. 

enceof  a  shallow  head,  and  a  peevish,  angry,  self-right- 
eous temper,  actually  employed  several  days  in  mislead- 
ing and  ill-advising  some  of  our  choir  of  church  sing- 
ers;  encouraging  them  to  set  me  at  defiance,  and,  during 
divine  service,  to  resist  my  regulation,  and  proceed  totally 
independent  of  me.  Learning,  on  the  Saturday,  what 
part  the  mutineers  would  in  all  probabilty  act  on  the 
morrow,  I  wrote  to  Mr.  Diofrephes,  without  informing 
him  how  much  I  knew  of  the  part  he  had  taken,  direct- 
ing him  to  act  up  to  the  laws  of  the  land,  and  his  own 
official  engagements,  and  be  presKz^nt  on  the  moirow  at 
church,  and  there  do  his  duty,  in  protecting  me  from  all 
interruptions,  and  also  in  taking  into  custody,  without 
exception,  all  who  should  attempt  to  interrupt  the  ser- 
vice. This,  as  I  expected  brought  him  to  his  recollec- 
tion, and  so  alarmed  both  him  and  his  party,  that  the  lat- 
ter absented  themselves  from  the  parish  altogether  on  the 
day  of  their  intended  exploits,  and  in  a  few  weeks,  hav- 
ing obtained  the  good  services  of  one  of  the  most  re- 
spectable of  the  inhabitants  as  my  churchwarden,  we 
disbanded  the  whole  choir ;  pulled  down  their  privileged 
partitions  ;  and  threw  the  whole  gallery  into  open  seats 
for  less  conceited  and  more  christian-like  individuals  to 
occupy.  From  that  tim.e,  every  thing  worthy  the  name 
of  qpposition  has  gradually  died  away  :  some  of  my  op- 
ponents having  departed  this  life,  and  others  having  left 
the  parish ;  so  that  I  am  enabled  to  say,  "  through  hon- 
our and  dishonour,  through  evil  report  and  good  report, 
I  have  lived  to  see  the  day  wherein  I  experience  at  the 
hands  of  my  people  in  general,  more  kindness  and  re- 
spect than  falls  to  the  common  lot  of  parochial  ministers." 


THE    RETROSPECT.  237 

This  is  a  great  mercy  and  comfort,  for  which  I  desire 
to  be  thankful  both  to  God  and  man :  and  I  pray  that  the 
Lord's  choicest  blessings  may  rest  abundantly  on  the 
head  of  every  individual  who  has  shown,  or  does  now 
show  favour  unto  his  servant. 


CHAPTER  XX. 

"thou  SHALT  REMEMBER  ALL  THE  WAY  WHICH  THE 
LORD  THY  GOD  LED  THEE." Deut.  viii.  2. 

"my  GOD  SHALL  SUPPLY  ALL  YOUR  NEED  ACCORDING 

TO  HIS  RICHES  IN  GLORY  BY  CHRIST  JESUS." 

Phil.  iv.  19. 

Connected  with  my  many  and  great  mercies,  first 
as  the  curate  of  one  parish  and  afterwards  as  the  incum- 
bent of  another,  I  ought  ever  to  remember  how  the 
Lord  hath  led  me,  and  supplied  not  merely  my  own  va- 
rious wants,  but  the  wants  of  my  poor  people  with  the 
means  of  instruction  and  various  nloral  benefits,  without 
which  supplies  my  schools  and  various  other  little  insti- 
tutions, so  necessary  for  their  spiiituyl  good,  could  not 
have  been  set  on  foot  or  carried  on.  These  supplies 
have  frequently  arrived  in  such  a  way  as  would  haiHly 
gain  credit — the  tale  concerning  many  of  them,  if  told, 
would  appear  too  much  like  romance.  I  will  tell  but 
one,  and  that  of  the  less  extraordinary  cast;  for  this  wn'll, 
in  some  measure,  prove  how  the  Lord  has  supplied- all 
my  needs,  for  others  as  well  as  for  myself  During  the 
early  part  of  my  curacy  I  had  been  assisted  hy  various 
friends  in  building  a  school-room,  large  enough  to  house 
all   the   young    people   and   children   of   the    village. 


THE    RETROSiECT.  239 

This  was  used  for  a  Sunday  school  throughout  the  year, 
and  for  an  evening  school  for  adults  and  children  during 
the  winter.  The  building  had  been  paid  for,  and 
fully  occupied  for  one  year :  but  now,  the  second 
autumn  w?s  at  hand,  while  a  few  pounds  of  debt  had 
been  incurred  in  some  necessary  alterations,  and  an  en- 
tire stock  of  books,  stationery,  fuel,  candles,  and  all  the 
appendages  necessary  to  school-keeping  for  the  winter 
were  required ;  while  I,  as  a  sailor  would  term  it,  had 
not  a  shot  in  the  locker  wherewith  to  procure  them. 
Day  after  day  the  people  enquired,  "  When  the  evening 
school  was  to  commence  ?"  and  with  a  heavy  heart  1 
could  only  reply,  "  I  hoped  soon."  But  it  was  a  for- 
lorn hope,  for  I  had  already  drawn  so  deeply  on  the 
bounty  of  all  my  friends  to  rear  the  building,  that  I 
could  not  call  on  them  again  :  and  as  the  parish  had 
gone  to  a  heavy  expense  in  rendering  the  old  church 
decent  and  commodious,  I  could  not  apply  for  a'd  at 
home ;  so  I  knew  not  what  to  do.  It  seemed  as  though 
this  part  of  our  proceedings  must  be  suspended  altoge- 
ther. Such  was  the  state  of  our  little  affairs,  when  a 
gentleman,  an  entire  stranger,  called  for  half  an  hour, 
with  an  old  naval  acquaintance  of  mine,  and  then  left 
the  village.  Nothing  during  their  stay,  had  passed  in 
our  conversation  relative  to  these  difficulties;  and  when 
we  parted  I  had  not  the  most  distant  expectation  of  hear- 
ing from,  or  ever  seeing  this  person  again.  But  no 
sooner  had  he  reached  London  t^>an  he  remitted  me  a 
bank  post  bill  of  sufficient  amoimi  to  pay  off'  our  debt, 
furnish  a  stock  of  all  necessaries,  and  carry  on  the  whole 
schooling  for  the  winter :  while  the  people  were  alike 


240  THE    RETROSPECT. 

ignorant  of  my  difficulties  and  apprehensions,  and  of  the 
way  in  which  the  good  providence  of  God  relieved  me 
from  them  both. 

It  may  here  be  a  proper  place  to  state,  that  soon  after 
I  had  entered  into  orders,  I  considered  it  right  to  with- 
draw my  name  from  the  Navy  List,  and  consequently 
to  relinquish  my  half-pay,  a  step  to  which  several  of  my 
friends  objected ;  arguing,  that  this  income  was  a  remu- 
neration for  past  services;  and  that  many  gentlemen 
who  had  entered  the  church  from  the  army  and  navy 
continued  to  draw  theirs.  In  addition  to  these  argu- 
ments they  declared,  with  great  truth,  that  in  giving  up 
the  naval  profession  I  had  turned  my  back  on  all  my 
fair  prospects  in  the  world ;  that  I  was  never  likely  to 
obtain  ecclesiastical  riches ;  nay,  that  I  had  nothing  be- 
fore me  but  poverty  in  this  world  for  my  services  in  the 
church,  and  that  I  should  need  every  shilling  of  my 
half-pay  to  procure  me  the  necessaries  of  life  ;  and  the 
more  especially  so,  as  they  were  pleased  to  think  I  did 
not  know  how  to  economize,  or  take  care  of  a  few  shil- 
lings when  I  happened  to  have  them.  To  all  this  I 
replied,  "  that  I  felt  I  had,  indeed,  earned  this  half-pay 
by  honest,  hard  service,  and  that  I  might  legally  con- 
tinue to  receive  it ;  but  that,  under  all  circumstances,  I 
considered  it  inexpedient  to  do  so.  I  could  trust  in  the 
promises  and  providence  of  a  gracious  God  to  supply 
all  my  needs ;  and  would  not  leave  it  in  the  power  of 
worldly  men  to  say,  I  had  embarked  in  the  service  of 
the  church  for  the  sake  of  ease  or  emolument.  More- 
over, by  thus  casting  myself  on  God  for  food  and 
laiment,  I  was  taking  one  direct  step  to  satisfy  my  own 


THE    RETROSPECT.  241 

mind  as  to  the  honesty  of  my  motives  in  entering  into 
my  new  calling."  I  accordingly  directed  my  agent  to 
make  out  my  account,  and  prepare  for  a  final  settle- 
ment. This  done,  I  s»^nt  to  Sir  George  Hope,  my  kind 
and  best  naval  friend,  then  one  of  the  most  influential 
Lords  Commissioners  of  the  Admiralty,  sincerely  ac- 
knowledging my  deep  sense  of  all  his  past  favours,  and 
informing  him  that  as  I  was  then  a  member  of  the 
Univeisity,  and  in  holy  orders,  and  did  not  intend  to  em- 
bark again  on  shipboard,  I  requested  my  name  might 
be  removed  from  the  Navy  List;  to  make  room  for,  at 
least,  one  of  those  many  and  meritorious  young  men 
who  had  long  been  waiting  and  hoping  for  promotion. 

1  fear,  that  Sir  George  united  with  some  of  my  ac- 
quaintance in  condemning  my  conduct  as  inconsiderate 
and  rash  :  but  I  have  ever  felt  thankful  to  God  that  I 
had  it  in  my  heart,  and  in  my  power,  to  take  this  step. 
I  believe  it  was  the  most  consistent  one  I  could  take, 
and  1  am  sure,  that  He,  into  whose  more  immediate 
service  I  had  entered,  and  on  whose  more  direct  provi- 
dential care  I  thus  cast  myself,  has  never,  since  that  day, 
ceased  to  care  for  me!  Truly,  "  my  God  hath  sup- 
plied all  my  needs  according  to  his  riches  in  glory  by 
Christ  Jesus  !"  Yet  my  faith  was  sometimes  put  to  the 
test,  and,  no  doubt,  would  have  quite  failed,  had  not  He 
who  prayed  for  Peter  interceded  for  me  also.  When  I 
wrote  to  my  agent  for  a  final  settlement  I  knew  that  I 
was  on  the  best  side  of  his  books ;  for,  low  as  was  the 
opinion  of  my  friends  as  to  my  prudence  in  worldly 
aflfairs,  I  always  aimed  to  keep  out  of  debt;  but  the  re- 
sult of  the  balance-sheet  soon  convinced  me,  that  my 
21 


242  THE    RETROSPECT. 

credit  amount  was  less  than  I  had  supposed  it  to  be. 
Just  about  that  time  I  had  fitted  up  and  replenished  a 
good  village  medical  dispensatory ;  and  having  calcu- 
lated its  annual  cost,  and  the  expenses  of  our  schools, 
and  other  little  religious  and  moral  establishments,  I 
looked,  first  at  my  balance-sheet,  then  at  my  dispensa- 
tory schools,  and  lastly  at  my  salary  as  curate  ;  and 
saw  at  once,  that  I  could  not  long  keep  these  things 
going  myself,  and  I  really  knew  not  where  to  calculate 
on  supplies  from  others.  Here  the  demon  of  unbelief 
suggested,  "  Would  it  not  have  been  wiser  had  you  re- 
tained your  half-pay?"  For  a  little  while  I  staggered 
through  unbelief,  but  I  was  soon  enabled  "  to  trust  and 
not  be  afraid."  Believing,  as  I  did,  that  these  things 
were  necessary  for  my  people,  and  likely  to  promote 
the  divine  glory,  1  left  it  with  my  Heavenly  Father  to 
provide  the  silver  and  the  gold,  if  it  were  his  will  these 
things  should  go  on.  And  now,  reader,  I  can  look 
back  on  these  gone-by  days,  and  say,  that  the  Lord  did 
so  supply  all  my  needs,  that  not  one  of  these  little  un- 
dertakings was  suffered  to  fall  to  the  ground  for  lack  of 
support !  Often  did  help  come  much  in  the  same  way 
as  on  the  occasion  particularized,  and  often  it  came  from 
I  knew  not  whence,  nor  ever  have  known.  Thus  have 
I  been  made  to  see,  even  unto  the  present  day,  that  it  is 
a  good  thing  to  trust  in  the  Lord,  By  experience  I 
know,  that  He  hath  supplied,  and  by  faith  I  do  believe 
that  "  He  will  supply  all  my  needs  according  to  His 
riches  in  glory  by  Christ  Jesus." 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

"thou  SHALT  REMEMBER  ALL  THE  WAY  WHICH  THE 
LORD    THY    GOD    LED    THEE." Deut.  viii.  2. 

"  IN    ALL    THY    WAYS    ACKNOWLEDGE     HIM,     AND     HE 
SHALL    DIRECT    THY    PATHS." Prov.  iii.  6. 

In  reviewing  the  way  by  which  I  have  been  led 
since  I  quitted  the  navy,  and  the  various  paths  of  mer- 
cies and  providential  events  through  which  I  have  been 
conducted, — mercies  at  all  times  unmerited,  and  events, 
as  to  many  of  them,  once  altogether  unthought  of, — I 
am  here  called  on  to  notice  and  praise  the  Lord  for  the 
privilege  of  having  been  enabled,  in  my  quiet  retreat  on 
shore,  in  some  measure,  to  serve  the  best  interest  of  those 
men  I  left  afloat ;  though  I  have  to  condemn  myself  for 
allowing  much  time  to  pass  away  before  any  efforts 
were  made  in  their  behalf  It  is  true,  that  the  first  four 
years  of  my  time  on  the  land  were  fully  and  anxiously 
taken  up  in  studies  for,  and  in  the  duties  of  the  ministe- 
rial office.  Yet  I  fear  I  cannot  justify  myself  The 
enemy  of  souls,  no  doubt,  suggested,  "that  I  had  now 
no  further  concern  with  seamen,  being  fully  engaged  in 
other  duties,  and  living  where  such  men  were  unknown 
and  unthought  of"  In  entertaining  these  ideas,  I  fell 
into  that  ungrateful  apathy  which  had  so  long  pervaded 


244  THE    RETROSPECT. 

the  hearts  of  almost  all  classes  of  the  inland  inhabitants 
of  our  nation — an  apathy  as  criminal  and  disgraceful  as 
any  thmg  which  stands  on  record  to  the  discredit  of  a 
British  population.  For  it  had  held  back,  even  the 
ppopie  of  God,  from  all  sympathy,  from  all  activity,  and 
from  all  hope  concerning  those  meritorious,  but  debased 
and  ignorant  men.  At  length,  however,  God  put  it 
mto  the  hearts  of  a  few  of  his  servants  to  attempt  various 
things  for  their  moral  improvement;  or  rather  to  assist 
and  encourage  that  work  which  he  himself  had  begun 
among  them.  Hence,  in  London  and  various  sea-port 
and  other  towns,  societies  were  formed,  and  various 
measures  adopted  for  instructing  and  christianizing  our 
seamen.  Public  meetings  were  also  called  to  state  their 
claims,  to  explain  their  real  circumstances,  and  to  enlist 
the  best  feelings  of  the  nation  in  their  moral  welfare. 
These  measures  have  been  owned  of  God  to  the  awaken- 
ing of  a  portion  of  the  country  to  a  sense  of  their  duty 
in  this  particular,  as  well  as  to  the  real  spiritual  benefit 
of  many  hundreds  of  our  seamen  themselves.  So  that, 
if  the  whole;  mass  of  our  present  maritime  population  be 
compared  with  that  of  twenty-five  years  ago,  when  I 
assemble^d  a  few  of  them  in  the  C 's  wi7ig  for  reli- 
gious instruction,  there  will  appear  sufficient  matter  to 
justify  our  exclaiming.  "This  is  the  Lord's  doing,  and 
it  is  marvellous  in  our  eyes."  It  was  my  privileged  lot 
to  take  a  small  part  in  that  day  of  small  things  when 
the  power  of  God  began  to  be  known  in  the  conversion 
of  st-veraL  and  in  the  awakening  of  many  more  in  our 
fleets,  to  a  sense  of  the  value  of  their  souls.  This  work 
proceeded  after  I  left  them  until  the  general  peace,  at 


THE    RETROSPECT.  245 

which  time  more  than  eighty  of  our  ships  of  war  had  a 
little  band  of  praying  men  on  board;  while  the  people 
on  shore,  even  ministers  and  pious  characters,  were  un- 
connected with  and  ignorant  of  the  matter.  When 
these  christian  seamen  were  paid  off  from  the  navy,  and 
scattered  through  the  ships  of  our  merchants,  they  at- 
,  tracted  the  attention  of  pious  landsmen,  who  now,  for 
the  first  time,  began  to  think  it  not  altogether  in  vain  to 
attempt  something  in  behalf  of  sailors:  and,  as  was  be- 
fore observed,  various  plans  and  measures  were  adopted 
for  their  spiritual  benefit.  Still  there  was  a  great  dearth 
of  books  of  a  description  suited  to  their  prejudices, 
habits,  taste,  and  standard  of  knowledge ;  and  knowing 
how  difficult,  or  rather  impossible,  it  is  for  a  mere  lands- 
man to  write,  so  as  to  meet  these  peculiarities  with  a 
good  hope  of  success,  I  fclt  it  my  duty  to  make  the  at- 
tempt, and  eventually  wrote  seven  tracts,  and  gave  them 
to  that  useful  institution,  the  Religious  Tract  Society^ 
established  in  London,  in  1799,  and  one  for  the  Church 
of  England  Tract  Society,  instituted  in  Bristol,  in 
1811.*  By  which  societies  considerably  more  than 
half  a  million  copies  of  these  humble  works  have  been 
circulated  ;  and  instances  of  the  divine  blessing  on  their 
perusal  have  not  been  wanting.  But  as  the  great  mass 
of  the  inhabitants  of  the  interior  were  as  ignorant  of  the 
real  state  of  our  seamen,  as  these  seamen  were  ignorant 

The  Bristol  tract  is  called  "  The  Prayer  Book  at  Sea." 
Those  circulated  by  the  London  Society  are  "  Convei-mfioii  in  a 
BooV'—"-  The  Two  Shipmates" — "The  Seaman's  Fnend"—"The 
Seaman's  Spy  GUiss" — "The  Smugglers" — "The  Wreckers"  axid 
"  The  Roijal  Revieic" 

21* 


246  THE    RETROSPECT. 

of  the  knowledge  and  fear  of  God,  it  became  necessary 
to  address  them,  which  I  was  enabled  to  do  from  time 
to  time  through  the  medium  of  our  religious  periodicals; 
especially  the  Christian  Guardian,  or  Church  of  Eng- 
land Magazine ;  as  well  as  on  a  few  occasions  to  advo- 
cate their  cause  from  platforms  and  pulpits.  Mean- 
while other  and  more  able  friends  had  zealously  em- 
barked in  this  good  work,  so  that  considerable  attention 
was  excited  both  among  the  seamen  themselves,  and 
those  who  hitherto  had  neither  understood  their  case  or 
interested  themselves  in  their  behalf  I  shall  ever  con- 
sider it  a  great  privilege  to  have  thus  been  permitted  and 
enabled  to  throw  in  my  mite  of  services  here;  as  it  has 
convinced  some  who  doubted  the  propriety  of  my  leav- 
ing the  navy,  that  1  could  not  so  effectually  have  served 
my  old  companions  by  continuing  in  their  immediate 
ranks,  as  I  have  been  enabled  to  do  since  I  quitted  them. 
Undoubtedly,  the  time  I  passed  at  sea  gave  me  habits 
and  experience  suited  to  the  every-day  wear  and  tear  of 
real  life,  which  I  could  not  have  acquired  in  a  college 
— and.  on  the  other  hand,  what  1  have  passed  through 
since  I  left  the  sea  has  imparted  certain  advantages  not 
to  be  acquired  afloat :  so  that  in  the  retrospect  I  see 
abundant  cause  to  thank  and  praise  the  Lord  for  both 
these  dispensations  of  his  providence — for  thus  leading 
me  by  ways  I  once  knew  not — by  such,  as  once,  I 
never  thought  of  being  directed  in. 

Connected  very  closely  with  the  above  subject  of 
praise  and  thanksgiving  is  another,  equally  unexpected 
by  me,  for  many  years  of  my  life,  and  at  every  recollec- 
tion of  which  I  feel  unabated  surprise,  namely,  that  I 


THE    RETROSPECT.  247 

should  ever  become  the  author  of  several  little  volumes, 
and  that  any  thing  I  could  write  should  interest  the 
public  in  general,  and  prove  useful  to  various  readers  in 
particular.  For  some  time  after  I  was  in  holy  orders, 
nothing  could  be  further  from  my  thoughts  than  this. 
Here,  however,  as  in  the  circumstance  of  embarking  in 
the  ministerial  office,  the  providences  of  God  took  the 
lead ;  in  both  I  now  can  see  the  way  by  which  he  led 
me,  so  as  to  lay  a  kind  of  necessity  on  me  to  write. 
When  I  began  this  new  and  unexpected  occupation,  if  I 
may  so  term  it,  in  drawing  up  the  first  paper  of  the 
Retrospect  on  one  second  of  February  evening,*  I  had 
no  intention  of  proceeding  to  a  second  number,  nor  any 
object  in  view  but  that  of  gratifying  a  very  few  intimate 
friends,  and  particularly  my  kind  and  beloved  vicar, 
whose  father-like  regards  led  him  to  take  a  deep  interest 
in  all  my  past  wanderings  and  pursuits.  The  public 
and  the  critics  were  alike  out  of  my  thoughts,  and  out 
of  my  hopes  and  fears,  even  after  I  had  increased  my 
papers  to  several  numbers.  The  fact  is,  I  wrote  to 
gratify  a  few  dear  friends ;  these  friends  were  pleased 
and  amused,  and  in  pleasing  them  I  gratified  myself; 
never  dreaming  that  others  would  at  all  enter  into  their 
feelings.  Thus  I  actually  began  my  authorship,  with- 
out an  intention  and  scarcely  a  thought  of  what  was 
taking  place.  And  now,  I  again  repeat  it,  that  when- 
ever I  reflect  on  this  circumstance,  and  remember  all 
the  way  by  which  the  Lord  my  God  hath  led  me  in 
this  once  so  unexpected  a  department,  I  am  almost  lost 

*  See  Chapter  II. 


248  THE    RETROSPECT. 

in  astonishment,  that  such  a  thing  should  ever  have 
come  to  pass,  and  more  so,  that  my  poor  productions 
should  have  proved  so  acceptable  as  they  have  done; 
and  that  the  Lord  should  have  smiled  upon  them  so  as, 
through  their  medium,  to  seal  instruction  to  the  souls  of 
men  !  Were  it  necessary  to  multiply  instances  in  illus- 
tration of  that  motto,  "  Cast  thy  bread  upon  the  waters; 
for  thou  shalt  find  it  after  many  days :"  I  could  add 
many  from  this  source,  especially  from  what  a  gracious 
God  has  been  pleased  to  do  by  the  instrumentality  of 
this  little  volume.  I  will  name,  however,  but  one  in- 
stance ;  and  may  the  recollection  of  this  one,  even  if 
there  were  no  others  to  reflect  on,  make  me  humble  and 
thankful,  as  I  ought  to  be. 

The  scene  of  this  tale  was  H y,  in  Berkshire. 

The  subject  of  it  a  young  man,  a  naval  lieutenant  on 
halfpay,  and  the  informant  was  my  friend,  the  then 
pious  minister  of  that  place,  but  now  of  one  of  the  new 
churches  in  London.  What  the  general  course  of  this 
young  man's  life  had  formerly  been  I  know  not;  but 
certainly  he  did  not  profess  the  principles  of  infidelity, 
properly  so  called,  for  he  rather  prided  himself  on  being 
a  church-man,  as  he  called  himself,  and  was  greatly 
disposed  to  build  his  hopes  of  heaven  on  the  supposed 
goodness  of  his  own  heart.  One  thing,  however,  was 
very  clear,  that  he  had  passed  his  days  in  great  igno- 
rance of  the  doctrines  of  Christianity,  as  distinguished 
from  heathen  morality,  and  that  he  attached  much  of  a 
popish  idea  of  absolution  from  sin,  to  the  receiving  the 
ordinance  of  the  sacrament  of  our  Lord's  Supper,  an 
error  by  no  means  uncommon  among  tens  of  thousands 


THE    RETROSPECT.  249 

in  this  land !  Being  in  the  last  stage  of  a  consumption, 
Lieutenant  B.  sent  an  authoritative  kind  of  message  for 
the  minister  to  come  and  administer  to  him  that  ordi- 
nance of  which  he  knew  so  little,  but  from  which  he 
expected  so  much.  Happily  for  him,  he  had  not  to  do 
with  a  blind  leader  of  the  blind  on  such  an  occasion. 
On  entering  the  room,  my  friend  soon  learnt  that  he  had 
to  deal  with  a  haughty,  self-righteous,  and  uncourteous 
man ;  and  in  the  mildest  way  possible  gave  him  to  un- 
derstand, that  it  would  be  more  profitable  were  they  to 
hold  a  few  conversations  on  the  nature  of  this  ordinance, 
and  the  state  of  mind  most  acceptable  to  God  in  those 
who  participate  of  it.  To  this  very  timely  and  reason- 
able proposition  Lieutenant  B.  replied,  "  Ah,  I  expected 
something  of  this  kind.  I  suppose  I  am  not  saint  enough 
in  your  opinion."  As  he  then  appeared  incapable  of 
being  softened  down,  this  interview  closed  with  mutual 
dissatisfaction  on  both  sides ;  indeed,  it  was  a  very  un- 
pleasant visit  to  my  friend,  as  were  several  of  those  he 
afterwards  paid,  for  the  poor  sick  man  still  kept  up  his 
forbidding,  self  righteous,  haughty  carriage;  neither 
bowing  to  the  arguments  of  the  minister,  nor  to  the  au- 
thority of  the  word  of  God.  At  length,  almost  in  de- 
spair, and  perplexed  as  to  what  step  next  to  take,  my 
friend  thought  of  the  Retrospect,  and  determined  on 
ofl^ering  it  for  his  perusal.  The  book  was,  accordingly, 
taken,  and  having  been  received  in  his  usually  cold  and 
ungracious  manner,  it  was,  for  the  present,  thrown  aside. 
My  friend  now,  purposely,  staid  away  for  several  days, 
without  making  one  call;  during  which  interval,  as  it 
afterwards  appeared,  Lieutenant  B.  was  induced  to  look 


250  THE    RETROSPECT. 

into  the  book,  from  feelings  of  mere  curiosity,  to  learn 
what  a  person,  once  in  his  own  profession,  had  to  say 
on  religious  subjects.  He  then  began  to  read  ;  and  as 
he  proceeded,  the  narrative  engaged  his  attention,  until, 
by  and  by,  discovering  that  he  himself  had  a  personal 
acquaintance  with  some  of  the  events  alluded  to,  he  be- 
came considerably  interested,  and  in  a  good  temper  with 
the  book.  This  paved  the  way  for  a  favourable  consid- 
eration of  the  instructions  and  admonitions  interwoven 
with  the  tales ;  and  he  read  it  over  again,  and  again, 
until  it  pleased  God  to  bless  it  to  the  enlightening  of  his 
dark  understanding,  and  to  the  humbling  of  his  proud 
heart;  so  that  he  now  beheld  himself  what  the  word  of 
God  declares  man  to  be, — a  polluted,  helpless,  undone, 
and  lost  sinner,  by  nature  and  practice,  who  must  for 
ever  perish  far  from  the  presence  of  the  Lord,  and  from 
the  glory  of  his  power,  unless  the  blood  of  Christ  Jesus 
cleanses  from  all  sin,  and  the  Holy  Ghost  renews  the 
heart.  In  this  state  of  itiind  he  began  to  pray,  and  read 
the  Scriptures;  and  the  Lord  most  graciously  enabled 
him  to  believe,  and  to  find  peace  in  believing;  so  that 
when  my  friend  next  visited  him,  he  found  him  "in 
Christ  Jesus,  and  a  new  creature,"  in  whom,  it  might 
be  said,  "  old  things  had  indeed  passed  away,  and  all 
things  had  really  become  new."  The  stern  and  frown- 
ing features  of  his  once  haughty  countenance  were  now 
changed  for  placidity  and  gentleness;  his  once  rough 
arid  self-confident  manner  had  given  place  to  kindness 
and  humility.  It  was  a  change  visible  in  his  counte- 
nance on  the  first  entrance  into  his  room,  as  well  as  in 
the  tone  of  his  voice,  and  the  whole  cast  of  his  man- 


THE    RETROSPECT.  251 

ners ;  and  it  continued  to  prove  itself  the  genuine  work 
of  the  Spirit,  by  the  fruits  which  it  increasingly  bore 
during  the  brief  continuance  of  his  earthly  course ;  so 
that  my  friend  had  now  as  much  pleasure  and  comfort 
in  his  society,  as  once  he  had  pain  and  distress.  The 
Lieutenant's  partiality  for  the  Retrospect  led  him  to 
form  the  resolution  of  sending  a  copy  to  each  of  his  old 
naval  companions,  whom  he  had  left  in  a  similar  state 
of  spiritual  ignorance  and  unconcern  with  himself; 
fondly  hoping  that  the  work  might  prove  as  useful  to 
them  as  it  had  been  to  himself  It  was  well  that  such 
a  purpose  was  in  his  heart ;  but  the  Lord  saw  good  not 
to  permit  the  execution  of  it.  The  days  of  his  servant 
were  about  to  be  numbered ;  his  strength  was  rapidly 
brought  down  by  the  way ;  and  after  a  little  more  of 
bodily  weakness,  the  soul  was  removed  hence,  not  to  a 
w^orld  of  unfulfilled  purposes  or  unsatisfied  desires,  but 
to  a  kingdom  where  the  inhabitants  are  filled  with  all 
the  fulness  of  God. 

Here  I  must  bring  my  retrospect  of  later  days  to  a 
close ;  thankful  and  happy  if  any  thing  I  have  related 
of  myself  should  exhibit  the  grace  and  goodness  of  my 
heavenly  Father,  and  be  the  means  of  encouraging  but 
one  of  my  readers  to  active  exertions  for  the  benefit  of 
others.  We  all  know  that  vanity  and  self  conceit  are 
qualities  which  not  only  bring  on  us  the  merited  con- 
tempt of  our  fellow  men,  but  the  solemn  displeasure  of 
our  God.  Hence,  as  we  would  honestly  desire  the 
good  opinion  of  the  one,  and  stand  in  awe  of  the  power 
of  the  other,  we  should  watch  against  these  temptations. 
But  at  the  very  time  we  are  guarding  against  these, 


252  THE    RETROSPECT. 

we  have  need  to  be  equally  on  our  guard,  lest  we 
are  tempted  to  hide  our  little  tali  nt  in  the  napkin  of  self- 
indulgence,  love  of  ease,  or  fear  of  man.  What  I  have 
done,  so  far  as  abilities  for  the  work  are  required,  thou- 
sands of  others  might  do  likewise,  whenever  placed  in 
correspondent  circumstances.  Most  ignorant  should  I 
be  of  myself,  were  I  not  sure,  that  I  possess  no  extraor- 
dinary powers  of  mind  or  body,  but  many  infirmities  of 
both;  no  eminent  talents,  either  literary,  scientific,  or 
practical.  What  I  have  I  would  bhss  and  praise  the 
Lord  for;  while,  with  the  most  unfeigned  humility,  I 
would  confess  my  want  of  due  improvement  of  them. 
Only  let  my  readers  pray  each  for  himself  from  the 
heart,  Lord,  what  wilt  thou  have  me  to  do  ?  and  they 
may  rest  assured,  that  whatever  be  their  respective  sta- 
tions in  life,  or  their  talents  for  working,  the  Lord  will 
open  a  suitable  field  to  their  view,  and  be  with,  and  bless 
their  endeavours  to  serve  him  in  it. 

And  now,  christian  reader,  farewell!  Behold,  the 
time  is  short,  it  therefore  behoves  me  to  arise,  and  go 
forth  with  all  my  might  to  do,  myself,  what  I  have  en- 
joined on  thee.  The  down-hill  of  life  is  before  me,  and 
in  the  valley  lies  that  grave  wherein  no  man  can  work. 
How  smooth,  or  how  rugged  the  declivity  may  be  is 
known  only  to  Him  who  has  promised  "  to  be  with  his 
people  even  unto  the  end  ;  and  never  to  leave  or  forsake 
them." 

Many  a  christian  stranger,  and  not  a  few  of  my  be- 
loved christian  friends,  who  once  amused  themselves  by 
reading  the  former  editions  of  this  little  book,  will  never 
peruse  this.     For  they  have  entered  that  house  appointed 


THK    RETROSPECT.  5263 

for  all  living ;  they  are  gathered  unto  their  fathers,  and 
have  seen  corruption.  This  is  the  inseparable  conse- 
quence of  the  flight  of  time.  And  he  who,  like  myself, 
takes  a  retrospective  glance  through  twenty  years  of  his 
life  of  manhood,  will  find  himself  alone  in  many  a  place 
where  once  some  dear  friend  or  relative  was  present  to 
hail  his  approach.  "  For  man  cometh  up,  and  is  cut 
down  like  a  flower ;  he  fleeth  as  it  were  a  shadow,  and 
never  continueth  in  one  stay."  From  this  painful  retro- 
spect let  us,  my  christian  reader,  look  forward  to  that 
rest  which  remains  for  the  people  of  God.  Let  us  look 
forward  to  that  world  where  already  there  is  such  "  a 
great  multitude  of  them  arrived  as  no  man  can  number — 
let  us  often  contemplate  them  as  standing  before  the 
throne,  and  before  the  Lamb,  clothed  with  white  robes, 
and  palms  in  their  hands.  For  they  are  before  the 
throne  of  God,  and  serve  him  day  and  night  in  his  tem- 
ple :  and  He  that  sitteth  on  the  throne  dwells  among 
them."  On  earth  they  had  their  various  trials,  but 
henceforth  "  They  shall  hunger  no  more,  neither  thirst 
any  more:  neither  shall  the  sun  light  on  them,  nor  any 
heat.  For  the  Lamb  which  is  in  the  midst  of  the  throne 
shall  feed  them,  and  shall  lead  them  unto  living  foun- 
tains of  waters:  and  God  shall  wipe  away  all  tears 
from  their  eyes."  O,  happy  world !  and  happy  people 
who  possess  it ! 

"  Some  of  the  shining  number,  once  I  knew, 

And  travelled  with  them  here ; 
Nay,  some  (my  elder  brethren  now) 
Sat  later  out  for  heav'n ;  my  junior  saints  below ; 
Long  after  me  they  heard  the  call  of  grace, 

Which  wftk'd  them  into  righteouaness. 


254  THE    RETROSPECT. 

How  have  they  got  beyond  ! 
Converted  last,  yet  first  with  glory  crown'd; 

Little,  once,  I  thought  that  these 

^Vould  first  the  summit  gain, 
And  leave  me,  far  behind,  slow  journeying  thro'  the  plaint 
Lov'J  while  on  earth ;  nor  less  belov'd  tho'  gone : 
Think  not  I  envy  you  your  crown ; 
No,  if  I  could.  I  would  not  call  you  down. 

Though  slower  is  my  pace, 

To  you  I'll  follow  on, 

Leaning  on  Jesus  all  the  way, 

Who,  now  and  then,  lets  fall  a  ray 

Of  comfort  from  his  throne." 

ToPLADT. 

Yes,  and  this  shall  urge  me  forward ;  and  every  day  as 
I  hasten  on  I  would  remember  all  the  way  by  which 
the  Lord  my  God  hath  led  me.  And  in  all  my  ways  I 
would,  day  by  day,  acknowlege  him,  who  hath  promised 
to  direct  all  my  paths.  I  have  had,  as  thou,  my  chris- 
tian reader,  art  now  aware  of,  some  experience  of  his 
presence  with  me  in  past  years,  and  trials,  and  dangers; 
and  still  relying  on  him  I  shall  be  in  safe  hands  for  the 
future.  Often  hath  this  gracious  Lord  disappointed  all 
my  fears ;  and  often  hath  he  interposed  his  shield  of 
power  and  love  for  my  defence.  "  He  can  bear  me 
through  every  future  event,  and  lift  me  above  all  the  tur- 
moils and  disquietudes,  all  the  sorrows  and  sufferings 
connected  with  the  remainder  of  my  short  journey  in 
the  wilderness  ;  and  when  I  come  to  its  very  margin,  he 
can  carry  me  through  the  stream  of  the  river,  and 
through  the  shadow  of  the  dark  valley,  in  such  a  man- 
ner as  that  1  shall  fear  no  evil."  May  it  be  so,  O  ihou 
God  of  all  grace  and  consolation,  for  thy  beloved  Sons 


THE    RETROSPECT.  256 

sake,  even  until  I  awake  up  m  thy  likeness,  and  am  for 
ever  satisfied  with  it. 

"  O  glorious  hour !  O  blest  abode ! 
Thus  to  be  near  and  like  my  God ! 
Where  flesh  and  sin  no  more  controul 
The  sacred  pleasures  of  the  soul." 


CND. 


